u/jsjsjsjsjsjsjsioi

I have this friend from college two years ago and we catch up every 4/5 months and I was extremely limerent over her in college… We met up recently and 2 years later I’m still not over her. This friendship gives me extreme anxiety and adrenaline that my heart starts to hurt. When we met up recently my heart was pounding the whole entire 4 hours. The whole time I just kept thinking about how I have a *secret* and was sooo close to just spilling it out and letting my true self out instead of masking acting like shes not the most attractive person ive ever seen in my life when she asks me about romantic relationships/who i find attractive. Honestly I think that’s what the constant heart pounding was from, the adrenaline of being on the verge of just telling my true deepest darkest secret.

I really want to care for her as a friend in a NORMAL healthy way but my past mental state with her might have just messed up our relationship and the things I associate her with forever.

My mind says do NOT tell her it will end horribly and nothing good comes out of it, but my consciousness is dying to express itself. Idec if the friendship ends bc of this, actually part of me WANTS her to end the friendship so I can finally be free. But what if it backfires? What if I could have just detached and let this go, and now this confession will keep me trapped for much longer? I also don’t wanna harm her and drag her into my extreme attachments and delusions.

I have this friend from college two years ago and we catch up every 4/5 months and I was extremely limerent over her in college… We met up recently and 2 years later I’m still not over her. This friendship gives me extreme anxiety and adrenaline that my heart starts to hurt. When we met up recently my heart was pounding the whole entire 4 hours. The whole time I just kept thinking about how I have a \*secret\* and was sooo close to just spilling it out and letting my true self out instead of masking acting like shes not the most attractive person ive ever seen in my life when she asks me about romantic relationships/who i find attractive. Honestly I think that’s what the constant heart pounding was from, the adrenaline of being on the verge of just telling my true deepest darkest secret.

I really want to care for her as a friend in a NORMAL healthy way but my past mental state with her might have just messed up our relationship and the things I associate her with forever.

My mind says do NOT tell her it will end horribly and nothing good comes out of it, but my consciousness is dying to express itself. Idec if the friendship ends bc of this, actually part of me WANTS her to end the friendship so I can finally be free. But what if it backfires? What if I could have just detached and let this go, and now this confession will keep me trapped for much longer? I also don’t wanna harm her and drag her into my extreme attachments and delusions.

I have this friend from college two years ago and we catch up every 4/5 months and I was extremely limerent over her in college… We met up recently and 2 years later I’m still not over her. This friendship gives me extreme anxiety and adrenaline that my heart starts to hurt. When we met up recently my heart was pounding the whole entire 4 hours. The whole time I just kept thinking about how I have a *secret* and was sooo close to just spilling it out and letting my true self out instead of masking acting like shes not the most attractive person ive ever seen in my life when she asks me about romantic relationships/who i find attractive. Honestly I think that’s what the constant heart pounding was from, the adrenaline of being on the verge of just telling my true deepest darkest secret.

I really want to care for her as a friend in a NORMAL healthy way but my past mental state with her might have just messed up our relationship and the things I associate her with forever.

My mind says do NOT tell her it will end horribly and nothing good comes out of it, but my consciousness is dying to express itself. Idec if the friendship ends bc of this, actually part of me WANTS her to end the friendship so I can finally be free. But what if it backfires? What if I could have just detached and let this go, and now this confession will keep me trapped for much longer? I also don’t wanna harm her and drag her into my extreme attachments and delusions.

I have this friend from college two years ago and we catch up every 4/5 months and I was extremely limerent over her in college… We met up recently and 2 years later I’m still not over her. This friendship gives me extreme anxiety and adrenaline that my heart starts to hurt. When we met up recently my heart was pounding the whole entire 4 hours. The whole time I just kept thinking about how I have a *secret* and was sooo close to just spilling it out and letting my true self out instead of masking acting like shes not the most attractive person ive ever seen in my life when she asks me about romantic relationships/who i find attractive. Honestly I think that’s what the constant heart pounding was from, the adrenaline of being on the verge of just telling my true deepest darkest secret.

I really want to care for her as a friend in a NORMAL healthy way but my past mental state with her might have just messed up our relationship and the things I associate her with forever.

My mind says do NOT tell her it will end horribly and nothing good comes out of it, but my consciousness is dying to express itself. Idec if the friendship ends bc of this, actually part of me WANTS her to end the friendship so I can finally be free. But what if it backfires? What if I could have just detached and let this go, and now this confession will keep me trapped for much longer? I also don’t wanna harm her and drag her into my extreme attachments and delusions.

I have this friend from college two years ago and we catch up every 4/5 months and I was extremely limerent over her in college… We met up recently and 2 years later I’m still not over her. This friendship gives me extreme anxiety and adrenaline that my heart starts to hurt. When we met up recently my heart was pounding the whole entire 4 hours. The whole time I just kept thinking about how I have a secret and was sooo close to just spilling it out and letting my true self out instead of masking acting like shes not the most attractive person ive ever seen in my life when she asks me about romantic relationships/who i find attractive. Honestly I think that’s what the constant heart pounding was from, the adrenaline of being on the verge of just telling my true deepest darkest secret.

I really want to care for her as a friend in a NORMAL healthy way but my past mental state with her might have just messed up our relationship and the things I associate her with forever.

My mind says do NOT tell her it will end horribly and nothing good comes out of it, but my consciousness is dying to express itself. Idec if the friendship ends bc of this, actually part of me WANTS her to end the friendship so I can finally be free. But what if it backfires? What if I could have just detached and let this go, and now this confession will keep me trapped for much longer? I also don’t wanna harm her and drag her into my extreme attachments and delusions.

So a couple years ago I met this friend and I went INSANE over her. I had the biggest crush on her and was limerent over her, literally couldn’t get her out of my head and I developed insomnia. And this attraction blinded me in the moment cuz it was only after she moved away and when I reminisced is when I realized how CONDESCENDING she was, how superficial, rude, and just judgy horrible energy. And when I realized, it made me secretly RAGE to myself. I’d think about the disrespect shit she did to me and I would have horrible thoughts.

Thankfully we don’t talk often but she recently asked if we can hang out irl and idk how to feel about it. At first I was kinda excited when we texted and the feelings of resentment go away when our relationship is good, but if I do something and realize only after that she’d probably find it cringe and would judge, the insecurities and paranoia come back. And I recently did something I thought was funny cuz it’s an inside joke w my sister and I and I said it to my judgy friend, and I fucking regret it so bad she definitely finds me cringe for that.

Idk how I can just not care. I know the best thing I should do is to cut off our friendship but she also motivates me so much… I’ve never met anyone that makes me feel like she does. So stimulating idek how to explain it like a new side of me comes out when I interact w her. I become so passionate about EVERYTHING when usually I’m lazy as hell. But I also can’t forgive her for the things she’s done…Should I cut her off???

So a couple years ago I met this friend and I went INSANE over her. I had the biggest crush on her and was limerent over her, literally couldn’t get her out of my head and I developed insomnia. And this attraction blinded me in the moment cuz it was only after she moved away and when I reminisced is when I realized how CONDESCENDING she was, how superficial, rude, and just judgy horrible energy. And when I realized, it made me secretly RAGE to myself. I’d think about the disrespect shit she did to me and I would have horrible thoughts.

Thankfully we don’t talk often but she recently asked if we can hang out irl and idk how to feel about it. At first I was kinda excited when we texted and the feelings of resentment go away when our relationship is good, but if I do something and realize only after that she’d probably find it cringe and would judge, the insecurities and paranoia come back. And I recently did something I thought was funny cuz it’s an inside joke w my sister and I and I said it to my judgy friend, and I fucking regret it so bad she definitely finds me cringe for that.

Idk how I can just not care. I know the best thing I should do is to cut off our friendship but she also motivates me so much… I’ve never met anyone that makes me feel like she does. So stimulating idek how to explain it like a new side of me comes out when I interact w her. I become so passionate about EVERYTHING when usually I’m lazy as hell. But I also can’t forgive her for the things she’s done…Should I cut her off???

So a couple years ago I met this friend and I went INSANE over her. I had the biggest crush on her and was limerent over her, literally couldn’t get her out of my head and I developed insomnia. And this attraction blinded me in the moment cuz it was only after she moved away and when I reminisced is when I realized how CONDESCENDING she was, how superficial, rude, and just judgy horrible energy. And when I realized, it made me secretly RAGE to myself. I’d think about the disrespect shit she did to me and I would have horrible thoughts.

Thankfully we don’t talk often but she recently asked if we can hang out irl and idk how to feel about it. At first I was kinda excited when we texted and the feelings of resentment go away when our relationship is good, but if I do something and realize only after that she’d probably find it cringe and would judge, the insecurities and paranoia come back. And I recently did something I thought was funny cuz it’s an inside joke w my sister and I and I said it to my judgy friend, and I fucking regret it so bad she definitely finds me cringe for that.

Idk how I can just not care. I know the best thing I should do is to cut off our friendship but she also motivates me so much… I’ve never met anyone that makes me feel like she does. So stimulating idek how to explain it like a new side of me comes out when I interact w her. I become so passionate about EVERYTHING when usually I’m lazy as hell. Should I cut her off???

If the prison planet theory or Buddhist ideas of reincarnation based on karma is true, then I don’t want to care about anything else in life. Evolving my consciousness to become whatever is necessary to escape the reincarnation cycle would be my number one goal in life.

These thoughts are giving me decision paralysis on what I want from life both externally and internally. I’d like to develop my mind to be creative and magical and appreciate beautiful and poetic things, but what if this would just perpetuate my suffering because I’m trying to become something and create? I’d like to find a partner, but what if that just perpetuates the reincarnation cycle because I’m not fully detached?

Like this is REAL life this isn’t a joke. The suffering that beings can experience makes living not worth it. If the theories are true, then I wanna dedicate my whole life to preventing as much suffering as possible in my next incarnation or stopping it altogether, but I’d need to know for sure that it’s true. But there’s no way to know if any of these theories are true. Honestly even if they are, we don’t know 100% what exact conditions frees us from the cycles. All we can do is just follow what feels right or following a spiritual teacher.

This is making me stay stuck in life as I can’t decide on what kind of lifestyle I should aim for. And I’m scared to make the wrong choice. I fear the possibility that I could innocently be developing something I like and then it makes me end up as a pig in the next life

If the prison planet theory or Buddhist ideas of reincarnation based on karma is true, then I don’t want to care about anything else in life. Evolving my consciousness to become whatever is necessary to escape the reincarnation cycle would be my number one goal in life.

These thoughts are giving me decision paralysis on what I want from life both externally and internally. I’d like to develop my mind to be creative and magical and appreciate beautiful and poetic things, but what if this would just perpetuate my suffering because I’m trying to become something and create? I’d like to find a partner, but what if that just perpetuates the reincarnation cycle because I’m not fully detached?

Like this is REAL life this isn’t a joke. The suffering that beings can experience makes living not worth it. If the theories are true, then I wanna dedicate my whole life to preventing as much suffering as possible in my next incarnation or stopping it altogether, but I’d need to know for sure that it’s true. But there’s no way to know if any of these theories are true. Honestly even if they are, we don’t know 100% what exact conditions frees us from the cycles. All we can do is just follow what feels right or following a spiritual teacher.

This is making me stay stuck in life as I can’t decide on what kind of lifestyle I should aim for. And I’m scared to make the wrong choice. I fear the possibility that I could innocently be developing something I like and then it makes me end up as a pig in the next life

If the prison planet theory or Buddhist ideas of reincarnation based on karma is true, then I don’t want to care about anything else in life. Evolving my consciousness to become whatever is necessary to escape the reincarnation cycle would be my number one goal in life.

These thoughts are giving me decision paralysis on what I want from life both externally and internally. I’d like to develop my mind to be creative and magical and appreciate beautiful and poetic things, but what if this would just perpetuate my suffering because I’m trying to become something and create? I’d like to find a partner, but what if that just perpetuates the reincarnation cycle because I’m not fully detached?

Like this is REAL life this isn’t a joke. The suffering that beings can experience makes living not worth it. If the theories are true, then I wanna dedicate my whole life to preventing as much suffering as possible in my next incarnation or stopping it altogether, but I’d need to know for sure that it’s true. But there’s no way to know if any of these theories are true. Honestly even if they are, we don’t know 100% what exact conditions frees us from the cycles. All we can do is just follow what feels right or following a spiritual teacher.

This is making me stay stuck in life as I can’t decide on what kind of lifestyle I should aim for. And I’m scared to make the wrong choice. I fear the possibility that I could innocently be developing something I like and then it makes me end up as a pig in the next life

If the prison planet theory or Buddhist ideas of reincarnation based on karma is true, then I don’t want to care about anything else in life. Evolving my consciousness to become whatever is necessary to escape the reincarnation cycle would be my number one goal in life.

These thoughts are giving me decision paralysis on what I want from life both externally and internally. I’d like to develop my mind to be creative and magical and appreciate beautiful and poetic things, but what if this would just perpetuate my suffering because I’m trying to become something and create? I’d like to find a partner, but what if that just perpetuates the reincarnation cycle because I’m not fully detached?

Like this is REAL life this isn’t a joke. The suffering that beings can experience makes living not worth it. If the theories are true, then I wanna dedicate my whole life to preventing as much suffering as possible in my next incarnation or stopping it altogether, but I’d need to know for sure that it’s true. But there’s no way to know if any of these theories are true. Honestly even if they are, we don’t know 100% what exact conditions frees us from the cycles. All we can do is just follow what feels right or follow a spiritual teacher.

This is making me stay stuck in life as I can’t decide on what kind of lifestyle I should aim for. And I’m scared to make the wrong choice. I fear the possibility that I could innocently be developing something I like and then it makes me end up as a pig in the next life

If the prison planet theory or Buddhist ideas of reincarnation based on karma is true, then I don’t want to care about anything else in life. Evolving my consciousness to become whatever is necessary to escape the reincarnation cycle would be my number one goal in life.

These thoughts are giving me decision paralysis on what I want from life both externally and internally. I’d like to develop my mind to be creative and magical and appreciate beautiful and poetic things, but what if this would just perpetuate my suffering because I’m trying to become something and create? I’d like to find a partner, but what if that just perpetuates the reincarnation cycle because I’m not fully detached?

Like this is REAL life this isn’t a joke. The suffering that beings can experience makes living not worth it. If the theories are true, then I wanna dedicate my whole life to preventing as much suffering as possible in my next incarnation or stopping it altogether, but I’d need to know for sure that it’s true. But there’s no way to know if any of these theories are true. Honestly even if they are, we don’t know 100% what exact conditions frees us from the cycles. All we can do is just follow what feels right or following a spiritual teacher.

This is making me stay stuck in life as I can’t decide on what kind of lifestyle I should aim for. And I’m scared to make the wrong choice. I fear the possibility that I could innocently be developing something I like and then it makes me end up as a pig in the next life

I’m sooo socially awkward and quiet at my corporate job and I hate being this way I wish I was an outgoing extrovert. My coworkers are actually so nice to me and they always acknowledge how I’m young (they’re all older) so logically I should know they don’t even care about me, but still emotionally my body can never fully relax when I’m in the office. I just feel constant pressure to say something that it just sometimes makes me say NOTHING. And I feel bad I wish I could be a coworker they feel comfortable around, maybe they do idk :/ idk why my body is like this. Sometimes I do make conversation and I do feel a lot better afterwards the energy in the air is a lot less awkward, but then I get so drained. And then next day I go to work and go back to being mute cuz I was so drained from the previous day 💀

And I find all my coworkers so cute and nice and I love them tbh idk why I can’t just fucking relax and be ok w being quiet. Idk why I can’t accept it. I force myself to talk somedays cuz the awkwardness gets too much. But I just can’t make my temporary outgoing self last longer. Being anxious 24/7 40hrs a week or more is NOT healthy I need to calm tf down and remember what’s really important 😭hold on these people probably don’t even care so all I’m doing is harming myself for nothing um