Does anyone feel like you don’t get along with their parents because they are in conflict with some idealized version, instead of YOU?
I feel like I finally figured this out the other day… my dad had called me a few times over the weekend and I didn’t answer because I was busy. Not uncommon. I get along with my parents (now) but we aren’t “close.”
I called him back and he really laid it on thick like “I can’t get ahold of my only child whose whole life I sacrificed for and put all of our hopes and dreams into?” :(
Shit that like always gives me the instant ick because it’s too much pressure for one person who didn’t ask to be brought here. My parents always wanted children and due to health issues only had one. Me. Once I became a young adult we did not get along because we disagreed on fundamental things like religion and politics. They never gave me the space or acceptance to make my own decisions, and when I was 18, I left and never went back.
I am IN MY THIRTIES and they still try to guilt trip me about certain things like going to church or training my dog to the proper way. It’s crazy. Trust me I have set many boundaries with them. Our time together a few times a year is limited. But they still don’t seem to recognize the person I actually am and have gotten to know the actual me, versus the type of child they actually wanted and who they are still in conflict with trying to force me into.