u/chaoticmonkigal

Two years. Two years now I have been with this guy with no label. Tonight it ended when I gave him the ultimatum. I don't doubt he cared about me, I could see it in his face. But here we are and I feel so numb. I have nothing left to cry.

I can't even bring myself to hate him. I want to hate him. But I have so much love in my chest. I keep expecting him to knock on my door and kiss me. Tell me he does want to be with me.

But he won't. He meant it when he said he's leaving my life. He's really, truly gone and I have this pit in my chest remembering everything about him. His voice. His smell. His touch.

I love a man I never even had to begin with. I am so heartbroken it physically hurts.

I have been in a relationship without a label for two years now. And now it's over.

I know it's what's best for me. I know we deeply cared for each other. But he just couldn't commit. And now he's gone. He's really gone and I'm never going to see him again.

This is the most unique, horrible heartbreak. I'm mourning a man who was never even mine to begin with. I keep looking at the door hoping he'll knock, kiss me and tell me how badly he does want me. But I know that won't happen. That isn't who he is. He said he's leaving my life, and he meant it. He's gone. He's really gone. I have no tears left to cry.

Love can be the most beautiful and tortuous thing you can go through. I'm still sitting instinctively waiting for him to tell me he got home safe.

I miss him so much.

Tale as old as time. I have been in a tried and true situationship for nearly 2 years. We've done everything under the sun outside of officially being boyfriend and girlfriend. I really fell for this man and truly loved him. But two years with no label is its own heartbreak. I couldn't take it anymore. Things got rough. I wanted more and he knew but never could go through with it.

Our final conversation. I cried to him how bad I wanted him, pathetically. He gave me so many reasons he couldn't be with me... all things that he never talked to me about, or lied about not caring about to begin with. All things that would have been solved if he had just fully committed and talked to me about (ie. didn't like the idea of me being with other guys). It felt like I was seeing him self-sabotage our relationship right in front of me. And then the real truth came out: he was afraid I was going to hurt him and that I didn't truly love him. Despite everything we had been through, and how dedicated I was to trying to compromise for him. God I loved him so much.

He told me he didn't feel like I could love the real him, only this perceived one I have. I told him I love every part of him he's willingly shown me. He just needs to be willing to show more of him to me. I'm here for it.

Then I told him the ultimatum. We become official or we stop talking. Because being in this limbo is so fucking heartbreaking man.

The option he chose is why I'm here. And it hurts so bad. I feel relief that I don't have to agonize over him anymore. But the pain is so overwhelming. It's so crazy that I have been through a whole miserable divorce, yet this is more painful. I have no tears left to cry.

I am going to miss his voice, and how loud he could be when he was having fun.

I am going to miss how goofy we were together and how we could always be free to weird with each other.

I'm going to miss him texting me about his day and what he was doing

I'm going to miss him passionately talking about movies and video games

I'm going to miss laying on his chest and smelling his face, feeling his stubble on lips

I am going to miss the way he talked with his hands, he could never keep still.

I am going to miss everything about him. I loved that man more than he'll ever realize.

All of it is gone and I'll never see it again. I'll never experience him ever again. And it's so very bitter. I wish he could've seen how much potential we had.

But it's gone. He's gone.

24F - I have my surgery for a laproscopy bisalp this Thursday, and I'm so scared of worst case scenarios. I noticed too, an endo ablation was added and I do not have a horribly bloody period (I think...?) Would it be a bad idea to continue to get the ablation? Does anyone have some tips and reminders for pre and post op? :')