u/jo_vesx

Volevo fare una riflessione con voi su un comportamento che sto notando sempre più spesso, sia con semplici conoscenze che, purtroppo, con le persone più strette: la tendenza a ghostare, non rispondere ai messaggi e sparire nel nulla non appena c'è un minimo confronto.

Vi racconto l'ultimo episodio che mi è successo (ed è il motivo per cui sto scrivendo questo post). Lunedì è stato il mio compleanno. Da inizio maggio avevo organizzato una gita di un giorno con la mia amica più stretta (con lei ho un rapporto profondo: non solo ci sentiamo letteralmente ogni giorno, ma ci confidiamo su tutto). Mi ero assicurata più volte che fosse libera, le andasse bene il programma e mi ero persino offerta di pagarle tutto pur di stare insieme. Lei mi ha rassicurato fino all'ultimo che ci sarebbe stata perché era un'occasione importante.

Il giorno del mio compleanno mi scrive dicendo che sta male e non viene più. Il punto è che questo è una sua abitudine continua: spesso bidona all'ultimo minuto per uscite, cinema, cene, con la scusa del "sono malata" o "è successo un imprevisto". Stavolta, visto che era il mio compleanno, ci sono rimasta male e gliel'ho fatto notare, dicendole che lo fa sempre. Risultato? Sono 5 giorni che non mi risponde, mi ignora e non guarda nemmeno le mie storie Instagram. Praticamente fa l'offesa lei, quando quella che è ha subito il torto nel giorno del suo compleanno sono io. Tutte le altre volte che è capitata una cosa del genere, ho sempre chiuso un occhio perché potevamo riorganizzarci ma in questo caso ovviamente non era così.

Ma la cosa che mi spaventa è che non è l'unica. Noto che anche con altre conoscenze è diventato difficilissimo comunicare: persone che visualizzano e rispondono dopo giorni, o che spariscono nel nulla invece di essere oneste.
Ma perché le persone oggi fanno così? È diventato così difficile prendersi la responsabilità delle proprie azioni o dire semplicemente la verità? Capita anche a voi o sono io che sto attirando le persone sbagliate?

For my birthday, I planned a trip with my close friend. I confirmed it weeks ago, and she promised she’d be there. Then on Monday (my birthday), she canceled saying she's sick. The thing is, this is a constant pattern with her, she often bails last minute when we have plans. When she texted saying "it’s not my fault," I kindly called her out saying that she does this all the time. It was a very calm message though because I didn’t want to argue but at the same time I wanted to let her know that I’m not an idiot. I find it really hard to believe that she’s actually sick considering that it’s not the first time using excuses.

I was expecting her to text back but it’s been 4 days now and she’s completely ghosting me. She hasn't replied and is even avoiding my Insta stories, acting like *she’s* the one who’s mad. I’m the one who got hurt, but she’s playing the victim. We usually text every day, so it’s super awkward.

I don't think I did anything wrong by finally standing up for myself, but the complete silence is making me second-guess things. AITA?

I’m feeling really disheartened and could use some perspective.

For my birthday, I planned a one-day trip to a nearby city with a close friend. I gave her almost a month’s notice so she could organize her work schedule and I checked in frequently because this trip was very important to me. I even told her upfront that I would be paying for the entire trip, including the restaurant. All she had to do was show up. Every time we spoke, she reassured me she’d be there.

Fast forward to yesterday (my birthday), she messaged me saying she was "sick" and couldn't go. The thing is, this is a constant pattern and I don’t believe her anymore. Whether it's the cinema or a dinner, she cancels last minute (often just hours before) claiming she’s sick or something came up. I know it’s not social anxiety, she recently spent two weeks traveling solo on the other side of the world. She has no problem leaving the house… it just feels like things have to be on her terms or they don't happen at all.

What makes this so confusing is that I truly believe she cares about me and values our friendship in other ways, but her actions feel incredibly disrespectful. It’s hard to feel valued when someone treats your birthday plans as optional. I’ve pointed this pattern out to her before but she always denies it. This time I told her I was disappointed but she just doubled down on being sick.

I feel like I’ve been too kind in the past and should have stood up for myself sooner. Am I being too soft by staying in this friendship, or am I overreacting? I thought that she knew how much this trip meant to me and would actually show up. I didn’t think she would bail on me this time too. I know these things can happen but I’m finding it very hard to believe her to be honest. I feel like I can’t trust her. I really care about her, and I've proven it. Over the last year, I spent so much time and emotional energy helping her rebuild her life after a devastating breakup left her mentally wrecked. I truly thought our bond had strengthened through that. To go from giving her that level of deep support to being ghosted on my own birthday, especially when I offered to cover all the costs since she’s struggling financially, just hurts immensely. I feel completely taken advantage of.

I’m feeling really disheartened and could use some perspective.

For my birthday, I planned a one-day trip to a nearby city with a close friend. I gave her a month’s notice so she could organize her work schedule and I checked in frequently because this trip was very important to me. I even told her upfront that I would be paying for the entire trip, including the restaurant. All she had to do was show up. Every time we spoke, she reassured me she’d be there.

Fast forward to yesterday (my birthday), she messaged me saying she was "sick" and couldn't go. The thing is, this is a constant pattern and I don’t believe her anymore. Whether it's the cinema or a dinner, she cancels last minute (often just hours before) claiming she’s sick or something came up. I know it’s not social anxiety, she recently spent two weeks traveling solo on the other side of the world. She has no problem leaving the house… it just feels like things have to be on her terms or they don't happen at all.

What makes this so confusing is that I truly believe she cares about me and values our friendship in other ways, but her actions feel incredibly disrespectful. It’s hard to feel valued when someone treats your birthday plans as optional. I’ve pointed this pattern out to her before but she always denies it. This time I told her I was disappointed but she just doubled down on being sick.

I feel like I’ve been too kind in the past and should have stood up for myself sooner. Am I being too soft by staying in this friendship, or am I overreacting? I thought that she knew how much this trip meant to me and would actually show up. I didn’t think she would bail on me this time too. I know these things can happen but I’m finding it very hard to believe her to be honest. I feel like I can’t trust her.