u/halfofruby

I am a hemicorporectomy amputee, meaning I am amputated from the waist down. As a result, I have both a colostomy bag and a urostomy bag. Because of my anatomy and being in a wheelchair, finding clothing that fits well and keeps both medical devices completely covered is difficult.

At an appointment this afternoon, a woman in her 60s looked at me and said, “You should wear longer tops, we don’t need that on display,” while gesturing toward my colostomy bag. The bottom of the bag was peeking out about two inches from under my t-shirt. It was clean and functioning normally.

In the moment, I was caught off guard and simply pulled my cardigan closed. Then, I went to the bathroom and burst into tears.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the more it bothers me. These bags help me stay alive. It feels pretty unfair that I’m expected to stress over them popping out to say hi just to keep a stranger from having to think about poo.

Cis Pan woman. I’m inexperienced in dating generally, let alone in this slightly more vulnerable situation. I had a hemicorporectomy amputation surgery after osteosarcoma (bone cancer), losing my lower half. I now use a wheelchair full time.

Thought it might be of interest to some to talk/answer questions about my particular brand of sexuality: acquired asexuality due to a surgery.

About three years ago, when I was 18, I was diagnosed with an osteosarcoma tumour on my lumbar spine, right near the pelvis. To save my life, my surgical team had to perform a translumbar amputation. Essentially, my lower body was amputated at the waist, which involved the removal of my legs, pelvis, and lower internal organs, including my reproductive system.

During my recovery, my medical team wanted to make sure my quality of life was protected. They brought in a lovely sex and relationships counselor to help me navigate what my future might look like. She laid out a lot of options for me. We talked about discovering new erogenous zones, focusing on sensual and emotional intimacy, and finding ways to experience pleasure without my genitals.

Society tends to push this narrative that sex is an essential thing and that if you lose the equipment, you will have to adapt and find a new way to do it. But as time went on, I realised my feeling of sexual attraction had just disappeared. The drive simply wasn't there anymore.

Whether it was the sudden lack of my organs and hormones, or just a mental shift after such a big change to my body, my brain simply stopped giving me sexual attraction.

It took me a while to find the asexual label, but when I did, it brought me a lot of peace. Realising that I am now asexual took so much pressure off my recovery. I could just let it go and focus on living.

I know my route into the ace community is incredibly rare, so I'm an open book. If anyone is curious about the medical side of things, the sudden psychological shift to being ace, or how I navigate life and romance now, ask away.

Currently looking for my first flat in London, after moving out of university halls.
Is there a website where accessible flats are listed?
Good search terms on property sites?