u/klltty

my boyfriend suggested we have phone sex tonight after we haven’t done it in a few months, so I was actually really excited because I had been waiting for him to bring it up again. before we started I even asked if we were still going to and he said yes. the problem is that it ended up being just me. i told him I wanted him to participate too because I feel really awkward if it’s only me, but he said he was tired. I don’t want to force him to do anything if he doesn’t want to and I understand being tired, but it completely ruined the mood for me and i thought he’d do it with me since he was the one who suggested it first. right now i just feel disappointed, embarrassed, and honestly kind of unwanted. I ended up telling him I wanted to go to sleep, but I’ve actually just been crying. I feel guilty for being upset because he said he was tired, but I also feel hurt because he was the one who suggested it and I was really looking forward to us both doing it.

edit: i think part of why I’m feeling this so strongly is because ive already been feeling a little unwanted lately. earlier today my boyfriend was actually reassuring me and telling me I’m pretty, which made me feel better and more secure again. so when we tried to have an intimate call tonight and it ended up not being mutual, it kind of did the opposite of what i needed emotionally. instead of feeling close to him, i ended up feeling embarrassed and unwanted again, and it hit me a lot harder than i expected.

whenever we call lately, he’s usually just watching youtube and not really talking to me which annoys me cus i’ve been waiting all day to talk to him yet he’s not even trying to do the same. he also stopped liking my Instagram stories whenever I post myself, which he used to do, and sometimes when I say “goodnight, I love you,” he doesn’t reply or say it back even though he used to every night.
none of these things by themselves seem like a huge deal, but together they’ve been making me feel unwanted and like he’s losing interest. idk if I’m just being insecure or if these changes are actually something I should pay attention to :/