u/crabnick92

[removed]

I (34F) have dealt with depression before, but this year has been unlike anything else. The suicidal ideation and burnout actually led me to an inpatient hospitalization a few weeks ago, and while the doctors there encouraged me to take FMLA from my corporate job when I was released, I declined because I didn't think I would be eligible (I only started my role 10 months ago) and I'm too terrified to be without an income in my HCOL city.

However, I recently discovered I'm actually eligible for a "salary continuation" benefit under STD / "short term disability" at my company. Outside of my six year relationship ending and my dog having terminal cancer, I do believe my job and manager have contributed to my poor mental state. She’s a highly activated person, and has made some inappropriate comments and has zero boundaries. The biggest was that she told people at our team happy hour a few weeks ago about my hospitalization (not details as I kept those private, just a "dude, crabnick92 was in the hospital for 7 days!") which of course prompted a lot of questions I had to brush off... this was in front of our VP and her boss, who did nothing.

She’s also publicly talked about my egg freezing (I had to be open about that as the doctor appointments made me late some mornings and she was up my ass), asked me how many eggs I froze, made comments about other coworkers’ ages/pregnancies, and has said some questionable things about diversity. She openly talks shit about people on the team, and when she found out a few people complained about her to leadership a few months ago, she tried to get a few of us under her to give fake negative feedback about them as retaliation. I'm genuinely too afraid of her to go to HR and be on her shit list. I prefer to quietly take 3 months mental health leave, focus on getting better and on writing gigs and my dog, maybe live with my mom for a few weeks since I'm afraid to be alone some days with my thoughts... With salary continuation, I'd get 100% of my pay for up to 5 weeks, and then 70% until 12 weeks. It's very generous but I'm scared to pull the trigger from a career POV, and if I decided to simply not go back by the end of it if I let my city lease end and stay with my family until I'm better.

I would love to hear any experiences, advice, or direction as this is something I'm highly unfamiliar with. I never thought I'd be someone to take medical leave but I feel backed into a wall and I don't like waking up everyday to this bleak existence.

I’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks I’ve been excited about. He seems kind, affectionate, and we want the same things. He met some of my friends at a birthday party this weekend and we slept together for the first time.

Here’s the twist… one of my friends recognized him as someone we both had a bad experience with on Hinge last year. For her, they’d been texting and he planned a date, only to cancel at the last minute by telling her his basement flooded so he could no longer afford dating. For me, we’d been chatting on the app, and then a close
friend suddenly passed and I stopped checking hinge for a few days during the chaos and grief. The day of the wake, I got a hinge notification from this guy, and it said “Guess not… Have fun staying on this app lol.” and he unmatched me, so I didn’t even see what “Guess not” was referring to (I assume he asked me out just as I got distracted and wasn’t checking my messages).

I truly didn’t recognize him because it was such a chaotic time in my life, but my friend pulled up our conversation with the screencaps we’d exchanged last year, and it’s 100% him and using his middle name which he also goes by. I remember I found the message quite hurtful and immature, even if he didn’t know my friend had died.

How much weight would you give the old Hinge messages versus how someone treats you in person now that we’re not just random anonymous Hinge characters to each other? Is this just a yellow flag or something more concerning? I really need a partner who is kind and honest, and this scares me that I’m falling into another trap of dating a wolf in sheep’s clothing. As for my friend, she thinks he’s already a liar but it’s possible his basement did flood… however, he rents an apartment so it does seem weird that would make him too broke to date?

Hi ladies, hoping for some recommendations.

I’ve been really struggling lately with a combination of depression, anxiety, burnout, grief, and what I think may be an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I’m safe and functioning, but I haven’t felt like myself in a long time and I’m worried how much worse things could get if I don’t address it soon.

I’m already in talk therapy, which has been helpful, but I know I need something more intensive at this point. I’m hoping to find a psychiatrist who can help evaluate what level of care could help
(IOP, PHP, residential treatment, etc.), discuss a potential mental health leave from work, and provide referrals and guidance on next steps.

If you’ve worked with a psychiatrist in NYC (or someone who does telehealth in NY) who you highly recommend, I’d be incredibly grateful for any referrals, or even if you just have your own success stories of getting out of a rut like this. Feel free to DM me if you’d rather not post publicly.

Thank you ❤️