Katsaridaphobia is ruining my life!!
I have a somewhat mild form of katsaridaphobia (fear of cockroaches). I often cry, hyperventilate, and have panic attacks when I see them in my home. I sometimes struggle to keep my room from getting messy due to unrelated depression, but never let food/dishes/trash stay out upstairs at all. I compulsively clean my kitchen, because I’m terrified of any residue from cooking/baking will attract roaches. It just feels hopeless, no matter what I do. There is no way to guarantee that I won’t see them, no matter how clean my house stays; there are giant gaps in the foundation of my shitty house that they can crawl through, and I live in Texas, so the unrelenting, dry weather drives them inside. I like to vacate my house as soon as possible when I see one and spend a few days with my mom, but that not always possible and we get them over there too.
I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if there’s any advice to be given atp, it just feels like nothing can be done. I just need to talk about it because nobody else in my family is scared of them and I feel like they think I’m being silly when I freak out. I have a bunch of baking to do tonight, but I saw one in the kitchen and now I physically cant go in there. My cat messed with it a bit and then lost interest. I love him so much but he’s so fucking useless :(
Everytime I see one I can’t stop from thinking about how I’ll never be able to get away from them. I know that it’s stupid and they can’t do anything to me, but I genuinely feel unsafe in my own home. I’m terrified at the thought that one day I’ll have to live on my own and nobody will be there to help me. I just don’t know how to get over this. I already struggle with suicidal thoughts not related to my phobia, and when it’s triggered I have episodes. I just want to get away from them so badly