u/fightmydemonswithme

I chose to use gum to break the habit into parts. I've quit vaping and I'm down to fewer than 8 pieces a day. But below 5 piece I get shakes. I plan to buy 2mg instead of 4mg, but I am nervous about the shaking because my main hobby is writing.

Hi, I'm 12, and tomorrow we have therapy. I agreed to meet our therapist tomorrow, but we are nervous. I'm the gatekeeper, and he wants to learn more about my role. But I feel bad because way before our host found us, I kept the littles away by being a monster (like physically looking creepy). I didn't know how else to keep us safe. I also don't hold most of our memories. So I don't know a lot about things. Will he think I'm a fraud if I don't know things about us? Like, of course I pay attention to what's going on, but I don't hold anything big or bad or scary. Idk. I guess i just need reassurance.

It was suggested to me that it could help me heal. Has anyone here found writing about their life leading up to disability and found it healing? What would you prefer be portrayed in a book centering on disabilities? The funny thing is I have 80 pages of vignettes, but its lacking any message or grip. Just a compiled list of big memories in my life.

My girlfriend and I just had a spat over a soda can. I forgot to finish my drink, and she reminded me to throw it away, and instead of just saying okay, an alter took offense and took over, telling gf we'll be sure to point out all of their mistakes. Gf then yelled (from the other room) she doesn't understand our f'in problem. And now that we've calmed down I don't understand either really. I wrote in my journal (I don't remember when) that I'm tired of her acting like I am not good enough but...she doesn't. I have a feeling that part felt triggered and went defensive. Tomorrow I need to balance accountability with that parts feelings. But we do need to apologize for the threat to point out her flaws. I also need to check in with parts. Ugh writing here because only yall understand.

I am falling in love with my characters as they are in the beginning, and not addressing how they must change over time if I ever hope to write a novel. My longest attempt at a novel is 80 pages. I think its awful writing. It is well researched, has a plot line, and a climactic moment and conclusion. I can't bring myself to do the revisions. I think the story I wrote just doesn't change the characters or the readers perspective on life enough. And this is because I love the character I made more than who they become. Maybe I need to write backwards. How did they become who I love them as? Any advice is appreciated.

Anyone else disappointed in the low turnout rate? I know its just primaries for midterms, but I am shocked how few people voted.

How do explain memory loss to nurses or other staff who don't have DID training? It's a different kind of memory loss than dementia, but it affects how much we know about ourselves. It's not just short term or long term. I usually just say my memory is spotty. But is there a better way to explain it? I forget those big emotional life moments. I forget little things. I forget how old this body is or what year it is. Time and I don't get along.

TW just in case, for neglect

Context: I was doomscrolling, and another post mentioned maternal instincts and how babies are instinctual cute.

The problem is I lack that instinct. I don't find them cute. They are a demanding chore. I remember telling my kindergarten teacher ill never have babies because they give me a headache. I know how incredible the process is, and I have a high regard for women who raise children. I just...could never. It would break me. And I wonder if that is what happened with my nm. I was born and the attention wore off and by that point it was a felony to disappear me. So she openly hated me instead. I had to be invisible. I couldn't have needs. Quiet and self sufficient. My grandmother joked that by her 3rd no baby was enjoyable anymore. She "grew tired of babies" which is why she didn't visit much when we were little. Is it possible to just, inherent that lack of instinct? Or was it just never taught it?

I (31m) live with someone I've known about half my life (early 30s, female). We were platonic roommates with a history, and I recently took a leap and rekindled things intimate in nature. We got into a small disagreement of sorts of one day (basic miscommunication) when she all of a sudden explained this is why she keeps a secret. That it could ruin us. Its been a week and she refuses to tell me anything else about it. I have lost any and all desire for her now. The secret keeping is a massive problem to me. I haven't slept with her since, and I just don't know how to address this. I don't exactly want to coerce it out of her, but I also dont TRUST her now...its all what if this, what if that...

Sorry if this is rambling. Background context: we were basically raised to have an ed, its a big part of our trauma, and we are delicately recovering. We used to have a part named Brittany who was the driving force of our ed but that part integrated/fused with the host when we had been stronger in ed recovery. Now host (me) is struggling because I had a doctor's appt today and they spent like 10-15 minutes telling me to diet and exercise. Talking about my belly fat and heart risks. It was a lot. Now we're struggling with how to handle things. We can't change doctors. She's the only specialist in the state for what I need. I'm not engaging in behaviors and even let the littles come out to eat as a "treat" but Tiffany (another part) is telling our therapist tomorrow if I don't. Idk. I think i just needed to type this out. But advice is always welcome.

Seeking history books that, like Rabid by Wasik and Murphy, tell the story closely connected to actual historical figures. It almost reminds me of The Liberty Kids educational show. I have really enjoyed learning about Pasteur and his teams work. I'm not picky about the topic, but I'd love to learn more history in this style. It digs deep, explains thoroughly, and shows historical figures in context and detail.