u/dzwonnn

look at the clock, days idle by, ticking closer and closer to her eventual demise
nothing to it, there can't be
there can never be
failing everyone she meets
she hurts like it has a meaning, remembers the little she does like it has a meaning, what does she take herself for

I am not anything
just a speck of dust, nothing in everything
end my part in the rebellion
let it all be freer than it was before
win this game if I can't win anything else

drive it all home and show everyone who dared to love you that you're your own person, you will persevere in your goals despite their hearts
anyone who saw you in their dreams; thought about you when you weren't there or remembered a moment they felt joy spent with you long after it had elapsed, will see that it was for naught
you will all regret this
you will wish you had never met me

burden and encumber yourself, suffer like the pack mule you are, suffer like the burning star in the sky lighting up the galaxy you are, suffer with all your meaning. suffer in your beauty, suffer in your poetic pain

I don't want any worth anyway
have me as long as I am here, I always warned you I would disappear

absence just gives you clarity on your own thoughts and the ability to relish in the fact that you would be better off dead

it lets you sleep unbothered

god i wish i could be unconscious forever, alone

i hate myself. it's so fucking cringy to say out loud but i hate basically every aspect of myself.

i hate my fucking torso and shoulders that make me look fat in anything baggy, i hate my hair which makes me look fucking homeless but im not gonna cut it, i hate my limbs which have failed and disappointed me so often.

i hate my academic achievements, good, great even, but never the best. i hate my sports achievements, just physically gifted enough to qualify for the team but never to actually bring home a medal. i hate the fact that i have good friends whose company i enjoy, they should've gotten someone better. i hate that i can do whatever i want (practically) to my family, and they have to live with me because 'i'm their daughter'.

i hate my ability to forget everything on a whim. it's wonderful, i enjoy the feeling, i don't regret it, but it's a part of the me shackled with responsibilities she placed on her own back. i hate my personality, i hate the fact that i try to make friends with everyone, i hate that I want and i'm assertive where i shouldn't be and timid where i should be assertive.

i hate my privilege, it should've been given to someone more deserving. i hate that the people i cherish have it worse than me when they enjoy living so much more than i do. i hate the fact that i find good days where i dont think at all which make me think, 'hey, living's not that bad.'

and in those good days its not like everything's clearer. it's just a replacement of the grey fog with a rainbow coloured one, it's just living off adrenaline and high energy.

i like the fact that im insecure about myself. i should be. her body and head have nothing to be happy about.

i dont hate...me. i i mean i do hate my physical or mental health, relationships, achievments, or even personality communicating with others, or with the voices in my head.

still i feel like there's a core bit of me that'd remain the same throughout anything. everything on the top could rot and fade and i'd enjoy it. but there's something inherent about me that wouldn't die. i dont know her very well at all, i barely ever see her, maybe if i did, i'd hate her. but right now i don't. how do i let that piece live while killing the rest? 

today i went out, had fun with my friends and classmates, won an event i didnt think id win, got good marks in a test yesterday that id barely studied for, my parents didnt yell at me, i got to talk with my friends online, and i still. feel. like. fucking. cutting. myself. i want to cry, i keep breathing deep and shuddering, i feel so cold, but what reason do i have. im perfect, my life is perfect, envied by all, my skills are good, i am not but everything about me is, so why can't i just live with my privilege in peace? why why why why am i this fucking way i hate you i hate her she should've followed through with the plans

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

what is the maximum number of different things you can wear at once? like torn shirt, hoodie, bicycle helmet, boots, bla bla bla but what is the MAXIMUM number of things you've found an expie can wear?

What on earth am I supposed to do?

i want to do it on my collarbones so bad and my arms but i cant or people will notice....my thighs are a bit filled at this point and my chest scars heal too quick...even the styros on my torso heal in like 3 weeks somehow

Come on, don't leave me, it can't be that easy babe