u/coraherradura

I’m 30 years old and happily married. My sister is 41 and has a lot of problems. It starts with her husband, who has isolated her four hours away from our family for no real reason.

My sister is the breadwinner, and her husband makes no effort to help ease her burden in any way. She constantly tells us how much she hates her job and wants to quit. She has reached a point where she is completely miserable.

Every time I talk to her, it’s to listen to her complain. I’ve been there for her for a long time, but lately, she’s been using me as a punching bag. She constantly comments on my body and says that I live a good life. While it’s true that I currently have more free time because I’m unemployed, I worked until recently. She constantly compares our lives and assumes that mine is somehow better than hers.
In reality, I’m dealing with many hardships of my own, including infertility and unemployment. I do my best to take care of myself and remain positive. I also have a therapist who has been an absolute angel.

Lately, my sister has been venting to me and then dismissing me by saying that I don’t know anything whenever I try to offer suggestions, such as moving closer to our family or encouraging her husband to contribute financially. She has also started throwing hurtful comments in my face and intentionally making me feel bad, despite knowing what I’m going through.

Because of this, I’ve chosen to create some distance between us. She didn’t take it well and has become distant from the entire family. She hasn’t visited anyone, including my parents.

My parents, who are both 70 years old, are confused and hurt. Yesterday, she called them to complain about her job, and when my dad suggested that she try to be grateful for what she has, she lashed out at both him and my mom. They called me afterward because they felt terrible. My poor parents.
Before I decided to distance myself, I encouraged my sister to seek professional help, especially since she refuses to consider any of my suggestions. My therapist has suggested that some of her behaviors may be narcissistic.

I love my sister, and it hurts me to see how unwilling she is to help herself. It also hurts to see how deeply she wounds the people who love her the most.

I’m 30 years old and happily married. My sister is 41 and has a lot of problems. It starts with her husband, who has isolated her four hours away from our family for no real reason.

My sister is the breadwinner, and her husband makes no effort to help ease her burden in any way. She constantly tells us how much she hates her job and wants to quit. She has reached a point where she is completely miserable.

Every time I talk to her, it’s to listen to her complain. I’ve been there for her for a long time, but lately, she’s been using me as a punching bag. She constantly comments on my body and says that I live a good life. While it’s true that I currently have more free time because I’m unemployed, I worked until recently. She constantly compares our lives and assumes that mine is somehow better than hers.
In reality, I’m dealing with many hardships of my own, including infertility and unemployment. I do my best to take care of myself and remain positive. I also have a therapist who has been an absolute angel.

Lately, my sister has been venting to me and then dismissing me by saying that I don’t know anything whenever I try to offer suggestions, such as moving closer to our family or encouraging her husband to contribute financially. She has also started throwing hurtful comments in my face and intentionally making me feel bad, despite knowing what I’m going through.

Because of this, I’ve chosen to create some distance between us. She didn’t take it well and has become distant from the entire family. She hasn’t visited anyone, including my parents.

My parents, who are both 70 years old, are confused and hurt. Yesterday, she called them to complain about her job, and when my dad suggested that she try to be grateful for what she has, she lashed out at both him and my mom. They called me afterward because they felt terrible. My poor parents.
Before I decided to distance myself, I encouraged my sister to seek professional help, especially since she refuses to consider any of my suggestions. My therapist has suggested that some of her behaviors may be narcissistic.

I love my sister, and it hurts me to see how unwilling she is to help herself. It also hurts to see how deeply she wounds the people who love her the most.

Met my husband in Mexico, we are from the same town. I’m from LA. He moves to LA to be with me. Anyways, fast forward.. 2023 we get married and are happy. I’ve interacted with his mom enough, and she seemed very kind and sweet. The month we get married, she decides she wants to build herself a second house over there. She fully takes over a piece of land that was supposed to be my husbands (his uncle gave it to him a couple years ago so he can eventually build a house for his family, after getting married). Anyways, my MIL decides it’s now hers and she wants to build a bigger house. I thought that was odd to begin with, but chose to stay quiet. Days go by, and she mentions to my husband that this second house will be ours eventually and that we need to fund the building of it. Immediately, no. After many long discussions, my husband grew the courage to say no since that is not our priority. We will not be funding her new house. She then asked for a monthly payment at the least, so we can help with something.. since this said house would be eventually his. I once again had to have long discussions with my husband to tell his parents no. The dad is also abroad & somewhat absent at this point, but also pushing these things onto my husband. WE then again say no. This immediately caused so many issues between us financially. We are not even married a month at this point, we are barely figuring out living together and it was too much. Eventually they fucked off with the asks. My husband and I set strict boundaries about any gift sending to his family, etc.. many discussions and fights later. It seems to get better between us, freshly newlywed and dealing with this. 2 months go by, his dad (that is abroad and has been for many years) is caught cheating. The second house build is put at a pause- it is still at a pause. The parents decide to split, my MIL immediately makes my husband her therapist. This annoys me. She then insinuates she wants to move in with us permanently, because she wants a fresh start. This means.. funding her visa application, sustaining her, etc… I immediately say NO to my husband. LADY we are barely 2 months married. What the actual fuck is your problem. I enter panic mode and even seek therapy in order to deal with this. I eventually learned to communicate more boundaries with my husband.. how his parents, mostly mother is affecting our marriage so soon. Mind you, my parents know boundaries.. I grew up seeing my parents have very healthy boundaries with my older siblings partners. So I really thought I was in hell and did not see this coming at all.

Time goes by, and the mother does not move and the parents are still separated. I set my space from her and his sisters because every-time I visited Mexico to visit my family as well… the sisters have been so rude to me.. im guessing it’s because of all the boundary setting. 2 years have gone by, and I rarely see them. I don’t really speak on the phone with my MIL unless it’s to say happy birthday. She calls my husband all the time and is constantly texting him. Every night she texts him goodnight and everyday she asks what he ate. I’ve vocalized this is not normal and it is codependency.. maybe even parentification.. since the dad has been physically absent for so long and turned out to be a cheater.

Anyways, I can accept the calls and texts. Within limits.. I told my husband I don’t really want to hear her voice messages or voice on the phone when we are in bed. But still navigating these poor boundaries from this lady. But also trying to respect she is my husbands mother. But oh boy, do I hold so much resentment. Wondering what future conflicts will be coming up from her, because I know these are not the last.