Feedback on Writing Task 2 IELTS Academic
Hello! I would be grateful if somebody could grade my essay. I used Gemini to grade it and it suggested a band of 7.5. Please excuse some typos.
Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart.
Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.
Answer:
There is a strong belief by some that technology in the 21st century has helped foster closer relationships than before. Some argue that it has done the opposite, dividing us even more. Both sides are based on valid reasoning, displaying the vast number of experiences on the internet. Personally, I believe that technology globalized communication and brought the world closer, but it has inevitably hurt the social aspect of human connections.
Technology innovations and improved infrastructure has shrunk the planet into the size of a smart device. The invention of the internet together with home computers allowed anyone to communicate, share and receive information. Families brought closer through video chat, couples created from online chat rooms, meetings attended in the comfort of our living room are undoubtedly some of the biggest achievements of the modern world. The recent pandemic that isolated the whole world is a prime example of our reliance on technology and the effect it had in retaining social contacts.
On the other hand, the device found in everyone's pocket together with social media have transformed what we call social contact. The addicting nature of phones and in particular algorithms have caused many to raise concerns over our deteriorating mental health. Cyber-bullying and social media that rewards negative emotions and behaviour help fuel racism and extremism. The rise of far-right and far-left political parties is a clear proof of how effective online propaganda is.
In conclusion, technology has had an incredible impact in how we communicate and socialize. While its benefits are undeniable, to me there is a distinguishable crack in our relationships with each-other.
Thanks in advance!
