u/freeSnek96

I was comfortable being the „funny fat guy“ as a guy , I suppose because that stereotype removes some of the expectations of masculinity, but now that I came out to myself I do want to lose weight. I‘d need to lose around 25kg to achieve ideal weight for my height, so it will take me quite a while just by eating less and exercising.

I‘ve read that losing weight is harder on E and that it will counteract some of the feminizing effects on body shape.

So I‘m considering using Ozempic/Wegovy/the other ones for a few months to just speedrun the weight loss, then get on HRT and even if some of the weight then comes back, it would then go into the right places and I could just lose it slower in a natural way. Does this make sense?

I‘ve read that the weight loss medicine has hair loss as a side effect. I don‘t have bald spots yet but I have a very high hairline and my hair is thin, so I can‘t really afford to lose even more. Right now my testosterone is low due to my weight, so I don‘t think testosterone would do any damage before HRT. Would finasteride work for cancelling out the hair loss from Ozempic?

It will take me probably 6 months just from getting the diagnosis, finding an endocrinologist and getting it approved by insurance, so I want to use this time effectively.

Also, I feel like I want to achieve the best presentation I can without HRT before making the decision to start it, so I can be sure it is necessary.

Thanks!

I was very sure they would be fully accepting bit still, it feels like a weight off my chest to actually tell a person I know in real life about this.

Also it was super validating to just say out loud the words „I am nonbinary“.

Also can you recommend a book or anything that explains nonbinary identities to nonbinary people, not to cis people or scientists.
Because my brain hurts from all the thinking and my coming out could best be described as „stream of consciousness performance“ so I need to get some structure into this all.

Thanks :)

Ich habe mir (endlich?) eingestanden, dass ich vermutlich nicht cis bin und suche einen Psychotherapieplatz, gar nicht mal primär wegen des Schreibens, sondern weil ich Hilfe brauche mit der ganzen Situation klarzukommen und rauszufinden, wie ich mich eigentlich identifiziere. Momentan denke ich, ich bin vermutlich irgendwo im Nonbinary Spektrum.

Ich habe auf TransDB gesucht, und gesehen, dass einzelne Therapeuten einen „Behandelt NB Personen“-Tag haben, allerdings sind das in meinem Umkreis fast nur Selbstzahlerpraxen.

Ich wollte fragen, ob das einen wichtigen formellen Unterschied macht, gerade auch im Hinblick auf die Möglichkeit, mir den Weg zu einer HRT offen zu halten, oder ob ich auch einfach zu einer der anderen Praxen gehen könnte, die nicht explizit diesen Tag haben.

Danke euch!

I don‘t feel ready to come out to my partner yet. I‘ve been starting to figure out my identity only very recently and now I understand why I feel so uncomfortable about my upper body.
I don‘t like to take my shirt off during sex and I hate being touched there during sex. I used to think it was because I gained weight and my partner thinks that is the cause of my discomfort, but it really is because It feels to masculine.

However, my partner is trying to be supportive about the weight and body image and tells me how much he likes my upper body, how manly it looks et cetera, which is very well intentioned but make me feel even worse.
It led to fights several times now and I can‘t explain to him why I react like that. I‘m really scared to come out to him because of these comments, apparently he likes all the stuff about my body that I hate about it and want to change, so I can‘t tell him why it feels uncomfortable.

We also talked about me trying to lose weight and work out, he basically asked me what my goals were and if I wanted to get jacked, I told him no, quite the opposite, I want to look more slim and androgynous like back when we first met (it was a long time ago and I was a twink).
He then told me I always looked manly and not like „someone he doesn‘t know what gender they are“ (I paraphrase, we did not talk in english, it has a slightly less transphobic connotation in our native tongue and afaik he supports trans rights but still, it hurt me quite a bit).

I also asked him about boobs because I heard some gay men like them visually, just not sexually, and he told me he finds the thought of naked boobs offputting (for context, I‘m considering HRT and chest growth is one of the reasons).

I feel like any attempt to subtly hint about it are just met with these unintentionally hurtful comments by him. I‘m sure if he knew he would be much more thoughtful if he knew how I felt about my gender but at the same time I don‘t feel comfortable sharing my questioning journey with him. Do you think it is wrong to not share that with him right now?
He is a gay cis man and I‘m amab.

This is my third try to formulate my post title in a way that makes any sense, so sorry for the probably incoherent wall of text.

I'm AMAB, in my thirties and have been living as a cis man in a relationship with another cis man.

I thought the whole figuring out who I actually am part of my life was done when I came out as pansexual in my late teens. I used to be a twink and was ok with that body type, but as I got older and got a more bear-ish body I felt more and more uncomfortable in my body. I put on weight, and blamed it on that but now I don't know anymore. I've been struggling with some aspects of mental health for a while now, it got bad a few years ago when lots of my friends started families and having kids and I felt I was just living a lie somehow, like I was an impostor in my own life. At that time I thought maybe I was more heterosexual than I thought because I felt like I was missing something and I thought maybe I'm less pansexual than I thought. I figured out that was not it but did not connect the dots at that time, I thought I was just unhappy with other aspects in my life (career, weight, health problems) and have been trying to improve these things, which led me to the getting blood tests done to diagnose my health problems, which led to the doctor prescribing me testosterone.

I live in a rural area, I have a job in a male dominated field, my hobbies are stereotypically male, and while my closest friends have always been almost exclusively women, most people who I hang out with at work or at the club or through hobbies are cis men. These people are not bigoted, but bless their hearts, they're at least 15 years behind when it comes to knowledge about queer topics and I absolutely cannot just show up presenting feminine one day to see if it feels right with no questions asked. My husband is 100% gay, not bi or pan at all, and while he is supportive of me wanting to try to dress and style myself a bit more feminine, I don't know how he would react if I ever wanted to go down the route of any more permanent changes to my body.

I never asked myself the question about gender identity because I never felt like it was actually a thing that has any particular feeling associated with it for me that is not related to my body. Like I'm totally comfortable to be called male pronouns and have a male name becaus that is just my name but I think if I was somehow AFAB and had female name and female pronouns I wouldn't mind either way. Like if anyone asked me what even is being a man if I seperate it from the physical body, I couldn't give an answer. Of course there's all the stereotypes and expected gender roles but almost no man fulfills them 100%, so counting how many of these I fulfill and how many I don't fulfill is not helping me figure it out. After thinking about how I feel about my body, I think I feel comfortable with androgynous features, not necessarily with entirely male or female presentation, so I researched non-binary identities but I don't think I fully get it because well, what even is my gender identity, how do I know what it "feels" like. I'm not very good at recognizing my own feelings, and trying out different presentations just does not feel like a very safe way to figure it out because I'm in an environment where that would feel like a whole big coming out and it would make me the talk of the town and I don't feel safe with that yet when I don't even know myself yet who I actually am.

In was at pride with my husband and friends recently, presenting masculine, and I just felt like a coward when I saw everyone who was actually being themselves and being proud.
It just felt like I felt back then when I saw a pride parade as a kid before I had figured out I'm not hetero.

So I guess my question is, how do you find out what your identity is if you can't try it out?

Sorry for the confused rambling and thanks for any replies!