u/frustratedwithevery1

Sorry this is so long, and also sorry for the spelling.

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I was head injured 13 years ago, and spent the next 2 years just going through the motions of living, without a clue what was happening. I have no memory of this time. This injury was from a tree branch, approx 12 feet long, 3 inches across at the thick end, that fell roughly 30 feet from a maple tree impacting the top front of my head, where emotions used to be controlled.

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I then suffered a left caudate head stroke, virtually eliminating my executive function.

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For the following 3 years (5 post tree branch) I have very little memory either. The stroke came on as a four month migraine, with a complete inability to hear noise, see motion, see bright light, hold conversations, remember anything etc.

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The entire tine this was going on I was continuously misdiagnosed, denied treatment, and basically had to go through it alone. As my emotions were messed, and my filter was removed, id tell doctors off, throw things across the room etc , and basically freak out on all people for nothing.

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At that 5 year mark I started to become aware of what was going on in life again, and it dawned on me that I should have a job or something. I tried a few tines to get work but the above kept happening, essentially quitting or being fired from multiple workplaces until I gave up completely. In tha sake 5 years, the same issues cost me every friendship and relationship other than my mother, father and fiancee.

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For the next ten years, up until today, I have been in some sort of mental distress daily, and I have come to terms with the fact that this is as good as it gets. Earlier I would cycle through suicidal ideation and utter joy about 5 tines a day, and now I cyclical through those about once or twice per week. I am still virtually unable to remember most things, such as details about people I meet, whoch makes meeting new people near impossible. I stil cannot do conversations between anynore than myself and another, as I process much slower than I used to and just cant keep up to conversation at all. Basically by the tine my mind figures out how to reply to someone's statement or question, the conversation has moved on and I miss my opportunity to speak.

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Over the last decade and a half, I have earned very little, but havw continued to try to better myself and my family, however I fail miserably most days.

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Within the last six years, I realized my artistic abilities had not gone away, and I attempted to create a business with the hopes that could bring in some income. After five years that has failed. I began making sculptures in clay, and eventually taught myself to pour silver versions of my sculptures. I began selling and for a minite, I thought it might work. About 2 years in to teaching myself this from scratch, my name got around and I built a following. Things were going ok but soon, I was too busy and my.mind freaked out. I started making mistakes in the only thing I knew how to do, and it all unraveled from there. Now, I find myself more or less unable to work again, as my business failed. My artistic side is fine still, but I dont know how to earn woth it. I cant seem to find any job that will pay me regularly, and cant rebuild my "hobby" into what it could be.

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Today I try each day to do something, but the adhd makes it very difficult. I am unable to focus an anything, unable to think my way out of almost anything, ajd am basically just sitting here in confusion. The caudate head makes it impossible for me to organize, prioritize, remember, or comprehend much of what I hear or read. I still want better for myself but just cant do it alone.

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The legal advice I am looking for is this. What can I do to access the disability system when I dont have an advocate to fight by my side. Its just me and my wife here, who is also disabled now with major health issues. How can this country say they offer mental health help when I have fallen through every crack for 15 years.

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