u/jaxxx_jd

I 18f grew up in a dysfunctional family until now. My parents often fought most of my life and I'd like to say they treated me harshly and unfairly for most of my life. My mom specifically has a temper of some sort. I've been hit until my lips bled, dragged down the stairs by my legs, pointed a knife at me, pointed a gun at me, best me up on my birthday, stuff like that. College is starting soon and I'm not allowed to dorm, I don't have my own room, and my mom wants every single one of us in bed around 9:30pm every weekday and confiscates all my devices. Honestly, I often anticipated that college was going to be difficult if I didn't dorm or atleast get my own room. I have a curfew, I can't stay up late past 9:30pm, I have no privacy, they rely on me to do my siblings homework, do chores and accept there shitty relationship that affects me. The pandemic drove me mad out of my mind because I was studying and learning at home at the same time in that kind of environment. At one point me and my mother fought about academics and well... I tried to od and obviously failed. That was only the pandemic, college is going to be far more difficult than that. They can't be reasoned with because they don't like being inconvenienced and yet at the same time there passive. previously, my mom told me to just kill myself or go on to an early grave all because all I do apparently is lay in bed. Well, it's not my first time hearing her say to me or my father that we should just kill ourselves and die. It's honestly quite tempting. We fought again because of my schedule for college. She was saying bullshit like "I don't care how much I hurted you or I don't care if you're traumatized, you'd be traumatized if you were on the streets" Then she tries to justify it with "no matter how angry I am or how much I hurt you I'm still the one who's going to provide for you" At some point, in my head I wonder if I tried to kill myself again because of how unbearable everything is, I wonder if she would change once I die or maybe she'd learn her lesson and wouldn't treat my siblings as badly as she treated me. Even so, that still doesn't guarantee change but if a person could be so deeply traumatized by an event perhaps that in a way she'd try to avoid doing what caused such situation in the first place (suicide)

I guess you could say I'm just being suicidal or I'm trying to justify it, and I am. and I don't want to prove myself or suffer more than I have. If I die, I die. That's just how it is. It always felt like I'm an inconvenience anyway. An unimportant person. There's nothing worthwhile about me now have I really left a long lasting impression to people that makes me worth living. I mean, if I die atleast there's a chance for her to change and learn from her actions right?

I 18f grew up in a dysfunctional family until now. My parents often fought most of my life and I'd like to say they treated me harshly and unfairly for most of my life. My mom specifically has a temper of some sort. I've been hit until my lips bled, dragged down the stairs by my legs, pointed a knife at me, pointed a gun at me, best me up on my birthday, stuff like that. College is starting soon and I'm not allowed to dorm, I don't have my own room, and my mom wants every single one of us in bed around 9:30pm every weekday and confiscates all my devices. Honestly, I often anticipated that college was going to be difficult if I didn't dorm or atleast get my own room. I have a curfew, I can't stay up late past 9:30pm, I have no privacy, they rely on me to do my siblings homework, do chores and accept there shitty relationship that affects me. The pandemic drove me mad out of my mind because I was studying and learning at home at the same time in that kind of environment. At one point me and my mother fought about academics and well... I tried to od and obviously failed. That was only the pandemic, college is going to be far more difficult than that. They can't be reasoned with because they don't like being inconvenienced and yet at the same time there passive. previously, my mom told me to just kill myself or go on to an early grave all because all I do apparently is lay in bed. Well, it's not my first time hearing her say to me or my father that we should just kill ourselves and die. It's honestly quite tempting. We fought again because of my schedule for college. She was saying bullshit like "I don't care how much I hurted you or I don't care if you're traumatized, you'd be traumatized if you were on the streets" Then she tries to justify it with "no matter how angry I am or how much I hurt you I'm still the one who's going to provide for you" At some point, in my head I wonder if I tried to kill myself again because of how unbearable everything is, I wonder if she would change once I die or maybe she'd learn her lesson and wouldn't treat my siblings as badly as she treated me. Even so, that still doesn't guarantee change but if a person could be so deeply traumatized by an event perhaps that in a way she'd try to avoid doing what caused such situation in the first place (suicide)

I guess you could say I'm just being suicidal or I'm trying to justify it, and I am. and I don't want to prove myself or suffer more than I have. If I die, I die. That's just how it is. It always felt like I'm an inconvenience anyway. An unimportant person. There's nothing worthwhile about me now have I really left a long lasting impression to people that makes me worth living. I mean, if I die atleast there's a chance for her to change and learn from her actions right?

I 18f grew up in a dysfunctional family until now. My parents often fought most of my life and I'd like to say they treated me harshly and unfairly for most of my life. My mom specifically has a temper of some sort. I've been hit until my lips bled, dragged down the stairs by my legs, pointed a knife at me, pointed a gun at me, best me up on my birthday, stuff like that. College is starting soon and I'm not allowed to dorm, I don't have my own room, and my mom wants every single one of us in bed around 9:30pm every weekday and confiscates all my devices. Honestly, I often anticipated that college was going to be difficult if I didn't dorm or atleast get my own room. I have a curfew, I can't stay up late past 9:30pm, I have no privacy, they rely on me to do my siblings homework, do chores and accept there shitty relationship that affects me. The pandemic drove me mad out of my mind because I was studying and learning at home at the same time in that kind of environment. At one point me and my mother fought about academics and well... I tried to od and obviously failed. That was only the pandemic, college is going to be far more difficult than that. They can't be reasoned with because they don't like being inconvenienced and yet at the same time there passive. previously, my mom told me to just kill myself or go on to an early grave all because all I do apparently is lay in bed. Well, it's not my first time hearing her say to me or my father that we should just kill ourselves and die. It's honestly quite tempting. We fought again because of my schedule for college. She was saying bullshit like "I don't care how much I hurted you or I don't care if you're traumatized, you'd be traumatized if you were on the streets" Then she tries to justify it with "no matter how angry I am or how much I hurt you I'm still the one who's going to provide for you" At some point, in my head I wonder if I tried to kill myself again because of how unbearable everything is, I wonder if she would change once I die or maybe she'd learn her lesson and wouldn't treat my siblings as badly as she treated me. Even so, that still doesn't guarantee change but if a person could be so deeply traumatized by an event perhaps that in a way she'd try to avoid doing what caused such situation in the first place (suicide)

I guess you could say I'm just being suicidal or I'm trying to justify it, and I am. and I don't want to prove myself or suffer more than I have. If I die, I die. That's just how it is. It always felt like I'm an inconvenience anyway. An unimportant person. There's nothing worthwhile about me now have I really left a long lasting impression to people that makes me worth living. I mean, if I die atleast there's a chance for her to change and learn from her actions right?

Hi👋, trying to find some blockmates to be friends with.

Or it could be a symbolism of his rebirth or something. Since he's surrounded by white and wearing white.

I wake up to something unfortunate everyday.

​

Campus tour today, friend cancelled last minute right when I already took a bath it was 4:30am. Parents got mad, called my friends dissapointing because it happened a lot already.

​

Then I lost my beep card, had to buy one again.

​

I had a freshman who has the same course which is (supply chain management)as me. We have a small cohort. Although I don't have an official schedule the freshman does and it's say pm shift. My parents got mad, told me why did choose that schedule I obviously didn't because it's a block section. They kept insisting that in the orientation with my aunt they said 7am. Wtf am j supposed to do? They told me that if it's not am then they will transfer me. There excuses were that my siblings need to go sleep early because they have school in the morning. Do you think that in college I won't pull an all nighters as in ever? It's college. Also, you can sleep without me. Then they said Manila is dangerous at night, plenty of drug users they might hurt you. No one has ever hurt me much worse than my parents. Don't try to be anxious or act concerned when most of the time you are passive and only get mad with concern when I make mistakes. i am so tired of these pathetic excuses. Instead of pulling me up, they keep pulling me down. I don't think I can do this anymore. I already introduced myself to my prof.you have got to be kidding me. You can't just find me a different school, it's already June. Are we thinking?

I wake up to something unfortunate everyday.

​

Campus tour today, friend cancelled last minute right when I already took a bath it was 4:30am. Parents got mad, called my friends dissapointing because it happened a lot already.

​

Then I lost my beep card, had to buy one again.

​

I had a freshman who has the same course which is (supply chain management)as me. We have a small cohort. Although I don't have an official schedule the freshman does and it's say pm shift. My parents got mad, told me why did choose that schedule I obviously didn't because it's a block section. They kept insisting that in the orientation with my aunt they said 7am. Wtf am j supposed to do? They told me that if it's not am then they will transfer me. There excuses were that my siblings need to go sleep early because they have school in the morning. Do you think that in college I won't pull an all nighters as in ever? It's college. Also, you can sleep without me. Then they said Manila is dangerous at night, plenty of drug users they might hurt you. No one has ever hurt me much worse than my parents. Don't try to be anxious or act concerned when most of the time you are passive and only get mad with concern when I make mistakes. i am so tired of these pathetic excuses. Instead of pulling me up, they keep pulling me down. I don't think I can do this anymore. I already introduced myself to my prof.you have got to be kidding me. You can't just find me a different school, it's already June. Are we thinking?

I wake up to something unfortunate everyday.

​

Campus tour today, friend cancelled last minute right when I already took a bath it was 4:30am. Parents got mad, called my friends dissapointing because it happened a lot already.

​

Then I lost my beep card, had to buy one again.

​

I had a freshman who has the same course which is (supply chain management)as me. We have a small cohort. Although I don't have an official schedule the freshman does and it's say pm shift. My parents got mad, told me why did choose that schedule I obviously didn't because it's a block section. They kept insisting that in the orientation with my aunt they said 7am. Wtf am j supposed to do? They told me that if it's not am then they will transfer me. There excuses were that my siblings need to go sleep early because they have school in the morning. Do you think that in college I won't pull an all nighters as in ever? It's college. Also, you can sleep without me. Then they said Manila is dangerous at night, plenty of drug users they might hurt you. No one has ever hurt me much worse than my parents. Don't try to be anxious or act concerned when most of the time you are passive and only get mad with concern when I make mistakes. i am so tired of these pathetic excuses. Instead of pulling me up, they keep pulling me down. I don't think I can do this anymore. I already introduced myself to my prof.you have got to be kidding me. You can't just find me a different school, it's already June. Are we thinking?

Trying to find people in my course.

I don't know how to choose. My primary cognitive function is systems thinking and analytics whoever I can't tell which one is more practical between the three. I want a stable job after college that doesn't need to have a ton of competition in the market. Either.

Can I wear a plain t shirt and straight jeans?

I don't really want a backstory for him, I knew it would somehow ruin his character. I'm just curious at a psychological standpoint why do you think he is the way that he is? What pattern of behavior or structure could be used to say that why he is the way that he is? was he born with low dopamine that made him crave for high stimulation that could only be fullfiled by fighting? Is he adrenaline seeking? stuff like that is what I want insight of.

I'm choosing either supply chain or business analytics in adamson. Are they good courses to pursue there?