u/jardinantique_

I’m 33 years old and I live alone in a small town in France. This is actually the first year of my life that I have truly lived alone.

My story is complicated, so I’ll try to summarize it.

For many years, I had to take care of other people and deal with a very difficult family situation. My relationship with my brother has been extremely damaging for about twenty years, and for a long time I was basically forced into living with him. I also lost my mother, and after her death, a lot of family conflicts happened. Eventually, I cut contact with most of my family.

A lot of friendships also disappeared or ended badly. Many people who were around when my mother was alive simply stopped talking to me afterwards.

Today, I have very few people left in my life. There is really only one person I feel I can somewhat rely on. She is a lovely woman I met about three years ago, and she is over 70 years old. She has been incredibly kind to me, but obviously she cannot take care of everything.

Since around 2015, I have basically had to manage most things on my own.

I also have significant health problems.

I have an eye disease that requires heavy medical treatments, but one of my biggest current problems is swallowing.

For several years, I have suffered from severe swallowing difficulties and phagophobia. Eating and drinking do not feel automatic or normal to me anymore. Sometimes even swallowing liquids is difficult, and meals can become extremely stressful and exhausting.

Over time, this problem became much worse.

I became unable to eat normally and could no longer take in enough food. I lost a significant amount of weight, became physically very weak, and eventually had to be hospitalized because my nutritional situation had become too serious.

Because I still cannot eat enough normally, I now have a PICC line and receive nutritional support through it.

So when I came home from hospital, I was not simply “recovering from a hospital stay.” I came home still underweight, exhausted, struggling to eat and drink, and with a PICC line that I have to protect.

And I came home completely alone.

Since then, everyday life has become incredibly difficult.

I don’t have a car. Public transportation exists where I live, but it is limited. I also live upstairs, so even basic things like bringing groceries home, carrying packages, opening doors, going up and down the stairs, dealing with appointments, medications, nurses, medical suppliers and paperwork can become exhausting.

And because of the PICC line, I am supposed to be careful with my arm.

The problem is that I am alone.

There is nobody here to carry things for me or do everyday tasks. Sometimes I have to use the arm more than I should, and my PICC line has already bled several times. It has been checked by medical staff and the dressing has been changed several times, but everyday life still requires me to use that arm.

On top of all of this, my apartment is causing major problems.

It is a very small apartment that I found urgently because I received almost no help finding housing and had to manage everything myself.

My kitchen sink is currently unusable because of plumbing problems, so I cannot properly wash dishes.

My boiler also has problems and has been leaking dirty/grey water, so right now I am basically living with cold water.

My apartment is also very cluttered because I came back from hospital already exhausted, physically weak and unable to manage everything at once.

I have tried to get home help, but even getting someone to come and help clean can take weeks just to receive a quote and organize everything.

I have contacted associations, social services and other organizations. I have written letters. I am also trying to find another apartment because I honestly don’t think I can continue living like this.

But finding decent housing in France right now is extremely difficult, especially with a low income.

I am currently not working and I live on a disability allowance, so my financial situation is limited too.

I think what shocked me the most was how hard life became after leaving the hospital.

In the hospital, people are around you.

Then you go home, and suddenly you have to manage everything again.

Groceries. Laundry. Food. Cleaning. Medication. Medical equipment. Phone calls. Appointments. Paperwork. Deliveries. Opening doors.Carrying things. Going up stairs.

And in my case, even eating and drinking are already difficult before I start dealing with everything else.

You are supposed to recover, but at the same time you are doing the work of several people just to keep your life functioning.

I’m writing here because I desperately need to hear from people who have experienced something similar.

Have any of you ever come home from hospital completely alone, with no family or close friends nearby?

Have you ever had to manage daily life alone while physically weak, unable to eat normally, or with one arm injured, immobilized, or difficult to use?

How did you manage food, cleaning, shopping, laundry and all the little things that normally require two hands?

Did you also feel completely overwhelmed after coming home?

I’m not necessarily looking for perfect solutions. Sometimes I just need to know that other people have survived periods like this.

I’m posting on an international forum because I haven’t really found the kind of support I need in French spaces, and right now I just need to talk to people who understand what living truly alone can mean when your health suddenly collapses.

Thank you for reading.

J’ai vécu presque 20 ans avec mon frère dans une situation qui est devenue complètement invivable pour ma mère et moi. Depuis l’enfance, il a énormément de rigidités, de rituels et de comportements qui ressemblent à des TOC, mais il a toujours refusé de se faire suivre durablement malgré toutes les tentatives de ma mère puis les miennes. Il est souvent tete baissé, a faire des crispations, des grimaces, parler seul parfois, tordre ses mains, pas de réaction, des moments de "vivacité" qui durent quelques jours et pendant 1 mois/ 1mois et demi il s'enferme a nouveau et vit comme si personne existait autour de lui.

Petit à petit, il a imposé ses règles sur absolument tout : ordinateur, imprimante, Internet, chauffage, électricité, voiture, fenêtres, courses, sorties, horaires, argent, nourriture… Même des choses complètement banales devenaient compliquées. Je pouvais devoir attendre qu’il mange ses chocolats avant de manger les miens. Adolescente, il m’a empêchée de créer ma chaîne YouTube en inventant qu’on n’avait droit qu’à une adresse mail/chaîne par famille. Il pouvait aussi me faire écouter pendant des heures ses listes autour des voitures, sinon je risquais de ne plus avoir Internet.

Quand il a eu une voiture, il y avait carrément des jours où ma mère et moi ne pouvions pas compter sur lui pour nous déplacer. Pourtant, ma mère était gravement malade. Les courses étaient souvent faites à moitié et je devais retourner compléter et porter des choses lourdes. Il travaillait mais participait peu selon moi, cachait beaucoup ses revenus et ne voulait pas quitter le domicile alors que cela avait aussi des conséquences financières pour maman.

Le plus difficile, c’est que j’avais l’impression que dès qu’une chose pouvait nous apporter un peu de confort ou de bonheur, il fallait qu’elle devienne compliquée. Chauffage, air frais dans la voiture, sorties, restaurants, Internet… J’en étais même arrivée à organiser discrètement des sorties avec un chauffeur pour que ma mère puisse profiter un peu de sa vie.

Et paradoxalement, pour imposer toutes ces petites règles, il était présent. Mais lorsqu’il fallait prendre une vraie responsabilité, défendre quelqu’un, téléphoner, régler un problème familial ou administratif, tout retombait sur maman ou sur moi. Même après son décès, en plein deuil, j’ai dû gérer pratiquement seule des problèmes très lourds concernant notamment sa sépulture.

Il y a aussi quelque chose que je n’ai jamais compris : il pouvait être extrêmement froid avec maman et moi alors que nous essayions de l’aider, mais continuer à fréquenter des personnes qui lui avaient fait du mal ou qui avaient fait du mal à notre famille. Et surtout, notre père avait été extrêmement violent avec ma mère et je lui ai expliqué avoir moi-même subi des attouchements de sa part. Malgré ça, mon frère a continué à le fréquenter. Ça, je l’ai vécu comme une énorme trahison et une minimisation de ce que j’avais subi.

Il y a également eu le Covid, où son absence de réaction dans une situation importante m’a énormément marquée. C'était lui le responsable de la transmission du virus et il aurait du partir de la maison, mais comme d'habitude, il reste tete baissée. Donc j'ai du faire sans voiture et peu d'argent, appeler des medecins, la CPAM, partir avec l'ambulance, payer, rester 10 jours dans un endroit à l'extérieur, et rater le dernier Noel avec ma mère, pour la protéger. En revenant, il m'a dit qu'il fallait payer 3,60 de dépassement de forfait car maman avait "trop appelé".

Aujourd’hui nous vivons enfin séparément et j’ai pris énormément de distance. Pourtant, dès qu’un problème familial important arrive, il peut encore me rappeler et je me retrouve à nouveau à gérer parce que lui laisse les choses traîner, notamment certaines démarches avec le notaire.

Après la mort de maman, j’ai subi une forte emprise affective. Je voulais partir et construire ma vie, mais mon frère répétait qu’il allait « sombrer » si je le laissais seul, ce qui me faisait culpabiliser. Au moment du déménagement, il voulait que je parte avec lui et a même vendu certaines de mes affaires dans mon dos, c'était dur. Tout cela a compliqué mon indépendance et m’a énormément fragilisée psychologiquement et financièrement, alors que j’étais déjà malade et en plein deuil.

J'ai du tout gérer et m'en sortir seule. Aucune assistante sociale, associations, la famille du côté de mon père comme de ma mère ne m'a aidé ou riait, les amis bref tout ça personne ne m'a aidé, j'ai du tout subir. J'ai toqué à toutes les portes.

Je précise que j'ai une maladie difficile à gérer et j'ai du tout faire, gérer le quotidien, je vous jure même la vaisselle il l'a faisait a moitié ou ne la rinçait pas et je devais passer derrière. Je devais repasser derrière tout, même arroser une plante il était dans l'ultra restriction, enfin ça m'a rendue dingue. Tout retombait sur moi. J'ai été pénalisée quasiment toute ma vie, sur mon bonheur, le travail, la santé, certaines sorties, la liberté.

Et j'ai résumé tout cela dans un dossier sur mon ordinateur. Pour vous dire ça fait presque 60 pages tellement qu'il a eu des comportements terribles d'emprise.

Il n'y a qu'a son travail, la médecin traitant et le centre psychiatrique de ma ville (mais il était suivi il y a plus de 20 ans) qui ne le savent pas.

Il est difficile car devant les gens il cache ses troubles et les gens pensent « mais tu vois qu'il va bien !! » c'est compliqué.

Ça m’a coûté énormément psychologiquement, physiquement, financièrement et en liberté. J'ai pu « miraculeusement » trouver un logement, seule. Je me reconstruis car j'ai beaucoup sacrifié. Je suis détruite psychologiquement.

Merci de m'avoir lue.

I posted last week about how you could regain some purchasing power using those coins.

That was true until recently, and I actually made some real savings after July 1st. I thought I could manage things that way, ha, how naive I was...

In fact, I placed an order for just over 75 euros consisting *only* of items from the collectable coins section, nothing else. I figured that since there were big discounts, like 65% or 50%, the good deals were back. So I let myself be tempted because I needed items that weren't available elsewhere, or were much more expensive there (bulk packs of cloths, huge packs of washable face pads, etc.). These are things that really help me out since I don't have access to a washing machine.

There were great discounts, and I thought the "free shipping" offer for orders over 10 euros applied, but it turned out it didn't.

I got hit with over 30 euros in taxes; that really stung.

At first, I had a longer list of items totaling over 90 euros, but the taxes came to nearly 50 euros, so I cancelled the whole thing.

So, I went ahead and bought the items because it worked out cheaper overall, they were bulk packs containing fairly unique products, but that’s it for me now. I’m never ordering anything again, and I mean it this time.

European leaders are pieces of shit, but AliExpress is to blame too; as I said in another post, they just don't give a damn anymore and want to wash their hands of Europeans to do business elsewhere.

They can go ahead, they did me a favor this time, but no, I’m not paying that much every time.

I’ve cleared out my entire cart; I’m just waiting for the delivery of what I ordered, and then I’m putting the app on mute.

Hang in there. My country has just raised energy and food prices again.

I checked out the "Bundle Deals"; sure, there’s a €3 discount and the tax is "only" €3.90 regardless of how many items you stack, but the product catalog has been drastically cut down.

There’s hardly anything left. I was looking for labels, none to be found, and the few available are limited to a quantity of two; stickers are impossible to find. Barely three or four items show up in the entire catalog.

The 20% discount has been removed.

As for "Coins," I’m waiting for steep discounts to use them up once and for all, but I suspect we won't see big discounts there anymore either.

I think AliExpress is going to disappear from Europe; it’s clear they’re killing off their site here because doing business requires too many sacrifices on their part.

It’s pretty sad. I need specific items, so I’ll have to fall back on Temu, but it’s really gotten expensive for small objects.

The silver lining in this mess is that it’s really killed my urge to shop. Even though AliExpress helped me a lot these past few months, and I’m grateful for that, I had inadvertently become addicted to impulse buying. I used to buy things every night before bed. Still, I use everything I bought and will continue to do so, so it’s not just waste.

Still, what’s happening is pretty sad. Restrictions on dangerous items or a lack of safety standards to protect us would have been completely understandable, but that’s not really the case here...

Now, I order from Amazon much more often.

I had around 12,000 coins and made a few purchases, it was worth it with the coins applied during the sale.

So, I'll finish making my last purchases using this discount, and then that'll be it until there's a real change. I don't think there will be, though, so this is likely the end. I'll manage by finding what I need at discount stores that source their goods from... China.

I've already posted here to share my negative opinion on the tax, but it really sucks when I see the final result. Temu is actually worse than AliExpress.

The "Bundle Deals" that used to be great value aren't anymore, except maybe the "Choice" category, where prices might drop briefly to become more affordable. They're still higher than before, but shipping remains free and there's no extra tax added (since it's included), so it actually works out well once you factor in the tax.

And what about this upcoming extra 2-euro tax? Can anyone tell me about it? Will it be added on top of the current taxes in November? Will Black Friday or the 11/11 sale still happen on AliExpress?

I've noticed that AliExpress is handling refunds properly again; are they afraid of losing customers? I was surprised they didn't ask for more proof regarding two items, one bent and one missing, and to see two credits in my account based on today's prices (which are higher than before).

We'll see how it all turns out, but personally, I'm only going to buy the occasional item on these sites that would be more expensive on Amazon, things like moving bags, specialty labels, and so on. I’d been planning a small business for four years and had everything ready, but well, I think I’m going to drop the idea, unless another country opens up to me.

Anyway, I think it’s a raw deal for the consumer. It’s only a matter of time before the impact is felt across Europe; they’ll see that people aren’t buying more locally. Chinese sites won’t go bankrupt, but they will lose a lot of customers. They’ll notice that, and I don’t think this situation will last for years, after all, they love money too much, on one side or the other...

I’m so angry about the price hikes on AliExpress, Temu, and Shein, I haven't checked Shein yet, but I assume it’s the same story there, anyway...

I’m from France, and I just can't stand all these taxes anymore. I’m furious. Especially since this whole situation stems from right here at home, our government makes a huge fuss over the slightest thing, often for no reason at all.

Everything in life is incredibly expensive, and it’s not our fault. Of course, ranting behind a computer screen won't change anything, but I’m truly at my wit's end. Whether it’s food, healthcare, the cost of living, or housing, everything is out of reach when you’re poor. And the hardest part is having no stepping stone to improve my situation, since social mobility is completely stalled.

I live with a partial disability, or rather, a debilitating condition, that makes finding a job extremely difficult. I’ve been wanting to work since 2019, but there’s nothing out there for me, so I applied for an allowance. It was only approved this year, and I’m only entitled to it for two years; after that, I’ll be back to living on a very low income of 500 euros.

I’ve been through some very tough times and didn't have the chance to prepare for the future the way healthy people often do. I was lucky enough to get a place to live this year and started furnishing it in January. Naturally, I had absolutely nothing, very few possessions, so I had to buy everything to ensure my comfort and meet my basic needs.

Office and kitchen accessories, bedding, clothes, health and sleep aids, lighting, a computer, sports gear, handbags and travel bags—basically, specific yet standard items I needed to manage my various challenges and feel comfortable. Just everyday essentials.

Some are rare items I couldn't find anywhere else, yet they’ve become indispensable for my exercises. If I’d gone to a regular store, I probably would have paid three times as much. I’ve shopped at plenty of discount stores, but AliExpress and Temu have been lifesavers.

Even though AliExpress ripped me off on 30 items I never got, which felt unfair, what can you do? Everything is expensive. Luckily, I have a reliable delivery person, and those kinds of incidents mostly happened back in March. It’s a shame AliExpress isn't as good or honest as it used to be, but overall, I’ve still saved a huge amount of money.

I bought two great bags on Temu, one for daily use and one for travel; they’re stylish and durable, and cost just 18 euros for the pair. The prices are insane. I know there’s all this controversy surrounding these sites, and I’m aware of the wretched conditions the people behind them face; I wish I could stop buying Chinese goods to avoid supporting that system.

But what can you do? It’s a vicious cycle. Low-income people want cheaper prices because that’s all we can afford. If I had a well-paying job, I wouldn’t be constantly using these sites; I’d make the effort to buy local and support small business owners. But when you realize that even they buy from China, and aren't exactly friendly, it makes you question things.

This situation really feels like a punishment for being poor. We didn't choose this. We’d love for our lives to improve, but we’re stuck suffering the consequences of the bad decisions made by the "losers" running things. They are truly incompetent and useless. Look at France right now: there’s a heatwave, we don’t have air conditioning, and people are dying. They haven't managed to plan ahead since 2003. They collected 36 billion for renovations and cooling measures, and the money just vanished. They’re all a bunch of corrupt bastards. Anyway. They’re all corrupt and rich. They make us feel guilty about being in this situation while constantly penalizing us further.

I hope it gets resolved, but I don't know, this whole thing smells fishy. I think the days of cheap, accessible goods are over. If it were just 3 euros in taxes, like with standard shipping, I’d say fine, if it helps move things forward and brings everyone into compliance. But that’s not it. It’s just taxing for the sake of taxing. The money will just get siphoned off by this mafia.

I was lucky enough to go on a shopping spree over the last six months; let's say I managed to get 50% of what I wanted, which is great, but I’m still missing things, and it really pisses me off knowing I’ll have to pay so much more for basic items.

We have Noz and Action here in France, so I’ll check out their prices.

I’m going to wait for Black Friday and the November 11th sale on AliExpress to see what kind of deals they offer, but I heard there’s going to be a 2-euro tax added on top of the 3 euros?! I’m really frustrated and angry.

F***k Europe.

Hello everyone,

I’m writing here because my situation is a bit specific, and I would really need some concrete feedback.

I had two corneal transplants when I was younger, and I am now diagnosed with a rare form of uveitis (choroiditis), which requires heavy long-term treatment (immunotherapy + corticosteroids).

On a daily basis:

• I have very strong photophobia (I wear dark sunglasses and a hat all the time)
• Light causes me a lot of fatigue and irritation
• Even minor eye allergies or irritation must be taken very seriously
• I live with a constant fear of worsening my vision

This has a big impact on my personal life. Simple things have become difficult:

• Washing my hair has become stressful because of the risk of getting products in my eyes
• I really miss wearing makeup, but I’ve stopped because I’m afraid of irritation

It’s difficult because makeup is part of who I am, and I would really like to reconnect with that part of my femininity without putting myself at risk.

So I would really appreciate your feedback:

👉 Are there people here with very sensitive eyes or eye conditions (uveitis, corneal transplant, severe dryness, etc.) who still manage to wear makeup?

👉 Which products or brands are truly ophthalmologically safe (not just “for sensitive eyes” as a marketing claim)?

👉 Who should I turn to for reliable advice:

• ophthalmologist?
• orthoptist?
• specialized makeup artist?

👉 What kind of strict hygiene routine do you follow?
(for example: cleaning brushes, using disposable tools, how often you replace products…)

👉 How do you remove makeup without causing irritation?

👉 And regarding showering / washing hair:

• how do you prevent products from getting into your eyes?
• do you use any specific techniques or tools?
• which products feel the safest?

For context, I am followed in a public hospital, but I often get very brief and limited answers, so I feel quite alone managing the day-to-day aspects.

Beyond the medical side, this situation also affects my life more broadly:

• difficulty working
• significant fatigue due to treatments
• side effects (eczema, nausea, etc.)
• feeling not well recognized in support systems

I’m not here to complain, but to find practical solutions to improve my daily life.

Thank you sincerely to anyone who takes the time to respond.