u/haleythelady

Disclaimer that I know single mothers and people with multiple children have it way harder than I do.

But I have an 11 week old and my husband goes back to work today. I know that we were so blessed that he got such a long leave since a lot of fathers don’t get any time at all. But we have a very “colicky”, difficult, high needs baby. She is truly 24/7. She doesn’t like being put down, she won’t nap in her bassinet, and if you aren’t holding her just right she is very upset. We’ve spent much of these last 11 weeks trying to figure out what exactly is bothering her so much and we just can’t figure it out.

Now that he’s going back to work I don’t understand how I’m supposed to live my life. I already am so sleep deprived. She usually settles for the night around 10, but I can never make it in bed before 11 because I have so many things to do around the house. I usually then get to sleep until 230, but then I’m up from 2:30-5 every day to pump, feed her, settle her, run the bottle washer, etc. At 5 my husband takes over but she’s still so loud at that point that I basically don’t sleep.

Then my husband goes to the gym at 7 so I have to take over. I physically can’t force myself to get up before that because I’m so tired but then I need to pump again and get ready, but I can’t because she’s napping and I can’t set her down. I can’t hold her when I have wearable pumps in so that’s not an option.

So now my boobs are engorged, i need to pee, I’m so tired, and I can’t even wash my face and brush my teeth to get ready for the day. I can’t even make myself a cup of coffee. And I have loads of laundry, my bed isn’t made, the dishwasher is full of dishes. And I’m so overwhelmed :(

So how do other people do this alone? I know that so many women do so I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.

Desperate for help :( my 6 week old has transitioned really well from exclusively bottle fed to nursing, but she gets so much air and gets sooo upset when she’s done eating. She’ll thrash around and turn red and scream, and tends to spit up a lot. She’ll stay uncomfortable for like an hour after feeding and I feel terrible. She’ll also spit up hours later no matter how long I hold her upright after eating.

I think I do have a strong let down - baby will start gulping and gasping and when she pulls off she has milk all over her and I’m dripping. Should I start using a hand pump before feeding her?

I had an LC come over who suggested the laid back position to help but I don’t think it has and I honestly find it really hard to get baby in the right position.

She also clicks the whole time. The LC said she had a mild tongue tie but I don’t know that I really want to do anything about it.

I’ll take any advice :(

My baby will be 4 weeks old on Friday. She basically didn’t latch at birth, and then a few hours later was under billi lights 24/7 for severe jaundice. We immediately put her on formula for the fluid, and she ended up in the nicu for 2 weeks. Starting probably day 5 I began pumping and she’s been on ~95% breastmilk since then.

I haaaate hate hate pumping and dream of just nursing her with maybe a 1-2 pump sessions a day. I really didn’t start attempting to get her to latch until this week, and while she definitely could have a deeper latch, once she’s on she does okay.

The issue is that trying to get her on is a nightmare. I’ve been doing cross cradle and will just scream and fight me until she gets on, which is only half the time. She’s a little better on the left than the right which makes me wonder if maybe she’s tighter on that side and uncomfortable? Originally I thought maybe I was waiting until she was too hungry but today I tried when she wasn’t hungry yet and seemingly in a good mood and it was the same thing.

I have the my breast friend pillow but she doesn’t seem to like it, and I think she feels insecure/unsafe when using a regular pillow or none at all - just a guess.

It’s really disheartening because it makes me upset too and I know it’s just new for both of us but it’s sooo difficult.

Anyway, just curious if there’s any advice to help her not be so angry when I try :(

I woke up and felt like my throat was getting sore so I decided to take a serving of wellness formula which is six pills (and potent - has a ton of ingredients). I have a three week old (FTM) and am new to all of this, so I stupidly didn’t even think about the fact that this might not be safe for baby. Well, then I read the label and it said not to use while breastfeeding.

I’m thinking I should pump and dump – how long until we think the herbs and vitamins are out of my system? 24 hours?

I’ll be 2 weeks pp on Friday - baby has been in the nicu since I got discharged on day 2, but it’s looking like she may be able to come home this weekend. I’ve been doing 8 pumps a day every 3 hours and have been producing just enough/a little bit extra sometimes.

I am sooo freaking exhausted. I know there’s no getting around it with a newborn, but the waking up, pumping, driving back and forth from the hospital, healing from birth, and the mental toll of it all is so much.

I’m dreaming of skipping my 2am pump just once the night before she’s expected to come home, so I’d do just my 11am and 5am pumps that night.

Is skipping that one pump just once a bad idea? I know I’m so early on so I’m worried about doing anything that will harm my supply.

Also shout out to all of you. This is so much more time consuming and exhausting than I could have imagined!

I guess I’m just venting but figured this is the place. My baby is 9 days old and has been in the nicu for 7 days for alloimmunization - started out with bad jaundice, now battling anemia. She started having low spo2 and is now on air to help, which she’s been doing great on. The problem is that the only times she dips into the 80s is when I’m bottle feeding her - nobody else. It’s like I don’t know how to hold her or feed her correctly no matter what I do, but she has so many wires/the nasal cannula and seems so delicate, and this is my first baby so I just seriously feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. My husband is so confident with her that is also just makes me feel extra stupid. I’m also exhausted from going back and forth from the hospital trying to heal from giving birth, plus only sleeping like an hour at a time because I’m trying to be really on top of my pumping schedule. I just feel humiliated and like everyone is judging me for not knowing the exact correct angle/position to feed her.

Anyway not sure what I’m trying to get out of this, just to say this whole thing sucks.

I know not every mother even gets maternity leave, so I realize this is a privileged question. But my husband gets 12 weeks of paternity leave and is planning on taking all of it, but maybe breaking it up somehow depending on how things are going so that we can get extend the time until we need childcare when I go back to work. Not that I think it matters anyway, but we have no family around to help us either.

I am genuinely shocked by the number of negative comments my husband has been receiving when he tells people he is planning on taking the full time. Every single person seems shocked and thinks it’s completely unnecessary.

I on the other hand think it’s amazing and I’m excited that we get the privilege to do this together and that we’ll get to lean on each other. I also think it’s 12 weeks in the grand scheme of life?

Anyway, curious to know what your partner is doing if they do get an official leave.

Hoping this is okay to post here - it's been quite a nightmare trying to figure out.

I'd like to start my maternity leave early. I understand that I qualify for short term disability up to 4 weeks before my delivery date, but I do not have short term disability through my employer (which I'm already aware gives me very very little pay).

From my research, it seems like I would just need to submit form db450 in order to get approval for this leave. Is there anything else that needs to be done here beyond notifying my employer?

Curious if anyone has heard of any alternative hebrew names for Anne. I like חַנָּה but it’s the name of a close family member(English name is Hannah) and would prefer something else. Thanks!

This just started happening this morning on my iPhone 15. When I search for an app, the app itself won't come up. The settings, google, and mail results do, but not the app itself. I've:

• confirmed all of the apps have the "show app in search" and "show content in search" settings enabled
• turned the phone off and on
• upgraded to iOS 26.4.2

I don't know what else to do but it's driving me insane. Any ideas?

Hi! Trying to find a simple middle name for a girl that has some symbolism and I’m liking אלה

Wanted to get more info on the English translation…would this be Ayla? Eila? Elah? I’d really like to just use Ella but not sure if that’s incorrect, I’ve seen conflicting opinions online.