Eto ang palagi sinasabi saakin ng family ko, and I feel extremely pressured to get into the Big 4 (UP, UST, ADMU, DLSU) Because it feels like my future is also at stake on what university I'll be attending in the future.
Siguro hindi ko talaga tatanggapin if hindi ako nakapasok sa Big 4's. Baka sumama nalang ako kay mother sa US at dun nalang mag-aral hahahahayst.
For context, mga 17yo palang ang mga friends ko and yet nagbabar na sila and pumupunta sa condo ng ibang tao to do God-knows-what with older men. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Napapagod na ako sa nightlife culture, I'm starting to grow out of it and I just want to enjoy life without all the stress of dealing with these kind of friends haha. Nahihinayang lang talaga akong i-cut off sila cause theyre my day ones, They've seen me through ups and downs ever since 7th grade.
But recently, we've been becoming more and more exposed to bars, parties, raves and such... And I like drinking and partying too, just moderately. But my friends? sobrang gustong gusto nila... to the point doing intimate things feels very normal for them to do with a stranger.
Honestly, naaawa nalang ako sa mga magulang namin, Haha. I should really cut them off soon or else, I might become like them. 🤷♀️
Starting from April 10 to May 10, there was never a day na hindi kami nag-aaway or wala akong malalaman sa mga pagsinungalingan niya, and I fucking tolerated it all! fuckkkkkkk tangina buong katawan ko puno na puno na sa stress!!! you deserve what you tolerate talaga.
you deserve what you tolerate.
you deserve what you tolerate.
you deserve what you tolerate.
you deserve what you tolerate.
you deserve what you tolerate.
you deserve what you tolerate.
bakit ba ang hirap hirap mo pakawalan??? i miss you so much. everyones telling me to move on but its still you. tanggap ko na that were not meant for each other, pero gagi. gusto ko talagang pilitin na ikaw lang. i miss you, i miss us.
Problem/Goal: To give myself some peace of mind and let go of everything peacefully.
Context: I was lied for 5 months by my ex girlfriend who I still have hopes in having a future with :/
Long rant ahead with topics regarding partying, cheating, and hook-up culture.
I met this girl named Eya at a halloween party nung November 1. First meet palang, may nangyari na agad nung dinala niya ako sa CR kasama siya. For me at first, akala ko lang naman this was just going to be a one-night thing, na after that I won't be able to see her ever again kasi ganun naman talaga culture sa mga bar diba? But I was wrong, because after that night I messaged her on Instagram and thanked her for the wonderful experience we had together -- we kept talking on and off, sometimes just ghosting one another and then suddenly start talking nanaman. 3 weeks after our last meet, nag-aya siya na mag-inuman sa bahay niya, to my stupidity I agreed at ayun na nga, one thing led to another and something started after that.
Nung una, chill chill pa lang kami, parang FUBU lang naman yung tingin ko sakaniya, although she treated me so well like I was her girlfriend na. I should've seen the red flag coming, that she was loveboming but I really just thought it was just in her nature to act that way na inaalagaan niya lang ako ng maayos cause she willingly wants to. Ayoko naman kasi talaga ng relationship, pero ang tanga tanga ko din kasi uhaw na uhaw ako para sa attention and validation ng ibang tao, lalo na sa mga babae (mommy issues amiryt lmfao). Noon palang kahit wala pang kami, puro away na kami cause our label was very conflicting, lalo na kasi she tells me how much she loves me, she does everything for me -- anything you could consider a green flag, she did that.
Then came December 20, ilang beses na kami nag hahangout and ilang beses na akong natutulog sa bahay niya. We were forming so much attachments to one another. Nag-bar kami nun with some of our mutual friends, madaming guys na lumalapit saakin and thats where she snapped, nagalit siya to the point na nag-away kami kasi apparently she thought we were "M.U" na and there were things and feelings going between us. And honestly I blame myself for that kasi I kept just going with the flow and letting things happen between us, although I did clarify na I didn't want the responsibility of being in a relationship but my actions with her said so otherwise. So knowing na nagseselos siya sa guys na lumalapit sakin, I really thought that was her confessing to me, pero it turns out that was just apart of her manipulation -- Being territorial and possesive towards me kahit wala namang "kami". Although that night, we decided to make things official na agad agad and that was how we became girlfriends officially.
To be honest, puro away na kami araw-araw because I was often jealous of the girls she got with in the past. I had major retroactive jealousy as in, nag-aaway talaga kami pag may nalalaman ako tungkol sakanya at sa ex nya. Dapat pala noon pa lang, I should've taken that as a sign from my intuition kasi I'm not usually like that naman sa mga past lovers ko. Surprisingly, tumagal kami kahit araw-araw talaga kaming nag-aaway as in, and yung mga pinag-aawayan namin is sobrang surface level lang talaga na magagawa agad ng paraan. Dapat pala I should've just leave before things get even worse pero I couldn't, ako din kasi yung tanga na masyado nag enjoy sa intimate moments naming dalawa. Another major red flag I should've catched on quickly was that everytime we weren't on good terms, or pagkatapos palang ng away namin, mag-babar siya! As in she would block me and then malalaman ko nalang nag-iinuman na siya with her friends tapos may bago pang mga kausap! Once we were back in good terms she would tell me these stories about how she ended up being hit on with other people, like as in nakikisama siya hanggang sa dorm ng mga tao na yun and they played games such as drinking games, those would only infuriate my jealousy even more and may magsisimula nanaman ng away. What's even crazy is that most of these fights, she would blame me for crashing out! That I always doubt her and assume the worst in her, just because I expressed how bothered I was na nangyari yun! Looking back at it, I was so stupid cause ako din, I really did blame myself, ako pa nga nagsosorry kasi I crashed out on her as in sobrang galit ako sakanya tapos iiyak siya and then she would threaten to cut me off and then I would cry and beg her to stay, ganun kami noon araw-araw -- that cycle went on for months.
Fast forward to the present, ganun pa din siya, threaten to cut off palagi pag nag-aaway so I gave in nalang and stopped arguing sometimes and joked the situation that we argued about. But ofcourse, everyone has their limits to how much stress they could deal with. Pagod na kaming dalawa kakaaway and being stuck in that same cycle where we both say hurtful words to one another and make up after an hour of arguing, so on a random Monday where we weren't on good terms, nagbar nanaman siya! And met up with her friends that I told her I don't trust. And that was my fucking limit, kasi nung brining up ko yun, siya pa may nakuhang magalit! Hindi ko na nga siya inaaway and I kept trying to talk to her gently but she literally pushes me on my limit to them point I can't help but saying things that hurt the both of us. So ayun, sige na kasalanan ko nanaman, tanggap na tanggap ko nalang talaga para huwag siyang umalis kasi mahal na mahal ko talaga siya. We agreed on a 1 week cool off after that, then a few hours after that I stalked her threads account then saw na naghahanap siya ng kasama para mag inuman?!?! What's even worse was that she literally blocked me on my main account sa threads para lang hindi ko makita! So I confronted her about it and that's how things were completely done between us, blinock niya na ako talaga and I just didn't try to get in contact with her for a few hours.
During those times I suspected shit happening na talaga kaya nagcontact ako dun sa kaibigian niyang I was so skeptical of because of all the stories she told me about her, tapos ayun that friend told me everything that actually truly happened, with receipts! Eya's stories were one-sided all along and that's when I came to a realization I was being fucking played with! Ang kapal din ng muka niya kasi she tried to get that same friend to block me para wala akong malaman lol, buti nalang nag-usap kami tungkol sa side nya at lahat, tapos nun malalaman ko pa na nasa bar pa rin siya at that time we were literally arguing. After that discourse with her friend, I decided to reach out to her ex and find out the truth myself kasi gagi, sobra siya talaga mag sinungaling sakin, everything felt like a lie now and I remember lahat ng stories niya where she tried to paint everyone around her the bad guy. I messaged her ex on Instagram and that's where I started finding more about her lies, hindi naman ako todo nag kwento sa ex niya cause syempre I'm still doubting on whether who I should trust, pero yung nagkwento yung ex niya holy fucking shit we went through the same thing! Ganun din pala ginawa niya sa ex niya, yung mga pinaggagawa niya sakin was the same thing her ex went through all this time. I didn't even need to kwento ng madami to let her ex know what I went through, alam na alam niya kung ano yung nangyari! What's even crazier was that nag-uusap pala sila ng ex niya, meeting in person to fucking talk shit behind my back because this ex knew my exact fucking personal information such as my address, my school, ETC. Niyayabang niya pa na ginawa niya akong sugar mommy niya because I would always pay for our dates :/. After my conversation with her ex, everything felt connected, like totoo nga talaga yung mga kwento ng ex niya kasi I started noticing the flaws of Eya's one-sided stories and damn she fooled me so well. I don't doubt the stories of her ex, not even once and not how my gut felt like when listening to Eya's stories, that's how I knew her ex was telling the truth and that every story Eya told me was fake, I had been lied to all along.
Now, It's been a day since I found out about everything and I'm planning to her ex on Sunday so we could further discuss about what happened between them, and I'm planning to talk to Eya aswell sa Monday to confront her, and give myself some peace of mind to finally just confirm everything, I just hope she stops gaslighting and denying me so I don't look fucking crazy that makes up weird delusions when I literally have receipts. Although, Eya's friend and her ex told me that I shouldn't snitch on them but I really want to confront her because I want Eya to get better aswell, to improve and have some character development because I truly do care about her and honestly? Kahit ginawa niya yun, I still love her, I admire her even more now actually kasi sobrang talino niya talaga na kaya niya akong gawing tanga.
What should I do? Should I still talk to the both of them? I really want closure na talaga eh huhuhu, para makahinga din naman ako and leave all of this behind and find myself to forgive Eya and I for everything that's happened between us.
Long rant ahead with topics regarding partying, cheating, and hook-up culture
Hi, I'm Fae. I am/was 16 years old when I met this girl named Eya in a halloween party nung November 1. First meet palang, may nangyari na agad nung dinala niya ako sa CR kasama siya. For me at first, akala ko lang naman this was just going to be a one-night thing, na after that I won't be able to see her ever again kasi ganun naman talaga culture sa mga bar diba? But I was wrong, because after that night I messaged her on Instagram and thanked her for the wonderful experience we had together -- we kept talking on and off, sometimes just ghosting one another and then suddenly start talking nanaman. 3 weeks after our last meet, nag-aya siya na mag-inuman sa bahay niya, to my stupidity I agreed at ayun na nga, one thing led to another and something started after that.
Nung una, chill chill pa lang kami, parang FUBU lang naman yung tingin ko sakaniya, although she treated me so well like I was her girlfriend na. I should've seen the red flag coming, that she was loveboming but I really just thought it was just in her nature to act that way na inaalagaan niya lang ako ng maayos cause she willingly wants to. Ayoko naman kasi talaga ng relationship, pero ang tanga tanga ko din kasi uhaw na uhaw ako para sa attention and validation ng ibang tao, lalo na sa mga babae (mommy issues amiryt lmfao). Noon palang kahit wala pang kami, puro away na kami cause our label was very conflicting, lalo na kasi she tells me how much she loves me, she does everything for me -- anything you could consider a green flag, she did that.
Then came December 20, ilang beses na kami nag hahangout and ilang beses na akong natutulog sa bahay niya. We were forming so much attachments to one another. Nag-bar kami nun with some of our mutual friends, madaming guys na lumalapit saakin and thats where she snapped, nagalit siya to the point na nag-away kami kasi apparently she thought we were "M.U" na and there were things and feelings going between us. And honestly I blame myself for that kasi I kept just going with the flow and letting things happen between us, although I did clarify na I didn't want the responsibility of being in a relationship but my actions with her said so otherwise. So knowing na nagseselos siya sa guys na lumalapit sakin, I really thought that was her confessing to me, pero it turns out that was just apart of her manipulation -- Being territorial and possesive towards me kahit wala namang "kami". Although that night, we decided to make things official na agad agad and that was how we became girlfriends officially.
To be honest, puro away na kami araw-araw because I was often jealous of the girls she got with in the past. I had major retroactive jealousy as in, nag-aaway talaga kami pag may nalalaman ako tungkol sakanya at sa ex nya. Dapat pala noon pa lang, I should've taken that as a sign from my intuition kasi I'm not usually like that naman sa mga past lovers ko. Surprisingly, tumagal kami kahit araw-araw talaga kaming nag-aaway as in, and yung mga pinag-aawayan namin is sobrang surface level lang talaga na magagawa agad ng paraan. Dapat pala I should've just leave before things get even worse pero I couldn't, ako din kasi yung tanga na masyado nag enjoy sa intimate moments naming dalawa. Another major red flag I should've catched on quickly was that everytime we weren't on good terms, or pagkatapos palang ng away namin, mag-babar siya! As in she would block me and then malalaman ko nalang nag-iinuman na siya with her friends tapos may bago pang mga kausap! Once we were back in good terms she would tell me these stories about how she ended up being hit on with other people, like as in nakikisama siya hanggang sa dorm ng mga tao na yun and they played games such as drinking games, those would only infuriate my jealousy even more and may magsisimula nanaman ng away. What's even crazy is that most of these fights, she would blame me for crashing out! That I always doubt her and assume the worst in her, just because I expressed how bothered I was na nangyari yun! Looking back at it, I was so stupid cause ako din, I really did blame myself, ako pa nga nagsosorry kasi I crashed out on her as in sobrang galit ako sakanya tapos iiyak siya and then she would threaten to cut me off and then I would cry and beg her to stay, ganun kami noon araw-araw -- that cycle went on for months.
Fast forward to the present, ganun pa din siya, threaten to cut off palagi pag nag-aaway so I gave in nalang and stopped arguing sometimes and joked the situation that we argued about. But ofcourse, everyone has their limits to how much stress they could deal with. Pagod na kaming dalawa kakaaway and being stuck in that same cycle where we both say hurtful words to one another and make up after an hour of arguing, so on a random Monday where we weren't on good terms, nagbar nanaman siya! And met up with her friends that I told her I don't trust. And that was my fucking limit, kasi nung brining up ko yun, siya pa may nakuhang magalit! Hindi ko na nga siya inaaway and I kept trying to talk to her gently but she literally pushes me on my limit to them point I can't help but saying things that hurt the both of us. So ayun, sige na kasalanan ko nanaman, tanggap na tanggap ko nalang talaga para huwag siyang umalis kasi mahal na mahal ko talaga siya. We agreed on a 1 week cool off after that, then a few hours after that I stalked her threads account then saw na naghahanap siya ng kasama para mag inuman?!?! What's even worse was that she literally blocked me on my main account sa threads para lang hindi ko makita! So I confronted her about it and that's how things were completely done between us, blinock niya na ako talaga and I just didn't try to get in contact with her for a few hours.
During those times I suspected shit happening na talaga kaya nagcontact ako dun sa kaibigian niyang I was so skeptical of because of all the stories she told me about her, tapos ayun that friend told me everything that actually truly happened, with receipts! Eya's stories were one-sided all along and that's when I came to a realization I was being fucking played with! Ang kapal din ng muka niya kasi she tried to get that same friend to block me para wala akong malaman lol, buti nalang nag-usap kami tungkol sa side nya at lahat, tapos nun malalaman ko pa na nasa bar pa rin siya at that time we were literally arguing. After that discourse with her friend, I decided to reach out to her ex and find out the truth myself kasi gagi, sobra siya talaga mag sinungaling sakin, everything felt like a lie now and I remember lahat ng stories niya where she tried to paint everyone around her the bad guy. I messaged her ex on Instagram and that's where I started finding more about her lies, hindi naman ako todo nag kwento sa ex niya cause syempre I'm still doubting on whether who I should trust, pero yung nagkwento yung ex niya holy fucking shit we went through the same thing! Ganun din pala ginawa niya sa ex niya, yung mga pinaggagawa niya sakin was the same thing her ex went through all this time. I didn't even need to kwento ng madami to let her ex know what I went through, alam na alam niya kung ano yung nangyari! What's even crazier was that nag-uusap pala sila ng ex niya, meeting in person to fucking talk shit behind my back because this ex knew my exact fucking personal information such as my address, my school, ETC. Niyayabang niya pa na ginawa niya akong sugar mommy niya because I would always pay for our dates :/. After my conversation with her ex, everything felt connected, like totoo nga talaga yung mga kwento ng ex niya kasi I started noticing the flaws of Eya's one-sided stories and damn she fooled me so well. I don't doubt the stories of her ex, not even once and not how my gut felt like when listening to Eya's stories, that's how I knew her ex was telling the truth and that every story Eya told me was fake, I had been lied to all along.
Now, It's been a day since I found out about everything and I'm planning to her ex on Sunday so we could further discuss about what happened between them, and I'm planning to talk to Eya aswell sa Monday to confront her, and give myself some peace of mind to finally just confirm everything, I just hope she stops gaslighting and denying me so I don't look fucking crazy that makes up weird delusions when I literally have receipts. Although, Eya's friend and her ex told me that I shouldn't snitch on them but I really want to confront her because I want Eya to get better aswell, to improve and have some character development because I truly do care about her and honestly? Kahit ginawa niya yun, I still love her, I admire her even more now actually kasi sobrang talino niya talaga na kaya niya akong gawing tanga.
What should I do? Should I still talk to the both of them? I really want closure na talaga eh huhuhu, para makahinga din naman ako and leave all of this behind and find myself to forgive Eya and I for everything that's happened between us.