
This would never work in practice, but contracts should really have a maximum word count
r/foundcynnahbun Terms of Service:
By signing this contract, I, Anon, may or may not have read the full Terms of Service, since Gen Z and Alpha appear to be unable to read, but agree to all the following "rules" regardless.
Users shall not repost this as a "copypasta". This document is very serious business and should not be spread around as a joke. It's also copyrighted by Nintendo Games, Inc. That being said, if posted, you will be punished more severely if the copypasta excludes even one word from the original Terms of Service.
Users of this subreddit consent to being kidnapped in the middle of the night by the great Lady of Rats, Snakes, and/or Sharks, and taken to u/cynnahbun's basement. Adequate food and water will be supplied, probably better than what you formerly used to take care of yourself since I know you're a loser.
Users that are sexually creepy, especially towards users under the age of 18, will be unable to rejoin r/foundcynnahbun after posting that abomination, and said abomination will also be deleted. All aforementioned sexually creepy users will be redirected to r/sexualharassmentftish. It's not a real subreddit, which means those redirected to it will no longer exist either. That being said, it's still somewhat real so who knows. Rule 36, everybody.
Any users that join r/foundcynnahbun specifically to insert dumbass contrarian opinions or hate on u/cynnahbun or other moderators or members, especially since you're attacking someone who isn't even there to defend herself at the moment, will not only be banned, but also be cursed to have an enormous erection during every presentation or performance if male, and be cursed to have periods every 12 days if female. If you're non-binary, you alternate between the two every year.
Users that post porn or overtly not safe for work (NSFW) material are also violating the sexual creepiness rule and will be punished as such.
Thou shalt not commence the acteth of the spamming. Users that intentionally post hot doodoo every hour to annoy others will have their aforementioned hot doodoo taken to the trash where it belongs. If the user continues spurting that hot doodoo all over this subreddit after it has repeatedly been taken to the aforementioned trash, they will be unable to rejoin. This subreddit only likes mild dirtiness, sorry.
Any known diddybluds will immediately be removed from r/foundcynnahbun. Maybe try going to hell instead? Wait, no, there's a bunch of toddlers there since they're assholes but still don't deserve you fuckers. We'll just boot you onto Ceres instead.
Users will not use r/foundcynnahbun as ground zero for any political mumbo jumbo. Violators will be forced to be a candidate in the next North Korean election. Certain banned topics include any mention of pronouns (e.g. she's amazing) and anything relating to immigration (e.g. I just moved to Germany!).
Users must not use slurs, including the word "you". Violators will become Twitter famous.
Users must use the phrase "no-life" instead of "kill" or "murder" and use "plippity plappity" when referring to sex. Violators will have random (following Murphy's Law) words in their comments across all of Reddit replaced with the grape emoji (e.g. "I want to eat bacon" becomes "I want to 🍇 bacon") and will be unable to delete their comments.
Users shall provided their full and undivided attention to Mr. Ultius Custius Hippo whenever he decides to speak, for his full speech. Violators will be forced to buy paint guns from Ammo Knights.
Users must like any post or comment in this subreddit made by u/chiefpug. Violators will go to Heck, where the showers are always cold and the Wi-Fi is always unstable.
Users must check before posting that they "found Cynnahbun" that her post had not already been reposted here. Anyone who is the second person to find u/cynnahbun in a certain instance must pay the first person $50 alongside a Blahaj for plagiarism.
✅ I consent to these Terms of Service