u/fawnpuke

Guys. I met my Guachichil ancestors a few days ago.

After a profound remothering act where I was having a panic attack I was able to soothe myself in the bathroom by forcing myself to listen to calming music on my headphones, running hot water on my hands to calm me, and by repeating calm affirmations, I was able to let my pelvis system naturally calm down enough to let the urine come out naturally instead of forcing the urine out of my terrified frozen pelvis muscle like I normally do. My pelvis muscle is naturally frozen because of father-daughter incest.

I had never remothered myself like that before. AND I did it in the bathroom, where most of my preverbal early trauma happened, where I used to have to use the own texture of my own feces to calm myself down

Then the ancestors were ready to reveal themselves to me because I had officially broken the cycle.

After the bathroom, I went back to my bedroom, blasted Arrival by Douglas Spotted Eagle, and sang the vocals out loud, automatically, even though I had never sang them out loud before. Yes, the vocals in that song are by Diné/Navajo people's, however, based on my research, the Guachichil ancestors used similar vocables & vocalizations.

When I sang those vocals out, I beat my chest, and I wept tears of joy. I felt my ancestors in the room, also singing back to me, also beating their chest, and weeping tears of joy, because I carried their warrior spirit all the way home.

It was the most beautiful moment of my life, and the most cathartic cry I had ever had.

Guys. I met my Guachichil ancestors a few days ago.

After a profound remothering act where I was having a panic attack I was able to soothe myself in the bathroom by forcing myself to listen to calming music on my headphones, running hot water on my hands to calm me, and by repeating calm affirmations, I was able to let my pelvis system naturally calm down enough to let the urine come out naturally instead of forcing the urine out of my terrified frozen pelvis muscle like I normally do. My pelvis muscle is naturally frozen because of father-daughter incest.

I had never remothered myself like that before. AND I did it in the bathroom, where most of my preverbal early trauma happened, where I used to have to use the own texture of my own feces to calm myself down

Then the ancestors were ready to reveal themselves to me because I had officially broken the cycle.

After the bathroom, I went back to my bedroom, blasted Arrival by Douglas Spotted Eagle, and sang the vocals out loud, automatically, even though I had never sang them out loud before. Yes, the vocals in that song are by Diné/Navajo people's, however, based on my research, the Guachichil ancestors used similar vocables & vocalizations.

When I sang those vocals out, I beat my chest, and I wept tears of joy. I felt my ancestors in the room, also singing back to me, also beating their chest, and weeping tears of joy, because I carried their warrior spirit all the way home.

It was the most beautiful moment of my life, and the most cathartic cry I had ever had.