Context enti ante, my sister was narrating an incident- how some drug dealers followed her friends to their hostel. My dad was like, "Mi daggara kuda ila chestara". Then she's like, "Vaallu main road pakkaga kakunda, inka edo short cut lo vecharu. Ala vaste anthey ga mari". To which I gave a look but didn't say anything.

Ma akka emo, ala chudaku, main road unnapudu use cheskovali. Alanti sketchy places ki velte ilane avtadi. I didn't say anything even then, coz nak appatike nashalaniki antuthundi. She's like, edoti cheppu, ala choosthuntave?

Cheppa. "Just because they used that short cut, it's not an invitation. Main route vaallu nduku use cheyaledo, niku telsa? 100% mistake, follow ina vaalladi. Veellu main route use cheyle kabatti ila jarigindi ani vitcim blame cheste?"

Anthe. Everybody lost their shit. "Vaallu invitation gane tiskuntaru. Bayatiki veltu roju intiki lock vesi veltam, anthe kani, dongathanam cheytam thappu evaru cheykudadu anukoni lock veykunda vellam."

I was like, "Correct eh, mana safety manam chooskovali. But my point stands. Ala velte alane jarugutadi ani justify chestarenti?"

"Eh stupid ga matladaku. Niku inka lokagnanam ledu" ani oka condescending navvu navvi, they moved on.

I was absolutely pissed off at this point coz, my mind is so full of this shit that I barely go out. Like, year lo 3 times kuda I don't go out (not alone, with friends/family), if you don't consider classes. Even ah classes kuda, natho evar lekunte vellanu. I'm that paranoid. And these people are the reason for it.

Atp, I don't even know why I care, they're never gonna change.

So, I have two best friends from my school. Let's call em A and R.

My dad asked me how the both of em are doing rn and I said that A is in Jharkhand rn, doing Mtech. R got married recently and I attended her wedding as well.

Cheptu, inko maata anna that A pani baundi. He asked me nikem indi. "Em kale but A manchi uni lo ug chesindi, ipudu pg kuda. Nen emo asal eh course enduku chestunnano kuda telekunda chestunna. R emo mothanike sardesindi pelli cheskoni," ani anna.

He replied, "You're still in the race and R choose some other way to reach her destiny."

Nak ardham kala. So he elaborated. Paatha kaalam lo, nadichi nadichi alisipothe em chestaru? Gurram ekkutaru, ah gurram tiskeltadi vaalla destination ki. Idi anthe.

Inka further ga nen em cheppala. Just one thought, "Dad, please hesitate." 😭🙏

https://preview.redd.it/ujt9v8cwy06h1.jpg?width=4080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6bc3a58b88fa6535d276a3d7427d7329fd413424

Ala 2 years back mana diary ela undedo anna kuthuhalam tho, tavvi tavvi, tavvakaallo bayatapadda aanimuthyam idi. I was 20 at that time. I don't have any kind of excuses for writing what I wrote at that time.

Just- 'Anugrihita asmyaham (I'm blessed).' >!It doesn't sound half as bad anymore, maybe I should start doing that again 🌚. !<

https://preview.redd.it/wgpka8re5m5h1.jpg?width=625&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d79b4fcaa2d03dfd3b22d45b691e658b47080324

Let the war begin.

Never, I repeat, **NEVER** turn to any public platform for relationship advice. Whatever the relationship is.

People have so many preconceived notions and prejudices that they refuse to see what's right in front of their noses and start to judge you. Which, to be honest, is not their mistake.

They don't know the whole story, circumstances, dynamics and most importantly, they don't know the people concerned. Rant/vent chesina kuda they'll most prolly end up taking a side instead of chadivi odileydam.

Unnapalam ga ila enduku anipinchindi ani miru anukovachu, just an observation I made. That's all, have a good day!

How it started:

On one fateful day, class lo kurchuni bore kodutundi ani, I asked my benchmate what socials she uses. Instagram for mainstream content and Reddit for niche interests annadi. I was intrigued. Appude break lo account create chesa. But I didn't get the hang of it, asal use cheyle. Ah benchmate name kuda gurtuledu atp, so I left it at that.

Tarvata, 'study buddy unte accountability untadi' ani na online friend tho ante, she suggested Reddit lo try cheymani. I commented under some post, guys dm'ed me. Serious anukuni, I gave em my telegram id. Group form cheyochu anukunna, but they were js despos ani realize ayyi, I deleted my telegram acc.

Reddit kuda delete cheddam anukunna, but appudu India20s sub kanipinchindi. Inka ala ala, akkada posts/comments chestu, interesting anipinchina profiles stalk chestu, Telugu subreddits unnay ani realize ayya. I interacted with some people but Telugu subreddits lo antha interact kale.

This is where the 'study buddies' started doing too much, inka account delete chesi, new account create cheskunna. Which is, the account I'm using rn.

First account tho antha connection ledu. Coz I was figuring out things and Reddit kinda overwhelmed me (it still does on some days), so antha goppaga memories em lev, apart from joining a Telugu discord server, where people were so kind that I met 3 of em irl. Migata vaallani kuda meet avachu, but vere vere places lo untam, so kudaraledu.

But ee present account tho, I have a lot of memories. Rather than meeting/interacting with people, I had experiences. Unpleasant experiences kuda unnay but pleasant experiences ni overthrow chese antha kaadu. I realized that I kinda have this regional bias, so I feel more connected with the Telugu subs.

How it's ending:

But recent ga, I've observed that, I made Reddit my whole personality. Before I started using Reddit, I used to read a lot. But ippudu ala chadavatledu. Koncham time unna, even for 10mins, Reddit scroll chestunna. Inka detox cheyalsina time ochindi ani ardham indi, but undalenu emo anipinchindi.

So, last week nundi I started reducing my screentime on Reddit. Inthaka mundu, 6-7 hours easy ga undedi. Now it became 1- 1.5hrs, which is a huge milestone for me coz ee week koncham sick unde, I didn't even step out of my room. Still Reddit ekkuva use cheyle.

Now, that's my cue to stay tf away from Reddit and touch some grass. Henceforth, this is my not quite a goodbye but a goodbye nonetheless. Further ga future lo, 'edina issue urgent share cheskovali, leda explode ipotha' lanti instances emina unte, I'll be back. (Madhyalo eppudina 1,2 comments cheste chusi chudanattu vadileyandi 😂.)

Vellosta mari, jagratha sumi.

Emotions are all over the place, I just need to vent. Will most prolly delete this tomorrow morning if I felt like I overshared. >! Also, am I hallucinating or this sub used to have 'trauma dumping' flair? !<

Edina koncham ibbandi ga anipinchagane, elanti vishyam ina, amma tho share cheskodam alavatu. Kani ee vishyam share cheskovacha leda teleyatam ledu. Ofc share cheskovachu, but she's gonna break even more than I'm doing rn.

First things first, asalu na mida nake chiragga undi that I put myself in such a situation and let it happen. But then again, we were having a good time w the family, nen emina ante that vibe would've been destroyed. And I was kinda in denial.

Pilupu 'mamayya' ne pilichina, naanna tarvata naanna la chusukune aayana ala cheytam naku nachaledu. And my brain couldn't process it even now, at conflict with everything and thala pagilipothunna feeling. Heart feels so heavy.

1-2 times avte, it's playful anukuntam, akkaditho marchipotam. But it can't be a recurring occurrence, right? Surely, it can't be the appropriate behavior, right?

Why didn't I speak up? What am I going to do now with all this emotional baggage? It's always been difficult for me to trust the opposite gender, but I'm learning somehow and now I'm back on square one. Am I overreacting?

But how hard is it to respect others' boundaries? 'Aatapattinchadam' anna reason tho entha dooram ina vellocha? 'Mana intlo vaallalaga svatantram ga untaru' ani, limits lekunda behave cheyocha?

"Enpudu phone chesina asalu answer cheyavu, antha busy nti" this fucking reason, mamayya. Please maintain at least 2 meters distance from the next time and if possible, don't even fvcking look at me.

Sorry if it's confusing and appears to be out of order. It's a miracle that I'm even able to form coherent sentences rn with everything that's going on in my mind.