u/buttercup2227

I'll cut to the chase. Im 4 months postpartum, about to return to 3 days/week as a lab medical assistant while bf works FT, and we just had a surprise baby in our mid 20s living in an apartment with scant storage space (and an even scanter kitchen) so we are frazzled and broke to say the very least.

My problem: I just cannot do hot drip coffee, point blank. Tummy issues, long story. I also don't have the money to keep buying bottled cold brew/energy drinks or buy a fancy cold brew or espresso set up right now.

So, I am looking for a way to pre-make coffee for at least 3-4 days at a time. I can deal with sour or not perfectly flavorful; I can add milk/cream/syrup. My only two stipulations:

1)caffeine content is preserved as much as possible

2. coffee is not so intensely acidic or bitter it makes me gag/nauseous

So, any suggestions? Should I just hot brew some coffee and refrigerate it black? Should I French press it? Get one of those moka pot things? Is there some super simple way to make cold brew that doesn't require one of those behemoth containers I remember making it with when I worked at Starbucks a few years ago? I do own a coffee grinder (no settings you just press and grind as long as you want). Any suggestions for specific kinds of coffee beans or grounds to look for?

Thanks y'all!

I could really really use some encouragement because I'm spiraling hard right now, cant seem to stop trying to analyze everything and failing to feel confident in any conclusion, but I know I cannot lose my sense of hope.

*I think suggestions that don't boil down to "life is hard and unfair, toughen up and develop a sense of discipline buttercup" would be more helpful for me if possible, I need to find ways to be a bit more gentle with myself I think because telling myself how pathetic I am for not being able to act with more resilience/strength/discipline really doesn't work well for me. Also - I am not ready to throw in the towel with my child's father but I do have a relatives place available to me any time I need to be away and we are going to be attending couples therapy

I feel beyond overwhelmed right now and I'm struggling to figure out step 1,2,3, etc. to sort out this huge mess. Im 25 and have been diagnosed with depression, adhd, and anxiety since around middle school and I do take meds for it and go to therapy.

It finally hit me these past few days that I believe one of the biggest things I could probably do to get out of these negative cycles that have been happening for so many years is improve my sense of self respect. Trying to repeat the mantra "you are strong and capable" or making lists of things I like about myself hasn't been very helpful, because the reality is I really cannot get myself to see much of value or worthy of respect in me, and i really am a loser right now as it stands. But the problem with feeling like a loser is it very often perpetuates a cycle of *being* a loser. If I don't think I'm capable of anything, of course im going to continue floundering and failing. Its a self fulfilling prophecy.

I'm trying to realize that just recognizing things that happened to me or are sincerely out of my control is not self victimizing. I want to learn how I can acknowledge what obstacles these things have put in front of me and learn how to work around them instead of having the mentality of "theres no obstacles you are just pathetic, and you know what you need to do but are too weak to do it". I had a beautiful baby boy 3.5 months ago, and the fact there is a little baby who needs me showing up as my best self, combined with the fact I continue tolerating his father verbally berating me over and over and telling me I would be nothing without him, i think is a wakeup call for me to start working on this (please please don't tell me I shouldn't have let a man like him get me pregnant, i know that now, I loved him and gave him the benefit of the doubt, never for a second would have imagined he would become like this and yeah I was naive for that but I can't change the fact I didn't know beforehand all i can do is move forward).

So. If you struggle with emotional sensitivity/vulnerability but are tired of seeing yourself as incapable and repetitively allowing people to treat you unkindly. What could be very small/low hurdle ways to start the process of working on this?

To be fair, I'm not sure he would phrase it like that in a therapy session as he said it to me privately. My BF and I are going through some major life events, just had a surprise baby 3mo ago and him switching jobs returning to work after paternity leave. This is his first time living away from home on his own and is now suddenly a cohabitating boyfriend and father, so truly probably the most uprooting and stressful time of his life thus far.

We met when we were 12, we're now 25. He has acknowledged over the years therapy could be beneficial for him, but all the stress hes going through and witnessing me go through lately, things sort of cracked open for him emotionally I think, and he did start seeing a therapist in the past couple months. We also agreed yesterday we'd like to do couples counseling together.

He was raised in a home where anger was probably the only emotion openly displayed, and comes from generations of men with a "shut up about your feelings and go provide for your family" mindset as he put it. He said, "When the men in my family are upset, we don't talk about what's going on. We f*** off to our shop and work on our cars until we calm down". I get the impression that his anger issues are very much a coping mechanism to not be overwhelmed with more vulnerable and painful emotions.

While of course its healthy to have "cool off" outlets and take space, its reached a troubling point that he doesnt seem to feel open or safe to talk about his feelings at all until getting into an extremely angered state of mind in which he yells, says really negative things he later apologizes and says he doesn't mean, and recently punched the wall. This scares me as this physical reaction is an escalation from anything ive ever seen from him. It seems no amount of making sure I never press him to talk or tell him l always understand if he needs to be alone while saying "I love you and I'm worried about you but you don't have to talk to me about anything unless or until you feel ready" has helped prevent these frankly kind of frightening states in him.

For the first time in this most recent anger episode, he said that he doesn't think he should "be forced to deal with his emotions like women do". He went on to say "my woman therapist clearly thinks everyone needs to talk about all their feelings and that's not how men work, men work through our feelings alone. I need to switch to a man therapist who will understand". I didn't attempt to respond to that statement as I could tell he wasn't open to considering a different perspective at this time, and I do empathize with him but it is not my job to try to talk him out of a misogynistic deflection.

I actually think it would be a great idea for him to switch to a man therapist with where he is currently, because I think that could help him realize that a therapist encouraging someone to talk about their feelings with loved ones is not an exclusive "female therapist" mindset. He has probably never had a man in his life who he could talk about his feelings to. As someone raised around primarily very angry and emotionally closed off men myself, when I had a male therapist for awhile it was healing in its own way to talk about my feelings with a man who was compassionate, open, and gentle, as I have not had many men in my life who were like that either.

As a man therapist - have any of you had man clients who seemed to have similar additudes as my bf when they came to you? Could it be beneficial for him to recieve counseling from a fellow man? I know I'm not a mental health professional, but I cannot imagine my bf dealing with stress in the way he does now could ever be healthy for him.

My cousin's wife just gave birth to their beautiful second baby girl last night, mom and baby as well as dad are doing well. For her first daughter 1.5ish years ago she was able to do unmedicated labor at a nearby birth center, and this second baby girl was born unplanned suddenly at home after labor moving super quickly. My cousin delivered her with instructions over the phone from their midwife. What a badass woman!! And my cousin is cool too I guess 😂

For her first daughter despite baby having some oral mechanics (? I think thats what its called when babies have latching/feeding difficulties) challenges she eventually was able to exclusively nurse her. She plans to do the same with this sweet girl and I am so happy all is going well for them so far.

While I'd definitely say ive made huge progress in processing my immense grief, sometimes it can be so hard to hear stories like that. I hate how self centered and selfish im being instead of focusing on being happy for them. My precious firstborn 3mo son was born at 37 weeks 3 days via CS after 72 hour failed induction (suddenly developed preeclampsia in the last couple of weeks and care team felt it was safer to deliver sooner). Despite days on end of miso, pit, AROM, and foley baloon, my cervix just would not dilate past 4cm and my contractions continued to be weak and disorganized. Unfortunately ended up with a severe spinal headache after an epidural mishap :(

I remember when they started the pitocin and the contractions became stronger the pain was unfathomable. Yes I was already so stressed and I know that can make pain less tolerable. But I was involuntarily wailing and sobbing and screaming, and that was only 4-5 hours post foley removal and AROM, at 4cm. Women go through the whole damn thing without a drop of painkillers all of the time. Why couldn't I tolerate it?? I honestly feel pathetic and weak deep down even if I 'logically know" theres no point judging myself. It was at that point i got the epidural.

And then yes, it was a brutal early postpartum for my partner and myself both, but I just could not get my milk supply to come in. I tried so hard for weeks and weeks. Pumping endlessly, trying really hard to work with baby on latching. He had two oral ties we had surgically corrected when he was a month or so old but it didnt seem to help much. Finally when my son was maybe 2ish months old I felt I had no better option than to switch to exclusive formula.

I am so incredibly blessed that my son is so healthy, so smiley and active, doing wonderful and thriving. I am so lucky we have access to modern medicine and technology that allows babies like my son to be born and be fed. The fact I was able to get all the medical intervention necessary to reduce threats to my son's and my safety is a huge privilege. But I can't help but feel these pangs of feeling like my body and mind failed my son and myself. Like I am biologically incompatible with motherhood. I have spent so much time trying so hard to process it and let it go with as much intentionality and self compassion as I can muster, but it just feels impossible.

*Just wanted to say I will be talking with my therapist about this when i next see her and I would encourage anyone experiencing similar to do the same, we have to take care of our mental health. I do have a history of struggling for a decade or two now with ongoing anxiety and depression. This is very much just a needed emotional vent for me, I do struggle a lot with emotional regulation and its been difficult finding ways to improve on it but I will not give up.

Obviously being distressed by violence towards anyone, especially when the victim is highly vulnerable and/or a child, is incredibly natural and written into our very emotional core as human beings. Shutting off that empathy is probably practically impossible for most, which is of course a very good thing that helps make people protective of our most vulnerable community members. I know everyone may experience it differently, but I would think that virtually nobody other than people who have a condition that hinders emotional response would not be made distraught by witnessing or hearing about any kind of suffering inflicted on children. Its a very normal human tendency.

I imagine what im experiencing is probably something almost all parents as well as any caregivers of children do, but since becoming a parent 3 months ago, it is unbelievably devastating and harrowing to see or hear about any kind of threat or harm coming to kids, especially young babies, to the point it's starting to affect my ability to function and is causing nausea and panic attacks. Of course like almost everyone those things have always disturbed me, but I think becoming a parent/caregiver adds another deeply visceral layer to the emotional weight you experience when you come across these things, which does make perfect sense. I am thinking I need to step away from social media for awhile or at least see if I can put some filters on it, because I can no longer bear the amount of horrific news articles I see about young children experiencing medical struggles/injuries, being subjected to violence, being treated with abuse and/or neglect. I have started needing to be really selective about any fictional media I consume as well because I cannot tolerate any depiction of that at all. I work in the medical field and I am scared about returning after maternity leave as I fear I could become overwhelmed and less helpful to my patients.

It is comforting to know that we have the power to turn the discomfort that comes with experiencing empathy into being loving, compassionate, and protective towards children as well as everyone. That is the human emotional experience working just as it should. But right now, it feels like it is at a level that is causing me to shut down and be in constant fear, which is helpful to nobody. It is such a blessing to be able to do everything possible to give my sweet baby all the love and safety in the world, but god this is heavy and soul crushing. I wish badly that I could wrap every victim of these heinous things in my arms and take away their pain and keep them safe, I bet a lot of other parents and caregivers can relate.