u/lilimolini

I (33 F) developed a really quick friendship with someone (28 F) last year and she identifies as straight. She is also very vocal about her Christian faith. I have already told her I’m lesbian and she did not have an issue with us being friends. We would hang out all the time and often just the two of us. We started seeking each other out and it was during these times when I started developing feelings for her. I fought hard to suppress it because i know i’d risk losing her as a friend. I made it a point to be honest with her at every point of this “confusion”. She’d clarify if us holding hands was platonic to which i said it was ( because it really was to me! i had no intention of falling for her). She’d ask if I thought she liked me, to which i said no I don’t think you do. It was never, I don’t like you, it was always “do you think I have feelings for you?” As time goes by we’ve become physically closer to the point where we’ve held hands many times. I make note of this because she’s not the type who would be physically expressive with her other friends. One time we were hanging out and at my house and we held hands again but this time it felt different - we held hands for a good 20 minutes, in the dark, with our fingers interlaced, in bed after watching a movie, and we were just talking. She got up to go use the washroom and came back to hold my hand again. i had asked her what that meant and she said it didn’t mean anything to her and it wasn’t a moment for her. She got silent and struggled to explain why she wouldn’t let go of my hand. She also said she was getting a little annoyed that I wasn’t believing her but I wasn’t being pushy. That crushed me and we once again had a conversation where I told her it’s deeply platonic but I often find myself wondering why i want to be close to her. She asked me if I wanted space and I said no. We decided boundaries should be in place because she said “it might escalate into something else”, but we started having a lot of fights because of how much suppression I was feeling. Finally after a huge blow out, and after realizing my feelings for her weren’t going to go away, I told her that my feelings were indeed romantic. She had asked for space until we figure out what kind of friendship we were going to have. I have an inkling we might not be friends anymore after this, but she did say that it was just a “break” and not a breakup. I had checked in and she said we need more space but assured me that she still values our friendship.

I don’t have an exact question because i don’t want to speculate and I want to believe and respect what she says and how she identifies. But it does make me wonder if there was any part of her that wanted to explore deeper feelings that she didn’t want to simply because her faith doesn’t allow? I thought I was going insane and maybe I am. Just wanted to get this off my chest too.

I developed a really quick friendship with someone last year and she identifies as straight. She is also very vocal about her faith. I have already told her I’m lesbian and she did not have an issue with us being friends. We would hang out all the time and often just the two of us. We started seeking each other out and it was during these times when I started developing feelings for her. I fought hard to suppress it because i know i’d risk losing her as a friend. I made it a point to be honest with her at every point of this “confusion”. She’d clarify if us holding hands was platonic to which i said it was ( because it really was to me! i had no intention of falling for her). She’d ask if I thought she liked me, to which i said no I don’t think you do. It was never, I don’t like you, it was always “do you think I have feelings for you?” As time goes by we’ve become physically closer to the point where we’ve held hands many times. I make note of this because she’s not the type who would be physically expressive with her other friends. One time we were hanging out and at my house and we held hands again but this time it felt different - we held hands for a good 20 minutes, in the dark, with our fingers interlaced, and we were just talking. She got up to go use the washroom and came back to hold my hand again. i had asked her what that meant and she said it didn’t mean anything to her and it wasn’t a moment for her. She got silent and struggled to explain why she wouldn’t let go of my hand. She also said she was getting a little annoyed that I wasn’t believing her but I wasn’t being pushy. That crushed me and we once again had a conversation where I told her it’s deeply platonic but I often find myself wondering why i want to be close to her. She asked me if I wanted space and I said no. We decided boundaries should be in place because she said “it might escalate into something else”, but we started having a lot of fights because of how much suppression I was feeling. Finally after a huge blow out, and after realizing my feelings for her weren’t going to go away, I told her that my feelings were indeed romantic. She had asked for space until we figure out what kind of friendship we were going to have.

I don’t have a question because i don’t want to speculate and I want to believe and respect what she says and how she identifies. But it does make me wonder if there was any part of her that wanted to explore deeper feelings that she didn’t want to simply because her faith doesn’t allow? I thought I was going insane and maybe I am. Just wanted to get this off my chest too.

Edit: Grammar but also english isn’t my first language so my apologies!

Don’t really know where to go and what to do but I need advice :( my friend (F 30) and I (F34) are currently on a friendship break because I told her I have feelings for her. Long story short, the reason I came clean was because it was affecting how I’m showing up for her (emotional merging, empathy without borders, just feeling like i am responsible for her when she didn’t ask for any of these). I also am a firm believer of being honest with how you feel. I didn’t tell her to know if she feels the same, it literally was because I wanted her to understand my POV. I recognize that I have made our friendship non-neutral and complicated so we have mutually decided to take some space. She said it was not a breakup, but rather a break… I want to believe it, but I have a gnawing feeling that we won’t be friends anymore. What are some signs that a friendship will weather a storm? Inversely, how do I know if it’s the end?

Don’t really know where to go and what to do but I need advice :( my friend (F 30) and I (F34) are currently on a friendship break because I told her I have feelings for her. The reason I came clean was because it was affecting how I’m showing up for her (emotional merging, empathy without borders, just feeling like i am responsible for her when she didn’t ask for any of these). I also am a firm believer of being honest with how you feel. I also didn’t tell her to know if she feels the same, it literally was because I wanted her to understand my POV. I recognize that I have made our friendship non-neutral and complicated so we have mutually decided to take some space. She said it was not a breakup, but rather a break… I want to believe it, but I have a gnawing feeling that we won’t be friends anymore. What are some signs that a friendship will weather a storm? Inversely, how do I know if it’s the end?