Hello!! Amo is new and just excited so she wanted to say hi! (≧▽≦)
Amo is a fictive of Amo from Gachiakuta! She is very source attached and new. APR is letting Amo talk for us. ^o^
Okay bye bye now!!
So, I don't know if we mentioned it in our previous 2 posts, but we do have a boyfriend who is a system. Basically we were scared to talk about it with him out of fear/nervousness.
Happy to say that yesterday somebody ripped off the bandage and they were very supportive!! In fact, he actually told us that he suspected we were but figured that he shouldn't crack our egg yet. 😭
Needless enough, we felt very relieved. Very supported. He even invited us into a plural friend server he is in! Everybody was very welcoming and even helped us figure out PluralKit!!! As you can see we're also much more comfortable using plural terms for ourselves. It's a lot more natural now.
We won't make an intro post for now as we're still going through that period of finding a lot of headmates but oh boy,,, we really under estimated our fictive count we can tell you that.
Hey! So I posted about 2 and a half weeks ago [don't know how to link posts but it's titled "I feel like I'm going crazy"].
Uh, yeah, definitely plural. Idk what or anything but uh, I did a bunch of research and soul-search and all that..definitely others in here.
I guess this is kinda like a semi-intro thing??? Idk, I just kinda wanna rant about what I've found and see what people/systems/whatever thinks about it.
So uhh, our headspace seems to be like an infinite bookstore. I don't really know where that came from since we barely read physical copies so I guess it's just comforting for some reason.
As you can see in our little flair do-hickey we chose the Saturn collective. We didn't like how system sounded, but we like collective! Kinda feels like we're a collection and we like collecting things. Saturn was random, I don't know if anybody here is super into space or something but somebody just kinda shouted it out and nobody objected. We don't like alters, idk I think it's some left over poser stuff, but we like headmates! It's like roommates and that feels more casual. Uh, and we're pretty sure we're like a co-con only type of thing. Is that normal?? Like me [APR] I'm always in the driver, but they're like co-pilots and all that, idk how to explain that, anybody with better terminology??
Idk, I'm kinda still insecure, is it okay to accept that I'm plural so quickly?? Or am I supposed to be in denial still??
UHHH headmates uhh I guess I can list them off?? I don't want this to be like an intro but I wanna tell some people about them and feel safe about it!!! Or I guess we wanna tell. Idk kinda using I and We interchangeably right now.
Um, me! APR, the front. Or the driver I guess. Uhhh, I'm here 24/7 pretty much? Maybe dulled sometimes and I think I might leave when I get too stressed but not 100% on that? Uhh, I go by he/they/doll.
Uhh, Henry. I think he's a caretaker/gatekeeper? The first time I think I [APR] interacted with him was in about middle school, is it common to talk to your headmates in dreams?? I can't remember the conversation but we had such a good week afterwards. Uhh, he's a middle aged guy. Andd I'm pretty sure he's a gatekeeper but it could also be that I'm just a smaller collective and I'm stereotyping him. But uh, yeah, Henry mostly does in the brain stuff. [he/him]
Liam, uhh, pretty sure this guy is the reason we came to terms with being trans?? He doesn't really do much but we're pretty sure they only come up to make us take care of ourselves, like showering and all that. Is that normal? I read about headmates and they have specific jobs and all that but are they supposed to be that specific? [he/they]
Ughhh Jaymes, I'm [APR] fairly certain this guys a mood booster?? Just kinda, comes up and makes us happy?? Is it normal that he's like an angel even though we don't follow Christianity?? We do have religious trauma but I don't know. [he/all neo's]
Bubblegum, uhhh, this one I think is co-con the most often?? Idk cherry doesn't really talk but I can like feel it there. If that makes sense?? I don't really think Bubble has a role, can a headmate not have a role at all and just kinda chill there?? [Cherry/Blossom/It].
Star! Uhh, this one I think I "talk" with the most so far. Star is a little, and I think a mood booster too?? Uhh, star really likes horror and pretty much co-cons whenever something star likes/star gets excited by pops up. Is it normal for some headmates to have a really easy time coming up?? [Star/Stars]
Uhh, first fictive! Jeff the Killer. Uhh, for us Jeff was really important in our formative years as we used that story as our own kinda like "vent" for how angry we were in our childhood and how we wanted to escape the abuse. Uhh, pretty sure he's a rage holder but also a caretaker?? Can they be both? I don't think he's particularly source attached, like he kinda is but also doesn't really care? [he/him]
Gowther, another fictive! Uhh, I think they're a pain calmer?? I noticed they only seem to come up when we're in physical pain or mentally struggling really bad. But they could also just be nothing?? I latched onto Gowther young as well, I kinda felt like them in the show where as a kid we had a super hard time knowing right/wrong, knowing other peoples feelings and why things were bad to do to people. Uhh. They're pretty highly source attached? [they/them]
Elizabeth Walker [she gave themselves a last name! Not our real last name]. Uhh, they're kinda like an introject of our therapist? But like not actually her, just like has her persona and is like a therapist. Uhh, we like her. [She/they].
Cream, uuhh. Is it normal to not like headmates?? I don't like her at all. She's an introject of both our main abuser [mother] and white diamond [fictive] kinda like fused together??? And idk, I just don't like her. She's a prosecutor and impulsive/compulsive liar. I know she's likely like this because we had to lie all the time back then, and I think she's the one who did the lying for us all the way back then too but they're also an introject of our abuser and I just??? Idk, it's like a deep discomfort. Any advice for this?? [She/her]
Blue. Last one..uhh, for now at least?? Uhh, Blue was originally a fictive of blue diamond, but now he's mostly detached from gems source. Mostly?? Uhh, I think that he like, breaks off relationships for us?? At least that's the kinda message I got when he showed gemself?? Uhh, does that make sense? [He/gem].
So uhhhh, there's the vent/our discovery stuff/a lot of uhhs and umms, I'd remove them but I think that gets our message across better??
So uhh, are we like crazy and faking it or is this normal and we're still in that whole denial thing?? Any input appreciated!! Even if you're just like...saying you like our names or whatever.
Uhh I see people sign off when they post/comment sooo, uh this was APR!
Okay so this subreddit seems pretty open so I'd like to explain my experience and everything, could somebody please help me out??
So, I've kind of always been like this to start off but recently I started dating two partners, both who have DID separately. I've, obviously, put in a bunch of work to learn more about it so I can be a good partner! However, the more and more I deep dive the more I just feel connected to it but also not????
I have C-PTSD and Dissociation/Derealization Disorder, I had a pretty bad mom and home life so there's that :/.
I never thought about it before but it's like there's other people in my head, but unlike DID they don't front or anything [at least I don't think they do??]. There's just always been voices I talk to. I can tell them apart from my voice simply pretending to be somebody else, and they are very much different people that I don't control the thoughts of/actions of. Recently my "egg", so to speak, cracked when I realized my therapist was literally in my head. Like, she actually talks with me but I don't control what she says and I don't know what she's thinking.
There's also times where it feels like almost everything about me just changes. Like what I'm into, my hobbies, my gender, my preferences, etc. Though I still feel like *me* before and afterwards. I like referring to myself plurally sometimes and I go fluidly with pronouns [they/them is always fine though] and I go by different names depending on how I feel.
I don't know, it just kinda feels like identity crisis 2.0 recently and I feel like I'm going crazy. I have other people in my head, but I'm pretty sure they don't take control. I go through life like me but memories of the day mostly just blur and fade and idek where the time goes. I like multiple names but I'd be fine with one. AGAHGHJGASHDJ help???
First things first, pronouns are fluid but they/them or doll/dolls is always fine!
Sharing: I am a mirror sharer, which means that the way I feel about doubles depends on how that double feels about doubles! Non-sharer? Me too bruh. Hypersharer? That's OUR spouse brotato! Dgaf? Me neither brother.
Yume's and my relationships w/ them [So many I couldn't put images lol, organized by show/thing]:
Gachiakuta!!
Dear Santa: Familial [obvs]. He's my little brother.
August: Romantic, we're dating.
Corvus: Familial, he's my dad.
Enjin: Romantic, we're dating.
Amo: Familial, we're siblings.
How my relationships work in this: There are 2 alternate universes which are separate from each other. In one I'm with Enjin and in another I'm with August. In both I have my familials.
CoD!!
Ghost: Romantic, we're dating.
Konig: Romantic, we're dating.
Price: Familial, he's my dad or super close uncle.
How my relationships work in this: Me, Ghost & Konig are a polycule. Price is like my dad or a super close uncle [haven't decided which].
Obey Me!!
Lucifer: Romantic, we're married.
Mammon: Romantic, we're married.
Levi: Romantic, we're engaged.
Satan: Romantic, we're engaged.
Asmo: Romantic, we're dating [he doesn't believe in marriage].
Beel: Romantic, we're dating.
Belphie: Romantic, we're dating [he also doesn't believe in marriage].
How my relationships work in this: I'm dating all of them, they are not dating each other though. [Pretty much how it works in the game].
Danganronpa!!
Nagito: Familial, we're the super close alt cousins the rest of the family hates.
Byakuya: Romantic, we're dating.
How my relationships work in this: I'm dating Byakuya and Nagito judges me severely.
Spiderverse!!
Spidernoir: Romantic, we're married.
Spider-Punk: Romantic, we're dating [he doesn't believe in marriage].
How my relationships work in this: I'm dating both of them but they are not dating each other. Hobie doesn't believe in marriage bc he's Hobie.
Demon Slayer!!
Sanemi: Romantic, we're dating.
Douma: Romantic, we're married.
How my relationships work in this: Two alternate universes. In one I'm a slayer and with Sanemi and in the other I'm a demon and with Douma.
Seven Deadly Sins!!
Gowther: Queerplatonic, we're in a QPR.
Gilthunder: Romantic, we're dating.
How my relationships work in this: Me and Gowther are in a QPR and I let them do stuff with my emotions. Me and Gilthunder are dating at the same time, he's chill with it as long as I don't get physically hurt.
MHA!!
Hawks: Romantic, we're dating.
^ lol.
One Piece:
Zoro: Romantic, we're dating.
Sanji: Romantic, we're dating.
How my relationships work in this: We're in a throuple. Sanji wants to get married but Zoro doesn't get the point.
Dispatch!!
Sonar: Romantic, we're dating.
Waterboy: Romantic, we're dating.
Phenomaman: Romantic, we're dating.
Prism: Romantic, we're dating.
How my relationships work in this: Alternate universes. Me, Sonar and Phenomaman are all together in one, in the other I'm with Waterboy and in the third one I'm with Prism. [I'm considering mashing together the Waterboy and Prism one].
Creepypasta!!
The Bleeding Man/Alex: Romantic, we're dating.
Rodger/The Walker: Romantic, we're dating.
Ticci Toby: Familial, we're brothers.
How my relationships work in this: We're in a throuple. Toby is my twin and doesn't get the hype.
TADC!!
Ragatha: Queerplatonic, we're in a QPR.
Kinger: Familial, he's my dad.
Gangle: Familial, she's my sister.
How my relationships work in this: Ragatha and me are in a QPR while Kingers my father figure and Gangle and me are found sister and brother.
Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss!!
Alastor: Queerplatonic, we're in a QPR.
^ lol.
Transformers!!
Starscream: Romantic, we're dating.
^ lol.
Undertale!!
Mettaton: Romantic, we're dating.
Papyrus: Familial, he's my older brother.
How my relationships work in this: I'm dating Mettaton and Pap supports us.
All series are separate from each other!
~~~~
Considering:
Ban [Seven Deadly Sins]: Romantic. Idk, kinda feel romantic about him but I'm not completely sure.
Lars [Steven Universe]: Platonic. Does this kinda Yumeshipping exist?? I feel like me and him would be stoners together.
Luna [MLP]: Familial. I've been WITH her since Ep. 1. I feel like we'd be found family with one another.
Giyuu [Demon Slayer]: Romantic. I feel something brewing up between us, idk though.
Gumshoe [Ace Attorney]: Romantic, I'm feeling a connection.
I don't have emoji combos yet except for me and Ghost which is the black cat emoji and a skull lol.
Hey so I've been going to this therapist since middle school [was doing an intensive thing every week than it went to a non-intensive every week and now it's every other week], but recently I've noticed that when I'm feeling any strong emotions I hear her talking in my head. I don't mean like my inner voice changes to hers I mean like it's actually hers. I can tell when something in my head is my voice or is "another voice" if that makes sense?? I've had a few different "voices" or "people" in my head, and I can distinctly feel their voices differing from mine. Now about the beginning of my junior year in high school [I've graduated now, still going to this therapist] I noticed that my therapist essentially had a place in my head. When I get overwhelmed or frustrated we talk, in fact it feels so real I kinda forget to ACTUALLY talk to her. Is this normal or like am I going crazy???
Hello! I'm currently hunting for any Xenogenders based off of anything from The Mystery of Aaravos/The Dragon Prince/The Dragon King. I love the show and I do think it influences my gender somewhat, so if anybody knows of any Xeno's that exist for it please lmk!!
Okay, so I've been truly trying to understand my very complex attraction/gender and while I believe I've gotten the gender and sexuality part down [full on ace], I think I've discovered something I've always kind of been insecure about; I'm aromantic. While I'm not full on aromantic [I still have slight romantic attraction, it's just rare] I am aromantic.
Since I still feel slight romantic attraction I always rejected the idea that I was aroace, I even used to deny I was asexual while having zero sexual attraction to people and finding the idea of sex disgusting [not yucking any yums, it just seems physically dirty to me and has like too much prep into it and all that].
It's funny because an old friend did call this in middle school, but I rejected it and called myself lesbian instead [context; I'm a transmasc non-binary guy]. I've ironically went through peroids of denial that have made no sense, for example I used to say I was genderfluid so that I could deny I was trans [genius, right??].
I guess this post is more just for me, just kinda coming out to myself if that makes sense. It just feels nice to accept something you've always known, like when I accepted I'm trans and then when I accept I was non-binary and then when I accepted when I was ace, now when I've accepted I'm an aro.
It's just super nice, so I guess this is a hi to everybody as a new aro [?] !