u/gongjihae

For instagram and twitter esp, they're my go-to for sharing about what i felt over certain things almost instantly or what i've done. just achieved a pb on my run? gotta upload it. got a compliment at work today? uploading it on my 'close friend' story function.

and while i told myself i posted all these for me to look back on in the future, in reality i was tying my life events and emotions to external validation--people viewing or liking my stories, messaging me, etc. it felt like i was chasing the dopamine from being acknowledged i "have a good life".

recently, i realised i became addicted to this dopamine hit and my screentime was embarrassingly high. i've reached a point where i felt like i needed to share everything i did on my hobby account, which lowkey ruined the "doing it for myself" vibes i wanted, so i finally deleted instagram, then deactivated twitter and tiktok. reddit is all i have now.

it was hard adjusting at first. when you're so used to sharing and posting daily, it was weird not knowing where to "express" your thoughts at the moment.

so i finally picked up journalling again and the transition has been AMAZING.

i thought at the beginning journalling meant reflecting on your day before your bedtime, but i no longer confine myself to such "rules" which made journalling even more enjoyable. Whenever something good just happened, i started writing it down (when 2 months ago, i would've posted it straight on social media). if i watched a cool youtube video, i'd express my views about it on there. or if a sudden thought just pop up? i'll write! bc most likely, when i write one thing, it is more likely i'll have other thoughts showing up as well.

and i love it. i now feel like i live for myself, i no longer have an "audience" to impress for at the back of my mind and my life has become much more private--there is something liberating about people not having this much access to your life anymore, at least people who don't even care about you.

a year ago, i stopped journalling as i thought it would take "too much time" when in reality i've always had time--i just saw social media as my "journal" instead! And it’s not an “authentic“ one too, just a highly curated choice of photos and words bc i knew people were looking

i wonder if anyone here feels the same?

ps// this is not to say that if u use social media you're morally inferior lol absolutely not. i'm just rambling about how journalling has helped me better in being in tune with myself instead of being on social media.

i've finally deleted instagram and i'm so glad i've reclaimed my privacy again where no one except v few close friends and family know what you do.

the other day my husband told me that a mutual of ours asked how i was doing since she noticed i havent been posting much on my stories (i was surprised people noticed my disappearance, but i guess that's what happens when you're an avid storyteller on social media--literally posting on your stories all the time lol) and it felt... liberating? i've always been a private person, but being on instagram where it's so common to share normal parts of your life robbed that feeling from me. it felt good to be private again, and only share details of your life to people who genuinely care to know what you do.

I understand the consensus of this sub that you should live for you instead of performing for others, being comfortable that you are your only audience. And while i definitely agree with this as someone who has not used instagram for almost 2 months, i think we should also acknowledge that no matter how much we want to equate "social media = bad", we can't deny it has also benefitted a group of people over there, specifically those who just seem to be more natural performers who thrive off and even NEED an audience. Not just influencers who flaunt their 5 star hotel travels with 100s of brand deals, but freelance artists whose entire account is their art portfolio. Activists spreading their projects to get sponsors for their work. Fundraisers for charity and many more.

Social media is great if you're a creator instead of a consumer. And many of us fall into the second category, and that's completely okay. My life has always been a more rich inner world which doesn't need an audience, but somehow seeing everyone performing in there makes me feel pressured to do the same, which was why most of the time I felt fomo when i compared myself to the more "natural" performers (Most of the time are just extroverts lol). I have always been fine not exposing my own creative work on social media (My writings, drawings or even my other non-creative hobbies), i'd even feel uncomfortable with people knowing what i do but because lately i felt the need to fit in with those who do the thing, i somehow feel behind! and simply because i couldn't balance enjoying my hobby as it is vs thinking about people's perception over what i d so unlike most of my peers, i have decided that the online life is never meant for me and that's okay! while they are out there inspiring others with what they do, i am content with simply being inspired.

if social media has benefitted you, you really don't need to go full nomad or caveman about it. it's all about setting boundaries with how you work around your digital world without letting it consume you. there ARE influencers/content creators who are capable of setting boundaries like putting a timescreen limit, using an ipad only to scroll etc. you just have to choose what works best for you.

i was on tiktok (desktop) and a few scrolls down, i saw a guy exaggerating a depressed look with a sad audio in his video. the caption of the video was "only 2 hours left to view my story on Instagram" as a joke with 300k+ likes and lots of comments (which i couldn't access when on my laptop for some reason), and it really put into perspective why deactivating instagram was the best action for me mentally.

when i was active there (i was quite a storyteller) i would obsessively check back on how my story appeared, who liked or reacted to them--hell i even viewed them through my second account just to imagine how someone would've seen it (as if it made a difference!). i didn't notice how self-obsessed i was (not physically, but just the way i came off through my posts) until i left. it feels so liberating when you do things without feeling the need to have an audience.

it isn't wrong to crave social validation or recognition through posting, showing people we're having a good time etc. we are social beings! and to an extent, even we put up a performance to our loved ones--friends and families alike.

but i definitely needed to take a step back and just be more present with myself, instead of being self-indulgent like this.

does anyone else feels this now that they've detached from social media?

i never realised how overstimulated my brain was because it was consistently in that state while i was in instagram--processing 5 different information in 5 seconds from just clicking away the stories on autopilot--when i was just half-awake in bed! i couldn't believe how much i normalised it, that somehow my idea of taking a break from looking at the screen in my 9-5 was basically overwhelming my brain even more by scrolling on social media, when in reality i needed to just look away from the screen.

now, everything just feels so quiet.. and slower. i was always complaining how fast paced the world felt that i couldn't keep up, turns out i just need to log off and touch grass more!

billy joel has been telling us since the 90s through his song; "Slow down, you're doing fine. take the phone of you hook and disappear for a while, it's alright you can afford to lose a day or two, when will you realise vienna waits for you?" that ha snever felt truer now that i'm doing what he says.

I’m a strong messenger for spreading the “social media bad” rhetoric amongst my friends, but in all honesty it’s not like i never benefitted from it. I’ve met one of my few closest friend through instagram, and next week I’ll be visiting another city for a concert and also to properly get to know someone through that app (prior to deactivating) since we‘ve shared common interest and occassionally respond to each other’s stories. We only knew each other briefly since we met at a mutual’s house, but if it wasn’t for instagram, i would’ve never gotten the chance to be this close to her. Also most of my friends are content creators, so it was nice to follow and support what they’re passionate in.

I also had a side account where I shared most of my writings, book reviews and fitness journey. While i was in no way an influencer (i didn’t even have 200 followers lol) i still had friends messaging me that i’ve inspired them to workout etc, it was nice to know i had a positive effect on them over something i enjoy doing.

despite all this, i know that for my mental health and adhd, the best decision is to still keep a distance from social media except maybe reddit (+ linkedin at work lol).

tbh, i’m really just ranting about how envious i am of people who can have social media without letting the addiction/fomo feeling get to them. In a heartbeat i would 💯return if i was better at self-regulating, i knew i would spend hours doomscrolling on there instead if i choose to come back.

deactivated instagram 2 weeks ago (i deleted it a few weeks earlier though, so technically i've been off it for a month). i've also deleted twitter/reddit/tumblr so i can really only access them through deskstop now. the only social apps i use regularly through my phone are strava (LOL) and whatsapp. Maybe I just feel like every single content is basically the same, just in different format lol. Followed by endless ads with ai slops, it gets so boring and i’m just highly addicted to it, screentime is crazy.

I feel like my quality of life has significantly increased since I put a stop to it. I can finally focus fully on my hobbies, tasks can be done continuously without feeling the need to “rest” every 10 minutes just to actually scroll, and I never realized how much time I have to do multiple things! Recently started drawing and my husband just taught me how to use garageband—I always assumed having 3 things on your plate was already lot as a way to fill in your time (ie. Reading, writing and running/gym), but turns out I still have an hour or two to the day (on weekdays) to do extra things besides them.

Then, I also found that im living life more authentically. Ofc, I do these things because I love them but when I used to actively post them online, it feels like the authenticity gets taken away because I get the same dopamine hit from knowing who views my stories, who liked my stuff or who messages me. It’s like I’m subscounsciously putting up a performance.

I looked it up and apparently it’s a “trend” now among gen z to log off and being chronically offline is actually “cooler”, lol. What are y’all thoughts

Whenever i ask my group of friends (4 of us. we're all around 5'1ish) if they've eaten whenever we meet up during the weekend, I always get the same answer--Not the type to eat breakfast, usually have one meal a day, surviving off black coffee and a banana until dinner.

Which is fine. It's nobody's business what people eat. I know some just don't eat breakfast because they're not hungry and can function without it. Some can thrive with 2 meals a day and occasional snacks in between, and people's lifestyle are just different. i workout like 5-6x a week which also includes my half-marathon training, so naturally i'll eat more than most of my girlfriends.

however, i find it very difficult to not be concerned when they say this is their everyday. i mean i definitely have one of those days where i only eat bread with cottage cheese and call it finished bc im too lazy or cba, but i just can't imagine severely undereating on a daily basis, even if i wasn't super active. yes, i'll definitely reduce my calorie intake but i know i wont be able to rely on 1 banana just so that i can actually use my brain power.

i have friends who tell me their breakfast is a black coffee, maybe some fruits spread over their 9-5, yet in the same breath complain they always feel so tired and brain-fogged by the end of their working hours.

do i just happen to be surrounded by adult women who don't eat much? or is it becoming more common and if anyone else is feeling this too?

I’ve always KNOWN that i was addicted to my phone, specifically instagram. it was that damn app—trapping me into chasing that short term dopamine from the likes, the views, the messages but for thw longest time i thought wasn’t that deep. Like SURE, i will have to take a break from work by scrolling through instagram, but it’s ONLY 5 minutes even if that means doing that every 10 minutes worth of work! I mean, i’m just tired! And work is so difficult! Of course, my brain needed a break!

And ofc my dumbass thought a “break” meant overstimulating myself more by going to that app—Absorbing 10 different information in 5 seconds (who got married, who bought a house, who just did a marathon etc). I kept going bc well…..my brain was always overstimulated anyway; same music for 5 hours, doomscrolling on tiktok and insta for the remaining 3 hours. What difference does it make?

Omg guys, a month of deactivating. I kid y’all not i feel like a different person; Tasks are more manageable, i don’t get mentally tired as quickly, i don’t feel the need to listen to music throughout my 1 hour commute (as occassionally) to work and more importantly my brain is FUCKING QUIET. It was ALWAYS loud, buzzing with information and thoughts because i was uncomfortable with silence. Now i’m actually more relaxed and in tune with my body signals, all bc i dont choose to numb my boredom by going to social media as much (reddit and twitter… y’all are next), but force myself to sot with it.

Like damn, i’m so bored. Idk what my friends are up to (which sucks bc most of my friendship are low maintenance and the only way i find out what’s going on with the lives is through the app) but god i dont ever want to go there again if it means regulating my brain activities as present.

Any of y’all feel a big difference with your brain when you decide to log off your phone? Not necessarily instagram, anything really.

The lyrics to Vienna that says “Slow down, you’re doing fine. Take the phone off your hood and disappear for a while, it’s alright you can afford to lose a day or two.” Has never felt truer in my mid-twenties where i realised all of my friends are in different directions of life post-grad.

On paper, i think i have a great life as everything i once prayed for turns into reality, but i get so caught up in the future and FOMO from seeing the highlight reels of people i don’t even speak to, and suddenly i feel behind again, forgetting to count the blessings i have.

I believe that taking a break from instagram + tiktok has helped to stabilise my brain dopamine levels—I no longer crave that validation of needing people to know i’m doing okay, nor i’m caught in this feedback loop of checking in on other people’s lives when i don’t really want to. There is freedom in not knowing what’s going on in the outer world when you just want to shut down and rest your brain from processing too much information in one go.

So, if you ever feel behind all of a sudden, trust me when i say it’s not you. It’s social media!

Would you consider yourself casual, that the only thing you keep up with content-wise is their music, or are you also engaged quth charts, awards, votings, purchasing albums at every comeback, etc? Do you subscribe to private messages? Do you follow their schedule outside of their comeback? Is your mood greatly affected by your ults? (Ie. If they say they're upset in a private message etc, you get upset on their behalf too)?

in my first year of stanning ateez, i bought albums with every comeback; I actively followed their variety shows and watched every single performance, too. sometimes i got really into defending ateez from antis because i cared enough during my twitter days. charts i'd occasionally check so that i'd hope they do well. but 5 years later, i'm chill lol. i'm probably still stuck with kpop because of them as i do look forward to their comebacks and watch their comeback performances/ fancams/ attend their concerts if they're in my country, but that's really as far as i get. i don't follow what they share through their private messages anymore (translated from twitter) unless it will show up like once in a while on my tl, nor i feel the need to buy their albums every time.

i believe im in this pirate shit for life, but i also have room for other things to love besides kpop and ateez just doesn't take up as much space anymore, but i still love them regardless ❤️ they have been the constant thing in my life since my early twenties--from graduating uni, getting a job to recently getting married! so (when the time comes) the news of a contract termination will absolutely break me.

what about y'all?

I don’t track calories, i don’t hit my protein target everyday, nor i cut/bulk. Probably only lift 2-3x a week max (less intensity now too since i’m injured) I’m just there to have a good time and feel good and if somehow i managed to achieve a PB with my strength training, then that’s just an A+, not a goal in mind (though admittedly it does feel good when i get there!)

I know i shouldn’t let social media dictate how i feel (especially since it’s up to me to curate my own feed) but i almost feel like everyone is trying to achieve that summer body with advices on getting a flat stomach/six pack which is completely fine and commendable, but when these photos and videos get thrown to your face a lot, i'm starting to feel a little insecure in my fitness journey. it's like i'm doing something wrong for using the gym as just a a way to keep myself sane mentally, rather than achieving physical aesthetics lol.

haven't been a full year since i started lifting (i've only did cardio most of my life, now balancing the two) and while physically i can see some differences, (ie: biceps and lats more defined for example), my stomach is still pretty round, and my abs are absolutely non-existent! part of the reason i just cant see myself setting any goal is because i love food too much and i think putting myself through restrictions when i have a sweet tooth would make me go insane, lol

Gosh their debut was absolutely messy i remember the hate train even as a casual listener who didn’t know any of the girls back then. And honestly, i still probably can’t listen to O.o without cringing, i couldn’t see myself ever getting into them no matter how much their fans kept hyping up their talents back then (because yeah, what’s the point of a debut song that MASKS their real potential through talk-singing)

Now jype finally did something right and gave them the songs that fits them, songs that showcase their singing ability and what makes them different as a group amongst 4th gen. Heavy serenade and crescendo are bangers and i hope they get the love they rightfully deserve.