u/fdoug34

Hi. I’m 34f and I need to stop dating for a while.

Context: I had been dating this person for not a long time. And I noticed that my panic attacks became more frequent because I wanted us to talk more. Their life became a little bit much, and I understood that. The thing is, when they go through a lot they tend to not communicate. They was a time they were dating someone else as well. I was okay with it because we had just met. But they kept fighting about me, and so they said they let me go just for the sake of peace. And I felt really abandoned because they didn’t tell me this until a week before my surgery. We’ve already talked about them doing that and that it makes me upset. They said they heard me and they would adjust.

It’s not just the lack of communication. I’ve noticed that when I flirt, they don’t flirt back anymore. And one time I was having really bad panic attack and we talked about it, they said “my best friend has bpd. But you are something else.” And that really broke me because it made me feel like I was really making their life miserable. We ended the conversation and I felt like my gut was sinking.

We agreed to meet tuesday. I did not hear from them sunday. So I text them monday saying I hope they have a good day. No reply. Tuesday came and I heard nothing from them.

Wednesday, I had a dream about them right before I woke up. And needless to say, the panic was overwhelming. The dream was rather uneventful, but they were there. And I couldn’t handle it anymore, I decided to block them. I felt guilty because I thought that was uncalled for. But I already knew it wasn’t going to work out. The guilt sometimes gets me, like right now, and I want to reach out again. But I have felt like I’m the only one planning our dates and reaching out. Also, we’ve already talked about this same issue many times before, I did not and do not feel like I have to keep explaining myself, but also I don’t want to be the A-hole.

I’m tempted to download a dating app again and start dating. It’s a problem because I had just had surgery on my neck. My finances are shit, but I am on the path of financially recovering. I can’t drive as of yet. I know in my head I am in no position to date. Last year I got into a relationship that was toxic if not abusive. This coming fall I will go back to school. Meanwhile, I’ve joined support groups and I go every morning. Needless to say, I have a lot going on.

But there’s still this deep longing to have romance and intimacy in my life and it takes over me sometimes. How do you guys deal with it?

Hi. I’m 34f and I need to stop dating for a while.

Context: I had been dating this person for not a long time. And I noticed that my panic attacks became more frequent because I wanted us to talk more. Their life became a little bit much, and I understood that. The thing is, when they go through a lot they tend to not communicate. They was a time they were dating someone else as well. I was okay with it because we had just met. But they kept fighting about me, and so they said they let me go just for the sake of peace. And I felt really abandoned because they didn’t tell me this until a week before my surgery. We’ve already talked about them doing that and that it makes me upset. They said they heard me and they would adjust.

It’s not just the lack of communication. I’ve noticed that when I flirt, they don’t flirt back anymore. And one time I was having really bad panic attack and we talked about it, they said “my best friend has bpd. But you are something else.” And that really broke me because it made me feel like I was really making their life miserable. We ended the conversation and I felt like my gut was sinking.

We agreed to meet tuesday. I did not hear from them sunday. So I text them monday saying I hope they have a good day. No reply. Tuesday came and I heard nothing from them.

Wednesday, I had a dream about them right before I woke up. And needless to say, the panic was overwhelming. The dream was rather uneventful, but they were there. And I couldn’t handle it anymore, I decided to block them. I felt guilty because I thought that was uncalled for. But I already knew it wasn’t going to work out. The guilt sometimes gets me, like right now, and I want to reach out again. But I have felt like I’m the only one planning our dates and reaching out. Also, we’ve already talked about this same issue many times before, I did not and do not feel like I have to keep explaining myself, but also I don’t want to be the A-hole.

I’m tempted to download a dating app again and start dating. It’s a problem because I had just had surgery on my neck. My finances are shit, but I am on the path of financially recovering. I can’t drive as of yet. I know in my head I am in no position to date. Last year I got into a relationship that was toxic if not abusive. This coming fall I will go back to school. Meanwhile, I’ve joined support groups and I go every morning. Needless to say, I have a lot going on.

But there’s still this deep longing to have romance and intimacy in my life and it takes over me sometimes. How do you guys deal with it?

Hey all.

Let me just say right here that I’m gay. And for the past 2 months I’ve been feeling like I’m living a double life. I’ve been hanging out with this person. What adds to the drama of this situation is that I have BPD. And it affects almost every aspect of my life.

Also, I just had surgery on my neck 3 weeks ago.

Right now I’m going through a season of healing. And I’m finding myself obsessing over this person. I try to shift my focus back to Jesus, but my brain just keeps going back to my friendship with this person.

Because of my mental health, I struggle a lot with depression and unsteady relationships. I have a very black and white thinking and I think in extremes. I know I have a lot of work to do.

I feel really torn up inside. I’ve been feeling this way for a few days now. Can anyone help me figure this out? Thanks

Hi, I’m 35f and I’ve been in ACA for 4 months. I picked my sponsor because they’ve been in the program for over 30 years. We’re both Christian so we share to each other scripture and prayers.

Sometimes I feel like they over-christianify everything. For example, today I had a really bad episode because the person I’m seeing actually doesn’t feel the same way about me. So I still am feeling really abandoned and rejected. So I express this to her and she just keeps saying “go in the word. There’s scripture for exactly how you feel. When I’m in the word I just feel his love all around me.” And I’m always thinking like “okay, that’s great. How is that helping me understand my emotions right now?”

And I think I may have been curt. And I think I’m just annoyed because there have been times that when I come at her with my stuff, she replies with the same lines. And it feels almost like maybe there’s something wrong with me because why am I not feeling what you say you feel?

I don’t know if this all makes sense. I don’t know if I should look for another sponsor. Maybe somebody who understands LGBTQ+ issues. Or someone familiar with the immigrant culture. Thanks

Hi.

Not sure if I can even word this out correctly.

I’ve just had surgery and it requires me to be in bed most of the time. And the isolation is getting to me. I’ve gone to reading every text and scrutinizing every detail. And when nobody’s talking to me, I assume it’s because I’m annoying.

Today, I’m feeling all of that and this sense of loneliness. It doesn’t matter if I’m with people or not. It’s just there. And with this isolation going on, it got so bad that I called the crisis counselor yesterday.

I’m exhausted and all I want to do is cry. Normally I just ride it out but lately I’ve been stuck here.

How do you guys deal with it?

For context, I have PTSD. And I have a lot of unresolved issues with rejection. And last week I just had major surgery and I’m currently recouperating at home.

Nobody’s replying to my texts anymore and I figured maybe because I’m annoying. And probably self centered because they’re going through their own stuff too. So I am already in this funky mood.

This person and I have been seeing each other for about a month and a half. We had a brief break because they too had an emergency surgery. So we did not see each other for a good 3 week period. However, we agreed to just keep tabs on each other. And we did. And then the conversations got less and less. They went out until 4 am. They were with friends and a lot of people. So already I’m feeling a certain type of way because their love language is quality time. And if they ain’t got time for me then what does that mean.

Come to find out we see each other again and the connection is still there. And the problem with me is if I don’t see a person often, I begin to worry. And every encounter feels like a brand new one. Like maybe they won’t like me today. And I start replaying all the things I’ve said because maybe that’s what’s turned them off.
I have an issue with object permanence, and I’m not sure that’s what it’s called. Like if I don’t see it, then it might not be there at all. That what I had yesterday was it, that was the good. I’m constantly bracing myself from rejection. Like every time I’m with them, I have to think of every thing I’m about to say because I don’t want to say the wrong thing.

We saw each other a lot before my surgery and we had a lot of fun. And as soon as I get home from surgery and I’m getting better, my brain is now overthinking everything. Every reply, every text. Every call. Time between texts. Score on snapchat. Like what is going on with me?

And finally they reply. And now I’m already in this mood. So I don’t say anything yet because I don’t know. I’m tired of this constant fluctuating feelings about this person and they happen to be a really nice person.

And I don’t know if anybody gets me. And I feel like I might go insane. Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks

For context, I have PTSD. And I have a lot of unresolved issues with rejection. And last week I just had major surgery and I’m currently recouperating at home.

Nobody’s replying to my texts anymore and I figured maybe because I’m annoying. And probably self centered because they’re going through their own stuff too. So I am already in this funky mood.

This person and I have been seeing each other for about a month and a half. We had a brief break because they too had an emergency surgery. So we did not see each other for a good 3 week period. However, we agreed to just keep tabs on each other. And we did. And then the conversations got less and less. They went out until 4 am. They were with friends and a lot of people. So already I’m feeling a certain type of way because their love language is quality time. And if they ain’t got time for me then what does that mean.

Come to find out we see each other again and the connection is still there. And the problem with me is if I don’t see a person often, I begin to worry. And every encounter feels like a brand new one. Like maybe they won’t like me today. And I start replaying all the things I’ve said because maybe that’s what’s turned them off.
I have an issue with object permanence, and I’m not sure that’s what it’s called. Like if I don’t see it, then it might not be there at all. That what I had yesterday was it, that was the good. I’m constantly bracing myself from rejection. Like every time I’m with them, I have to think of every thing I’m about to say because I don’t want to say the wrong thing.

We saw each other a lot before my surgery and we had a lot of fun. And as soon as I get home from surgery and I’m getting better, my brain is now overthinking everything. Every reply, every text. Every call. Time between texts. Score on snapchat. Like what is going on with me?

And finally they reply. And now I’m already in this mood. So I don’t say anything yet because I don’t know. I’m tired of this constant fluctuating feelings about this person and they happen to be a really nice person.

And I don’t know if anybody gets me. And I feel like I might go insane. Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks

Hi. So I was dating this person. They and I had a very good and intimate connection. And right now we’ve been talking again. I don’t know where we stand yet

The story in my head is this:

They should chase me. I’m the one who texts all the time. They should reach out.

And then they reach out. And then when they do, Inread every detail about their text looking for praise or any hint that they want me. And when they don’t, I go into this nasty self pity mode.

For me, part of the reason we also don’t talk is that I’m ashamed of my problems about money. So I’ve finally resolved it and a lot of my stress has been dealt with. But that has been part of the reason why I’ve been holding back. I don’t want to know my past yet. We just met.

Anyway. Yeah this is stressful because my brain keeps building a narrative in my head that I’m annoying them, that I’m being a burden, or I’m bothering them. Please tell me if you have experienced this too. Thanks

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if you guys ever work the steps and feel like you’re not doing it right? Thank you