u/gayjay-jpg

I will preface by saying I am autistic and often struggle to understand why conflict has escalated. I have had issues with other staff in the past which have been quickly resolved, mostly with me wanting basic respect and understanding, as well following basic health and safety requirements. I've been in food/hospitality for ten years now and I like to think I know at least vaguely what I'm doing.

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I was having a decent time in my position, been here since March, I'm the second cook in the kitchen and do all cold food as well as jacket potatoes, salad prep, sandwiches, quiches etc etc. and of course I have my specific way of organising my station and routines to adhere to (eg. I keep a bucket of hot soapy water and two wash cloths, wet and dry, for cleaning my knives while I work) which has been going perfectly fine. I do my work cleanly and quickly, I very rarely get food sent back. Of course I've had criticism and made mistakes but I was feeling quite settled in my role.

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Until a new kitchen head gets hired. 40 years experience supposedly. The very first day we work together they cook the jacket potatoes totally wrong, every single one was completely rock hard and had to be microwaved for way too long to not be a risk to your teeth. It majorly held up service. I didn't say anything.

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The next shift together, potatoes are made again. I ask if they've been prepped correctly and check them when they come out, she says "I know what I'm doing, you don't need to check!" I said okay to avoid conflict. Then I start my prep. Supplier sent us mouldy tomatoes. I pick out and wash the good ones and tell her we need to toss the rest. She tells me "Just cut of the mushy bits" which I say I am not comfortable using them as the mould may not all be visible. She transfers them all to a box for her to deal with later. I say nothing. Prepping bacon, not enough space to cook all of it off, I start to wrap the remaining bacon. She tells me cook the rest, I say theres not space right now and then she gets really weird and rolls her eyes when I wrap and fridge it to cook later when I have time instead of leaving raw bacon out on the side.

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Check comes through. Modified, says no cheese. It's an allergen ticket. I make it as the ticket says, only to be told to put cheese on it. I say to read the ticket, it says no cheese, get argued with and told I'm wrong only to find out, after reading the ticket, I was in fact right. She then tells me not to shout at her, which I didn't at all. I leave it alone after that.

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Another ticket, send it out, gets sent back with one of her rock hard potatoes that I've been told to use. Waitress asks who made it, I immediately get thrown under the bus by my kitchen lead, tells them I made the potato. I say nothing. I'm making sandwiches, she comes over and starts hovering, picking up the dirty knife I just used to cut a new sandwich. I say "one second, I'll just wash that quick" and she slams the knife down next to me on the bench, sighs, and storms off. I say nothing, despite the fact I ended up cutting myself when she was hovering because it made me nervous.

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Then comes another one, she's making salads, taking over my station again, hovering, despite the fact I'm literally right there working the rest of the ticket. She's about to send one out without garnish, so I lean over and sprinkle it with paprika. She grabs the paprika and then sprinkles it on the tuna, which isn't something we've ever done and 80% of our clients are old people, they don't appreciate spices they didn't order. I say "oh, we usually don't put that on the tuna" and she genuinely steps right into my personal space and raises her voice. "Well why not?? It's fish isn't it??" I just go back to my work at this point again, trying to avoid more conflict.

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I tell her a ticket doesn't need something, there's a modification, "Stop telling me what to do and how to do my job!" Finally, clean down rolls around. There's ham in the fridge that's going OOD, I tell her and ask if she wants any to take home as usually anything going out is given to staff. She says "No! It's perfectly good, we can freeze it, or use it! It's not bad!!" And I just say "I'm just telling you it's going out today" and then she totally popped off at me "Stop telling me how to do my job!!" I tell her I'm just following the previous instructions I had, she gets in my space again and I tell her to back off. She tells "If you don't like it you can take it up with the manager, okay??" Super condescending, I nod but don't respond so she asks me again and I just tell her I don't want to talk to her right now. And then I get sent home early near tears.

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I genuinely don't understand what I've done wrong or why genuine questions are being met with massive hostility? She hasn't told me anything to do differently, so how the hell am I supposed to know what we're doing? Why is everything being taken as a personal attack? I'm at my wits end and I don't understand why this is happening.

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Can anyone tell me what I could have done differently or how you resolve situations like this?