Asking about my little brother's ARFID: Best ways I can help and support him as his big sis? And should any changes be made? Also, your childhood experiences please!!!!!
Hello everyone, first of all, sorry if there's anything wrong with my post!!!! I read through the rules and skimmed some posts for a minute but I'm very new here!
So, my brother is 13 (i'm 18 btw) and he has always had "weird eating habits" that me and our mom thought he would grow out of eventually, but he never has. In recent years I learned what ARFID is, and I immediately knew my brother fit the description. The reason why I'm here is because he's officially a TEEN now (oh my goodness they grow up so fast) and since his diet has barely changed at all, I've been a bit worried about him and the potential effects his diet could have on him. I'm not asking for medical advice of course, I would just really like to hear the experiences of other people who have grown up with ARFID (you guys!)
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I'll go ahead and describe his diet in this section: He is disgusted by any "real" food that is offered to him, smelling my food or having my food be put near him, and he also avoids water as much as he can (he drinks sweet tea and white milk every day, some days he'll be more open to water than others. in the past, my mom would give him a spray bottle because he enjoyed drinking water that way, but he doesn't do that anymore.)
HIS SAFE FOODS:
- CHIPS (specifically blue doritos every day, sometimes red i think, more recently blue takis, and occasionally pringles and maaaaybe fritos. NO different/weird flavors, which i mean, i agree.),
- CRACKERS (original cheez-its, goldfish/extra cheddar goldfish, graham crackers/teddy grahams, at one point wheat thins but i dont think we get them anymore?, and peanut butter crackers and ritz crackers
- DRY CEREAL (rarely ever in milk, he hates when it gets soggy and then he will only eat like half. he mainly eats lucky charms, apple jacks, and cinnamon squares dry, and i've seen him eat honey bunches of oats in milk. btw honey bunches of oats is awesome.)
- SLICES OF CHEDDAR CHEESE, NO OTHER CHEESE (he likes to have a slice of cheddar cheese on the side of his plate, usually breaking off a piece and then eating it on top of a cheez-it)
- SOME CANDIES AND MINI MARSHMALLOWS (his version of dessert is a tiny container of those teeny tiny marshmallows that you sprinkle on stuff, or skittles, or 3-5 mini starbursts, which i dont like at all. he also loves those valentines day heart shaped lollipops, which we have literally bought like 5 giant packs of lmao, and also smarties and various other tiny fruity candies)
- RED VELVET CUPCAKES (only red velvet, we have fought several times over whether or not the red velvet is the same as chocolate, because he hates chocolate lol. red velvet cupcake with vanilla frosting and sometimes pastel sprinkles if we're feeling festive. it's the only like.. pastry(?) thing he likes. my mom used to make him plain cookies [no chocolate chips] but it's been a while.)
- AIR FRIED FRIES OR FAST FOOD FRIES (our mom works at wendy's so he loves wendy's fries, he used to eat mcdonalds fries a lot, and he also likes the frozen bag fries that our mom gets. although i think he likes the crinkly ones more than the curly ones. he doesnt like any sauces with them, i dont think he's tried any before.)
- WENDY'S FROSTY (he enjoys a large wendy's frosty, which he will let melt and then drink)
- PEANUT BUTTER (he will have a scoop of peanut butter. i usually see him dipping apple jacks into it.)
NOPE FOODS:
- FRUIT (he's never had any fruit before, except maybe a couple tiny pieces of things that our mom had him try, but he didn't like it at all lol. all i remember was a tiny piece of watermelon at one point.)
- VEGETABLES (absolutely not. our mom cut up a baby carrot into tiny pieces one time but he just got frustrated and didn't try it. whenever i'm around him with a plate of vegetables he goes EEEEUGH IT SMELLS SO BAD GO AWAAAAAY. i eat a lot of broccoli and brussels sprouts so maybe he has a point lol.)
- MEAT (never had any meat before. our mom is vegetarian anyway and so he says he wants to be vegetarian too, our mom only gets meat for me lol.)
- SANDWICHES (i dont think hes ever tried sliced bread, so definitely no sandwiches)
- ANY POPULAR/RESTAURANT FOOD I GUESS (i'm making this a category bc i dont want the list to be too long lol, but i mean things like burgers, pizza, donuts, burritos/tacos, pasta, rice, etc.)
- POPULAR DESSERT THINGS (i think he's had a tiny bit of ice cream before but that's rare, he doesn't like cakes or pies or muffins or anything that has frosting or filling UNLESS IT'S A RED VELVET CUPCAKE OFC.)
- CHOCOLATE!!!!!!! (i couldve sworn at one point he liked chocolate, but then one day it started to disgust him and he would start gagging and spitting it out, so now he doesnt touch anything with chocolate. which tbh he didn't have very often before i dont think)
- POTATOES, UNLESS THEY'RE IN FRY FORM (i don't think hes ever tried mashed potatoes)
- MACARONI AND CHEESE (he is not touching that. the version our mom makes is like a large gelatinous cube anyway.)
- NUTS (what in the world. i don't like any nuts either, our mom does though.)
- BEANS (same as nuts.... beans and nuts are our moms thing lol. i like lima and navy beans, but i think all beans would disgust my brother, especially because of the smell.)
- GOOEY STUFF LIKE OATMEAL OR APPLESAUCE (he always eats with his fingers unless it's one of those rare milk-in-cereal days. i cant imagine him eating anything goopy.)
- ANYTHING ELSE (whatever else you can think of, there's a 99% it's on the nope list
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So, with that covered, I'm wondering if there is any problem with him only eating his safe foods? We were worried for a while about his digestion (sorry, tmi) but recently i think he's been pretty regular, so I'm not really sure if his diet is causing him harm? I'm happy to see him drinking water more often though lol, but his diet has been something me and our mom have been worried about for a long time, because nether of us really know why he likes the foods he does or how it affects him. For what it's worth though, he has recently gotten taller than me lol (im 5'0 so he's around 5'1-5'2, its so crazy) and he is an average weight.
Something I've noticed is that he gets really annoyed and frustrated whenever we try to get him to try something new. There have been some "new foods" that have entered the rotation, but it's usually like a same-food-different-label situation. I'm not sure if we should be encouraging him to try different foods, or if that'll just make him upset and maybe we should let him naturally try new things as the years go by? I really want what's best for him and I don't want him to be anxious about it or feel bad (about his eating habits, his weight, his body, anything), and I don't want him to lack nutrients or anything as he's growin' up (SO. FAST.) My brother has a very stubborn personality (I feel like our whole family does) and so it feels like the idea of any routines changing is some crazy fantasy. "Can I have doritos and cheez-its?" "Sure." every day lol.
Our mom is taking the approach of "maybe he'll try something at some point, maybe he wont. we'll just see what happens." and I'm not sure if that's the strategy or not 😭
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SORRY MY POST IS SO LONG AND WEIRDLY WRITTEN!!!! My main questions are what I wrote in the title lol. I'd also really like to here all of your experiences with being a kid who hates most foods and what helped you the most at the time. :D