u/incxbxtsu

It’s hard for me (22 FTM) to understand that I’ll ever be truly wanted by a cis woman. My last relationship was almost 2 years with a cis woman who is now my ex. Intimacy at first was never an issue. She wanted to include me in bed, until she didn’t.

She told me during the summer of 2025. I had floated the idea of getting bottom surgery to her. She immediately shoots it down with “I’m not attracted to dick, you know that”. My face dropped and she then says, “You’re still a real man, I just hate dick”. I quickly rationalized it in my head and said “Okay, I understand.” Sex now became less frequent and I felt like a creep for even wanting to be sexual with her.

I’ve always struggled with sexual encounters. I’m more comfortable when I’m the one pleasing myself. I’ve always had issues with penetration before T. Even after plenty of lube, I couldn’t fit even a finger in without pain. When it comes to others, I’ve only gotten off once and it wasn’t even with my ex. I have got off only once with another person touching me. I tend to freeze up when someone’s performing sexual acts on me, often letting my mind think about whatever groceries I need for the week. No matter how into someone I am, my body will reject it. Even oral and being jerked off is painful.

What I do like is topping someone. Some might refer to that as a “stone top”. I like the actions of being dominant sexually and having that trust. I just despise everything done to me sexually. I guess strapons are cool, but it’s not a natal penis

To finish off about my ex, she ended up in October 2025, cheating on me with some guy. Now this guy had been over under the guise of “my best friend is over with her guy friend”. Her best friend and her guy friend were at my place. I was encouraged to play games with the dude. Later in the week, my ex goes to a local club with the guy friend and her best friend. When they come back to my place, they go to the garage and I quote, “Had deep conversations about life and such”. I knew then she was cheating. I had no proof but I could feel it. I confronted her and got the usual deflection. Turns out they had slept together while I was with my ex, I found that out after the breakup. Verified by my exes own mouth. Turns out the guy was cis, funny because she “is not attracted to dick”.

My ex during the break period was telling me how she wanted to experiment with cis men and “get that experience with a REAL guy”.

TLDR: told I can’t get bottom surgery because she hates dick, she cheated on me with a cis man.

Please tell me if it actually gets better. I just want someone to love me as much as I can love them.

It’s hard for me (22 FTM) to understand that I’ll ever be truly wanted by a cis woman. My last relationship was almost 2 years with a cis woman who is now my ex. Intimacy at first was never an issue. She wanted to include me in bed, until she didn’t.

She told me during the summer of 2025. I had floated the idea of getting bottom surgery to her. She immediately shoots it down with “I’m not attracted to dick, you know that”. My face dropped and she then says, “You’re still a real man, I just hate dick”. I quickly rationalized it in my head and said “Okay, I understand.” Sex now became less frequent and I felt like a creep for even wanting to be sexual with her.

I’ve always struggled with sexual encounters. I’m more comfortable when I’m the one pleasing myself. I’ve always had issues with penetration before T. Even after plenty of lube, I couldn’t fit even a finger in without pain. When it comes to others, I’ve only gotten off once and it wasn’t even with my ex. I have got off only once with another person touching me. I tend to freeze up when someone’s performing sexual acts on me, often letting my mind think about whatever groceries I need for the week. No matter how into someone I am, my body will reject it. Even oral and being jerked off is painful.

What I do like is topping someone. Some might refer to that as a “stone top”. I like the actions of being dominant sexually and having that trust. I just despise everything done to me sexually. I guess strapons are cool, but it’s not a natal penis

To finish off about my ex, she ended up in October 2025, cheating on me with some guy. Now this guy had been over under the guise of “my best friend is over with her guy friend”. Her best friend and her guy friend were at my place. I was encouraged to play games with the dude. Later in the week, my ex goes to a local club with the guy friend and her best friend. When they come back to my place, they go to the garage and I quote, “Had deep conversations about life and such”. I knew then she was cheating. I had no proof but I could feel it. I confronted her and got the usual deflection. Turns out they had slept together while I was with my ex, I found that out after the breakup. Verified by my exes own mouth. Turns out the guy was cis, funny because she “is not attracted to dick”.

My ex during the break period was telling me how she wanted to experiment with cis men and “get that experience with a REAL guy”.

TLDR: told I can’t get bottom surgery because she hates dick, she cheated on me with a cis man.

Please tell me if it actually gets better. I just want someone to love me as much as I can love them.