u/fitness-landscape

I can’t believe I’ve actually come to this, but I’m so fucking desperate and I feel like dying…

I have ADHD diagnosis and I frequently experience intense emotional reaction to either real or perceived rejection and it feels like a physical pain causing me to shut down completely. Anything can trigger it - from misinterpreting messages without emojis to constructive feedback and don’t even get me started on dating.

I went to therapy, I understand what RSD is I can recognise when it happens, but I have no control over it, it just consumes my entire body like a demon constantly feeding me with negative self-talk even though I am able to rationalise the situation.

And the worst of it all, it has a cumulative effect meaning that each time a new rejection pops up, it doesn’t land on a blank board, but it also activates previous experiences from which I have fully recovered, so it hits me all at once. This means that RSD gets worse each time and at some point I’m starting to think how I’ve reached my limit and I won’t be able to survive when it happens next. This substantially affects my dating life. It’s not that most people wouldn’t date me, it’s just when I hyper-fixate on someone and face rejection, I’m afraid to try new experience out of fear that the next time rejection can actually kill me. It feels dangerous and life threatening. It’s like even though I recover from bad experience and don’t actively think about it, my nervous system doesn’t simply return to baseline and just keeps adding up.

I’m 27 year old researcher currently based in Finland. After so many years I started playing WoW again (retail version) and I’d like to meet new people for occasional gaming and hangout.

I am not so experienced with this new version of WoW, but I’ve unlocked all new races except earthens and haranirs. So hmu if you wanna hang out sometimes!

I had a very strict dentist when I was a kid who often judged my poor oral hygiene and told me if I don’t brush my gums well, I’ll get periodontal disease.

Ever since I’ve developed fear so intense I have a panic attack every time my gums bleed. So in the last couple of months I fear I have neglected my oral hygiene and on top of that I’ve realised I’ve been using electric toothbrush incorrectly, no wonder I’ve damaged my gums.

So last week I’m on a trip, I notice gum bleeding, I have a panic attack, I start looking at my teeth and gums in fear. Then I booked appointment immediately and went to the dentist. Luckily, despite a lot of tartar and widespread gingivitis, there were no signs of early periodontal disease. Then I booked the dental hygienist the very same day and had tartar removal today. I’ve been told my teeth are healthy and in good condition, I don’t even have cavities, the dental hygienist showed me the correct brushing technique and gave me interdental floss brushes to clean between the teeth and that’s it.

But for some reason I’m still shaken by the experience. I don’t know why I feel like I’ve been just diagnosed with the advanced periodontal disease. I feel guilty for being neglectful and it feels like I’ve dodged the bullet. I became so obsessed with this disease, I’ve read studies about it. Even after it became pretty clear I don’t have it, I googled the treatment options and success rate like I actually have it.

I understand at this point my problem no longer concerns dentist, but psychologist. I just wanted to share my experience. I haven’t really talked to anyone about this, it feels for many people dental care isn’t top priority.

Hi everyone, I came to Copenhagen yesterday and I today I’ve been having another health-related anxiety episode and I have the strong urge to see the doctor as soon as possible or at least get some benzos to calm down. Today I haven’t left the hotel room and I’ve been so scared and overwhelmed. I’ll be staying in Denmark until Friday, but I can’t wait that long, I need to be examined by the dentist immediately and I need to know that everything is going to be ok. I’ll pay for whatever it costs, I just want this to end 😭😭😭

Growing up in Eastern Europe/Balkans where most of the countries have poor LGBT rights record, I’ve come to realise so many gays I came across here are not angry enough. I couldn’t understand how could they just accept reality of their own family and closest friends being bigoted and remain in the closet in fear of being abandoned.

It made me think am I being unreasonable, immature or even selfish because how dare I demand respect, equal rights and life with dignity in the middle of country’s crisis. Well, I say to that fuck your crisis, your wars, your unemployment rates and every other tragedy that’s befallen you. I do not deserve to be treated like shit and if I am not seen as equal, then I am not a member of your community, I do not share your tragedies, I do not participate in politics, nor any social activity and I want nothing to do with you. In other words, I’m an outsider and misfit, I despise most of my friends and family.

So I’m kind of like a Count Monte Cristo, meaning that I treated my home country as my prison where I’ve been sentenced unfairly and I had to escape. The escape happened, I moved out, went to therapy and now I can reflect on it. Psychotherapy taught me that hate and anger are not necessarily bad. It would be bad to hurt and kill someone because of it, but in my case hate and anger brought me where I am today and that this getting a PhD in one of the top tier countries in terms of quality of life and education - Finland.

In the light of Pride month, while we celebrate love, it is also important to remember that you are allowed to hate your oppressors even if they are your closest friends and family. I personally think that I can’t ever forgive them. Even if they stop being homophobic, I can’t forgive the fact that they were the main contributor to my poor mental health, self-esteem and the decision to leave the country.

Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️