u/deadmeme45

Hey, I already checked the previous posts on this subreddit, but I still wanted to ask for some YouTubers because some of the suggested channels aren’t quite active anymore.

I’m looking for gothic YouTubers who focus mainly on music: new music updates, band deep dives, the lore/history of goth bands etc. I follow many goth YouTubers who make video essays on social politics (which is cool), as well as others who show their thrifting, makeup, and DIYs. But right now, I’m exclusively looking for a music-oriented channel on YouTube.

I’d be happy for any help or recommendations! 🖤

Ich suche ruhige Bars in Frankfurt, wo man gut miteinander reden kann :) mit langen Öffnungszeiten

Hello fellow Goths!

I wanted to ask y‘all if you could give me some suggestions for online shops that do not sell fast fashion because I feel like most online shops are fast fashion oriented (Shein, Temu, Aliexpress are obvious but also Killstar and others are fast fashion). I try to thrift most of the time but sometimes it‘s hard to find what I‘m searching for in the thrift store which is why I also want to try some online sellers that are ethical , affordable, good quality and not fast fashion.

I was diagnosed with CPTSD and depression, but I feel like my CPTSD is the more dominant issue because it is the reason behind my depression. I was in therapy for 10 years, and I reached a point where I have to pause therapy for at least a year because my insurance will not cover the costs anymore. Right now, I am in a phase where I really want to get better. I am stable enough to manage my everyday life, like going to work, studying for university, etc. - but my CPTSD makes it extremely difficult for me to truly live in the present moment.

Most of the time, multiple traumas come back into my thoughts, and I suddenly feel all those emotions again, as if everything happened yesterday.

I wanted to ask you all how you deal with your multiple traumas. I really want to feel happy, but my past makes it incredibly difficult.

I lost my older brother when I was young, and the cause of his death is still unclear. Even murder is a possibility (this happened in Afghanistan, where the circumstances surrounding his death were never fully explained. It is a long story). I could never attend his funeral, and because of the political situation in Afghanistan and because I am a woman, I cannot visit his grave. His grave was even violated by religious extremists, so I never had the chance to properly say goodbye to him.

My family's situation was a mess. There was a lot of violence and trauma. My father hit my mother, and I grew up with an emotionally unavailable mother who emotionally abused me. I also witnessed violence from other family members when I was a child.

My other brother, who is still alive, has schizophrenia and is mentally disabled, which was also very difficult for me. After the death of my older brother, I had to take over many family responsibilities, like dealing with authorities and organizing things, because my brother with schizophrenia was not able to help and my parents are immigrants. They depended on me a lot, even though I was only 14 years old.

I was bullied for 10 years straight in school, and I was also physically abused by my classmates. The bullying was constant and there was no real interruption. There was not a single year where I was NOT bullied by others.

I developed anorexia in my early 20s because of toxic people I was dealing with while I was active in a political group. I also experienced trauma through this group. It was another situation where I experienced bullying.

My niece (the daughter of my deceased brother) was groomed by her stepfather. Afterwards, many members of her own biological family (on the mother side of her family) called her a "hoe" on the internet because she had been groomed and ran away with him to have a relationship with her stepfather shortly after turning 18. Her mother made TikToks about my niece where she called her a "hoe". Those videos went viral, with thousands of people watching them, and many strangers insulted my niece. I see my niece as the victim in this whole story, not as the villian. I had a huge fight with her mother because of this. This experience was another trauma for me.

Losing my brother's child to the person who groomed her was extremely painful. Even today, nobody knows where she is. Because of conflicts between my family and my brother's ex-wife, it was also difficult for me to see my niece regularly, which was very painful. She was like a younger sister to me because I was very young when I became an aunt (my brothers are 20 years older than me).

Then, last year, I experienced another trauma caused by my ex-friends, who emotionally abused me. I had a dissociation episode, and my friend left me alone while we were on vacation together. I dissociated so strongly that I completely lost my sense of orientation and got on the wrong train. Then another wrong train, and another one. I could not find my way home and wandered around for 12 hours, getting more and more lost while dissociated and totally helpless. Later, when I was in a mental health facility, my ex-friends bullied me and ended the friendship. Before ending the friendship, they made sure to hurt me deeply by telling me that I should "just kill myself" when I was so vunerable inside this mental health hospital.

During my time in this mental health facility, I also had many traumatic experiences with psychiatrists, nurses, and other patients. One patient sexually harassed me, but it was not a sexual assault but still traumatic.

The trauma from last year, especially the experiences with my ex-friends, affects me the most because it is the newest trauma and something I am still recovering from. But I also regularly experience flashbacks from the other traumatic periods of my life.

It is just so painful. I am exhausted from carrying all this trauma that never seems to end. I am constantly in an alarm state and afraid of the future because I do not want to experience more trauma.

Because of what happened last year, I became much more careful around people. This is why I do not share much about myself with the friends I still have. I do still have friends, just not the toxic friends from last year anymore. But right now, talking openly with friends is not really a resource I can use to deal with my trauma because I need time to recover and learn to trust people again.

I am still socially active. I meet people and friends, and I try to maintain hobbies and do things that bring me joy from time to time. During better periods, when my depression is not as severe, I try to keep a healthy sleep schedule, I do journaling and take care of my mental health.

But the flashbacks and the inner monologue where I replay my past emotions are constantly there, even during times when my depression is not so prevelant. It is always very hard for me to relax mentally.

So I wanted to ask you all: What are your strategies for dealing with multiple traumas? What helped you? And will there eventually be a time when people with CPTSD can recover from all the trauma they experienced in the past, so they can finally feel free?

I have never met an ENTP before in my life, which is why I came across this subreddit. I heard you guys like to debate A LOT. So let's debate together. I also heard that many ENTP's tend to be centrists. So do you guys are afraid to form a real political opinion?

Disclaimer: This is just for fun. I want to tease you a bit because I want to see if the stereotyp about ENTP of being a debater is true or not lol