u/emy_Juillet

For those of you who take lamotrigine for cyclothymia and/or BPD (I’ve been diagnosed with both), I’d really like to hear about your experience with missed doses.
I take lamotrigine twice a day, and yesterday was the first time I completely forgot my evening dose.

Yesterday was also an extremely difficult day emotionally because I’m currently grieving the loss of my father (4 months ago), which is actually why I forgot my medication in the first place.

This morning, I felt absolutely terrible. My mood dropped dramatically and I felt really, really unwell emotionally. Then I took my usual morning dose, and about two hours later I started feeling noticeably better. I know it could absolutely be a coincidence, especially considering how difficult yesterday was, but the timing really surprised me. It genuinely felt like missing that one dose had a significant impact, and then taking my morning dose seemed to help fairly quickly.

For those of you taking lamotrigine, especially twice a day: have you ever missed a single dose and noticed a pretty drastic change in your mood or emotional state afterward?

Yesterday, I insulted my partner during an argument, but I barely remember the argument itself. I know I insulted him, but I don’t remember what I said, what he said, or exactly what happened. Everything is incredibly blurry, almost like the situation happened, but at the same time, it didn’t.
The strangest part is that I genuinely feel like another person takes control of me. Like I completely lose control of myself, and someone else is taking over to protect me. It’s such a bizarre feeling. There’s a part of my mind telling me, “This doesn’t make sense. You need to stop. This isn’t okay.” But I have absolutely no control over what’s happening. It’s like I’m aware of it, but I can’t stop myself.
I think it’s connected to trauma. I was repeatedly told in the past that things were my fault because I reacted strongly. When I eventually tried to talk about something that was genuinely traumatic for me, I was completely invalidated. Now, when I feel blamed or invalidated in a similar situation, it’s like my brain immediately switches into survival mode.
I’m not trying to excuse what I did. I apologized, and I know I hurt him. I just genuinely don’t understand what happens to me in those moments.

For those of you who experience dissociation, what does it feel like for you? Have you ever had an episode where everything became extremely blurry afterward, including what you and the other person said? Do you also feel like another part of you takes over to protect you, while another part of your mind knows you need to stop but simply can’t?

Does anyone else always feel like the outsider in groups?
Whether it’s at university, work, or socially, I constantly feel like I don’t fit in or like I’m somehow being left out.
The weird thing is that when people actually get to know me, they often tell me I’m one of the nicest person they’ve met, that I’m energetic, generous, and caring. So I don’t understand why I always feel like I don’t belong.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing something without realizing it, or if I just don’t understand the way people interact in groups.
Does anyone else feel this way?

How do you react to stress with BPD?
Personally, I was doing much better since starting mood stabilizers, but right now I’m going through something in my life that is causing me a huge amount of stress and it feels like it has completely overwhelmed me.

I feel like I’ve become unbearable again. Today, I yelled, slammed a door, and threatened to take my own life because I felt trapped and miserable in a situation I feel forced to stay in. The anxiety and frustration have been incredibly intense.
The hardest part is knowing that I’m stuck in this situation for another year, and I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get through it. I feel like I’m losing control of my emotions again, and I’m scared of going back to that place.

I just need to get this off my chest.
I’ve been off work for the past few months after losing someone very close to me. It’s been one of the hardest periods of my life.

For the first time in a long while, I finally felt like I was getting better. I started taking a mood stabilizer, I’ve been in therapy, and I finally felt like I was finding myself again. I could actually feel myself healing.
Now my partner isn’t doing well, and I honestly don’t feel like I have the strength to carry anyone else right now. It feels like I’m still trying to keep my own head above water.

On top of that, I’m supposed to go back to work in a few weeks, and the anxiety is overwhelming.
I’m a teacher, and I used to genuinely love my job. But after moving and changing schools—from teaching in a city to teaching in a rural area—something changed. I don’t know if I still love it anymore. I’ve been questioning my entire career. The thought of going back fills me with dread. I’m scared the stress will send me right back to where I was mentally.
I’ve had a really hard time fitting in at this school. I know there are people there who appreciate me, but it’s not the same. At my previous school, I had coworkers I genuinely considered friends. It felt like I belonged somewhere. Now it feels like I have nothing tying me there.

I also feel completely out of place in my department. I don’t really connect with my colleagues, and I don’t feel like I fit in at all.

Lately I feel like I’m starting to spiral again.
Today I’ve just been incredibly anxious because everything is about to start over. I’m also going back to my master’s program at the same time, and honestly… I just don’t have it in me anymore.
Right now, I can’t see a way out.

I really need some advice.
The last few months have been incredibly hard after losing someone very close to me. I hit rock bottom, started taking a mood stabilizer (I'm bipolar type 2 and BPD) and began therapy. For the first time in a very long time, I finally feel like I’m healing. I’m not depressed most of the time anymore, and I feel like I’m slowly finding myself again.

Over the years, I gave so much of myself to help raise my partner’s children after their other parent disappeared ( by choice....).

I don’t regret it, but I lost myself in the process.

Now my partner is going through a very difficult time, and I honestly think he’s becoming depressed. I love him deeply and want to support him, but I’m scared I’ll lose myself all over again. I feel like I’m only just starting to come up for air, and I don’t know if I have the energy to carry someone else while I’m still rebuilding myself.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you support someone you love without losing yourself again?

I really need some advice.
The last few months have been incredibly hard after losing someone very close to me. I hit rock bottom, started taking a mood stabilizer, and began therapy. For the first time in a very long time, I finally feel like I’m healing. I’m not depressed most of the time anymore, and I feel like I’m slowly finding myself again.

Over the years, I gave so much of myself to help raise my partner’s children after their other parent disappeared ( by choice....).
.
I don’t regret it, but I lost myself in the process.

Now my partner is going through a very difficult time, and I honestly think he’s becoming depressed. I love him deeply and want to support him, but I’m scared I’ll lose myself all over again. I feel like I’m only just starting to come up for air, and I don’t know if I have the energy to carry someone else while I’m still rebuilding myself.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you support someone you love without losing yourself again?

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone here.

I haven’t been on Reddit for very long. I joined because I needed to feel like I wasn’t alone with BPD. And honestly, it’s making a huge difference.

I’m already doing the work. I’m in psychotherapy, I take medication, I read, I learn, and I genuinely try every day to understand and manage my disorder. But sometimes, simply seeing that someone else has felt the same thing, or making a post and getting one or two comments from people who truly get it, makes me feel so much less alone.

What has surprised me the most is how good it feels to know that when everything feels overwhelming, I can come here and just write. No filter. No pretending I’m okay. I don’t always feel comfortable telling my partner, my family, or even my friends exactly what I’m thinking or feeling. There are so many things I keep to myself because I’m afraid of how they’ll react or because I don’t want to overwhelm them.

But here, I feel like I can finally let those thoughts out. Even if I don’t get many replies, just writing them down and knowing that people here understand is incredibly comforting. I’ve realized that it’s making a much bigger difference in how I feel than I ever expected.

I also wanted to thank the people who don’t have BPD but still take the time to share their perspective. I recently received a comment from someone who had a loved one with BPD, and it genuinely helped me see things from another angle. Those perspectives are incredibly valuable too.

So I just wanted to put a little positivity out there today. If you’re reading this and you’re struggling, you’re not alone. I really believe people here understand each other in a way that’s hard to find elsewhere.

Thank you for helping me feel a little less alone. It means more than you probably realize. ❤️

I’m so tired of hearing, “Here we go again,” or “You’re overreacting.” I know there have been times when I reacted more intensely than I should have, and I take responsibility for that. But sometimes my reactions are valid. The problem is that once my emotions show, everything gets turned back on me, even when I didn’t start the conflict.

I’m in psychotherapy. I’m on mood stabilizers. I work hard every single day to manage my emotions. I use the coping strategies I’ve learned, I communicate them to my partner, and I genuinely put in the effort.
Today we had an argument that I didn’t start. He spoke to me harshly and even claimed I couldn’t remember something because I “wasn’t there,” even though we’d already been together for two years at the time. When I corrected him, suddenly I was the rude one.

Instead of arguing, I walked away, went to the bedroom, and calmed myself down because I didn’t want things to escalate. Then I heard him say, “Here we go again. It’s always the same.”
That broke me.

I used the exact coping skills I’ve been working so hard to learn, yet I’m still seen as the problem. It’s like no matter what I do, I’ll always be the one blamed for conflicts or for ruining the day.
I’m not angry anymore. I’m just exhausted and heartbroken. It feels like nothing I do changes how people see me.

Sometimes I just want to disappear because I can’t do this anymore. I’m trying so hard. I’m in therapy, I’m taking medication, and I’m doing everything people tell me to do, but it never seems to matter. It’s still so easy to blame me because of my history.
Honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can live with always carrying that label.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. I think I just need to get it out.
I’m so tired of constantly feeling like I’m not good enough. Like I disappoint the people around me, and every time something doesn’t go the way I hoped, it reinforces this belief that I’m somehow a bad person. Even when I genuinely try to do the right thing, it feels like I still get it wrong.

I’m actually pretty functional in environments with structure. At work, I’m okay. I know what’s expected of me, and I can do my job without too much trouble.
But when it comes to unstructured social situations or interpersonal relationships, it’s a completely different story. I become incredibly anxious. I’m constantly worried that I’ll say something weird, make someone uncomfortable, or somehow embarrass myself. The strange thing is… no one seems to notice. On the outside I probably look perfectly normal. On the inside, though, it feels like I’m falling apart while trying to keep it together.

Today, I pushed myself to do something that was really difficult for me.

Our neighbor is watching his son’s dog for a while. I have a rescue dog, and we’re working on helping him have more positive interactions with other dogs. This morning, I ran into my neighbor while we both had our dogs outside, and things actually went pretty well.
After I got home, I decided to go back without my dog and ask how long he’d be keeping his son’s dog and whether we could maybe let the dogs spend a little time together over the next few days so mine could build some positive experiences.

We ended up talking for about 30 minutes. For most people, that probably sounds completely ordinary. For me, it was a huge deal. I was anxious the entire time, but I was also really proud of myself for taking the initiative.

Earlier in the day, my boyfriend had mentioned that he was disappointed he hadn’t been there to see how the dogs interacted. Since he has our neighbor’s phone number (I don’t), I told the neighbor that when my boyfriend got home from work and had a chance to relax, he could text him if he wanted and maybe stop by. When I told my boyfriend later, he initially seemed fine with it.

Then now he told me that I had “imposed” something on him.He said I had put him in a position where he now had to text the neighbor and had basically committed him to going over there. But... My boyfriend enjoy sometimes spending times with my neighbor.

I tried to explain that this wasn’t my intention at all. I even told the neighbor it would only be if my boyfriend felt like it after work. I wasn’t trying to pressure anyone. The part that hurts is that this is probably the first time in our nine-year relationship that I’ve initiated something social like this. I almost never ask him to see people or make plans because social situations are so hard for me. Only Times I had tried it was always turn wierd with my friends or does not work...

Usually, he’s the one who plans things involving other people.

So...when I finally took the initiative to organize something as simple as a 30-minute dog meet-up (something that was incredibly difficult for me because of my social anxiety) being told that I had “imposed” it on him completely crushed me.

Maybe I’m venting at this point, but I’m just angry and exhausted. It feels like the one time I pushed through my fear and tried to make something happen, I somehow managed to get it wrong anyway.

Now I’m right back in that familiar mental spiral: See? You shouldn’t have tried. You always mess these things up. You’re not good at this. Don’t organize anything. Don’t initiate. You’ll just disappoint people.
I know this probably sounds like such a small situation. Rationally, I know it isn’t the end of the world.

But emotionally, it feels huge because it confirms a belief I’ve been fighting for years. that every time I step outside my comfort zone and try to connect with people, I somehow do it wrong.
I’m exhausted from feeling like I can’t even organize a simple 30-minute dog meet-up without believing I’ve failed somehow.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you stop every little misunderstanding from turning into proof that you’re fundamentally “bad” at being around people?

I know this post is a little long, but please take the time to read it if you can. I need to let this out with people who I feel might understand.
And more than anything, I would really appreciate hearing your experiences, your advice, your support, or how you were able to get through something similar.

I’m in therapy and working on this, but I’d love to know if anyone has experienced something similar. one of the hardest things I still struggle with is feeling like my emotions have been invalidated my entire life.

I was always “the intense one.” If I was angry, people would tell me, “No, you’re just sad" even il a was angry for real. If I said something was seriously wrong, I was told everyone feels that way sometimes. I knew they were trying to reassure me, but I also knew my experience wasn’t the same. I wasn’t looking for attention. I genuinely knew something wasn’t right.

I experienced childhood trauma (10 years old) and when I finally spoke about it 6 years layer I was basically told it wasn’t a big deal. The person who hurt me had already told a different version of what happened, so once again I wasn’t believed. That left a deep scar.

I never talked about that event again. Not with friends, not with a partner, not even with a therapist. I convinced myself it was my fault, that it was all in my head. When I say I never talked about it, I mean I truly never talked about it. I even lied to a psychiatrist who asked me if I had experienced trauma in my life.I said no.... I wasn’t able to say it. I just couldn’t do it. It might sound stupid, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it.

I stayed silent for another 15 years.
Fifteen years of having those memories. Fifteen years of telling myself it was my fault. Fifteen years of thinking that if I spoke up, I would destroy my family.
I said nothing.

The only reason I eventually talked about it was because my partner realized something was wrong. At the time, we had only been together for about a year. Today, we have been together for 10 years. He could see that I was struggling and gently encouraged me to open up.

I was 30 years old. I hadn’t talked about it since I was 15 or 16.

I was terrified. I was convinced nobody would believe me. I thought I would ruin everyone’s lives and that it was my responsibility to carry it alone.
Eventually, I was able to talk about it in therapy. Even today, it’s still incredibly difficult.

I was also able to bring it up with my family, but it created conflict. I felt like I was only partially believed, and like what happened was minimized. It always felt like there was a need to protect the other person.
It was always, “Yes, but you have to understand him. Poor him.” But I was never seen as the victim.
I don’t think my family ever truly saw me that way, even though I was.

I still carry a lot of hurt and anger about that, but I don’t say anything anymore. I’ve chosen to keep the peace.

As a teenager, I kept saying I needed help because I knew my emotions and reactions weren’t normal for me. People would answer, “Everyone has mood swings.” I know everyone has mood swings. I'm not stupid...That wasn’t what I was trying to say. I knew I was suffering in a way that went beyond that, but it was always minimized.

Later, I developed serious problems with alcohol and put myself in situations where I genuinely could have lost my life. Looking back, I sometimes wonder why nobody around me realized how bad things had become. I used to dream that someone would finally realize how much I was struggling and take me to the hospital. I didn’t have the courage to go myself because I was terrified of getting the diagnosis I already knew deep down I probably had. I was just so scared. But it never happened nobody take me to the hospital.

I think people assumed I was fine because I was successful. I did well in school, had a career, started a business, and worked on projects that people admired. On the outside, I looked like I had everything together. Inside, I was falling apart.

The only person who has consistently believed me is my partner of almost 10 years. He’s seen me at my absolute worst and never dismissed my pain.❤️

Even today, I still struggle with this. After a very traumatic event recently, I told my family I was afraid of how badly I was going to crash emotionally. I knew what was coming because I’ve lived through it before. The response was, once again, “Everyone has mood swings.” I finally looked at my mom and said, “I know everyone has mood swings. But do you hurt yourself when yours happen? Do yours get that bad?” She didn’t have an answer.

Today, whenever someone tells me that what I’m feeling isn’t real, or that I’m “actually” feeling something else, it affects me much more than it should. It immediately brings me back to a lifetime of not feeling heard or believed.

I’m working on this in therapy, but I’d really like to know if anyone else has struggled with this. How did you learn not to let invalidation affect you so deeply? What has helped you heal?
I think I just need to know I’m not alone.💖

I’m wondering if there are people here with borderline personality disorder who take lamotrigine and feel like it helps them.
I keep seeing people say that if you have BPD, lamotrigine is not supposed to help. My therapist also told me that it probably wouldn’t make a difference. But honestly… I feel noticeably better since taking it.
I had already made a post here because I was doing much worse after increasing my dose. I just wanted to update the people who replied to me and say thank you, because I went back to my previous dose about a week ago, and I’m feeling much better now.
I was previously diagnosed with bipolar type 2 (rapid cycling), but that diagnosis is currently being reconsidered and borderline personality disorder is being looked at more closely. I already had borderline traits mentioned in my previous diagnosis, so BPD has always been part of the conversation. The new assessment might conclude that it’s only BPD.
What confuses me is that I feel like lamotrigine is genuinely helping me. I’m much less depressed, I still have my triggers, but overall my mood swings feel less intense. I feel more stable, my depression has improved a lot, and my libido has come back.
I know medication affects everyone differently, but I’d really like to hear from people who have BPD and take lamotrigine. Did it help you? What symptoms did it improve (or not improve)?
I’m just trying to understand my own experience because everything I read seems to say it shouldn’t work for BPD, yet I feel like something has changed for the better.

Hi everyone,
I’m looking to hear about other people’s experiences with dissociation in BPD.
If you’re comfortable sharing, what do your dissociative symptoms feel like? How do they manifest for you? Or maybe you don’t experience dissociation at all?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your personal experiences. Thank you!

How your dissociative symptoms feel like? How do they manifest for you? Or maybe you don’t experience dissociation at all?

I’m wondering if there’s anyone here who has had a similar experience.

I was diagnosed almost 10 years ago with bipolar II disorder with rapid cycling and mixed episodes. At one point, my psychiatrist also mentioned cyclothymia, and I’ve also had borderline traits, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD noted over the years.
I’ve spent a long time trying to understand myself through the lens of bipolar II and learning about that diagnosis.

But recently, I’ve started seeing a new psychiatrist, and they think I might actually have borderline personality disorder instead, and that I may not have bipolar syndrome after all.
Honestly, I feel completely lost. Everything I’ve built my understanding on for the past years feels uncertain now, and I don’t know what diagnosis is actually accurate anymore.

Has anyone else gone through this kind of back-and-forth...being diagnosed with bipolar II and later told it might be BPD, or being diagnosed with BPD and later re-evaluated as bipolar II?

I’m wondering if there’s anyone here who has had a similar experience.

I was diagnosed almost 10 years ago with bipolar II disorder with rapid cycling and mixed episodes. At one point, my psychiatrist also mentioned cyclothymia, and I’ve also had borderline traits, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD noted over the years.
I’ve spent a long time trying to understand myself through the lens of bipolar II and learning about that diagnosis.

But recently, I’ve started seeing a new psychiatrist, and they think I might actually have borderline personality disorder instead, and that I may not have bipolar syndrome after all.

Honestly, I feel completely lost. Everything I’ve built my understanding on for the past years feels uncertain now, and I don’t know what diagnosis is actually accurate anymore.

Has anyone else gone through this kind of back-and-forth...being diagnosed with bipolar II and later told it might be BPD, or being diagnosed with BPD and later re-evaluated as bipolar II?

Has anyone experienced this while taking lamotrigine?
We’re currently trying to figure out whether this could be an allergic reaction to the medication, specifically a serious skin reaction.
I also have type 1 herpes in the genital area, so it’s already something that happens from time to time, but I feel like since starting lamotrigine, it’s coming back more often.
I’m also wondering if anyone has noticed more frequent herpes outbreaks while on lamotrigine. It would really help me to know if this tends to happen, because if the medication is making my outbreaks come back all the time, I’m not really interested in continuing it.
I’ve been feeling a bit lost since increasing my lamotrigine dose. I also posted this morning because I’ve been feeling really depressed since the increase. On top of that, this started happening, and I was also sick last week. It feels like nothing is really going right lately.

Has anyone experienced this while taking lamotrigine?

We’re currently trying to figure out whether this could be an allergic reaction to the medication, specifically a serious skin reaction.

I also have type 1 herpes in the genital area, so it’s already something that happens from time to time, but I feel like since starting lamotrigine, it’s coming back more often.

I’m also wondering if anyone has noticed more frequent herpes outbreaks while on lamotrigine. It would really help me to know if this tends to happen, because if the medication is making my outbreaks come back all the time, I’m not really interested in continuing it.

I’ve been feeling a bit lost since increasing my lamotrigine dose. I also posted this morning because I’ve been feeling really depressed since the increase. On top of that, this started happening, and I was also sick last week. It feels like nothing is really going right lately.