u/defeated_husband

Pretty much the title.

We needed a few things, so my son and I stopped at the store after football practice. While not on my "list" I wanted to pick up hamburger buns as we have several things that can be eaten on those.

We get home and my wife starts grilling me about the damn hamburger buns. Wanting to know why I got them.

Thing is, we are very comfortable financially. And I'm very conscious about what I spend money on, so there isn't a history of me wasting money on stupid shit. Not to mention the buns were about $4 per bag.

Any other husbands/partners experience this?

I know this is a pretty common joke told by women. Just curious if men get upset when their wife includes them in the number of kids she has at home?

"oh, I have 3 kids at home. 4 if you include husband"

I know that the useless husband is one of the most common marriage tropes out there, and I don't get bothered by it. Just wasn't sure if there were husbands out there really putting in the work and getting offended when lumped in with the kids.

I was asked to help coach my son's 8th grade football team and we started practice this week. Let's just say it's been frustrating.

Half the team acts like they don't even want to be there. They give very little effort and are not receptive to coaching.

Unfortunately, we have a small team so we can't just bench them or remove them from the team.

How do I help turn this around?

Not here to rant or complain. Just putting this out into the universe.

Been in a dead bedroom/roommate marriage for about two years. Had an amazing dream last night that my wife was loving and affectionate. Wasn't a sex dream but lots of kissing and physical contact.

After I woke up I felt like all of the callouses and protections I've built up were gone and the pain and loneliness was so fresh again.

Awesome dream, but at a Hell of a cost. 😥

My daughter is very involved in athletics. We have recently run into an issue with showering after games and practices. She will lay in her own filth, in her game/practice gear for hours. I try to get her to take a shower and change clothes, but she fights me every time.

How do I get her to understand that showering is not optional?

ETA - Too many comments to reply to, so I'll update here.

She will be 14 in October.

She does spend a fair amount of time on her phone.

Last night she was home for 6 hours before finally taking a shower. More than enough time to rest. Even then she fought me on it.

I haven't noticed any odors or stains on the furniture. I'm just trying to teach her good personal hygiene.

She's usually a great kid, so I don't want to be a prick about this.

Thank you for your advice!

So, I've posted before about the lack of intimacy in my marriage. The other day my wife gave me a little kiss in front of the kids, and when our daughter said, "Ewww" my wife kissed me again.

The next day I was trying to be positive about it and told her that it was really nice and we should do that more often. She just replied with, "I'm really trying."

My question is WTF does that even mean? She has to try to be affectionate? To love me? To make me feel loved?

It was barely a peck on the lips. I didn't realize that required so much effort.

I mean, I appreciate that she's "trying" but it made me feel like loving me is some kind of chore or homework assignment. Am I crazy here?

TL;DR Wife has to "try" to be affectionate and I don't understand.

I've been in a "roommate marriage" for the past two years. This has included 0 affection or saying "I love you".

Recently I jumped through a lot of hoops and did all of the legwork to get my wife her refill on her migraine meds after we changed insurance and she failed to ask for a refill last week. When I emailed her to let her know that her meds were ready she replied with "Thank you. I love you."

Thing is, I can't honestly remember the last time she said or even typed that. Probably about as long as it's been since the last time we were intimate.

Do I use this as an opportunity to tell her how unhappy and unloved I've felt? Or just let it go? I'm afraid that it's going to start a fight, but won't actually change anything.

Also, divorce is not an option. We have kids and I refuse to only see them part-time.

Thank you in advance.

I (49M) recently changed jobs and I carry the insurance. As soon as I was able I gave the information to my wife (46F) so she could refill her migraine medication. This was last week.

Well, she never called her doctor to get it refilled and is now in the middle of a massive migraine. As soon as I get home from work today she started jumping down my throat so I told her to stop snapping at me. She got defensive and asked me what I would do in her situation and I said I'd have called to get it refilled last week.

I'm torn because I know she's in a lot of pain, but at the same time I'm not the one who neglected to get my meds refilled.

AITAH?

My wife and I are approaching our 20th wedding anniversary. We're also approaching 2 years with no intimacy. She'll give me a quick hug when it suits her, but there hasn't been anything beyond that (including kissing) since October of '24.

Some details. I'm 49, she's 46. We have 13-year-old triplets that largely take care of themselves. We do share the chores. I'm always helping with things like laundry, dishes, cooking etc.

I do admit that I've put on some weight over the years, so I can understand if her attraction to me has diminished. For that reason I haven't tried to push the issue of sex or intimacy.

The thing is, while I signed up for a monogamous relationship I did not sign up to be celibate. The lack of intimacy is severely impacting my mental health. I feel alone and useless. The thought of using life's self checkout has even made it's way into my head.

The messed up thing is that I don't even want anyone else. If she gave me permission to get it elsewhere I wouldn't. She's the only one I want. Divorce is also not on the table. I refuse to only see my kids part time.

So, what do I do? I've brought this up multiple times and she promises to "do better" but nothing has changed. I understand she is likely going through perimenopause, so I don't push the issue of actual intercourse, but how do I get her to kiss me once in a while? Or even tell me that she loves me? I feel like my soul is dieing a little more every day.

TL;DR Complete lack of intimacy and I'm nearing the end of my rope.

ETA - while I'm still heavier than I was when we got married, I have lost 65 lbs over the past year. Unfortunately that hasn't impacted our sex life.

Just curious if anyone else likes to throw back a few cocktails and see how you can do in the game!

Ok, so my wife and I (both mid/late 40s) have been married for 20 years and together for 25. Our bedroom has been dead for the past two. Not just dead. Cremated and spread at sea. Practically 0 affection at all. I can count how many times she's kissed me during that time one one hand, and they were all like the kind of kiss you'd get from your mom. 😕

There's also an issue of us not spending much time together unless it has to do with the kids. Well, today the kids are all gone for a class trip, so I asked if she wanted to come along to the race track where I sing the National Anthem. I don't insist that we stay for the whole time, or even 1 race, but the pre-race is cool. I have full access to the facility, so we're able to check out a lot of cool stuff. They also feed us, and everyone is usually down for a free lunch. She said no. Not that she had other things she needed or wanted to do, because there wasn't. She just didn't want to go.

Well, I just got back from the track. National Anthem went off without a hitch. But as soon as I walked through the door she starts griping at me about a new video game I bought. I'm not a super huge gamer or anything, but I like to play racing games sometimes and that's what I bought.

She started going in on me about spending money on something like that, saying the game is for children and that I need to find grown up hobbies. I just told her that if she actually expressed interest in spending time with me I wouldn't have to resort to video games.

That was enough for her and she left.

AITAH for basically telling my wife that I had to resort to childish hobbies because she basically abandoned me?

Also, this is not a financial issue. Will live pretty comfortably and buying one game isn't going to come close to breaking us.

Been in a dead bedroom for nearly two years, and I finally get it.

When your wife "friendzones" you, there's nothing you can do to fix it. Gifts, taking on a larger portion of the housework, kind words, date nights. None of it works.

So I'm just wondering if I'm just being cynical or if this is truly how things are now?

Been in a dead bedroom for nearly two years, and I finally get it.

When your wife "friendzones" you, there's nothing you can do to fix it. Gifts, taking on a larger portion of the housework, kind words, date nights. None of it works.

So I'm just wondering if I'm just being cynical or if this is truly how things are now.

TLDR Ramped up EVERYTHING at home and still no intimacy. Cynicism or real world?

A while back I posted about my wife not liking my beard. The overwhelming feedback, with a few exceptions was that I should shave it off if that's what she likes and I shouldn't complain about a lack of intimacy if I chose to keep it.

About a year ago I grew my hair back out a little because she doesn't like the way I look with a shaved head. Keep in mind that I have a receding hairline and a bald spot. Keeping my hair was a losing battle and I had been shaving my head for years.

Fast forward to now. Hair that I hate dealing with and "styling" and no beard. The real kick to the nuts is that nothing has changed. Still no intimacy and very little affection.

So, I'm done. Shaved my head today and I made the decision to grow my beard back. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? No intimacy or affection? Been living with that for 18 months already. Can't imagine it could get worse.

A while back I posted about my wife not liking my beard. The overwhelming feedback, with a few exceptions was that I should shave it off if that's what she likes and I shouldn't complain about a lack of intimacy if I chose to keep it.

About a year ago I grew my hair back out a little because she doesn't like the way I look with a shaved head. Keep in mind that I have a receding hairline and a bald spot. Keeping my hair was a losing battle and I had been shaving my head for years.

Fast forward to now. Hair that I hate dealing with and "styling" and no beard. The real kick to the nuts is that nothing has changed. Still no intimacy and very little affection.

So, I'm done. Shaved my head today and I made the decision to grow my beard back. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? No intimacy or affection? Been living with that for 18 months already. Can't imagine it could get worse.