u/fullScheduale

So right now i am 16, but my relationship with my parents isn't the best, i dont have anything really bad that i can complain about, but we argue a lot and i guess i generally don't like them very much as people.

I do love them as my parents, and that's what hurts me, i know I don't want to keep being with them, its been a long time that i feel like its natural for me to live in another country when i grow up, almost leaving everyone behind. (I dont really like my country, not the climate, not the people and not the economy or options)

But i just feel like its cruel. I don't wanna do that.

From one perspective i dont want to keep living here with everyone, i almost hate it, but from another perspective i just cant leave them behind - I love them, i know that it will hurt them, i know that they will need help physically mentally and financially in the future (my dad is 54 and my mom is 52 and her health is in the drain)

I do have 2 older siblings - sister 23 and brother 21 and they're both kinda lost in life rn, no career paths and not a lot of options, they're very negative towards themselves and have social anxiety, my brother is mildly autistic and didn't even finish highschool technically, and they both did the minimum in school.

I worry for them too, and with how the world is turning (and how expensive especially my country is) i don't think i can just leave everyone..

Even in the best case scenario i get rich overseas and i help them financially, what about helping my parents when they're old, and i know leaving will hurt them alot.

Back to me and my parents, i just feel bad either being here or feeling even worse leaving, as i said i love them and they love me, they worked VERY VERY hard for years to provide us with the things they did despite the many struggles. My father is religious (not in the toxic kind) and he wants to see his son continue the family traditions and religion, but I'm an atheist, my sister is too and i don't think my brother will believe in the future. He doesn't know any of that and I feel like shit about it.

My mom cares and loves me a lot, even though she cant really do anything to help me with my struggles, not mentally or physically, and I don't want to burden her emotionally too.

I dont know how to cope or do something about all this, its something that already haunts ke for years. I want to go, i feel stuck here, i dont like anyone here nor do I get along with. Im afraid and i need some help or advice.

I just try to see it from their perspective - they worked for years and raised us to be happy and intelligent kids, only for all to abandon the religion, and one to leave them alone for his selfish life. (I also dont know about my siblings plans in life, do they want to stay here, can they even? I worry that they wont do well in life. Everything is just so depressing.

I hate it i hate it i hate it im 16 and after summer i start my last year in high school and its so depressing we don't do shit there, my friends are also bums and dont want to anywhere

I have a final math exam on monday and I haven't fucking started to study because my sleep schedule has been so ass its 7:15 am now and i haven't slept all night.

I took a break from professional volleyball back in 8th grade and i still havent come back. I want to start game development

BUT I DON'T DO FUCKING SHIT I JUST STAY HOME AND PLAY GAMES I HATE MYSELF I HATE IT I'm fucking done with this shit

Give me 3 weeks im going to be someone people glaze.

Edit: im just so angry with myself and frustrated with this life

So using 4:3 scale settings on cs2 doesn't work, it either causes a right side black panel and offests the mouse position weirdly, or just un-fullscreens the window.

Idk if its a cachyos issue or desktop but i use niri noctollia

Everything is up to date

If anyone can suggest a possible fix or know the issue i would like to know thanks!

Edit: i am on niri noctollia, and it works now, look at the comment i replied to, it's explained there

Heard using btrfs on HDD when dual booting with Windows 11 (separate HDDs) is bad (idk if because of the dual boot or because its a spinning disk)

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Is a CMR HDD and not SMR okay?

Exact model: WDC WD10EZEX-08WN4AO Compared to ext4

So well I'm struggling with self hatred for a very long time, and while I'm not here to talk about the really big things i think about myself, im making this post to kinda vent on the little things i feel very guilty about,

I don't have wireless earbuds, and I've been very very lazy to go to the store and buy ones. So i took my dad's and used it to watch a show. I didn't ask him, mainly because i use them on times I'm not supposed to be on my phone/pc, but also out of sheer laziness. I told myself that after every use I'll just put them back in his bag but i didn't. I kept laying it off until he thought he lost them, bought a new pair and when he "magically" finds them in my room, he just shrugs and says I can have them. This is the second pair of earbuds that it happened. I am a fucking asshole of a person. I can't fucking stop feeling guilty, i hate this, i want to fix it. He works hard and i basically stole something he finally bought for himself. Im already privileged that i have what i have, yet I've done it.

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So recently i want to dual-boot with linux and windows 11, been using windows all my life and i just installed a 1tb hard drive onto my computer that i want to run linux on

I chose cachyOS because from what i checked it'd be the best for me, but i want to hear y'alls opinions since it's still a big decision for me and i don't understand shit

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The things i wanna prioritise:

Performance - i game mostly (every game type, including competitive) with a midrange-low build (system details at the end) i run heavy games like heavy modded mc and other things and i want better performance and i heard cachyOS is fast and customizable so i can debloat it when more if i want

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Daily use - i plan to use it eventually as my main os, so being able to use it comfortably everyday is important, i am a student, i play online, i like to do random shit, im a game developer on roblox and soon start mc modding myself, i want to run ai locally, have security and fucking privacy, play with things you get the point

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Configurability - i like to know everything about my things and understand everything, i want to have the control to do whatever i want, change things you get the point

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Support - not just app support as i sometimes do creative work like 3d rendering, code, video editing and run programmes, but community support too, like if i dont know how to do something or something breaks i want something with a big community so its easy to find solution...

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Some more niche things i want to have ig: sandboxing - and i prefer if it's comfy and not a huge pain to use.

Cyber security - i am interested in that so i want to be able to do things with it and test things with my laptop too, running local ai models, creative work as i said, school stuff because i am a student and spend most of my time in school or studying

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So i chose cachyOS, i want to know if you have warnings, affirmations, things i should know, other recommendations, and overall your opinion, i know its long and thank you so much for reading

I also heard the the desktop is ass, but from my understanding Thar'es multipile

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Brief system details:

1tb harddrive

16gb (1 stick) ddr5 4400mts

Wifi but i use an ethernet cable

Rtx 3060 12gb vram

12th gen Intel core i7-12700f

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Its a bit of a vent because i know I'm cooked already so asking for advice might be useless.

For context: Its currently 6 am. I have school at 7 45 and a test.

Its a final exam test which I doubt there's another chance to do (like if you fail you get to redo it) and even if it has i already have 2 of those. The thing is that i know fucking nothing almost. I can maybe fill one question out of 7 i think, the last exam (which was same material but a bit easier) i got 45.

Because of the recent holiday we had, i could only started studying on the night of Saturday. I'm really bad at this subject so i told my friends that i need help and they said they'll help me on Sunday and we'll study together. I studied a bit that night and on Sunday sent a message to them and i got completely ghosted.

Just an hour later i see them both on a call, and they were there for like 2.5 hours already.

And like brother am i that much of a burden? Its a common trend, when they explain things to each other theyre patient and supportive but with me its like I'm the stupidest person in the world.

Like im trying to always be positive and funny so they'll have fun with me but i think it just made them have zero respect for me and think im a hopeless idiot.

Its not the first friend group that it happened in.

I felt so fucking bad i cried non stop, didn't get out of bed until like 9 pm, gooned twice and didn't even shower. Stayed up all night crying while trying to set up modded Minecraft. Didnt study for a second. Its hopeless, thares so so so much material there's no way i could studied even half alone at that time, and i felt like ass so bad i just couldn't. I feel hurt as fuck i dont even want to go out to school. (Problom is that if there is a redo option for the exam its only for if you failed, not If you were absent)

I feel like fucking shit. I dont know what to do. I hate myself, do i go to school? Another problem is that if i go, i need to stay there until like 4 pm, and i stayed up all night and tomorrow (Tuesday) i have another exam so if i don't sleep i won't be able to study for it.

I dont know what to do, do i go to sleep and risk not going to the exam but sleeping kinda normally so i can study for Tuesday? Or do i go and idk maybe have a chance of redoing the exam? I dont want to see my friends, i dont want to talk to them and say i turned in the paper blank. They always abandon me when i need them. They just dont care.

I fucking hate myself for being like this. I don't blame them, im probably a big nuisance and they chose themselves and its okay. This isnt the first time it happens, none of my friends actually care about me like i care about them, they go to double dates and wingman shit while im stuck alone because im ugly as fuck and awkward.

Anyone who has an idea please help me i really don't want to go to school but i think i have to and it will ruin my other exam too

Its a bit of a vent because i know I'm cooked already so asking for advice might be useless.

For context: Its currently 6 am. I have school at 7 45 and a test.

Its a final exam test which I doubt there's another chance to do (like if you fail you get to redo it) and even if it has i already have 2 of those. The thing is that i know fucking nothing almost. I can maybe fill one question out of 7 i think, the last exam (which was same material but a bit easier) i got 45.

Because of the recent holiday we had, i could only started studying on the night of Saturday. I'm really bad at this subject so i told my friends that i need help and they said they'll help me on Sunday and we'll study together. I studied a bit that night and on Sunday sent a message to them and i got completely ghosted.

Just an hour later i see them both on a call, and they were there for like 2.5 hours already.

And like brother am i that much of a burden? Its a common trend, when they explain things to each other theyre patient and supportive but with me its like I'm the stupidest person in the world.

Like im trying to always be positive and funny so they'll have fun with me but i think it just made them have zero respect for me and think im a hopeless idiot.

Its not the first friend group that it happened in.

I felt so fucking bad i cried non stop, didn't get out of bed until like 9 pm, gooned twice and didn't even shower. Stayed up all night crying while trying to set up modded Minecraft. Didnt study for a second. Its hopeless, thares so so so much material there's no way i could studied even half alone at that time, and i felt like ass so bad i just couldn't. I feel hurt as fuck i dont even want to go out to school. (Problom is that if there is a redo option for the exam its only for if you failed, not If you were absent)

I feel like fucking shit. I dont know what to do. I hate myself, do i go to school? Another problem is that if i go, i need to stay there until like 4 pm, and i stayed up all night and tomorrow (Tuesday) i have another exam so if i don't sleep i won't be able to study for it.

I dont know what to do, do i go to sleep and risk not going to the exam but sleeping kinda normally so i can study for Tuesday? Or do i go and idk maybe have a chance of redoing the exam? I dont want to see my friends, i dont want to talk to them and say i turned in the paper blank. They always abandon me when i need them. They just dont care.

I fucking hate myself for being like this. I don't blame them, im probably a big nuisance and they chose themselves and its okay. This isnt the first time it happens, none of my friends actually care about me like i care about them, they go to double dates and wingman shit while im stuck alone because im ugly as fuck and awkward.

Anyone who has an idea please help me i really don't want to go to school but i think i have to and it will ruin my other exam too

For the people who didnt scan their face or uploaded id how did you manage to do that?

So uh im on a trip with my class rn, started Monday Ending sunday, (11th grade) and today we had our daily meeting with the teacher and our guide and shit yk and the mission was to talk about someone who was "light" to us, when was a time where we were really down in our life and who was there for us to bring us a light...

Now this post is weird and im sorry but please hang on

One classmate who i perceived as like a no life gangster like someone wrong in the head talked about how "something happned" and he was at his garden at 3 am talking to his friend and his friend understood something is wrong and came over to his house.

(Later we talked and from what i heard he has real family issues, his parents are not really parenting and he never had a parent figure, and it hurts him that his little sister is ruining her life (also like gangstar shit)

One of my friends who i know parent's divorced and he sturggles (though i never talked to him because im a coward and I'm afraid of confrontation and im an ass hole) talked about how his parents are discovered and his light was his grandfather who was like a dad for him and he passed away and it was really hard (he broke down crying) and i talked with him too after and his dad is like very not there, he talked about how his brother told him stories about how his father was like really abusive, if it's physical or mental, manipulations and even he experienced some with religious manipulations, (if you don't pray once then hell and all that yk) and it made him like avoid praying at home at all, one time he took his dogs out for a walk and saw his dad's car and someone in it that looked different, he immediately turned and ran away back home (i think its trauma but pls help me understand this)

One of my friends who i know had a rough chapter with his mom that from what he told me he resolved, he said that ever since he was born the attention to his big brother shifted to him and it caused conflict between them that they hated each other, and one day they really exploded with violence, my friend screamed that he hates him and wish he wasnt his brother, they both then shut themselves off in separate rooms for an hour before his big brother came to apologize and my friend broke down and talked with him and since then their connection is good, he also broke down in tears while telling this.

Other classmate told us when his lil sister was born his mom almost died and it was really hard.

One of my friends told how his grandfather who he was close with died and it was really hard on him and even harder on his mom, he praised his mom that showed strength even tho she was suffering the most, and how he can talk about anything with his dad.

Remember the first guy that his friend came over? That friend briefly talked about how its hard for him to talk about feelings and it was visible that he cnat let the words out (hs tried a few times)

One classmate who admittedly i used to kinda bully, not the way you think but from rumors from friends snd from my interactions with him and him with others i kinda assumed that he is a narcissist asshole, so i threw really mean words every so often. that was 2 years ago. Today

He talked about how a few years ago he had a really hard time, he hated himself and he was a shy kid who didn't like fit in with anyone, he had questions like how others are good at sports, how theyre good at academics and social things, how they had hobbies and he didn't, how their life was supposedly perfect. Then he started working out, going to all kinds of social places and he found hobbies and now he's tall and buff yk. Now idk what about his personality, i feel like from my perspective that he's nicer to people and cares more, and overall a better person then i saw. Now idk if he's still an asshole, the things i did was wrong obviously but anyways its hard for me to trust him fully, but i decided (even before today) that ill try to get to know him, be nicer ofc and allat.

Now idk how to feel about this. I dont have problems like those. My parents are together, money's good i think overall (even tho i still worry and i have financial anxiety and so does my older sister) my older brother kinda throwing his life away i think (or not, i made a post about it feel free to read a bit to have some context) https://www.reddit.com/r/Healthygamergg/s/oimapAERin

I only have one grandfather and grandmother who im not really connected to (feeling super guilty, im an asshole ik)

The other ones died in last 2 years (idk i don't feel anything but guilt about it)

Studies are kinda shit but they're alright like I'm doing fine i think

My connection with ky parent's aren't the best but its not as bad as they had it, same with my brother and sister which i love so much but i don't think we're close, thsy hate me.

And idk i feel like such a fucking loser having my breakdowns from time to time about really like nonsense and stupid shit while people in my class actually suffer. Like all the problems i have like imposter syndrome, self hatred, confidence and self esteem, friends (who i think also hate me and other things but i won't write cause that long) so all those issues are there even though that my life is so chill and perfect compared to them and i just feel bad. Im afraid to talk to them. I'm not good at explaining myslef, even though to myself im very clear and words of wisdom flow out seamlessly with them i become a stupid little kid who just says generic shit in a way that no one understands or hears. I wanna talk to them but im afraid of confrontation and what ill say and i forget everything so fast. Its also hard to talk about myself and my experience because my mind always deletes bad memories. Idk what to feel please voice your opinions maybe i can form some thoughts with them. Thanks

So uhh im in a 7 day trip, from Monday to sunday, and i cai have decided its the best time to introduce the age verification to me, i always use cai before i sleep, and now i cant even attempt to bypass it since im on a trip for a week😭 idk what I'm going to do all those nights helpppp