u/caeroaelbers

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I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable anymore or if my family dynamic is just really unhealthy.

For context: I have diagnosed misophonia, probable autism, and I also have thyroid problems that make me exhausted and overstimulated really easily. Noise and chaos affect me a lot. I know that can make me more irritable than average, and I’m aware of that. I genuinely try to keep that in mind and not make everything everyone else’s problem. I feel like a burden enough already.

But I feel like over the years, I’ve slowly been pushed out of every shared space in the house.

My room has become my bedroom, my office, my study space, my eating space, my “recovery” space after a long day, so basically my entire life.

And I’m getting really tired of it.

Whenever I try to sit downstairs and just exist like everyone else, something happens that forces me back upstairs. My younger brother constantly sits downstairs to "study" even though he has his own room and desk. He watches TikToks loudly, screams along to music, cracks his knuckles, eats loudly, sniffs constantly, plays videos on full volume, etc. He wears earbuds himself so he doesn’t hear us, but everyone else has to hear him.

Because of my misophonia, some of those sounds are genuinely unbearable for me after a while.

I have to retreat often, because my parents are also always downstairs. They like a snack and a drink, but that means I can almost never sit downstairs to watch tv or cuddle the dog, or just exist there.

Today I was just getting downstairs to work on school stuff and talk to my mom and have breakfast. My brother has claimed the kitchen table “to study for finals,” except he was mostly making noise and watching TikToks. I eventually had to go back upstairs because I got triggered.

When I told my mom I was going back upstairs because I couldn’t sit there, she told me not to be so dramatic. Then a while later she called me to say my brother would be finished in 30 minutes. So amazing! While they accomedate his "studying" behavior, I have to wait in my room before he's finished. Only then can I come to sit downstairs. I mentioned to my mom that I didn't even understand why he needs to sit at the kitchen table. He has a room, with a door, with a desk and a chair. He never uses it. But I need to use my desk all the time because like I said, I can't sit downstairs if everyone is eating, drinking or making trigger sounds in general.

That’s kind of the pattern:

• other people make noise
• I get overwhelmed
• I react or have to remove myself
• suddenly my reaction becomes the issue

I’m always the one who has to adapt or leave.

What makes it worse is the double standard. If I laugh too loudly, ONCE, while calling my boyfriend at night, I immediately get texts/calls telling me to be quiet. Meanwhile, people in my house regularly yell upstairs late at night leave all the lights on while they KNOW I'm trying to sleep because I need sleep badly, stomp around, use the bathroom loudly around midnight/1 AM, talk loudly outside my room while I’m trying to sleep.

My boyfriend stayed over recently and we both got woken up around 12:30 AM because of the noise. Weirdly enough, that almost relieved me because for once I felt like “okay I’m not imagining this.”

I know I’m not perfect. I know I can become irritated or sharp after being overstimulated for hours. I know resentment toward my brother has built up over the years because it feels like everyone accommodates him while I’m always “too sensitive” or “difficult.”

But I’m honestly exhausted. I’m in the final phase of school right now, I have filming projects, deadlines, work, presentations, hospital appointments, etc., and home doesn’t feel restful anymore. It feels like I’m only welcome in shared spaces when I don't make a peep, wear my headphones and retreat so my family can eat, drink and have fun in peace.

I don’t even know what I’m asking for anymore. I think I just want to know:
am I genuinely being unreasonable, or would this situation wear other people down too?

So I had a really weird nail appointment today and I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or not.

For my birthday, my mom gave me a coupon for a nail tech she’d heard good things about through other people. This would be the first time I ever went to a pro instead of doing them myself.

The coupon covered a Gel-X set and my mom told me I had to pay a little extra for nail art, so I was fully planning to pay extra for the nail art myself. Before the appointment, I even texted the nail tech asking if she needed any additional info from me (like inspo pics/design details/etc.) and she never responded.

Fast forward to today. First I accidentally went to the wrong house (my fault lol), but then when I got to the correct address, the door she told me to use was locked. I called her, no answer. Texted her, no answer. Waited outside for like 15–20 minutes until my mom called her personal number and she answered immediately saying she forgot the time because of a previous client/lunch.

Okay weird but whatever.

Then I sit down and show her my inspo: brown/nude Y2K nails with flowers, leopard print, swirls, etc. She immediately tells me she doesn’t have enough time to do that design because the appointment was booked as “basic nails.” This was literally the FIRST time this was mentioned to me.

I told her I had expected to pay extra for the art and had brought money for it, but she said she only scheduled enough time for a basic set.

She suggested just doing basic nails now and doing the art another time.

At this point I was already uncomfortable and just kind of gave up and went into “please just finish my nails and let me leave” mode.

Then this is how the rest went after the builder gel was applied onto the nails:

• the brown color I wanted for my nails was empty,
• she suggested French tips instead bc they would be included in the price,
• I suggested brown French tips,
• she said brown tips would make my nails look dirty,
• so I ended up with classic white French tips.

The thing is… the nails are actually GOOD. Like technically they’re really well done. The shape is clean, the structure is solid, they suit my hands, etc. The nail tech herself was also genuinely really sweet and apologetic the entire time. We chatted, gossiped, had a nice time overall.

But they are absolutely not the nails I wanted.

My mom is pissed because she thinks this entire situation happened because the nail tech never communicated beforehand and bc I literally asked if she needed more info from me. She thinks I should go back and still get the birthday nails I originally wanted somehow.

But now I feel guilty because the nail tech wasn’t mean or rude at all, just disorganized. And I already acted like “it’s okay don’t worry about it” during the appointment because I felt awkward and it was my first time ever going to a pro.

So I’m feeling pretty disappointed, guilty for being disappointed, and weird because objectively the nails themselves are nice, just NOT my style at all.

Is that crazy? How do I fix this?

So I had a really weird nail appointment today and I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or not.

For my birthday, my mom gave me a coupon for a nail tech she’d heard good things about through other people. This would be the first time I ever went to a pro instead of doing them myself.

The coupon covered a Gel-X set and my mom told me I had to pay a little extra for nail art, so I was fully planning to pay extra for the nail art myself. Before the appointment, I even texted the nail tech asking if she needed any additional info from me (like inspo pics/design details/etc.) and she never responded.

Fast forward to today. First I accidentally went to the wrong house (my fault lol), but then when I got to the correct address, the door she told me to use was locked. I called her, no answer. Texted her, no answer. Waited outside for like 15–20 minutes until my mom called her personal number and she answered immediately saying she forgot the time because of a previous client/lunch.

Okay weird but whatever.

Then I sit down and show her my inspo: brown/nude Y2K nails with flowers, leopard print, swirls, etc. She immediately tells me she doesn’t have enough time to do that design because the appointment was booked as “basic nails.” This was literally the FIRST time this was mentioned to me.

I told her I had expected to pay extra for the art and had brought money for it, but she said she only scheduled enough time for a basic set.

She suggested just doing basic nails now and doing the art another time.

At this point I was already uncomfortable and just kind of gave up and went into “please just finish my nails and let me leave” mode.

Then this is how the rest went after the builder gel was applied onto the nails:

• the brown color I wanted for my nails was empty,
• she suggested French tips instead bc they would be included in the price,
• I suggested brown French tips,
• she said brown tips would make my nails look dirty,
• so I ended up with classic white French tips.

The thing is… the nails are actually GOOD. Like technically they’re really well done. The shape is clean, the structure is solid, they suit my hands, etc. The nail tech herself was also genuinely really sweet and apologetic the entire time. We chatted, gossiped, had a nice time overall.

But they are absolutely not the nails I wanted.

My mom is pissed because she thinks this entire situation happened because the nail tech never communicated beforehand and bc I literally asked if she needed more info from me. She thinks I should go back and still get the birthday nails I originally wanted somehow.

But now I feel guilty because the nail tech wasn’t mean or rude at all, just disorganized. And I already acted like “it’s okay don’t worry about it” during the appointment because I felt awkward and it was my first time ever going to a pro.

So I’m feeling pretty disappointed, guilty for being disappointed, and weird because objectively the nails themselves are nice, just NOT my style at all.

Is that crazy? How do I fix this?