u/colourmerchant

I’ve been worshipping God in different ways. When I’m alone, I like to walk around the house singing hymns. I lie in bed and say my prayers and thank God for everything. I also like to say the rosary often.

Well, I prayed to God that I would pass this major exam. Unfortunately, I got word yesterday that I had failed it. And I’m not one bit upset about it.

I’m taking this as a blessing in disguise, and a new opportunity to rethink the direction that my life was headed in. It’s time to contemplate, reflect, and be charitable. I’ve got an application to join a youth ministry, which I’m going to fill in. I hope to get myself involved in charities. I’m going to start Pilates.

Thanks be to God. He truly knows best.

I ended up in hospital, back in May 2023, because of a suicide attempt. I had attempted suicide because of severe paranoia and the fact that I heard a demon’s voice telling me, “I’m going to kill people and make it look like you did it.”

I wasn’t sleeping, and I think that was a major contributor, but my mood was high at the time. I was sure to tell them I felt like my emotional state was high, which they noted in my records.

However, as I continued reading, they had written, “Not showing signs of psychosis.”

How the hell do you end up with a patient hearing voices, acting on it so that people don’t die, then say the person isn’t showing signs of psychosis?

Oof that hurt my feelings. It’s as if they didn’t listen to me at all.

I stopped reading my notes after that. I only read them because I had to get them for disability allowances. I shouldn’t have read them at all. So much more bs they’ve listed like “normal affect” when I was CRYING. SMH 🤦🏻‍♀️

Some women get a partial shedding of the endometrium during ovulation, because of a drop in oestrogen.

It’s well known that some women get light spotting during ovulation- but mine’s is different.

I get actual pieces of the endometrium and blood (bright red) passing out for a couple of days around ovulation.

It looks like stringy, dark purple goop and bright red blood. I first thought it was bacterial vaginosis, but I got antibiotics for that and it didn’t stop. Then I thought it was bleeding from my back passage, but tracking my cycles with a period tracker made me realise it’s normal for me during ovulation.

Does anyone else have this?

This is the end of my Alzheimer’s disease journey with my grandmother, who has been battling it for about 15 years now.

She was put on palliative care about 6 or 7 days ago- plenty of pain relief, plenty of sedation. She passed peacefully with my mum, aunt, and uncle surrounding her.

I got to tell her I loved her, that she was my biggest inspiration, that her grandchildren are all starting new and exciting careers, that she made my childhood magical, that she had permission to go. I said to her, “Granny, it’s okay to go. We’ll be alright.”

I got to play Chaplet of Divine Mercy in song which she used to watch, with my late grandfather, on EWTN every day.

She’s returning home to my late grandfather, aunt, uncle, great aunts, great uncle, and her parents (my great grandparents).

Whilst I will miss her, she is now out of pain. It gives me peace, and that is the greatest grace

On July 31st, the first day of the rollout of the Bexsero vaccine (for 17-18 year olds and prospective university students younger than 25), I started to call pharmacies to see if I could get vaccinated against meningitis B.

Around 10% to 20% of the population carry Men B bacteria in their nose/throat. This number rises to 25% in teenagers.

Usually, these bacteria cause no harm. However, there are invasive strains which can cause outbreaks (like the super-spreader event in Club Chemistry in Kent).

Meningitis B bacteria can cause severe neurological damage, septicaemia, amputations of limbs, and death within HOURS. 10% of people with bacterial meningitis die, which doesn’t account for the amount of disability it causes. I would also stress that Men B bacteria have accounted for 100% of bacterial meningitis cases in Northern Ireland in the last couple of years.

I called Boots pharmacy and they said their pharmacist diaries weren’t open for another 1-2 weeks. I called another pharmacy, and they said they hadn’t received the stock yet and to call back in a week. I was out and about, decided to call into a random pharmacy and ask if they had the MenB vaccine. They did.

They grilled me because I’m in the under 25, prospective university student group, and not the 17-18 year old group. I had to provide proof of my offer to study at university (I used my UCAS portal and handed the phone to the pharmacist), I had to provide my birthdate, address, telephone number, email, GP’s name, and which faculty I’d be studying under.

The pharmacist said, “I’m sorry, but you’re a guinea pig. Nobody has been vaccinated so far, you’re the first, so we’re trying to work out the system.”

After the pharmacist was satisfied I met criteria, and he figured out how to use the national system, he injected the MenB vaccine into my upper left arm. It was a small pinch and I could feel the cold fluid going into my arm.

Immediately: No symptoms.

In the hours/days which followed: Very mild, moving, headache which I didn’t even need paracetamol for, a little bit of insomnia, and an achey arm.

It’s now August 2nd and all side effects have faded except my achey arm. It’s still achey, but it’s moveable. I’m not inhibited by the pain. But I will say that my achey arm was… very achey- not as much now though.

If you’re hesitant about getting the vaccine, know that some people have less side-effects than others and you shouldn’t be put off because of other’s experiences. My experience has been very positive and I’m aware it’s a privilege to even receive the vaccine.

The vaccine is very safe, and any side effects are nothing compared to a Men B infection!

Obviously, I had psychosis. It needed to be treated. But I was told lithium was an option, yet it has never been suggested to me by my new psychiatrist.

So I trialled 800mg of quetiapine, 20mg of aripiprazole, and now 20mg of olanzapine. This has been my life since I was 16.

I’m now maxed out on olanzapine, as per the BNF guidelines, and it’s almost as if I’m not taking anything at all. I’m not a zombie, I’m very expressive and happy, little symptoms, but it concerns me for 1 reason: I was on 5 milligrams of olanzapine for 7 months and it kept me relatively stable. Then we had to go up to 10 milligrams. We then went back down to 5mg. Lo and behold, I’m now on a much higher dose than what used to keep me stable… simply because we decided to decrease the dose from 10 to 5mg.

That’s what’s scaring me. The fact that I can’t decrease the dose once it’s been increased. Dopamine super-sensitivity is real. Basically, your brain adapts and creates more dopamine receptors so, once you decrease the dose, you get severe rebound psychosis AND the medication loses efficacy over time

I’m scared. Have any of you been on antipsychotic medications for 10+ years and had good results? Dopamine super-sensitivity scares me

Due to an outbreak of meningitis B in Kent, in England, governments across the UK have rolled out a vaccination programme for teenagers and university students. The outbreak in Kent infected 21 people and 2 died- one a teenager and one in their 20’s.

Meningitis B can kill within hours, usually presenting with symptoms you could dismiss as the flu or something else. Usually, it’s not until a person is having seizures, or develops septicaemia, that it’s recognised as bacterial meningitis.

It’s true that meningitis B can be treated with antibiotics. However, given that our A&E departments are in crisis with far too many patients and little staff, people are dying in waiting rooms and ambulances aren’t able to offload patients to admit them to hospital. I do not trust the healthcare system in the UK to adequately spot symptoms of meningitis B, nor do I believe that they will act swiftly enough.

University students are 7x more likely to develop meningitis B than the average population (excluding infants).

So, with a disease that can kill within hours, lead to loss of limbs, cause lasting neurological damage and hearing loss- would you vaccinate against it?

I got the MenACWY vaccine when I was 15 in my right arm, whilst I got the Tdap vaccine in my left arm. Historically, the government has only ever vaccinated teenagers and young people against MenACWY because the vaccines actually prevent you from passing the bacterial strains to other people. With the MenB vaccine, it only protects you. It doesn’t stop you from spreading Men B bacteria.

It’s also true that there are many other causes of meningitis besides Men B. You can get viral meningitis (usually less severe and can be self-resolving), fungal meningitis (unsure of how fatal that can prove), and other types of bacterial meningitis (but Men B bacteria now accounts for over 80% of bacterial meningitis in the UK).

What do you think? Is it too rare to vaccinate against Men B, do you think the vaccine is dangerous, is there a problem with a vaccine which only protects those vaccinated who can still spread the bacteria, would you rather put faith in your immune system to fight off Men B infections?

I’d love to hear your opinions!

Beginning today, 31st of July, there is a Men B vaccine rollout for 17-18 year olds and those under 25 due to study in university for the first time this year.

I am in the under 25 bracket, starting university for the first time in September 2026.

Here’s what I needed to provide:

Full name, birthdate, proof of university offer, email, telephone number, name of GP, which faculty I’d be studying under.

I was the first vaccination at the pharmacy- given that the rollout just started today.

You can find a list of participating pharmacies here:

https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/urgent-menb-vaccination-young-people

Meningitis B can cause septicaemia and kill within hours- even if you survive, you could be left without limbs or permanent neurological damage.

If you’re eligible, I highly suggest you contact a participating pharmacy or your GP

I’m not talking about, “I knew the voices I were hearing weren’t real,” or, “Part of me was living in the real world and I sort of realised my delusions weren’t normal.” I’m talking about the delusions themselves which were “self-aware.”

My delusions have always said things like, “Don’t tell the psychiatrist what you’re really thinking. They will say you’re delusional, but you’re not. Don’t tell anyone so that nobody can interfere.” My delusions are literally self-aware. They know that if they make themselves known, I’ll end up in hospital.

It’s easy for psychosis to go undetected because of this. The more self-aware your delusions are, the less likely you are to tell someone. It’s not the same as the florid psychotic person screaming, “Aliens put a microchip in my brain.” It’s much more insidious, it weaponises your own intelligence against you. It’s like an evil twin which pushes you out of the way so it can fulfil its own desires

I’m on Mounjaro (15mg) and metformin. I take another medication (olanzapine) which increases insulin resistance, and the dose of olanzapine got increased, so my metformin increased. Makes sense, right?

I’ve been having weird discharge for the last couple of days- not a normal colour but no odour and no other symptoms. Well I wiped myself today and I’m on my period.

It’s day 15 of my menstrual cycle. I usually get my periods every 28-35 days, usually 35 days. This is a huge surprise to me

Should I be concerned? I’m thinking of just keeping an eye on it and if it becomes a regular occurrence I think it’s then I should see a doctor. Thoughts?

I’ve been spiralling recently and I have no idea why. I flipped out on my cousin, whom I have an incredible bond with, and blocked her over something incredibly stupid. I unblocked her yesterday, apologised profusely and she understands but she hates that I threw our bond away like it was nothing to me. And that breaks my heart, because when I’m splitting, I mean it, but not afterwards. Everything is fine now. She said, “Let’s just move forward. I love you so much.” So everything is back to normal with my cousin. We’re just talking like we used to. But I’m still not okay with what I did and the nasty things I said.

There’s this thought in my mind that I’m just annoying everyone. That when I text people, I’m bothering them. I text paragraphs whilst they text a few words or a couple of sentences, which then leads me to think I’m putting far much more effort into the relationship than they are. Feels like I love them far more than they love me.

I’ve also been so close to just blocking everyone I know- even when I haven’t split on them. I’ve stopped engaging with a lot of people- wanting to isolate myself. There’s a feeling in my chest which feels like anger or despair or maybe both. I can’t really describe it, but I want to run away and find somewhere where I don’t have to engage with anyone.

I also discovered that a person, whom I considered to be a good friend of mine, blocked me on Snapchat for seemingly no reason. She also has BPD, and hers is more severe than mine, so I’m trying to think logically and understand that maybe we were making each other worse. Maybe she’s going through what I’m going through and wants to block everyone.

I’m in absolute distress because there are people in my life who have done absolutely nothing wrong and I’m angry at them and want to block them. I have an attitude right now of, “F them, I’m going to do everything by myself. I’m better off on my own.” I’m splitting on everyone, and I can’t pinpoint anything these individuals have done to make me feel this way.

Have you ever felt this way? I need support and advice

I have diagnoses of bipolar affective disorder in 2 different trusts (since I moved). Okay, cool, I get that a different trust has to do their own assessment.

In one trust the label is “bipolar psychoses, bipolar affective disorder,” and years later, “[X] bipolar affective disorder,” within the same trust.

Is there a point? If I’ve already been diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder within 1 trust, why diagnose it again in the same trust a couple of years later? It makes no sense to me

Can someone shine a light on this?