u/chronicackgirl

This is controversial, but I actually really like how they made Garrett's dad a real person rather a one dimensional trope of an abuser. Because in reality, most abusers aren't one dimensional- they are generally normal people you would not think twice about from the outside, who are also an abuser. They have many similar layers as the rest of us. And I am not saying that in order to soften the weight of abuse or make him out to be redeemable. Its because when books or any sort of media really makes someone out so that their abusive demeanor is the only character trait they have, it honestly undermines the stories of real victims and makes it easier for people to stay for longer than they should or make excuses, because they struggle to hold the multiple realities of their abuser (or other people's abusers) at once. Garrett's dad is a one dimensional trope in the book- not a real person. This is largely not reflective of people in real life. Garrett's dad in the show is a real layered person, who is ultimately an abusive POS too. And while that is the most important thing about him, it's not the only trait about him, which helps to ground us in the reality of abuse. Which helps us give empathy for why his girlfriend won't leave and for why Garrett's friends don't clock it. And this REFLECTS REAL LIFE. So I actually think it was an important change- the changes don't mean they are trying to give his dad a redemption arc. They are reflective of clearly trying to honor the real experiences of victims and the painful reality of abuse.

That being said, I do wish we got "the first time my dad hit me was on halloween" scene. I think they could have done that and still done all the above, easily.

I just watched the season (avoiding my final assignments!), and I wanted to say that as a survivor and therapist in training myself, I felt so moved by the way that they discussed consent. When Dean was talking to Garrett about consent, trust, and safety being attractive, and that the fact that Hannah thinking Garrett is someone safe, is the hottest thing. It just made me feel really emotional, and I started tearing up. And then when Garrett said he was only going to see Hannah without her clothes when she wanted him to, that was another great part about consent. I'm just so grateful for the writers/ the showrunner in doing that. Yes this is a show based on a book meant for the female gaze, and yes more women than men will probably watch the show. But I just really love that we got very masculine guys in such a physical sport, that talk about consent this way. It makes me feel really hopeful that consent , safety, and trust, will not just be considered important but will also be considered hot by super hot guys in frats and sports teams (among all other people and men!).

I also really appreciated that the show focused on Hannah's and Garrett's recovery and moving on regardless of Garrett's Dad and Delaney. While it is also so important that we get the corrective emotional experience of watching perpetrators get their comeuppance on tv (like law and order SVU), when that is so rare in life, it is also so important to watch survivors heal and move on with their life, even when any form justice is not won against the perpetrators. Because that is what so many of us are forced to do in life. So it is necessary to see how survivors can overcome and thrive in spite of that.

Commander Mackenzie seemed to be trying to justify it to himself in the convo with Agnes in the parlor. He seems a little perturbed at the girls’ ages. This is not to make him out as good, because obviously he’s still an important leader in this system that promotes abuse, pedophilia, and the ownership of people/ suppression of rights, and is allowing Agnes to get married and bad stuff to happen. But it's interesting to watch clear internal conflict on his part, because he obviously doesn't like watching Agnes get married so young, and he loves her. It's interesting to watch how people are not one dimensionally evil usually, and the justifications people make to quash their own doubts. It makes for a much more interesting story and commentary on our own societies.

Title. I want to know why Garth is Mayday and why he has a genuinely good heart/ wants to help the girls/ views them as people! Is it teen boy rebellion and searching for something exciting and not actually ideological? Did he experience abuse by his dad and/or watch his dad abuse handmaids that were good to him? Is he angry at Gilead for abandoning his dad/ giving them less privilege after his Dad helped to fight in Boston? I am honestly more interested in his story than any of the other characters, because why would a guy in one of the most privileged positions in Gilead, work against his own privilege? And especially work with the same people who attacked his father. Is he just meant to show that not all of the men who grow up there are morally bankrupt? Is he a double agent? God, I hope not.

Edit: Also, I need this actor in another show. He reminds me of Chris Briney with the face expressions and yearning and ernest energy

I don't understand why what Agnes said to the Commander was so bad? I understand the intent with which she said it was to rattle him, but ultimately that could be considered a thoughtful, polite, or empathetic thing to say to someone. I am not even sure it would have come across as rude IRL.

I understand that she would obviously be upset from the standpoint of social climbing, appearances, and propriety. That makes sense to me. But if that was solely the reason, it seems like the actress would have played it differently. She seemed almost panicked and in despair at Agnes' actions. It seemed almost as if she felt their very safety was at stake. Maybe because he's head of the eyes? or perhaps some other reason? Or maybe I am reading too much into it. What are your thoughts?

Hi! I am looking for a scent that will make me smell like I just walked on a beach in Maine in a thunderstorm. I don't want to smell woody or musky in a masculine way. Really hoping to get something very literal though that is oceany in a non tropical way. It could smell like I just got out of the ocean. I don't even mind if it is seaweedy. just like a true northern ocean scent that doesnt have florals or coconut or anything tropical

I apologize if this is obvious, and I know they mentioned something on it in TT but I still don't understand. At the end of THT Aunt Lydia rebels because of how they treated the girls who she believed were righteous and holy vessels and because she ultimately did love Janine. I know TT discusses how Lydia went from revered to traitor to revered again and that there was an overhaul of Gilead after the rebellion, but it seems really unlikely that the Commanders would allow a woman who rebelled in any capacity- even if it was with Aunt Lydia's religious fervor- to be let back into the fold.

I often wished my mom physically hurt me because if I had physical scars I would have been believed and people would have understood how much I’d been harmed and impacted throughout my life. But now as an adult I just wish someone would have gotten my mom help. I know there are a lot of problems with CPS in the US, especially for those in poverty, and that it has harmed a lot of kids who should have been with their parents or whose parents should have been given help. But I wish emotional abuse held weight in the US, and that coming from a wealthy family didn’t skew perception too. I wish CPS had gotten involved, and mandated therapy and parenting classes. I think that would have been so helpful for her. She loved me so so much but had such poor stress management and a lot of trauma from her own childhood and adult life. If she had been forced into her own therapy and parenting classes, she could have unpacked that trauma and developed skills to manage her emotions like stress, anxiety, and anger rather than scream and have meltdowns for hours because she couldn’t tolerate the distress. If emotional abuse from parents was taken seriously, so many adult children wouldn’t be no contact with their parents, and so many kids could have at least part of their trauma prevented. If emotional abuse was taken seriously, healing could begin for a lot of people.