u/ketchuep

hey all,

so i am 23F and have BD with psychotic features + CPTSD. i am fully medicated and pretty stable right now.

some background:
i did four years of civil engineering while also working a student job as a lab assistant. after that i had a corporate office job that i hated and could barely manage to show up for. after that i did two more years of college but decided to stop and use the skills i have to put myself on the market.

i just scored a job at an architectural studio as a technical drafter/architects assistant. it is my dream job, there’s only 7 other people so communication is easy (i am also being assessed for ADHD + autism so my social skills/understanding isn’t great but i manage), and they are going to train me for six months first before giving me big projects. so they are willing to take their time with me.

what im trying to say is that it seems really good, and im happy to be able to make my own money finally, but im so scared ill fuck it up.

i really struggle with executive dysfunction when depressed and anhedonia even when euthymic. one of my AP’s also makes it 10000x worse if my dose it too high. but if it’s too low i lose my marbles. i’m well medicated now but on the depressed/dysphoric mixed side. i struggle with making and keeping a routine and sticking to it. so i was wondering what have your tricks been to get you through the work week?

i’m pretty sure im going to enjoy the job as CAD/drafting is something im skilled at and trained in and the people are so nice, so im hoping the enjoyment and rewarding feeling of the work will also help with motivation. but i just have days where i literally am glued to my bed. its awful. my sleep is also all over the place, though im taking that wayyyy more seriously starting monday (im signing the contract monday and start tuesday).

so yeah just wanted to hear what y’all’s experiences/tips/tricks/hacks/etc are!!

hey all,

so i am 23F and have BD with psychotic features + CPTSD. i am fully medicated and pretty stable right now.

some background:
i did four years of civil engineering while also working a student job as a lab assistant. after that i had a corporate office job that i hated and could barely manage to show up for. after that i did two more years of college but decided to stop and use the skills i have to put myself in the market.

i just scored a job at an architectural studio as a technical drafter/architects assistant. it is my dream job, there’s only 7 other people so communication is easy (i am also being assessed for ADHD + autism so my social skills/understanding isn’t great but i manage), and they are going to train me for six months first before giving me big projects. so they are willing to take their time with me.

what im trying to say is that it seems really good, and im happy to be able to make my own money finally, but im so scared ill fuck it up.

i really struggle with executive dysfunction when depressed and anhedonia even when euthymic. my abilify also makes it 10000x worse if my dose it too high. but if it’s too low i lose my marbles. i’m well medicated now (side note: love getting all my scripts at once in the pharmacy and there being like 10 of them and all of them are obscure ass meds nobody knows like the people behind me in the queue high key judged me like girl what yhe fuck is wrong with you) but on the depressed/dysphoric mixed side. i struggle with making and keeping a routine and sticking to it. so i was wondering what have your tricks been to get you through the work week?

i’m pretty sure im going to enjoy the job as CAD/drafting is something im skilled at and trained in and the people are so nice, so im hoping the enjoyment and rewarding feeling of the work will also help with motivation. but i just have days where i literally am glued to my bed. its awful. my sleep is also all over the place, though im taking that wayyyy more seriously starting monday (im signing the contract monday and start tuesday).

so yeah just wanted to hear what y’all’s experiences/tips/tricks/hacks/etc are!!

DISCLAIMER:
i am not looking for medical advice
i am not looking for a diagnosis
i just want to hear what the professionals have to say

(for context: original post was posted in a bipolar sub but i was curious what you all had to say)

hello all,

PSYCHIATRIC HISTORY: i am 23F diagnosed Bipolar type 2 (at least i thought i was, since psychosis can bump it up to BP1) and also have CPTSD from prolonged childhood trauma. i am medicated with 30mg citalopram, 300mg bupropion, 25-100mg quetiapine for sleep, 10mg aripiprazole and lorazepam when needed for panic attacks.

history of multiple suicide attempts, teenage alcoholism, stimulant abuse, severe self harm and anorexia, most of which are resolved as of right now. current nicotine and cannabis user for chronic pain caused by the ptsd (i know i should stop but i’ve had no issues w weed for at least a decade). kicked the alcohol about two years ago now though.

found out about the diagnosis in 2021 and have been in treatment since. i was in the psych ward at 15 because i was medicated with fluoxetine 20mg mono therapy and it obviously made me go batshit. that’s most likely when they diagnosed me but i was never informed and stumbled onto the diagnosis in my medical files in 2021.

i’m being assessed for ADHD and ASD. i’m medicated currently with aripiprazole, quetiapine, citalopram, bupropion and lorazepam when needed and im pretty much euthymic right now i think.

QUESTION:
i had a question regarding what is considered psychosis as i thought i didn’t have it but my psychiatrist says i do. to preface i do not want a diagnosis and im not looking for medical advice, i simply want to compare my experience to others who actually know what its like.

a while ago when i was at my psychiatrists office he called another doctor to get a consult on what medication would fit me best or at what dose or something like that. when the consulting dr asked about my medical history my psychiatrist says said “bipolar with psychotic features” and i was stumped. i never had psychosis i thought, just some weird thinking and stuff. these strange behaviours and thoughts usually take place during mixed and hypo episodes, less during depression. i can barely remember my hypomanic and mixed episodes when times get rough but some things i do remember that were weird in hindsight were the following:

SYMPTOMS:
\\\\\\\\- sleeping with a knife under my pillow and checking my apartment for intruders multiple times in genuine fear “they” would kill me.

\\\\\\\\- i would get like excerpts or parts of songs playing so loud in my head that it would cover my own thoughts. it felt inserted and i couldn’t control it

\\\\\\\\- my internal monologue was also very fast and scattered but i felt like i had “figured it out” this was paired with a grandiose feeling of superiority because i felt like i was the only one who knew “it” (idk what “it” is now). i could literally feel my neurons making new connections as this whole realm of ideas developed if that makes sense

\\\\\\\\- i did have the classic “they’re out for me” feeling and seeing cars that followed me and people that would seem to follow me too

\\\\\\\\- i’ve done this since childhood so idk if it counts but i’ve always checked rooms esp bathrooms or bedrooms when im vulnerable for cameras and if there were openings or holes where i couldn’t see i would cover them. also all phone and laptop cameras. it’s better now but i still always feel like im being watched so i try to look my best when i. front of a phone or laptop.

\\\\\\\\- thoughts that didn’t feel like my own and that i couldn’t control. i could almost like converse with them and they were so loud. oftentimes these were compulsive/quickly repetitive and self deprecating and self insulting in nature. oftentimes in spoken in second or third person form.

\\\\\\\\- i also got suspicious of friends betraying me or lying to me or thinking that people are talking about me in secret and making fun of me or even plotting to do something to hurt my image or hurt me.

\\\\\\\\- i’ve had minor hallucinations like i can hear a song playing faintly somewhere in my home or outside but i can never make out what song it is and it’s so annoying. other times the song is in my head and i can’t turn it off. i also sometimes saw cats in my home just sneaking by or jumping off furniture and since i’ve always lived w cats it takes me a few moments to register that i don’t have a cat currently.

\\- ETA: i may also have written a notebook from cover to cover full with a manifesto? or like a call for help? and a description of how the world was ending and stuff when the war in ukraine broke out. it was a bunch of sloppy writes panicked rambling as i was convinced for MONTHSSS that the world was going to end on any day

my paranoid streak had been present for as long as i can remember. the hallucinations and grandiosity etc are definitely from the bipolar which i developed around 14-15y/o.

sorry for the long post. any and all opinions, thoughts, input is welcome. thanks so much!!

as a last point: i am fully medicated for the bipolar and am not symptomatic right now

thank you so much in advance!

DISCLAIMER:
i am not looking for medical advice
i am not looking for a diagnosis
i just want to hear what the professionals have to say

(for context: original post was posted in a bipolar sub but i was curious what you all had to say)

hello all,

PSYCHIATRIC HISTORY: i am 23F diagnosed Bipolar type 2 (at least i thought i was, since psychosis can bump it up to BP1) and also have CPTSD from prolonged childhood trauma. i am medicated with 30mg citalopram, 300mg bupropion, 25-100mg quetiapine for sleep, 10mg aripiprazole and lorazepam when needed for panic attacks.

history of multiple suicide attempts, teenage alcoholism, stimulant abuse, severe self harm and anorexia, most of which are resolved as of right now. current nicotine and cannabis user for chronic pain caused by the ptsd (i know i should stop but i’ve had no issues w weed for at least a decade). kicked the alcohol about two years ago now though.

found out about the diagnosis in 2021 and have been in treatment since. i was in the psych ward at 15 because i was medicated with fluoxetine 20mg mono therapy and it obviously made me go batshit. that’s most likely when they diagnosed me but i was never informed and stumbled onto the diagnosis in my medical files in 2021.

i’m being assessed for ADHD and ASD. i’m medicated currently with aripiprazole, quetiapine, citalopram, bupropion and lorazepam when needed and im pretty much euthymic right now i think.

QUESTION:
i had a question regarding what is considered psychosis as i thought i didn’t have it but my psychiatrist says i do. to preface i do not want a diagnosis and im not looking for medical advice, i simply want to compare my experience to others who actually know what its like.

a while ago when i was at my psychiatrists office he called another doctor to get a consult on what medication would fit me best or at what dose or something like that. when the consulting dr asked about my medical history my psychiatrist says said “bipolar with psychotic features” and i was stumped. i never had psychosis i thought, just some weird thinking and stuff. these strange behaviours and thoughts usually take place during mixed and hypo episodes, less during depression. i can barely remember my hypomanic and mixed episodes when times get rough but some things i do remember that were weird in hindsight were the following:

SYMPTOMS:
\\\\- sleeping with a knife under my pillow and checking my apartment for intruders multiple times in genuine fear “they” would kill me.

\\\\- i would get like excerpts or parts of songs playing so loud in my head that it would cover my own thoughts. it felt inserted and i couldn’t control it

\\\\- my internal monologue was also very fast and scattered but i felt like i had “figured it out” this was paired with a grandiose feeling of superiority because i felt like i was the only one who knew “it” (idk what “it” is now). i could literally feel my neurons making new connections as this whole realm of ideas developed if that makes sense

\\\\- i did have the classic “they’re out for me” feeling and seeing cars that followed me and people that would seem to follow me too

\\\\- i’ve done this since childhood so idk if it counts but i’ve always checked rooms esp bathrooms or bedrooms when im vulnerable for cameras and if there were openings or holes where i couldn’t see i would cover them. also all phone and laptop cameras. it’s better now but i still always feel like im being watched so i try to look my best when i. front of a phone or laptop.

\\\\- thoughts that didn’t feel like my own and that i couldn’t control. i could almost like converse with them and they were so loud. oftentimes these were compulsive/quickly repetitive and self deprecating and self insulting in nature. oftentimes in spoken in second or third person form.

\\\\- i also got suspicious of friends betraying me or lying to me or thinking that people are talking about me in secret and making fun of me or even plotting to do something to hurt my image or hurt me.

\\\\- i’ve had minor hallucinations like i can hear a song playing faintly somewhere in my home or outside but i can never make out what song it is and it’s so annoying. other times the song is in my head and i can’t turn it off. i also sometimes saw cats in my home just sneaking by or jumping off furniture and since i’ve always lived w cats it takes me a few moments to register that i don’t have a cat currently.

\- ETA: i may also have written a notebook from cover to cover full with a manifesto? or like a call for help? and a description of how the world was ending and stuff when the war in ukraine broke out. it was a bunch of sloppy writes panicked rambling as i was convinced for MONTHSSS that the world was going to end on any day

my paranoid streak had been present for as long as i can remember. the hallucinations and grandiosity etc are definitely from the bipolar which i developed around 14-15y/o.

sorry for the long post. any and all opinions, thoughts, input is welcome. thanks so much!!

as a last point: i am fully medicated for the bipolar and am not symptomatic right now

thank you so much in advance!

we found a minor infestation in our couch but i obviously went nuclear and am assuming our apartment is full of bugs though we’ve only found traces and bugs in 1 spot. no bites, no nothing.

here’s what i’ve done so far:

- took apart the couch and removed the covering and vacuumed and steam cleaned every inch of it

- washed and dried everything relevant on high temp and quarantined it on the dining table. doing round 2 today

- furtniture leg traps on bed and the legs of the couch that are currently touching the floor (as i said the couch is taken apart and we stapled it and put the traps under it

- diatomaceous earth along all floor boards

- thrown away potentially infested bedding, cushions etc and sealed the bag for trash day

- all furniture away from walls

what i am doing today:
- rest of laundry

- diatomaceous earth sprinkling and dusting in the couch parts and crevices

- ironing and putting away clean clothes in a room with no bugs aka bedroom. the clothes will be hung up. there are no traces of bugs or any bugs in our bed oe bedroom or closet.

- vacuuming everything again

- showering finally (the steamed couch parts were quarantined in the bathroom which is all tile and laminate flooring so we’d have more space for the rest)

- trying not to die

i haven’t gotten a hold of an exterminator yet but am
calling today. i’m having someone come no matter what.

is there anything more i can do or any more i precautions i can take before they come? i’m leaving the apartment for at least 24h and we live in the bedroom now (duplex apt) so the diatomaceous earth can do its thing for at least 48h.

i’m checking the traps regularly to gauge the severity of the infestations but they’ve been placed two days ago now and still nothing. we have found 3 live bugs which we killed while steaming over the past three days and 2 nymphs and 1 dead. almost no excrement visible where we found the source.

i am actually losing my mind and having nightmares about this situation so any help is welcome, i feel like i need to do all of these things again and again but still like im doing it for nothing because you practically can’t kill off an infestation without a professional. still i feel like i need to do more. im so stressed and i know we don’t even have it that bad but still. literally worst nightmare.

all advice appreciated

hello all,

some background: i am 23F diagnosed Bipolar type 2 (at least i thought i was, since psychosis can bump it up to BP1) and also have CPTSD. found out about the diagnosis in 2021 and have been in treatment since. i’m being assessed for ADHD and ASD. i’m medicated currently with aripiprazole, quetiapine, citalopram, bupropion and lorazepam when needed and im pretty much euthymic right now i think.

i had a question regarding what is considered psychosis as i thought i didn’t have it but my psychiatrist says i do. to preface i do not want a diagnosis and im not looking for medical advice, i simply want to compare my experience to others who actually know what its like.

a while ago when i was at my psychiatrists office he called another doctor to get a consult on what medication would fit me best or at what dose or something like that. when the consulting dr asked about my medical history my psychiatrist says said “bipolar with psychotic features” and i was stumped. i never had psychosis i thought, just some weird thinking and stuff. i can barely remember my hypomanic and mixed episodes when times get rough but some things i do remember that were weird in hindsight were the following:

\\- sleeping with a knife under my pillow and checking my apartment for intruders multiple times in genuine fear “they” would kill me.

\\- i would get like excerpts or parts of songs playing so loud in my head that it would cover my own thoughts. it felt inserted and i couldn’t control it

\\- my internal monologue was also very fast and scattered but i felt like i had “figured it out” this was paired with a grandiose feeling of superiority because i felt like i was the only one who knew “it” (idk what “it” is now). i could literally feel my neurons making new connections as this whole realm of ideas developed if that makes sense

\\- i did have the classic “they’re out for me” feeling and seeing cars that followed me and people that would seem to follow me too

\\- i’ve done this since childhood so idk if it counts but i’ve always checked rooms esp bathrooms or bedrooms when im vulnerable for cameras and if there were openings or holes where i couldn’t see i would cover them. also all phone and laptop cameras. it’s better now but i still always feel like im being watched so i try to look my best when i. front of a phone or laptop.

\\- thoughts that didn’t feel like my own and that i couldn’t control. i could almost like converse with them and they were so loud. oftentimes these were compulsive/quickly repetitive and self deprecating and self insulting in nature. oftentimes in spoken in second or third person form.

\\- i also got suspicious of friends betraying me or lying to me or thinking that people are talking about me in secret and making fun of me or even plotting to do something to hurt my image or hurt me.

\\- i’ve had minor hallucinations like i can hear a song playing faintly somewhere in my home or outside but i can never make out what song it is and it’s so annoying. other times the song is in my head and i can’t turn it off. i also sometimes saw cats in my home just sneaking by or jumping off furniture and since i’ve always lived w cats it takes me a few moments to register that i don’t have a cat currently.

- ETA: i may also have written a notebook from cover to cover full with a manifesto? or like a call for help? and a description of how the world was ending and stuff when the war in ukraine broke out. it was a bunch of sloppy writes panicked rambling as i was convinced for MONTHSSS that the world was going to end on any day

so sorry for the long post. i was wondering if any of you have experienced something similar? and if so was that considered psychosis? i’m very uneducated on psychosis and would just like to get more insight from people who know what they are talking about.

as a last point: i am fully medicated for the bipolar and am not symptomatic right now

thank you so much in advance!

hello all,

some background: i am diagnosed Bipolar type 2 (at least i thought i was, since psychosis can bump it up to BP1) and also have CPTSD. i’m being assessed for ADHD and ASD. i’m medicated with aripiprazole, quetiapine, citalopram, bupropion and lorazepam when needed and im pretty much euthymic right now i think.

i had a question regarding what is considered psychosis as i thought i didn’t have it but my psychiatrist says i do. to preface i do not want a diagnosis and im not looking for medical advice, i simply want to compare my experience to others who actually know what its like.

a while ago when i was at my psychiatrists office he called another doctor to get a consult on what medication would fit me best or at what dose or something like that. when the consulting dr asked about my medical history my psychiatrist says said “bipolar with psychotic features” and i was stumped. i never had psychosis i thought, just some weird thinking and stuff. i can barely remember my hypomanic and mixed episodes when times get rough but some things i do remember that were weird in hindsight were the following:

\- sleeping with a knife under my pillow and checking my apartment for intruders multiple times in genuine fear “they” would kill me.

\- i would get like excerpts or parts of songs playing so loud in my head that it would cover my own thoughts. it felt inserted and i couldn’t control it

\- my internal monologue was also very fast and scattered but i felt like i had “figured it out” this was paired with a grandiose feeling of superiority because i felt like i was the only one who knew “it” (idk what “it” is now). i could literally feel my neurons making new connections as this whole realm of ideas developed if that makes sense

\- i did have the classic “they’re out for me” feeling and seeing cars that followed me and people that would seem to follow me too

\- i’ve done this since childhood so idk if it counts but i’ve always checked rooms esp bathrooms or bedrooms when im vulnerable for cameras and if there were openings or holes where i couldn’t see i would cover them. also all phone and laptop cameras. it’s better now but i still always feel like im being watched so i try to look my best when i. front of a phone or laptop.

\- thoughts that didn’t feel like my own and that i couldn’t control. i could almost like converse with them and they were so loud. oftentimes these were compulsive/quickly repetitive and self deprecating and self insulting in nature. oftentimes in spoken in second or third person form.

\- i also got suspicious of friends betraying me or lying to me or thinking that people are talking about me in secret and making fun of me or even plotting to do something to hurt my image or hurt me.

\- i’ve had minor hallucinations like i can hear a song playing faintly somewhere in my home or outside but i can never make out what song it is and it’s so annoying. other times the song is in my head and i can’t turn it off. i also sometimes saw cats in my home just sneaking by or jumping off furniture and since i’ve always lived w cats it takes me a few moments to register that i don’t have a cat currently.

- i get super delusional cause i go on dating aps’s when hypo and i think everyone is in love with me and won’t listen to my friends when they say all these guys are trying to take advantage of me. like i just think everyone likes me and that’s why i get that attention which then again feeds that grandiosity (while im usually super shy, introverted and insecure and want to be a wallflower)

- ETA: i may also have written a notebook from cover to cover full with a manifesto? or like a call for help? and a description of how the world was ending and stuff when the war in ukraine broke out. it was a bunch of sloppy writes panicked rambling as i was convinced for MONTHSSS that the world was going to end on any day

so sorry for the long post. i was wondering if any of you have experienced something similar? and if so was that considered psychosis? i’m very uneducated on psychosis and would just like to get more insight from people who know what they are talking about.

as a last point: i am fully medicated for the bipolar and am not symptomatic right now

thank you so much in advance!

ETA2: thank you so much all of you for your great answers and insights! i am now realising and coming to terms with that my psychiatrist is probably right, and that i do have psychosis sometimes. i honestly can’t believe it yet cause the impostor syndrome is baaaaad with my bipolar i still feel like im faking even though every time i quit my meds (i will never even again because holy fuck!) i actually almost die everytime. and become psychotic apparently. good to know, if only i’d known sooner and taken myself seriously. could’ve saved a lot of pain.

hello all,

i am diagnosed Bipolar type 2 (at least i thought i was, since psychosis can bump it up to BP1) and also have CPTSD. i’m medicated.

i had a question regarding what is considered psychosis as i thought i didn’t have it but my psychiatrist says i do. to preface i do not want a diagnosis and im not looking for medical advice, i simply want to compare my experience to others who actually know what its like.

a while ago when i was at my psychiatrists office he called another doctor to get a consult on what medication would fit me best or at what dose or something like that. when the consulting dr asked about my medical history my psychiatrist says said “bipolar with psychotic features” and i was stumped. i never had psychosis i thought, just some weird thinking and stuff. i can barely remember my hypomanic and mixed episodes when times get rough but some things i do remember that were weird in hindsight were the following:

- sleeping with a knife under my pillow and checking my apartment for intruders multiple times in genuine fear “they” would kill me.

- i would get like excerpts or parts of songs playing so loud in my head that it would cover my own thoughts. it felt inserted and i couldn’t control it

- my internal monologue was also very fast and scattered but i felt like i had “figured it out” this was paired with a grandiose feeling of superiority because i felt like i was the only one who knew “it” (idk what “it” is now). i could literally feel my neurons making new connections as this whole realm of ideas developed if that makes sense

- i did have the classic “they’re out for me” feeling and seeing cars that followed me and people that would seem to follow me too

- i’ve done this since childhood so idk if it counts but i’ve always checked rooms esp bathrooms or bedrooms when im vulnerable for cameras and if there were openings or holes where i couldn’t see i would cover them. also all phone and laptop cameras. it’s better now but i still always feel like im being watched so i try to look my best when i. front of a phone or laptop.

- thoughts that didn’t feel like my own and that i couldn’t control. i could almost like converse with them and they were so loud. oftentimes these were compulsive/quickly repetitive and self deprecating and self insulting in nature. oftentimes in spoken in second or third person form.

- i also got suspicious of friends betraying me or lying to me or thinking that people are talking about me in secret and making fun of me or even plotting to do something to hurt my image or hurt me.

- i’ve had minor hallucinations like i can hear a song playing faintly somewhere in my home or outside but i can never make out what song it is and it’s so annoying. other times the song is in my head and i can’t turn it off. i also sometimes saw cats in my home just sneaking by or jumping off furniture and since i’ve always lived w cats it takes me a few moments to register that i don’t have a cat currently.

- ETA: i may also have written a notebook from cover to cover full with a manifesto? or like a call for help? and a description of how the world was ending and stuff when the war in ukraine broke out. it was a bunch of sloppy writes panicked rambling as i was convinced for MONTHSSS that the world was going to end on any day

so sorry for the long post. i was wondering if any of you have experienced something similar? and if so was that considered psychosis? i’m very uneducated on psychosis and would just like to get more insight from people who know what they are talking about.

as a last point: i am fully medicated for the bipolar and am not symptomatic right now

thank you so much in advance!