Assalamualaikum
I know a video exists online, but I'd rather have a text and the actual thesis. Could only find a summary or flattened versions online.
Also, a quick question, does he address the "playing with dolls" narrations, in it too? I have been mostly grappling with it. If someone could tell me the page too - Id appreciate.
How do i force myself to love islam?
It's quite late now, and my thoughts won't shut up. I haven't read any comments under my other posts, don't dare to do so, not now.
This is another night spend crying. I cannot do this anymore.
I hate this.
I can't live in this misery, in this strained and stained relationship with a religion which affects my whole life.
I live in a non muslim country, i wear the stupid hijab. If I could return in time I would've nearly strangled my last self for ever deciding to wear it.
I don't even view it as mandatory. Used to see some beauty in it and wear it out of free will..but now it's a heavy symbol which I wear every day and which I despise and makes me despise Islam even more.
People say: take your time, slow down
I understand their advice
At the same time...easy to say! Easy to say it when you're a woman who could be everything from an atheist to a muslim to a Hindu. Or even better - a man.
Of course those people can take it easy! They don't walk around with a symbolic screaming stereotyical bs about them! Their faith is private. Mine is not.
I used to genuinely like Islam. Now I either feel frustration, exhaustion or at best...nothing. Completely empty and mute. No feelings at all.
Who's fault? Entirely mine.
I wish I'd didn't know the things I do and didn't think about the things I do. I'd wish I could continue to live in the blissful ignorance like I did in the past.
Where every question could be brushed away as "gods knowledge". As "god is merciful".
Maybe god is. Maybe not.
But I'm mad at him.
And myself.
I have been an ex muslim in the past. Secretly of course. Came back on my own terms. I question the choice.
I CANNOT live as a closeted ex muslim. No, I can't. That would be a miserable life, it was a miserable life.
I can't even relate to ex Muslims communities. They only make me feel worse. They are not like me and im not like them.
I'm not an ex muslim. I'm not a muslim. Who the hell am I?
Though, it doesn't matter.
To the whole word I'm a muslim.
I need to be one. I have to.
So..how?
How do I force myself to love islam? At least not feel all the ridiculous things I feel towards it.
I know this post will probably get down voted. Maybe I should've posted it on ex muslim sub instead, but I don't feel at home there either.
I don't feel at home anywhere.
I'm tired. Tired of being tired, of crying and complaining. Tired of everything. I cannot live like this. Or at all.
I don't know.
And I'm not saying islam is bad..it isn't. It truly isn't uniquely bad or bad at all it's only bad for me, I'm not made for it as much as I'm not made for this life, and if god created me he did so just to make me suffer for eternity from the day I got born to eternity in the afterlife.
I envy people who actually are at peace with themselves and their faith.
I'm just a hypocrite.
I've spent my whole, my whole youth in this religion. I regret it so much. I regret ever being born, ever doing anything.
I was planning to take a break from reddit. But failed as usual..
I have a new question which makes my stomach drop and makes me nausea's.
33:59.
Haven't found any good explanations, only messy apologetics.
My issue is the common explanation for 33:59.
That women got harassed, and when the men got caught they would say that they thought she was a slave.
So god commands to wrap the jilbab, so it's clear that they're free women
But then, doesn't that mean that harassing a slave was okay? Why not say that anyone who harasses a women, slave or free , will get punished! As simple as that..
Why the blaming of women and their clothes?
Also, the harassment, does it mean...rape? Or something less graphic and horrific... Cat calling or something, I don't know.
Also, if it's about women being recognized as free women then what was the point of the verse since jilbab ALREADY seemed to be a sign of a free woman, at least from my understanding..
I understand nothing.
Even if jilbab somehow helped... Okay, We have a solution for free women.. But what about slave women? But not tell slave women to wear a jilbab too?
Also like why say the women of believers.. Why not "the believing women"? Does it mean that lets say any other muslim woman who was not married to a muslim man....somehow did not have to observe the command? Maybe I'm being a bit annoying and picky, but the wording seems strange to me.
Question stated in the title.
Traditional explanations are just misogynistic, that women have worse memory, deficient and so...
Even if the rule is only about economical things - why does it exist? And applying it today...do we have to? If no - aren't we just changing religion? Isn't it really meant to be eternal?
Isn't the rule misogynistic... Why not a man=women. Why 2 women= 1 man....
I have heard some say that women were less involved in economics...but wasn't Khadija "a business woman"? Of course she may have been an exception but still... I don't really understand and fear being lied too, just because people want to save the faith...
If it's about the fact that women did not "participate" in economics then why doesn't the same rule apply regarding a "will" and so...
Like... I don't understand .. As said, Khadija a business woman...so what, based on the role, Would her testimony also be a half? Even though she knows everything that is relevant to the case?
Some also say that this applies to ALL testimonies (analogical reasoning...) which is even worse..
Assalamualaikum
I absolutely do not understand Islamic rules regarding marriage. I try to understand - but can't. Some even seem strange, bad, and... perverted. Maybe there is some other explanation... Tied to economics, or inheritance or something..I dont know. Need help.
Let's say Sofia and Marcus marry. They never had sex and divorced almost immediately.
Why can't Marcus marry the mother of Sofia?
Why does the law permanently ban it.
To me, it used to seem that because it's simply weird - to marry the ex wife of your son, or ex husband of your daughter.
But, that's not the case it seems.
Because
So, its not about feelings.
Then about what?
It's not about biology either because there is nothing inherently biologically wrong in having sex or marrying the parents of your ex spouse.
\--------
So, what are the rules based on? Maybe inheritance or so?
I truly don't understand.
To me it feels like
If it's based on feelings then it applies to adopted son too
If it's not based on feelings - then the rule is strange and a useless restriction
\---
Would need an explanation for this, couldn't find any good online so far...
----
I don't understand WHY does a marriage contract make someone permanently forbidden even if the contract is dissolved.
At the same time adoption or an adoption contract is somehow Haram, as people claim due to biology... But clearly this (a nikkah, a contract) has nothing to do with biology - and yet is enough to alter marriage restrictions beyond biology. Seems like a double standard...
---
If a women can PERMANENTLY become a daughter in law trough a contract and it is not "faking lineage or family ties". Why can't an adopted son be treated as a real son through a contract? Why adoption haram?
And it's weird for an adoptive father to marry an ex wife of his son either way. Doesn't it create an unhealthy dynamic? The adoptive father may look at the wife of his adoptive son as a potential spouse or so...
----
People claim that in the past people used to view an adoptive son the same as a biological and that it was an ISSUE.
I don't understand: WHY. Why is that an issue? It's only beautiful!
I understand the rules about calling them by their real names.
But having those strict rules around marriage is only good. Removing those rules - that's strange.
---
Also, the more I read the two verses the more confusing it all gets.
In regards to the rule about step daughters being permitted before sex with their mother...why?
Why doesn't that apply to mothers of the wife?
If you did marry a woman, but never had sex and decided to divorce.. why can you NEVER marry her mother? Why different rules for step daughter and mother?
Assalamualaikum
I absolutely do not understand Islamic rules regarding marriage. I try to understand - but can't.
Let's say Sofia and Marcus marry. They never had sex and divorced almost immediately.
Why can't Marcus marry the mother of Sofia?
Why does the law permanently ban it.
To me, it used to seem that because it's simply weird - to marry the ex wife of your son, or ex husband of your daughter.
But, that's not the case it seems.
Because
So, its not about feelings.
Then about what?
It's not about biology either because there is nothing inherently biologically wrong in having sex or marrying the parents of your ex spouse.
--------
So, what are the rules based on? Maybe inheritance or so?
I truly don't understand.
To me it feels like
If it's based on feelings then it applies to adopted son too
If it's not based on feelings - then the rule is strange and a useless restriction
---
Would need an explanation for this, couldn't find any good online so far...
I don't understand WHY does a marriage contract make someone permanently forbidden even if the contract is dissolved.
At the same time adoption or an adoption contract is somehow Haram, as people claim due to biology... But clearly this (a nikkah, a contract) has nothing to do with biology - and yet is enough to alter marriage restrictions beyond biology. Seems like a double standard...
If a women can PERMANENTLY become a daughter in law trough a contract and it is not "faking lineage or family ties". Why can't an adopted son be treated as a real son through a contract? Why adoption haram?
And it's weird for an adoptive father to marry an ex wife of his son either way. Doesn't it create an unhealthy dynamic? The adoptive father may look at the wife of his adoptive son as a potential spouse or so...
People claim that in the past people used to view an adoptive son the same as a biological and that it was an ISSUE.
I don't understand: WHY. Why is that an issue? It's only beautiful!
I understand the rules about calling them by their real names.
Also, the more I read the two verses the more confusing it all gets.
In regards to the rule about step daughters being permitted before sex with their mother...why? Why doesn't that apply to mothers of the wife? If you did marry a woman, but never had sex and decided to divorce.. why can you NEVER marry her mother? Why different rules for step daughter and mother?
As well...how do we even verify if sex occurs or not in a Marriage? Lying Is an option....
Question in the title.
Why before marriage 100 lashes for Zina but after only 50? If it's always 50 why not clearly stated..
Assalamualaikum
I have many reasons to believe in what the title says. From language to context to broader ethics....
My main struggle (beside the hadith) is 2 things which are a bit connected. Hopefully someone could give me a satisfying answer. PLEASE refrain from commenting if you don't hold the view that DARABA means leave and follow the traditional reading, I beg you.
God could've used any other word..why didn't he?
If he meant "leave"HOW did centuries of Muslims miss it? Even people who lived with the prophet... Even people who restricted it heavily (like Ibn Abbas whom I respect quite a lot even though I'd admit not knowing much about him) still allowed it. How???
What's the point of the scripture where every Generation just reads their values into the text... The history makes me feel as if I'm the one bending the text. Even though the traditional reading seems contradictory to me in SO many ways.
I'm seeking an explanation, and help. Feel free to dm or ask me to dm you.
Like.. if I claim it means leave I'm claiming centuries of scholarship is wrong. Even the earliest muslim.. How can I make such claims... didn't they know best?
God spoke to them, in their language at their time.. surely they understood? Surely they knew the truth especially if they were so close to the prophet or the time of the prophet?
If they didn't understand anything the could ask the prophet! Why didn't the prophet tell them what the verse means?
My question is as stated in the title.
What issues do hadith have? Is it possible for a "mass transmitted hadith" to be wrong? For example, the last ceremony - is it mass transmitted? Each word? I see that there are many different versions. For example some contain wife beating, some don't, some do but with different reasons (for example for "open immortality" or for allowing someone in the house?
Hadith science seems to be much less reliable then the traditional narrative tries to claim.
Assalamualaikum
As many if you know (and have probably observed yourself too), I'm pretty sure I have religious ocd. Atleast those who are familiar with my old account which I managed to lose (Cinnamon_and_tea)
Ocd has even been suspended in me, by a mental health specialist, around a year ago (though not spesifcally religious, but general).
If I am lucky, then in a few weeks I may get the opportunity to talk to them again. I want to mention the religious ocd, and my other struggles too.
I also have access or possibility for an online therapist, who is muslim, but that is a bit complicated and even if I'll talk to her, I still need real life help, even beside ocd.
The question i have is as stated in the title:
How to talk about religous ocd to a secular therapist?
Like, what am I supposed to say? What examples do I bring up? How do I formulate it? Like, I can't just go and "yes, hello, being a muslim brings me distress, not being muslim brings me distress, religious matters make me panick and keep me restless at night. What matters? Well, controversial things like...-"
That's not something I feel like I can do. At the same time they will most definitely want some examples... I can't just go and claim myself that I have ocd..(though they have suggested the possibility of it around a year ago, throughout a fleeting conversation, but still.)
Not sure what to do.
Besides, mentioning religion always ends up with the religion or my culture getting blamed. Like, once I came to talk about anxiety, and they just HAD to ask what I think about my hijab and whether I'm forced or so. Mind you, the topic of it was not relevant AT ALL, the conversation was not tied to religion, or family or so...
So, secular white therapist are secular and white before they are therapists...
Besides, mentioning religion will just make Islam look bad, as if people aren't islamaphobic enough. It will make me the perfect image of the oppressed muslim girl, which I just resent.
So...any tips and reccomendations on how to navigate it?