u/coolgreyv

I'll keep this as concise as possible, but keep what's relevant relevant

two nights ago, I fell asleep and dreamt of my family I haven't seen in 7 years. part of the dream, I saw most my siblings again, I went to the room I used to share with my two younger brothers. one has autism, and the other is the second oldest male. when I approached the room, the second youngest boy was getting upset with the one who had autism. I opened the door and he welcomed me in quickly. I didn't step in all the way, the closer I got into the door, the more angry frustrated energy I could feel in the room. I couldn't close the door so I stepped out of the room entirely. I saw my mom (stepmom) who raised me and was surprisingly ecstatic to see me. I say surprisingly cuz she's the one who cut me off from the family the moment I moved out. [if you read the "smoked a J post, this is the room I popped into and was trying to get out of] it was oddly welcoming, but my sheer joy and happiness to see them again washed any other perception away. I wasn't naive though, I still felt like something was off kilter. I didn't see all my sibling, there was one certainly blocked out from being seen. I was happy to be home. it ended with the mass of them parading some assigned furniture outside to the backyard, like they were hauling my stuff. never seen these before. I remember it was a bed and a couple other things draped in a "prism" blue. the house I was in was something familiar from my past year at the same time something entirely new, like I transported to the home they occupied now. it was new undoubtedly

Next night, I dreamt I was in the living room with the family. it started out weird though... on the phone in front of me was an explicit site pulled up (yk) but the thing was, the "actors" were painted. same pov, but painted characters. it was "mime-like" our phallic member was painted white at the shaft, black at the head. the girl getting on top, or yk in that position, was body white and head dark. when she got closer her face was painted white and her lips black. I remember noticing the artistry and even in the dream, the symbology. white shaft, white body. black head, dark head.. but for her, it was white face, black lips. like it still corresponded. I put the phone away and everyone seemed involved in their own task. my mom (stepmom) was next to me looking into something, but she seemed perky. I wasn't fully paying attention to what was going on. I sort of jabbed for her attention but she passively responded. I was trying to prove a point (of perception). that's when the TV showed my hometown right when I'm mentioning this point. and I say See! how could I do this when this is my first time watching it. its new to us! she agreed and became intrigued to see where this went. she noticed something special, or to her intrigue 'interesting'

I feel I should mention that she IS a narcissistic parent, at least in the time I had with her. +7 years later.. I can't say

Now I've just gotten up from a nap and they were in my dream again. I've NEVER had consecutive dreams of any relevant subject. this is the first time I've had that. and that of my family. it feels almost like a link had been established (or re-established) and apparently the tether has held strong.. but it is fading, it feels like

the dream from moments ago. I was stopping at a gas station during a job and GOD KNOWS WHY I decide to yoink a coffee machine from the wall and drag it around. I recall feeling confused as to what to do with it, so I go to the back of the store but the cameras alert the staff as I release my sticky fingers from the mechanical dispenser. I swerve to the front door and a small mon of staff and security follow me out. since I didn't steal anything and didn't really cause any harm, I sort of stick around like "we good" but I hear one of the staff say "they're on the way" . nope. I really only had one option so I booked it away from the group of employees. now I know what people mean when they say it's like running slower in your dreams. it was like I was running in slow mo, like the air around me had turned to thick sludge and I was cutting through it. but to say it was the air that caused this would be incorrect, it was like my body was the one moving at that pace. like starting a car from cold. or sumn. it just wouldn't go fast like running fast, it was almost slower than a jog T-T mind you, I keep up with cardio and this was particularly embarrassing. I remember I had the deep subconscious thought that I have to work on my sprints fr fr

I look back and I made fair space between me and them, but when security started running, they caught up to me fairly fast. they grappled me and got me down. I was so screwed. then I sat in the family suv (I've never seen this fbi ass suv looking van in my life) beside a police car while we're waiting. my family is all around me talking and murdering with each other. I look over to the police car and they finish the paper work. one comes over and has me sign. I ask if I'm free to go after signing this. he snickers, no I'm being taken in. I'm shocked, wtf. I didn't even commit a big crime. I'm not thinking deeply about this, but to a fraction, I understand I have no say in this. I go back and forth with the officer, in my mind I KNOW this is bogus. I ask how long am I gonna be locked up. he says the rest of my life. What the flpp-ity f*ck. I stare in shock, how do I get out?! he said, suicide. but when he said this, the words 'kill yourself' came out simultaneously. nahhhh. I know this ain't true. I know I'll have a hearing and I know it ain't for life. he shrug and jerks. he's pulling my string. I should've clocked that, most these fools do ts just to mess with you. now I've lost any and all integrity with this guy.

they drop me off at an office where I have to fill out paper work. my family is in the lobby and government staff walk around the room. they point to where I gotta sign and I take a seat. I'm surrounded by bags and miscellaneous items on the table. ladies, slim and thick come passing through, certainly being nosy at who js rolled in. tall guys and slick back hair stand around like high schoolers with their arms crossed keeping coi. for some reason, I can't focus on these papers and the longer it takes, the more distracted I get. and as I get distracted, the environment around me gets louder and a bit more rambunctious. (in the dream) I think back to the events with the cafe machine, it feels like a dream. I must've been dreaming. so why am I here, they got me for the wrong reason. but here I am, about to lose my family again. I have to write them a note. so I try but I know I end up putting the wrong address cuz for the god of me I can't recall the details... "4.. 4.. 5" street address (that's right) but as I know it's wrong, I whip out my phone and figure I'll use the auto fill. when I pull out the phone, my screen must've turned on and I somehow pocket texted this hoe I met a lil while ago. and she says "but time you chose some color" , and she posted sumn new on her story. F*********ck no. I frustratedly close the app and text my bro, it fills in the address and I ask him to get my stuff and imma bout to follow up with an apology and such when I decide to make spaghetti. I have the ingredients in the bag and there's a kitchen right there. at this point the staff have pre occupied themselves with entertainment as I can see colorful lights outside and drinks being exchanged. they're still popping in to keep an eye on me but they don't say anything about what I'm doing. I finish making the spaghetti and carry the pot around. I actually passing through the doors to the lobby and see everyone sitting at tables, talking, having a grand time under florescent and colorful lights (same color scheme as those metallic oil color "chrome" metallic people think are cool for some soulless reason) I walk out the door as I'm not restrained to do so. I have a backpack on and it feels like I'm missing once more. I stop at a gas station and offer some spaghetti to the clerk. he tried a bite and critiques it. I get a text from my family but I can't decipher what it says. the clerk says.. Ahh it's missing sugar. it doesn't fill my cheeks like it should. I note this ( I still note this ) sugar, why didn't I try that. I'll have to get sugar at the store next time I tell myself.

so yah. its weird. duhh.. it's just even weirder it's been family oriented the last 3 dreams, vividly, consecutively.

I personally feel dreams are relevant to the waking life. I had a few people and a homie who have shared dream spaces together and related it in the "waking life" - here. I feel I established a connection, and the intrigue , or other interests , has kept us relevant. but theres this dark undertone I do not like. we all have issues at home, and some of us would rather never deal with them again.. but this makes me want to never turn back to the home I came from. especially with these dynamics. I'd like to never rely on this, and build a healthier home space.

buuuut ofc this is a dream, all happens as it should. so maybe there's some mending to be had. there are details here and there that are left out. one must be forgiving with time.

js putting NSFW cuz yk drugs

but aside from having a very lucid dream (which now thinking of it, I actually may post about in the lucid dream sub cuz ts felt real asf) at some point, I was passed a joint. I just recently sobered up for the year but when I tell you this J did a doozy on me, I felt ts in my brain.

I took a hit from that thang and when it hit, my head started spinning (not literally, but it had that dizzying effect weed has). I remember almost waking up completely; I recall shifting on my pillow and feeling the soft blanket around me as my head filled with helium. back to the dream, I was completely thrown off balance, it was like an invisible weight warped around me. I had to shuffle quietly in front of a bed frame but I remember leaning on the nearest objects and brushing against everyyything. I ended up stirring the person I was trying to get by from awake. but I got out the room thinking I probably didn't wake em like I thought. from there, there was a light heaviness tossing my head off kilter

that's it. it was just so weird that I felt it that strongly in my physical body. it wouldn't be the first time my body has translated peculiar events onto my body. rare and few, this is the first on in a long time. it was like getting high, but without the mindful loopiness, or altering of consciousness. it was purely physical, no personality shift.

mindfully sober, physically f*cked

don't do drugs kids