u/caroline_xplr

I didn’t expect to be the type to like massages. But after this massage, I physically felt like I was high. I’ve never been in that deep of a relaxed state aside from coming out of anesthesia. Even then, I think this beats it.

My masseuse worked out several knots in my neck region, and my whole back feels so LOOSE. I almost fell asleep on the table, I think. I am just so happy with the experience. Is there any way to preserve this feeling? He said it was likely caused by having a defensive “shoulder to ear” posture caused by stress.

I’m actually thinking about buying the membership now, lol. I see the draw!

Hello guys! My dad and I are visiting from Richmond, VA this weekend. We are intermediate pickleball players who want to know where the best playing spot(s) are!

We’d probably play around 8-10 tonight, so lighted court recommendations where there is public play would be appreciated.

Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Was this the reality for anyone else? Going out with friends or other family and coming home to a rearranged room? This would make me the most anxious as a child and was one of the reasons I’d make it imperative to be home whenever she got home as a kid when I was playing in the neighborhood.

I was a “good kid” and never had drugs/anything stereotypically bad in there, but she was so judgmental of every one of my interests that I felt the need to “hide” normal things. The worst she ever found in my room was wrapped candy and scented laundry detergent.

I know it’s about control dressed up as a good deed, but this was never forced on my brother! I’d always wind up thanking her for doing it even though I hated it. Sometimes I’d come home from being out and the kitchen table was full of things she “found” that she wanted explanations for. I just remember standing there frozen and dizzy, like it was the end of the world.

Hello all! I am the lead infant teacher to babies ranging from 11-16 months. This particular baby is 12 MO.

Before I was a lead and was floating, I noticed this baby was hitting and grabbing hair. However, when my co-teacher and I started this behavior suddenly stopped. We didn’t say or do anything about it, it just didn’t happen anymore. None of the other kids did this either, so the room was relatively peaceful for a while.

Then I went on vacation last week for a couple of days and I come back and it’s like a switch flipped. This baby is now slapping other kids in the face, grabbing their eyes/nose with her whole hand and squeezing, scratching, and prying their hands off shelves so they fall.

It’s really the hitting that’s happening most frequently and that I cannot stand, because now other babies are learning this behavior. (maybe defensively)

My co teacher and I have very similar philosophies when it comes to classroom management, so we started by giving her more positive attention/loving on her. Then we took the babies outside more often to enjoy nature and de-stress from all the overstimulation. No change. When she hits we don’t give a big reaction, we calmly walk over and go, “no hitting” or “gentle pats” and show her. She does one pat and goes back to slapping and grabbing/scratching, at which point we put her in a chair. I narrate, “I’m putting you in the chair to keep your friends safe.” I let her down after a minute to try again, after which point she stops hitting for five minutes and goes back to doing it. I say gentle hands as well to remind her whenever she goes up to a baby and looks like she’s winding up, but that just encourages her more. I’ve tried a loving tone, I’ve tried a stern tone.

I try to be consistent and do this process every time, but we obviously can’t watch her like a hawk every moment of the day and catch every hit. We’ve tried ignoring it as well in the event that she feeds off the attention.

I don’t know what changed. She fights sleep hard so maybe she’s tired? Admin doesn’t want to raise this with the mom until it leaves a physical mark on another child. Of course her nails are untrimmed too.

Any advice would be great, because we’re getting another baby who is notorious for standing on her knees and then pouncing on others to bite them soon too. I don’t know what’s causing this aggression so young. Thanks!

20F. I’ve been at the same job for two years now and got a promotion not even two full months ago. I was so excited to get this job, and I keep giving it my all. However, I learned a couple of weeks ago that my dad who is significantly older still has cancer after his operation. Working 40 hours a week doesn’t allow me enough time to do extra vacationing and activities with him that I’ve been wanting to do while I can.

I feel like I couldn’t forgive myself if I look back and I didn’t get enough time with him. Jobs come and go. I’m making great pay now but I am constantly stressed, my body aches, and I’m exhausted at the end of the day. My bosses are becoming increasingly nitpicky and passive aggressive and I don’t feel appreciated by them. I know that shouldn’t be a requirement; I’m there to work and not make friends. I enjoy my coworker.

This is the job I have while in college until I can graduate and get a job with my career. I live with my parents so I can save up. I have 40k invested and 1.5k for me to comfortably live on for the rest of the summer until I can get a less demanding part time job in the fall when summer is over.

Everyone in my family seems to think I’ll regret leaving, and maybe they’re right. I will have to spend more time around a family member who is abusive, and I’ll have more time to think about my dad’s condition. Depression is a real possibility when I don’t have a schedule to stick to.

But I no longer enjoy my current job and want to spend time with those I love before it’s too late. I feel terrible because my dad was bragging to his family about my promotion.

Any advice would be great. Thanks!

Hello everyone! I’m a 20 year old college student, (for nursing, eventually nurse practitioner I hope) who is working full time. I’ve been working full time during the summers and part time during the rest of the year for two years now at the same workplace. Just two months ago I got promoted to my desired position where I’m making $18 an hour and doing what I wanted to do in childcare!

But I come home from work exhausted mentally and emotionally every day. Little things really anger me every evening after I come home from work, and I can see myself aging it seems. I don’t dread going in. I love working with the children and my coworker. My main reason for doing this would be to spend more time with loved ones. I learned my dad was sick recently and I want to vacation with him. I’d love to have some more free days to hang out with my friend before my big-girl job and increased responsibility.

Financially, I have 40k invested in multiple stocks, including a Roth IRA. If I live below my means just until the end of this year, I can live comfortably. I don’t pay rent and my college is paid for thanks to a couple scholarships I received and my dad’s h thoughtful financial planning. My goal was to save and invest 100k by the end of college for a house payment, but life changes and I don’t think I can keep up the pace much longer.

I don’t want to throw away a good thing. Any help would be great!

Hello all. I’ve posted to this community a couple of times before asking questions for my dad (70) who had a RALP on 4/3. Everything went great with the surgery and we were celebrating up until five hours ago. He got his new PSA levels tested today for the first time post op and they were undetectable!

Then a nurse called saying that they found a positive margin and they’ve referred him to a radiologist.

Now he’s wondering why he even got his prostate removed in the first place. He’s dealing with pretty severe incontinence and is not happy right now. After this news especially, it was like the nail in the coffin and he’s got a bad outlook on life right now. He’s worried about frying his already damaged urethra with radiation and having negative side effects, and possibly having to start ADT anyway.

In my mind I’m glad he got his prostate removed for the chance he’s able to avoid ADT. I guess they want to fry every cancer cell to prevent it from coming back. He had Gleason 9 cancer I believe, very aggressive and spreading fast.

So I guess the question I have is, what should he expect with this radiation following surgery? Should he keep surveillance of his numbers and wait on treatment? Also, how do I help him emotionally? I see how sad he is and I can’t do anything to help it seems. He confides in me a lot and I listen and give advice based on what I read online and here. He’s so depressed, is there anything else I can do? Thank you!

I really, really cannot stand how my mom treats me. How she talks to me as an adult. I’m sure you all can relate.

When you spend your WHOLE childhood learning impeccable manners, to not say “like,” or “whatever,” and ten other normal things, to walk on eggshells around bad moods, to formally plan out a basic ask in your head three different ways, to greet them when they come home…

And then to be treated like a burden every single interaction. When the only interaction you have with them after a 10 hour shift is when they tell you shouldn’t have gone out with a friend and instead taken the dried clothes out of the dryer… and ask her how her night was and the answer is “whatever.”

Do you know what would happen to me if that were my answer?

I’m angry right now. At least I’m feeling anger right now. I’m 20 and it feels like I’m stagnant. I could pick it up and move today but I don’t want to leave my father and brother, and I just got into a graduate program. I want to go NC in these moments but I couldn’t live with the guilt. In times like these I don’t want to go but I’m just done with life thinking about how it’s gone so far. So much *pain.*

My string of posts here can be justification when I am ready to consider NC again. Untangling the abuse, the manipulation is exhausting. I just want to live and have a conversation with her without having to untangle every word she says and be defensive about guilt traps.

I’ve learned to call it “laying down ropes” as in tug of war when she tries to upset me. I cannot pick this “rope” up and play her game any longer. It’s exhausting. I just want to be free.

Hello all! My dad (70) had his Gleason 9 prostate removed on April 3rd, in addition to two surrounding tumors near his rectum. He got the top surgeon in the state, and the surgery was robotic but due to the extent of spread not nerve sparing. No damage to his rectum and surgeon said it went as well as it could have. He got the surgery to avoid ADT.

My dad is increasingly depressed about the incontinence. He is not wetting at night or when sitting still but has zero control when he’s walking, moving around, or even standing. He is so focused on making “progress” that it’s all he thinks about. And he’s seen no progress aside from getting the catheter out.

It’s saddening to watch him become so sad. I think it’s clouding his judgment as well. He keeps telling me he wishes he did radiation or refused treatment. In my mind what’s so bad about incontinence if the cancer is hopefully gone? (We’ll see June 3rd)

He is doing Kiegel exercises. I’ve heard some people mention a pump of sorts. Are there any “potty training” methods that worked for you? Heck, supplements? Exercises?

Thanks so much!

Hello everyone!

I have been with my current center for two years, and a month ago took a promotion as lead infant teacher. I was a floater. Upon taking this promotion, I briefly mentioned that I had two annual family vacations planned for the summer and that I’d get my days off requests in ASAP.

So I did that and one of my vacations got approved except one day. I figured I’d cut that day. This was 4 days.

My other vacation is in July, and the center’s July calendar is already completely booked. This vacation is non-negotiable. My father had aggressive cancer that may reoccur at any moment, and I put time with him above anything else right now. This vacation would be a whopping 7 days of time the center is open. I am going to try and shorten that, but that’s where it stands now.

I have had perfect attendance in the past. I’ve only called out once in my two years, and that was because I had pink eye. I haven’t used any of my PTO this year so far, and I have 14 days PTO. I show up on time every day.

So I’m wondering just how bad it is. I love my job, but financially I don’t need one at the moment. If anyone else has done this before, what is your advice? Did you get fired? Thanks!

This is kind of like a hidden superpower of being raised by a narcissist. It’s like the ability to completely dissociate and build a new world in an instant.

I’m curious if anyone else, as a child, was creative in very specific ways. I created my own “universe” with my brother. It was odd, but for example my brother sucked his thumb until adulthood. When we were children I came up with a thumb-sucking creature called a cuteser, their enemies the blobs, and there were at least nine distinct cuteser personalities I had him adopt. This “game” wasn’t just a two hour thing though, we were in this alternative world all the time.

In second grade I had a fully furnished crayon hospital in my desk and came up with a specific technique of rejoining broken crayons I’d find around the classroom. I’d cut strips of paper towels and glue the crayon itself, and wrap the strips around them, paint them with glue so they’d harden, and do a couple more layers as a “cast” of sorts. My teacher called my mom to come empty out my desk. I had a hospital at home with a cardboard elevator and stings. Again, odd but very specific.

I wish I could attach pictures of my box buses as well. I’d cut windows and doors in cardboard and plastic sterilite tubs and use the bottoms of baby food containers as underseat compartments, sew seats out of felt, and paint the outsides. I did this for my homemade daycare in the shed. Again, wish I could attach pictures. It looked like a real classroom and I’d have the neighbor’s toddlers come over so I could “teach” them as a child.

As an adolescent I started dissociating more and playing less. I wrote multiple short novels in middle school and was very involved in writing competitions.

Nowadays I still have some of this imagination, but it’s transitioned to me constantly daydreaming and dissociating. It’s like an addiction that provides a dopamine rush. I can stare into space for hours. Sometimes I’ll drive entire trips and not remember a moment of them because I was so zoned out.

I assume this was all a coping strategy to get out of the terrible situation I was in, haha. Still, it’s hard to get out of it. I sometimes wish I could just enjoy the present all of the time.

Hello! After being a floater for a couple of years, I have finally been promoted to lead infant teacher! This is the group I love and I look forward to going to work every day.

We are given a lesson plan by corporate that we can follow, though it isn’t enforced in the infant class. The previous infant teacher (whose spot I took) was SO organized! She seriously thought of everything as far as the perfect routine went. I didn’t agree with some of her practices or discipline techniques, and since my coworker and I started in this class behavior problems have been near 0. I’m proud of that figure!

However I do try and follow some of the curriculum, such as the weekly art project. Last week it was finger painting, and HOLY MESS. By the time I sat each child down, put their smock on, quickly gave them their paper, got a picture, and washed them off while stopping other babies from touching the paint the process is like an hour for one art project.

And when there’s bottles, diapers, cleaning, and even just snuggling I need to do, I feel like I’m struggling at the other part of my job sometimes. Do parents like to see their kids doing “art?” Or would they rather me sit with their children on the floor and interact/snuggle when I have a spare moment?

I don’t know how beneficial these crafts are to them either. We have a mix—some babies are 9 months and others are a little over a year. The more “toddler” babies love it. I aim to do one art project a week, so I get to have the babies who come on every day and select days participate.

I’d love some input! If I’m going about this completely wrong please let me know. What’s worked for you?

I am so thrilled that for right now, my dad is cancer free. I made a post here maybe a month ago stating that his cancer was so severe he was considering resisting treatment. He had a Gleason 9, and spreadability was considered high. I don’t know if there’s an index for that. His cancer was left undetected for at least three years, and he had two large tumors against his rectum. It was bad. At one point he told me he had two years left, and after meeting with a radiologist he was really depressed about starting HRT (he’s an athlete) and learned surgery wasn’t an option. Thankfully, the cancer had not metastasized from what the CAT scan showed.

He found the best surgeon in the area who was about to retire. He was operated on today at a NCI cancer institute and an amazing hospital with terrible patient communication. The surgeon was able to remove his prostate, lymph nodes, and the two tumors without damaging his rectum. Surgeon said surgery went as well as it possibly could have. He has a 50% chance at being cancer free at 5 years.

I was so excited to see him walk through the door and I’d read up on what to expect. However, his catheter bag looks like a blood donation bag. It isn’t like a bag of urine that’s a tinge red. Imagine blood donation. He also has terrible pain any time he moves from the catheter specifically. He says it’s coming from the urethral opening. I don’t know if he’s keeping up with his medication for bladder spasms, but I believe he’s taking his pain pills.

Is this something you/your loved one experienced that’s normal following surgery? How long will that bag look so gnarly? And is intense pain at the urethral opening normal? Thank you all, and I wish everyone the best on their prostate cancer journey. Your comments on my previous post gave me so much comfort and hope. I sincerely thank everyone.