De helft van de week zit er weer op. Hoe heb jij de week tot dusver overleefd en hoe ga je de rest van de week zo goed mogelijk tegemoet?
Deel hier jouw toolbox om de week door te komen en wellicht kun je iemand anders helpen die wat extra tools kan gebruiken!
De helft van de week zit er weer op. Hoe heb jij de week tot dusver overleefd en hoe ga je de rest van de week zo goed mogelijk tegemoet?
Deel hier jouw toolbox om de week door te komen en wellicht kun je iemand anders helpen die wat extra tools kan gebruiken!
De helft van de week zit er weer op. Hoe heb jij de week tot dusver overleefd en hoe ga je de rest van de week zo goed mogelijk tegemoet?
Deel hier jouw toolbox om de week door te komen en wellicht kun je iemand anders helpen die wat extra tools kan gebruiken!
Van kinds af aan heb ik vaak te horen gekregen dat ik erg / te beleefd ben. In mijn naïviteit heb ik altijd gedacht dat dit zo hoort en dit ervoor zorgt dat mensen je aardig vinden. Uiteraard is een gezonde portie beleefdheid zeker niet verkeerd maar in mijn geval is het wel doorgeslagen vermoed ik.
Het probleem is dat dit in meerdere facetten van het leven gebeurt. In het verkeer laat ik bijvoorbeeld iedereen voorgaan (terwijl dit vaak volgens de regels niet hoeft), op mijn werk in het verleden stond ik voor iedereen klaar en nam taken van anderen over terwijl ik het al druk genoeg had met mijn eigen werk, en op sociaal vlak pas ik mij altijd aan, aan de ander.
Helaas weet ik pas zo'n 7 jaar van mijn autisme diagnose en ben ondertussen 40. Ik merk dat het heel moeilijk blijft om deze vorm van beleefdheid / people pleasing los te laten. Ook al ben ik er zelf aan onderdoor gegaan door een fikse burn-out lijk ik het niet te kunnen loslaten gezien ik van nature een goed mens probeer te zijn en wil bijdragen aan een betere en lievere wereld.
Is dit herkenbaar voor anderen? Hoe hebben jullie een goed balans weten te vinden die niet ten koste van jezelf gaat?
De vriendschapsdraad is weer terug van weggeweest.
Om dichter tot elkaar te komen en de eenzaamheid te doorbreken kan het fijn zijn om lotgenoten te leren kennen waarmee je wellicht een diep gesprek over jouw struggles, special interests, of grappige momenten kunt hebben of gewoon samen een leuke tijd mee kunt beleven.
Laat in de comments iets weten over jezelf (naam, leeftijd, regio, hobby's) en misschien zitten er mensen tussen waarmee je het wel goed zou kunnen vinden!
Beste leden,
Gezien wij samen de community vormgeven vroeg ik mij af wat jullie graag zouden zien op deze subreddit. Dit omdat ik de scheduled post aan het bekijken ben (deze werden door onze oude admin ingepland) en mij afvroeg welke terugkerende thema's jullie graag zouden zien?
Het kan natuurlijk ook zijn dat hier geen behoefte aan is en de topics organisch blijven ontstaan.
Graag hoor ik jullie mening en ideeën!
Hi there,
I'm a 40 yo male and have been diagnosed with level 1 autism approximately 8 years ago.
Almost 2 years ago I had a severe burnout which led to not being able to work anymore as a software engineer. This is not the first occurrence of a burnout episode but it's the most severe. Before my autism diagnosis I had received multiple rounds of therapy for depression, but in hindsight they also were burnout episodes.
Furthermore I'm a (married) parent and have a twin boy and girl 10yo which also have AuDHD which can be tough at moments, especially due to sensory overload and lack of energy.
The hard part is the acceptance of not being able to provide for my family anymore at this moment. Also a lot of past childhood trauma is resurfacing. I had two EMDR rounds in the past (last one 5 years ago) but they did not last and for my feeling they only treated a small part of my trauma.
A huge trigger for me was reading about out-toeing (as it is now recognized as a sign of autism just like walking on the toes). When I was a kid I had a bad case of out-toeing and walking on my toes. In this case my parents had NO idea this was related to autism or other medical reason. They thought this was a sign of misbehavior and thought that kicking my in my behind should solve this issue eventually. This happend almost daily when they brought me to school while walking. No only was this physically hurtful but I also felt really ashamed (because other kids and parents could see it).
Sadly I was also bullied at school for many years because I was an easy target, and people noticed I was different. At the peak of the bullying I had to endure daily physical and mental attacks coordinated by a group of people which made me their target and punching bag. I had no support at school because the teachers also turned a blind eye to the bullying.
The only thing my parents had to say to this situation is that I had to fought back, and if not I would also receive physical punishment at home. How could I fight back against a group of 7 people at the minimal and also how could I prevent being bullied when I did not know why I was being bullied?
This experience has led me to a very solitary life (I had no friends, anxiety to go outside, locked up on my room with my computer) and a lot of doubts about my worth. Even to this day.
This is not the only traumatic event in my life, but this is one of the more pronounced one at the moment.
Anyone also had a sort of same experience and how did you deal with it later in life?
Ik kwam gisterenavond een interessant filmpje tegen van Anton Petrov betreft dit onderwerp. Het gaat over het feit dat er volgens hem 2% van de bevolking last heeft van het zien van constante static noise (zoals bij een ouderwetse TV). Dit zou veroorzaakt worden door een overactief brein (of beter gezegd een overactive/overprikkelde visuele cortex) en het onvoldoende filteren van visuele informatie.
Ik heb altijd gedacht dat dit een fenomeen was dat iedereen had, net zoals een normale camera werkt en je duidelijke ruis ziet wanneer er niet genoeg licht is. Blijkbaar is dit niet het geval want bij mensen zonder dit syndroom wordt deze ruis weggefilterd.
Wat ik verder heb begrepen is dat dit syndroom een spectrum op zichzelf is, zo heeft de een enkel last van lichte ruis terwijl anderen ernstige ruis zien met nabeelden, lichtschitteringen en duidelijk verminderd nachtzicht. Ook kunnen mensen last hebben van tinnitus, lichtovergevoeligheid, migraine en slaapproblemen.
Gezien het feit hoe dit syndroom ontstaat in de hersenen leek mij dit iets wat wellicht vaker voorkomt bij neurodivergente mensen. Hier in dit huishouden hebben wij er blijkbaar alle vier last van. Dus ik vroeg mij af of meer mensen hier bekend zijn met dit syndroom en dit herkennen bij zichzelf?
Beste leden,
Deze avond zag ik veelvuldig een subreddit voorbij komen die de gemoederen bezig houdt. Ik snap jullie frustraties en de nood om mensen te beschermen.
Volgens de Reddit regels mogen er geen andere subreddits in een kwaad daglicht gezet worden omdat wij er anders zelf problemen door kunnen gaan krijgen. Derhalve zijn posts met een directe verwijzing dan ook verwijderd.
Aan de achterkant zijn er al de nodige acties uitgezet om de veiligheid van onze gebruikers te kunnen blijven waarborgen. Ik snap dat dat nu vervelend voelt, maar ook wij dienen de officiële regels en route te volgen.
Bedankt voor jullie begrip, en jullie zorgen zijn begrijpelijk en worden uiterst serieus genomen.
Beste communityleden,
Onze subreddit is een plek waar je je masker af kunt zetten en openlijk over je ervaringen kunt praten met anderen die hetzelfde meemaken. Het is belangrijk dat we die veiligheid bewaren. Daarom is het essentieel dat wat we hier delen, hier blijft.
We hebben de afgelopen tijd gemerkt dat sommige mensen onze community misbruiken. Ze kopiëren en delen verhalen van onze leden zonder toestemming en gebruiken ze om anderen belachelijk te maken of om hun eigen doelen te bereiken. Bovendien krijgen sommige leden ongevraagde uitnodigingen voor andere groepen via privéberichten.
Dit soort gedrag is niet acceptabel en ondermijnt de psychologische veiligheid van onze groep. Als moderators zullen we dit niet tolereren.
Dit zijn de stappen die we nu nemen:
We hebben een nieuwe regel ingevoerd: als iemand content uit onze groep haalt om elders problemen te veroorzaken of leden te targeten, kan deze persoon een ban verwachten.
We werken samen met de Reddit Admins om accounts en communities die onze community storen of onze leden lastigvallen, aan te pakken.
We hebben de beveiliging van onze subreddit verbeterd om ongewenste bezoekers buiten te houden.
Wat kan jij doen?
We kunnen niet in privéberichten kijken, dus we hebben jouw hulp nodig.
Als je een ongevraagde uitnodiging krijgt voor een andere groep met een onaangename toon of retoriek die onze veilige haven ondermijnt?
Of zie je dat jouw verhaal of dat van een ander lid elders op Reddit wordt misbruikt?
Reageer er dan niet op, maar maak een screenshot en stuur die naar ons via de Modmail. Dan kunnen we de betreffende accounts direct permanent uit onze community zetten en de nodige stappen nemen bij Reddit.
Laat je hierdoor niet ontmoedigen om je verhaal te delen. Deze community is voor jou en we zullen alles doen om onze veilige haven te beschermen.
Blijf veilig, Het Moderatorsteam
Edit:
Ik zie een aantal post met verwijzingen verschijnen. Deze zijn verwijderd omdat het volgens de Reddit regels niet is toegestaan om andere subreddits in een kwaad daglicht te zetten.
Hi there,
Seeking advice here because for the last two years I'm going through an autistic burnout / CPTSD. My wife is bipolar 1 and we are together for 21 years now. Furthermore we have two kids 10 yo with ADHD and ASS. Furthermore I had to quit my fulltime job due to the severeness of my current situation.
My wife went through a couple of manic episodes which were traumatic (affairs, hostility) for me which are also part of the reason why I'm struggling with CPTSD.
For the last 6 years she is on Lithium and she seems stable (no manic episodes).Though for the last couple of days I noticed a shift in her energy and mood.
Today seems like a perfect example. I just woke up and yesterday we agreed that I will take our daughter to school. No problems so far but now she also asked if I also want to go to the store right after that. I said no because I had a couple of rough days and didn't have the energy to also go to the store. At that moment her voice turned hostile and blamed me for not seeing that she also had done the dishes this morning and that everyone has to walk on eggshells because of my burn-out (since I'm very sensitive to sensory overload). So going to the store was the least I could do in her eyes. At the same time I'm doing my part, and sometimes more than I'm really able to do.
Eventually I capitulated and went to the store just to keep the peace and feeling guilty about the eggshell comment (even though I'm constantly aware of my overload and try to keep calm and try to whine as less as possible).
When we were home I again tried to talk about the previous moment (when I was waking up). That it was not necessary to get hostile when I'm only have been trying to state my boundaries (which is also necessary to recover from a burnout). This sadly went into a competition of who suffers the most. She totally had no empathy for my current situation and struggles while I was only trying to explain why I couldn't go to the store this morning.
I did not want to argue any further because I know it will end up in hurt, so I sucked it up.
5 minutes later she is all energetic and happy again and goes to the gym.
At the moment I'm alone at home I burst into tears and feeling bad because she said everyone has to walk on eggshells due to my burnout. I feel bad about my condition but at the same time I try really hard to stay calm (even when our house is a chaotic tornado most of the time) and when I snap I'm totally aware of my behavior and apologize. In her case like this morning it seems when I try to talk about her behavior it seems like she shifts it towards me? Like I said I was very calm and waking up and just stating my boundaries, so no need to get hostile I would think?
In the past I really had to fight to get an apology from her (had to come with a lot of evidence to let her see her behavior).
Now I'm just too tired to fight, and even doubting / feeling bad about myself.
Torbox made a statement concerning their recent outages and they said that 7 additional days will be added to your account. I already saw comments saying it has been added to their account but in my case I still haven't received the additional 7 days?
Are the more people that still haven't received the additional 7 days?
Hi there, for the last couple of months (1,5 years) I have been dealing with a severe autistic burnout, PTSS and a couple of anxiety disorders.
I'm 40 yo and have worked as a software engineer for the last 8 years. Now I am on sick leave and awaiting disability benefit. Furthermore I have a loving family and two kids with AuDHD both 10 yo.
I have my diagnosis for about 10 years now.
Since around 2 months I am attending a local autisme support group. The people are very diverse and nice though I am dealing with a lot of anxiety and still feel like an alien even within this group.
My most common problem is that when I try to speak I lose most of the context / right words/sentences that I had previously thought out. It feels like the moment I speak verbally my train of thoughts just disappears and I really feel like a dork afterwards because that what eventually came out was not entirely within context or a very simplistic version without the depth I exactly wanted to communicate.
Also I feel bad when people don't say hi or good bye and I often think it's because they think I'm weird or intellectually disabled (because they way I'm communicating verbally like described above).
One of the reasons I attend those meeting is hoping to make some friends because I don't have friends besides my own family.
I'm really struggling with this, and I can relativize it it's because of my anxiety, though I've dealed with this my whole life and it seems like I'm just boring / not interesting for people :(.
Anyone else can relate to such feelings / situations?
First and foremost, I love our 10-year-old twins dearly. I have a son (AuDHD with schizoaffective traits) and a daughter (ADHD and likely autistic as well, though not yet confirmed). My son has all subtypes of ADHD and has tried nearly every medication available. We eventually settled on Atomoxetine, as it seems to provide some benefit with manageable side effects.
Furthermore, my wife is likely on the spectrum and also manages bipolar disorder. I myself received an autism diagnosis nine years ago (shortly after my son was diagnosed).
The reality is that my children are incredibly hyperactive throughout the day, generating an overwhelming amount of sensory input. There is a significant synergy between the two; they feed off each other’s energy. Once they reach a certain level of activity, they are almost impossible to direct or slow down. These are the moments where they literally fly through the house like two screaming, running Tasmanian devils.
Of course, it is our duty as parents to guide them and keep them safe. There have been moments where they were so hyperactive that they literally fell on their faces or ran into walls. We try—in vain—to enforce rules like 'no running in the house' or 'watch where you’re walking.' Unfortunately, this is only followed for about 30 seconds before they are racing through the house again, and I have to remind them all over down. We have to remain alert all day because there is a constant threat of danger when they are that active; you can never truly 'switch off.' We’ve been trying this for years with very little change.
This has been the daily reality for years, to the point where I could no longer manage the combination of a full-time job and parenting. I had a mentally taxing job as a software developer, and the moment I got home, I stepped right back into a whirlwind of overstimulation. I managed to keep it up for a few years until I eventually collapsed with autistic burnout. Work was already exhausting me, but because of the situation at home, I simply had no reserves left to keep doing my job.
The only peace we had was when the children were in bed. In practice, this meant having maybe two free hours a day to try and recharge—which is, of course, nowhere near enough. You end up completely depleting your own reserves.
The children have participated in various therapies (PMT/Psychoeducation), but this has yielded little result because they find it difficult to apply what they’ve learned in practice. We’ve also had a home support worker from youth services for years, and we follow all the parenting advice 'by the book.' It just feels like there is no manual for our specific, complex, and dynamic situation. We know all the standard tips and have applied them consistently for years, but nothing seems to change. There are moments when the children are briefly aware of the dynamic, but like many things, after a minute it’s gone and everything starts all over again.
Apologies for the rant, but this is something that leaves my wife and me feeling incredibly despondent at times. My children have good hearts and we love them very much. It’s just that from a parenting perspective, it sometimes feels futile and powerless because the balance is completely gone and there is no perceptible improvement.
If it were just the hyperactivity, but they were slowly becoming more aware of their actions and the things we try to teach them, that would be one thing. But often, my wife and I are completely overruled, and there seems to be little understanding or consideration. I understand that children are less capable of being considerate, but that shouldn't mean the house becomes a lawless playground where they don't have to take anyone else into account, right?
I’m curious if there are people here in a similar situation who would like to share their experiences, as I haven’t found anyone in my immediate circles who is going through the same thing.
First and foremost, I love our 10-year-old twins dearly. I have a son (AuDHD with schizoaffective traits) and a daughter (ADHD and likely autistic as well, though not yet confirmed). My son has all subtypes of ADHD and has tried nearly every medication available. We eventually settled on Atomoxetine, as it seems to provide some benefit with manageable side effects.
Furthermore, my wife is likely on the spectrum and also manages bipolar disorder. I myself received an autism diagnosis nine years ago (shortly after my son was diagnosed).
The reality is that my children are incredibly hyperactive throughout the day, generating an overwhelming amount of sensory input. There is a significant synergy between the two; they feed off each other’s energy. Once they reach a certain level of activity, they are almost impossible to direct or slow down. These are the moments where they literally fly through the house like two screaming, running Tasmanian devils.
Of course, it is our duty as parents to guide them and keep them safe. There have been moments where they were so hyperactive that they literally fell on their faces or ran into walls. We try—in vain—to enforce rules like 'no running in the house' or 'watch where you’re walking.' Unfortunately, this is only followed for about 30 seconds before they are racing through the house again, and I have to remind them all over down. We have to remain alert all day because there is a constant threat of danger when they are that active; you can never truly 'switch off.' We’ve been trying this for years with very little change.
This has been the daily reality for years, to the point where I could no longer manage the combination of a full-time job and parenting. I had a mentally taxing job as a software developer, and the moment I got home, I stepped right back into a whirlwind of overstimulation. I managed to keep it up for a few years until I eventually collapsed with autistic burnout. Work was already exhausting me, but because of the situation at home, I simply had no reserves left to keep doing my job.
The only peace we had was when the children were in bed. In practice, this meant having maybe two free hours a day to try and recharge—which is, of course, nowhere near enough. You end up completely depleting your own reserves.
The children have participated in various therapies (PMT/Psychoeducation), but this has yielded little result because they find it difficult to apply what they’ve learned in practice. We’ve also had a home support worker from youth services for years, and we follow all the parenting advice 'by the book.' It just feels like there is no manual for our specific, complex, and dynamic situation. We know all the standard tips and have applied them consistently for years, but nothing seems to change. There are moments when the children are briefly aware of the dynamic, but like many things, after a minute it’s gone and everything starts all over again.
Apologies for the rant, but this is something that leaves my wife and me feeling incredibly despondent at times. My children have good hearts and we love them very much. It’s just that from a parenting perspective, it sometimes feels futile and powerless because the balance is completely gone and there is no perceptible improvement.
If it were just the hyperactivity, but they were slowly becoming more aware of their actions and the things we try to teach them, that would be one thing. But often, my wife and I are completely overruled, and there seems to be little understanding or consideration. I understand that children are less capable of being considerate, but that shouldn't mean the house becomes a lawless playground where they don't have to take anyone else into account, right?
I’m curious if there are people here in a similar situation who would like to share their experiences, as I haven’t found anyone in my immediate circles who is going through the same thing.