u/btvsphreak

He hasn’t been lucid today. Not in a real sense. He opens his eyes and he mumbles things but it’s nothing coherent. He’s been given a few rounds of pain meds. They haven’t snowed him yet, but I know it’s coming. He had a panic 30 minutes ago where he tried to escape the bed and pull his oxygen mask off. They dosed him with more anxiety meds while my family and I walked the grounds of the hospice facility.

I talked to him alone when I got here today. Held his hand and told him all the things I couldn’t say in front of anyone without breaking down. I told him how lucky I was to have the best daddy in the whole world. For 34 years, I got to learn kindness, gentleness, and compassion from this man I call daddy. I told him I talked to god for the first time in a very long time— I don’t know what I believe in but I talked anyway. I told my dad I wanted god to show him his childhood dog first. To make sure that dog came running to him. And after, to make sure his mom was there to lead him into heaven. I don’t know if god is real, but I hope he heard me if he is. I don’t know if heaven is real but it will be very lucky to have my dad. They better roll out the red carpet for this man.

I don’t want him to suffer anymore. The cancerous mass in his chest is growing rapidly and there’s nothing that can be done anymore. His oxygen is as high as it can go. Once the nurses decide to snow him for comfort, I know he won’t wake back up. All I can hope for is a gentle, peaceful passing in his sleep. He deserves that. He deserves to rest.

My heart is more broken than it has ever been. But I have so many good memories where the love will always live.

Part of me will always be that 2 year old little girl, laughing as she stands on her daddy’s feet and dances around the living room. 💔

But her friends call her Mia 💕

Obviously, an M&M dog needed an M name!

Kroger snared me with the giant $20 purple bat. I love her. I swapped her stuffing out for something softer and removed the stiff felt from inside her wings and I think that’s all the edits she’s going to get. Her name is TBD

I had taken a photo of one of these flowers on a hike earlier this week. After I got home, I was going through my pictures and saw the blurriest outline of a little boot. I made it my mission to find another weevil after barely missing the last one. Two days later: mission accomplished ✅

Boots ✅

Snoot ✅

While both my spider, Sploot, and my werewolf, Danika, haven’t left my side since they arrived on Saturday, Danika has become my instant favorite. I tuck Sploot under the arm that rests against my side when I sleep and Danika gets snuggled right in my arms all night. I added poly pellet pouches to her hands, feet, and bum, then left her limbs under-stuffed when I put her stuffing back in. She’s incredibly floppy now. Absolutely perfect for cuddles 🤎 I love her so much, crooked nose and all 🤎

And I’ve settled on a name for my new jumper: Sploot! He doesn’t live on the Spood Stack— he sleeps right in my arms. I also added poly pellets to all his feet and his body, so he’s nice and weighted now.

As a side note, don’t do that unless you have a wealth of patience beyond your normal patience. The opening in the legs is SO SMALL. It was so hard to get the stuffing out to put beans inside. I was sweating by the end of it 😅

The fur on the werewolf is so different from anything I’ve ever felt from BAB and I love it. I thought I was gonna name my werewolf Jake (Twilight ftw) but I’m getting solid feminine vibes from her so her official name is Danika Fendyr 🤎

Spooder has yet to be named but he’s so stinkin cute and SO SOFT. I’ll be unstuffing them both to add weight to them later today. 100/10 Halloween launch this year

The day she came home, 7/24/25, to today, one year later 💕 to be loved is to be changed 💕

Can you tell how I like to snuggle with Azriel based on how floppy his body is? 😂 he’s been my constant companion since he arrived. 10/10 would recommend any Little Softs plushies, but especially this one!

First pic is how she came. Second is after I changed a few things. She’s very flat and more tick than spider shaped but I love her! I think I’ll name her Taffy

Especially, “Because I am lost. And I do not know the way.” This series means so much to me but I never expected this scene between Aelin and Evalin to mean the most.

My dad is currently battling terminal cancer. Things have progressed quicker than I anticipated. I’m only 34. He’s only 62. Doctors decide soon whether to continue chemo or stop to give him quality time for the time he has left, rather than quantity time. As a child, of course you expect to someday be without your parents. But not when you’re in your 30s and your parents are barely in their 60s.

I’m trying to be brave, but I feel like a little girl again.

I am lost. And I do not know the way. 💔

Azriel is teaming up with my most special plushie, Mickey, tonight. Mickey is a Kids Preferred yellow lab. I got her for my 9th birthday in 2001. She’s 25 years old! I restored her a few months ago and she’s technically retired, as I want her to last my entire life, but she still comes out for cuddles when things get hard.

And wow are things hard. Both of my parents have terminal cancer. At the same time. My dad is doing worse than my mom. I have been existing in the most basic sense for the last 4 months. If I didn’t have pets, I would probably seep into my bed and sleep for 3 days. It seems unfair that the world continues to spin as my own comes to a screeching halt. A stuffed animal won’t fix this; nothing will fix this. Mickey is just here to provide gentle, familiar comfort. If your parents are around, give them a quick text or call sometimes. You never know when those things we take for granted become things we should have cherished.

Taylor Swift sure knew what she was talking about when she said, “Life is emotionally abusive.”

How could I pass on this sweet face when she was only $6?? I replaced her eyes with one gold and one brown and I’m in the process of making her a cute bandana. I’ve wanted this BAB for ages. I remember picking it up in store but choosing a different friend instead. She’s lovely. They really do not make them like this anymore! I opened her up to replace her stuffing after washing her and the fabric is soooo nice and thick. I’m already super attached 🤎

Az wanted to practice is carnotaurus impression

My cloud dragon preorder from Little Softs arrived today and I am absolutely, head over heels in love with him 😭 the way his arms and leggies just stick out to the side depending on how you hold him is so silly! He’s a certified looooong boi, sort of like a ferret but in a dragon body. I’m having a really hard time in my personal life right now, due to close family illness, so receiving him today was a small bright spot in it ❤️‍🩹 I’ll take any bright spots I can right now ⛅️

I’ve named him Azriel, after the kind, soft spoken, and fiercely protective and loyal shadowsinger. And I think it fits him perfectly 🩵🥰

Not really a makeover; I removed his head, trimmed off some fabric to make the openings even, then sewed it back on straight. I have three major plushie pet peeves:

1. An animal that has a tail in real life doesn’t have a tail in plushie form. It could be the cutest stuffed animal on the planet but the second I turn it around and find there’s no tail, I lose all desire to have it

2. Laying down plushies that are sideways, like their back legs and head are sewn so they lay in a curve instead of laying flat. Like Dune’s head in the first two pics! Turned to the side ❌

3. Not as serious but I don’t really like when a plushie made in a sitting position, like a dog or cat plush sitting, not like how a teddy bear sits. I’ll still buy those but they aren’t my favorite. I like a floppy, flat plush with weighted feet

Dune is perfect now! His oversized paws make him look like a muppet to me lol

Original Ty name is Ripples, I think

First pic is after I removed his stuffing. His front right arm was stuck in that position, even without stuffing. Next two pics are his after! He had a weird seam/a small strip of uneven fabric on his right arm inside (I removed his whole arm). I snipped it, sewed the seams and burned the edges, then reattached it. I left him a little too understuffed for my liking but I added glass beads to his feet, bum, and tail to give him weight. I’ll give it a couple days but will probably open him back up to add more stuffing.

He has the WWF medallion still too, I just haven’t decided how I want to attach it to him. Won him on eBay for $6.50 🤙🏼