u/lilipaddx

I feel so angry, almost all the time.

TW: pretty much all the triggers.

I’ve been raped, I’ve been called horrible racist things, by my (white) mother, by people at my job, even a now ex-boyfriend, strangers on the street. I’ve been literally burned, I’ve been abandoned on the side of a mountain in sub freezing temperatures. I’ve been called stupid, idiot, everything imaginable. I’ve been spit on, I’ve been strangled, held at gun point, all multiple times. I have PTSD.

I am so fucking angry. I know I need to let it go. I know it would be to my own benefit. I know it’s been years and I live in a much better place, with much better defenses in place. Today this white bitch (whos been arrested for domestic violence and everyone still loves her) told me to try hetting a fucking hair straightener. I’m raging. Even then, I still sat there and was like “…yeah”. I didn’t smile at her or laugh but I wish so badly that I could be unrestrained.

My boyfriend tells me to stop being angry. He told me I’m an unhappy person. But I don’t want to let go of this anger. I feel like I have a right to this anger, it’s the only thing I have. My memories made me, and it feels like to deny this anger is to pretend that none of that stuff matters anymore. It feels like a betrayal to let it go. But I feel like I’m supposed to, I have to.

It, once again, makes me angry.

Hello everyone!

I was wondering if any of y'all know of or could recommend local bands of the above genres! I am a (paying) event organizer and looking for some local acts to perform in an upcoming show!

Thank you in advance!

Hello everyone,

I am interested in unionizing my county library system. Things have gone badly downhill in my system over the past year. We are 65 workers across 6 locations, we’ve been in hiring freezes for months. Now there’s an amendment on the November ballot which would cause a loss in 60% of funding, and our Dept. Manager said that the county will likely not protect us. She referenced an event where there were mass layoffs and severe reduction in services.

The current problems are:

- Workers expected to use personal vehicles for work-required on the clock jobs; 2 vehicles damaged and no compensation from county.

- Break room has 4 chairs, only alternative is a locked room that only supervisors have the key to, and which is regularly closed or rented to the public (at at least 1 location).

-multiple employees written up for “too many absences” with no definition for what that is in either the employee handbook or when asked.

- No guarantee or clear answer that workers will be protected from using personal or vacation time to compensate for HR’s delays to approve a return to work after sick leave.

I think that workers are fed up across the board and the timing is good to unionize. We are currently excluded from the Teamsters Union covering other county departments.

There are less than 5 county library systems that are unionized out of the 67 in Florida. Should I contact the teamsters Union covering other departments? Or should I look at CWA/AFSCME who are the unions working with the other public library systems in Florida?

Any other words of wisdom? I’ve looked into power mapping and I’ve invited some trusted people out to dinner in two weeks to see what they think about the situation. My partner thinks I should quit and that trying will fail and get me fired. I’ve worked here for years and have a hard time imagining just giving up on these people. Sorry for the essay, but let me know what you think. Thanks.

Hello everyone,

I spent about 8 years earning a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I truly loved it, I competed in tournaments, and for a long time it was “my thing.” It was absolutely formative to who I am.

Then I moved 1000 miles away, and ended up in a relationship that turned physically abusive. He beat me and strangled me multiple times.

It destroyed me as a woman, but it also killed off my identity within martial arts. It’s been several years since I left that relationship, but I feel sort of like a failure. I can look at the situation from a pragmatic “weight classes exist for a reason” sort of “I got my ass whipped because he’s a bad person and like 100lbs heavier than me” way. But it fucked with me.

I’m in therapy now and in the gym, and I signed up to take a trial class at a reputable local MMA gym but I don’t know how much of my past is appropriate to disclose. Maybe not on the first class but before we start sparring?

Any words of wisdom or people with similar backgrounds?

Hello everybody,

I have seen this circulating the news and I wanted to take the community’s temperature on this. Cuts will make

- pre-existing home ownership easier

but cut funding for

- beach maintenance
- park maintenance
- Oxbow Eco Center
- libraries
- roads
- water quality
- solid waste
- sheriffs dept.
- bus + free micro transit for elderly
- mosquito control

I’m worried about the impacts on St. Lucie County. I have heard that several jobs for the BOCC are being closed in preparation for worst case scenario. I’m worried that the benefits to home owners will be pretty minimal, and won’t even really help potential home buyers. I’m concerned that it will make quality of life worse and reduce the # of jobs available through the county.

How do you all feel?

EDIT:

I am adding some extra info here to clarify some information for some commenters that were confused. TL;DR is city and county have different budget. Commissioners/admin look further into the future than just a year or two. Contingency planning. Budget docs show where money comes from and approx. 70-60% is from property tax.

My post is about St. Lucie County's fiscal budget so I get the confusion but they are completely separate budgets. Naturally, as you mentioned, the city will also suffer by 49% on top of the losses the county will face.

I am linking the COUNTY'S budget for this year, FY25-26. I will be referencing the table available on .pdf page 64 (page 23 in Table of Contents).

So, it says

- 37.4% of the budget this year came from property taxes on real estate BUT the admin who explained to me said that

-that is combined WITH the 33.38% of the budget that is carryover from FY24-25, which is largely property tax from prior years. Grants and other state funding MUST be spent on what it's ear marked for, etc. So,

-if we get rid of property tax, FY27-28 might not have any carry over budget. that 37.4% + 33.8% = actually 71.2%. We're assuming that not all of that carry over is property tax. So we say 60%.

When county administrator's plan, they aren't planning for just the next year. They have 5 year, 10 year plans, and in that same budget document, they show that they are planning and thinking about SLC all the way into 2050. FY27-28 we will probably experience around a 60% loss in county funding. And apparently as you mentioned, an extra 49% loss in city funding as well.

SLC Budget FY25-26

Hello,

I have been struggling with some ideas recently. I have been diagnosed with CPTSD as well as GAD and MDD.

I believe in the political/economic/social theory that we are all restrained in our actions by the systems and social norms around us. Even a decision to go “against the grain” is still influenced by the existence of “grain”.

So when I think about all the things I’ve gone through under capitalism, racism, sexism and all the ways it has put me behind in terms of my education, my financial system, my faith in other people etc. I feel pretty disturbed. I also feel jealous of the people around me, unfortunately especially other women, who just skated on by and aren’t as constrained by the same system.

I understand I have mental health problems. I understand I have agency. I have massively improved my life educationally, financially, socially. I am technically speaking in a really good place. I’m doing my best to do outreach and I’m deeply involved in my community. But I still feel resentment and I feel anger/jealousy towards these people. Even if it’s someone I like, those feelings creep up on me. The depressive thoughts get me feeling like even though I’ve come so far, there are real limits in the system to what I can do, and I may never be as successful as they already are.

Is it possible for this to be reframed? I want to release that anger but good god. It kills me that I work 10 hours a day and make less than someone who “works” 4 hours a week. It kills me that I got beaten and strangled for jokes that it’s totally fine for others to make. It kills me that I’ve been held at gunpoint because I don’t “behave like a white girl”. And it kills me that because of all the systems that lead to my trauma, I have to live with those memories, and that stress in my body for the 60+ years I have left to live.

The system is brutal yall. I know it’s bad for everyone, but again, POC CPTSD is real and it’s different.

Hello!

I am only in the brainstorming phase of this project. I’m just looking to see if anyone has any thoughts or wisdom for me.

I am a beginner, I attended an Arduino class at my library where I learned to make a motion detected sequence of LED lights. It was awesome. I am starting to experiment more at home and I have a goal project.

I want to make a battery operated OLED screen that displays an animation upon detecting motion. I would like to 3D print housing for it and mount it on my motorcycle.

I understand the batteries will have to be changed so I plan on making the housing easily accessible. My thoughts right now are

- how can I extend battery life?
- are there any projects in particular that I could practice on to develop the necessary skills?
- are there any unreasonable flaws I’m blinded to because of my noobness?

I’m sure you’ll be hearing from me more as I start in on the actual work, but if you have any advice or thoughts before hand let me know! Thanks!

Hey everybody!

I am speaking on a National stage!!! At a national conference!!!! In front of hundreds of people! I’m nervous!!

I’m going to be photographed and taped and I want to look and feel my best. It’s in 2 weeks.

I have a lash/brows/nails appointment. I have my suit ordered and can hopefully get it tailored in time.

Is there anything else I can do to get myself prepped? I’m flying to the city a few days in advance and was thinking of getting a massage the day before.

The trip is completely covered so I’m fine with spending on myself feeling good for this!!