u/clementineski

ive been learning more and more about patriarchy (i have my whole life but really learning the ins and outs more recently) and it has opened my eyes to just how much is rooted in patriarchy (and racism, ableism, etc). literally everything is. in nearly every conversation i have, i pick up on internalized or subtle sexism, misogyny, and patriarchal patterns. depending on who im talking to or the context of the conversation, i may point it out but it’s gotten to the point that there are so many moments and calling it our would just can lead to annoyance and frustration for others of constantly being called out by someone who’s “too woke”. and i dont mind doing this or having this outcome i guess it starts feeling pretty nitpicky after a while.

anyway, im reading “will to change” by bell hooks and theres a line that stuck out to me that was something along the lines of “many can criticize patriarchy but cannot live/dont know how to live outside of it” and i noticed this is true for me. i do the classic micro feminist things and am aware of my own patriarchal views and biases but is there any other way to move through this world participating less in patriarchy? this might be a silly question. maybe the answer is playing the system. like having the awareness, educating others, calling ppl out when necessary. just wondering others’ thoughts.

im not sure if this post fits in this sub, if not pls direct me to a more helpful/suitable one. thank you!!

with that, i (24f) live a pretty isolated life. in high school i was always anxious and kinda awkward but i didnt have a problem talking to people and making friends. i had a best friend who long story short told me everyone im friends with were bad people and i was a bad person for being friends with them while simultaneously begging me to bring her to parties and hang out with said people. this got in my head so i distanced myself from literally everyone and stopped being friends with anyone but her and one other girl who was also friends with my best friend. (we smoked a lot of weed too so i think i was especially susceptible to it) this isnt to place full blame on her i just think this really impacted me. i shouldve been able to stand my ground and maintain myself and my circle despite this. but i didnt. i became incredibly anxious and doubtful of my ability to socialize, be myself, and make friends. i became depressed, eventually dropped these two friends and stayed on my own for a while. this was good bc i really do enjoy my own company now, i met a guy and we dated and he helped me out of my shell a bit too bc he was fun and outgoing but when im on my own i have so much trouble having casual conversations with anyone and make myself smaller.

my goal for the past 6 years has been to make friends and live a fulfilling life. ive made friends here and there, none of them lasting bc i dont think im a very good friend anymore, and all of my hobbies are solo. im kinda boring tbh. i work, sit around, scroll way too much, crochet/knit, go to bed. ive been doing better recently but im realizing that as much as i want relationships with other people, i dont think i really bring much of anything to the table.

are there any tips for how to let loose and be more outgoing and fun as well as being a better friend to others? i saw dua lipa talking abt how everyone jokes that shes always on holiday and she said “im not, i just make everything i do feel like a holiday” and i loved that. i want that. i want to create that for myself. i love my solo hobbies/grandmaish lifestyle but i want more. im only 24 and want to remember this time as fun and fulfilling and not years of my life blended together because i sit at home and knit and barely talk to anyone.

24F broke up w 25M after 7 years two weeks ago, 6 days no contact. first break up ever. it wasnt one big thing but more like a culmination of things over time. we’ve been rocky for twoish years now, tried couples therapy but no changes seemed to stick. he was defensive and often made himself sound like the victim after doing something that hurt me.

its so hard to break up with someone when everything else is good. its been such a weird experience. i barely know how i feel most of the time. it all comes in waves. sometimes im angry, then sad, then crying, then reminding myself who tf i am, then sad that i endured all that conflict, then wishing it could be different, then in denial, then mad again, then swearing i’ll never talk or touch anyone again, then saying im ready to explore other ppl and have fun, then sad again, then hoping he will change and we can be together again. its so difficult and frustrating!!! i just want someone to tell me what to do or whats best.

im also finding that im trying to find some sort of answers. is he a narcissist? narcissistic tendencies? am i a narcissist? is this something anyone can come back from? do i want to even come back from this after all the hurt? what would a relationship with someone else be like? how will i know they wont change after 5 years like this one?

i miss him so much. im scared and sad thinking about him never changing and us never being together again. i want him and i want to explore other ppl? am i insane?
what do i DO

just a question for finding a collaging app. I used to use landing which i loved but recently found out they shut down.

do you guys know of any others that gave a similar vibe?

looking for tips on glowing up. i have looked the same my whole life.

how do i find my style? tried figuring out my kibbe body type and still so confused. how do i know what colors look best on me? are there basics that i should be doing/incorporating every day? i keep seeing the “wearing vs styling” videos how do i learn how to style!

how do i get hot and feel more empowered within myself and my self expression!!!??? ive always played it so safe and im ready to not anymore!

looking for tips on glowing up. i have looked the same my whole life.

how do i find my style? tried figuring out my kibbe body type and still so confused. how do i know what colors look best on me? are there basics that i should be doing/incorporating every day? i keep seeing the “wearing vs styling” videos how do i learn how to style!

how do i get hot and feel more empowered within myself and my self expression!!!??? ive always played it so safe and im ready to not anymore!

this is probably a silly thing to post on here but i’m new to the area and would like to put myself out there and meet new people/make friends. im 24F and am really scared to make friends on the internet (aka here) but am wondering if there are some things around that are well known that i can join. i wanted to join and art class and some sort of work out class but the cost of them has been preventing me from just doing it.

open to any suggestions! its tough making friends in adulthood!