u/kinnsao

Obvious spoilers. In episode 7 season 3, Anita tells Mike how her husband went hiking one day and never came back, they only found his car. Her talking about the burden of not knowing what really happened really foreshadows Howard's death where Mike only leaves his car and shoes and his wife doesn't know for years what really happened.

It's cancer," I could tell people. "A meningioma. It changes your personality. It's inoperable so this is what it is." A structural change. A growth.

"It's Alzheimer's," I could explain. A breakdown of the brain. Caused by too much protein, flooding the mind until she fades away. A chemical process. A thief.

"It's dementia," I could sigh, lamenting the milk in the cupboard. Caused by a vascular issue, doctors think. A problem with flow. A blockage.

"It's psychosis," I could grimace, unsure in my words. A documented phenomenon. More abstract but just as haunting. A treatable concept. A split.

"It's complicated," is what I can really say, because there's no diagnosis for the tumour that looks like a computer mouse glued to her hand. No chemicals explain being absorbed by an algorithm, fading until she talks and walks like an unhinged YouTube Short made in someone's basement. No doctor to trace the problem of flow from her feed to her tired eyes. No concept documented to explain why she splits inside, unable to tell real from fake. A disorder with no name.

It's the world's fastest spreading cancer, the most devastating loss of brain function, and the loneliest kind of insanity — wrapped up, insidiously hiding and held in the palm of her hand. But that's too complicated. People need to believe there is a treatment. So all I can say when people ask is...

"She's sick."

"Stand up for yourself, you're allowed to say no,"

You tell me, as you brush a small tear off of my soft pink cheek. My little pigtails hang, defeated — I do not want to hug my mother. "Set a boundary. Say no thank you," as you pat me on the back of my overalls, and gently push me forward.

"Maybe you need to find new friends," you shake your head, as you place the final toasted top on my warm breakfast sandwich. Sun rays stream into the safe kitchen as your steady hands place energy in front of me and your words pick me up. "You've got to have boundaries. Stand up for what makes you happy." I nod, my teenage face apprehensive and a type out an unsure message using T9 on my flip phone.

"When are you finally going to live the life you want?" You urge me over the phone, as I sit in my apartment, lamenting the 23rd Christmas I have to spend with my mother. "You have the ability to say no. You can create a world that makes you happy." I agree hesitantly as I run through what to tell my family when I cancel holiday plans to prioritize my mental health.

"Here, read this article about the scamdemic," you send me on Facebook messenger at 1 a.m. I have to work tomorrow morning at the hospital but your messages ping repeatedly. "If you get the vaccine you can't come visit. Spike proteins can transfer." I close the conversation and don't open it for another year.

"The aliens are living above my place, now," you feverishly exclaim, your aging eyes a mix of excitement and bewilderment. I look for your old quiet confidence and come up short. "Make sure to pack your bags when they raid the tunnels." I nod, and put away my clothes like usual.

"Hey Auntie, I am worried about you. This behaviour isn't normal and it's affecting our relationship," I choke out after four years of silence. I still can't find the 'you' that wiped my cheek. "Ok, let me see if I get this little boundary thing straight," says the person who looks like my Aunt. "It's all about you, isn't it? You are right and everyone else is crazy. How self centered is that?"

Now, we don't talk. Don't visit. But I've stood up for myself. I've said no thank you. I'm doing what makes me happy. I've set a boundary.

Aren't you proud of me?

Aren't you proud of me?

Says it all in the title... Though I've struggled with IC since I was 12. Diagnosed at 30. 32 now. Whenever my husband travels my IC symptoms tend to be milder. I still will flare if I have coffee etc but I'm much less prone to random flares. He was on a business trip for over a month I was essentially pain free until he got back. He's gone again and same deal.

Our sex life is pretty limited because of the IC and flares. So I don't think it's that though the sex doesn't help. I've gone months without sex with him here and still flare tho.

What's up with this? Am I allergic to him? I have to mention I have a lot of childhood trauma I'm trying to work through and being alone has definitely felt more comfortable for me throughout my life but it's improved a lot with time. But I do have moments when I wish I could be alone but when he travels I miss him a ton.

Is it mental? What the hellie

I used to think being fit and eating healthy was hard when I just suffered from migraines...now I have severe IC and it makes healthy eating and exercise SO much harder.

My IC is particularly nasty and diet driven. I've had to give up a lot of my healthy food staples like Greek yogurt, salsa for bean bowls, lime, BBQ sauce, diet coke, bubly water...anything that makes counting calories a little easier. My main diet is essentially protein oats, peanut butter, blueberries, protein pancakes and a rotating dinner. I also have an Achilles heel for snacking on sweets, probably because it's like the only flavour I can eat and enjoy.

Exercise, oh man. I used to be a runner and a weightlifter and that's over. Through sheer fucking grit I switched to spin and cycling and I go 3x a week and can do arm weights but if I squat the bar I can't move for like a week after from the bladder pain. It sucks. On top of my migraines I might get 2 workout days a week where I feel ok but I'm constantly battling bladder pain or migraines and forcing myself to exercise.

I am about 140lbs and 5'5 and desperately want to drop to 130 for my wedding next year and it seems impossible. I am doing all I can to hold the fort and have only gained 5 pounds since my diagnosis but it's only because I have been extremely on top of things. For history I have a tendency to gain weight easily and dropped from close to 175 down yo 135 and have been hovering around that for several years until I was diagnosed 2 years ago with IC.

I guess I'm just bitching and asking others what they do to stay fit with this crap.

I have several autoimmune diseases that often makes household chores difficult. Nonetheless, I work full time and clean nearly daily. My husband does a lot, too. He grocery shops and handles cooking and garbage and lawn care, while I handle tasks like maintaining cleanliness, pet care, plant care and home decor.

I have the habit of putting large bowls from baking into the dishwasher. Sometimes they are my bowls, sometimes they are from him. But mixing bowls go in there because straight up, hand washing is exhausting for me and if I'm doing the dishes I deserve to just take the easiest route. It is so hard to work full time with my body the way it is, let alone clean. I also run a side hustle as a cookie baker so I make sure the kitchen is clean after I bake. But yes the bowls end up in the dishwasher.

What just absolutely fucking grinds me is my husband will come home, open the dishwasher, see a bowl and take it out and leave it on the counter. I'm like "hey what gives" and he says it takes up too much dishwasher space and that we should hand wash it. I've explained the energy and illness thing. So he says he will hand wash it...and proceed to leave it there for 2-3 business days.

This irks me to no end. I feel like I'm being told "you suck at dishes" while simultaneously having someone mess with my clean kitchen. He says he doesn't mean to and that he will get to it but I say stop unloading things I've put in the dishwasher in the first place. We make over $200,000 combined and have no kids. We can afford to run the dishwasher more.

Also to add, we pay for cleaners (with me paying 60/40) because I find scrubbing toilets etc too hard. So cleanliness is not a huge issue. I know I can't keep up with it all so I pay for help. But this is just a standoff thing that is driving me insane. So AITA or should I let the bowls just sit there until he washes them?

I have several autoimmune diseases that often makes household chores difficult. Nonetheless, I work full time and clean nearly daily. My husband does a lot, too. He grocery shops and handles cooking and garbage and lawn care, while I handle tasks like maintaining cleanliness, pet care, plant care and home decor.

I have the habit of putting large bowls from baking into the dishwasher. Sometimes they are my bowls, sometimes they are from him. But mixing bowls go in there because straight up, hand washing is exhausting for me and if I'm doing the dishes I deserve to just take the easiest route. It is so hard to work full time with my body the way it is, let alone clean. I also run a side hustle as a cookie baker so I make sure the kitchen is clean after I bake. But yes the bowls end up in the dishwasher.

What just absolutely fucking grinds me is my husband will come home, open the dishwasher, see a bowl and take it out and leave it on the counter. I'm like "hey what gives" and he says it takes up too much dishwasher space and that we should hand wash it. I've explained the energy and illness thing. So he says he will hand wash it...and proceed to leave it there for 2-3 business days.

This irks me to no end. I feel like I'm being told "you suck at dishes" while simultaneously having someone mess with my clean kitchen. He says he doesn't mean to and that he will get to it but I say stop unloading things I've put in the dishwasher in the first place. We make over $200,000 combined and have no kids. We can afford to run the dishwasher more.

Also to add, we pay for cleaners (with me paying 60/40) because I find scrubbing toilets etc too hard. So cleanliness is not a huge issue. I know I can't keep up with it all so I pay for help. But this is just a standoff thing that is driving me insane. So AITA or should I let the bowls just sit there until he washes them?

I have very severe IC and am extremely diet sensitive. Before diagnosis I had a period of remission when I could drink as much coffee as I wanted. Now, I can't have ANY coffee or tea or I'm staring down a miserable flare. I tried to quit caffeine but I have a very busy job and I never felt fully awake. Always craving it and all the other IC meds make me sleepy.

I had a friend say "why don't you try Awake chocolate" and by God it actually works. Maybe it's because it's being digested slowly but I don't flare at all. Hope this helps someone