u/kikijiji42

Hi there! I’m a 26F and am recovering from anorexia. full disclosure— i’ve abused laxatives for years as a part of my ED and am still in the habit.

well, now i’ve quite suddenly developed an ache and heaviness, or pressure feeling in my rectum. it’s pretty constant, but gets worse after going to the bathroom. i also don’t feel empty when i’ve gone to the bathroom (could be because now i’m scared to strain in the slightest)

the laxative abuse causes me to be on the toilet for awhile and frequently.

with this pain starting a few days ago, i’m fearing the worst— that i have some sort of internal rectal prolapse.

i’m trying to get into see my primary care doctor, but i’m just currently living in fear.

given my history, am i rational for thinking this could be the issue? or am i just freaking out and other things could be causing this persistent ache.

trying to recover slow, at my own pace. does anyone else find that their body holds on to everything every single thing in recovery??

like i’m still not eating like a normal person, still restricting in a way, and tend to eat pretty “clean”

but like water just stays and food just stays and it’s so hard and so discouraging

I’ve been recovering from anorexia, in my own way, for almost a year now.

I know i’ve gained weight and I can feel it. I feel different in my body and not in a good way. I don’t weight anymore but I do measure my waist (I know some will think that’s a big no no but it’s what I do.)

And my waist isn’t changing, but my weight definitely is. Is my body changing a ton and I’m just like… not seeing it in that measurement? I don’t know, my body dysmorphia is so bad I just have no idea. how is my body rebuilding I have zero idea.

I am 25 and leaving my job with around 23k in my 401(a). I know it’s an option to rollover, but I want to withdraw from it to pay off my car loan. Is this an option for me? I understand there will be penalties, but am I allowed to at this age?

Edit: While I fully appreciate the advice on not withdrawing, I really need to right now to stay afloat. Not withdrawing isn’t an option— only looking to make sure it is allowed. Thank you!