u/lily_fairy

every contact i've tried for astigmatism has been awful. bausch + lomb, precision 1, infuse, bio true. they all suck. i had no issues ages 13 to 22 when i had normal contacts for nearsightedness. i get daily ones for my left eye only (i am fully blind in my right eye, no prescription can fix it)

the first astigmatism contacts that i tried 4 years ago weren't too bad, they took maybe an hour to settle into the right spot but then they would be okay for most of the day. i think that was bio true. then i tried precision 1 which started off good but then just stopped working after a year. idk if they changed the way they manufacture it or something but they just straight up stopped working for me and i had to throw so many out after only wearing them for a few hours. i could never get them in the right position and everything would be blurry. i went back to bio true and they didn't work either. now im on infuse and having the same problems. i can see but it's definitely not 20/20 because i can't read things across the room unless the contacts are perfectly in the correct position in my eye, which they are often not.

is it just me? is my eye a weird size or something? i blink and do everything i can to try get them into the right position but it doesn't work most of the time. im going crazy and getting headaches from it. it's just insane that i spend $150 to see the eye doctor and $650 to get the contacts all just to not be able to see clearly for more than half the day. i hate glasses, i play sports and work with babies and don't feel like dealing with them being knocked off.

does anyone else have this issue? is there anything that helps it or any brand that works? i can't afford to go the eye doctor again this year and can't afford to let another expensive order of contacts go to waste. but idk what to do anymore.

TW: suicidal thoughts, self harm, eating disorders, weight

i've been wanting to talk about this for a while now but feel bad because i know a few years ago if i saw a post like this, i'd want to punch that person in the face for complaining. because i am so incredibly lucky that all my effort to get better actually worked for the most part. lyme disease got better after advocating for myself to get tested and then getting antibiotic treatment. chronic gastritis got better after trying a few different medications and getting diagnosed with celiac disease and realizing my diet needed to be strictly gluten free. my eating disorder and anxiety disorder got mostly better from therapy and yoga. idk why long covid went away after several months but im so grateful it did. after five years of being severely malnourished, underweight, weak, sometimes bedridden, and unable to work or drive or do anything, im now a special ed teacher with a life. i play soccer a few days per week. i can go on hikes and weekend trips and do basic chores and play instruments and read books and do so many things i thought i'd never be able to do again.

but now every time i get a virus or accidentally eat gluten or have bad period cramps, i completely spiral. it makes me feel suicidal and like my life is over. i start to feel convinced that i will never be better and it's the beginning of the end again. today i ate something that made my stomach hurt. i cried about it for 3 hours and feel so depressed and scared and almost self harmed. all just because of a stomach ache.

am i alone in this? did anyone else get mostly better but now having PTSD-ish symptoms whenever they feel sick again? i honestly can't really remember much about the 5 years i was severely ill. it feels like a huge gap in my memory. i try not to think about it at all because i didn't feel like myself during that time. i know it's probably not healthy to ignore that part of my life but i really want to just move on.

im one month away from the wedding and ready to kill myself from stress at this point. i self harmed a few weeks ago which hasn't happened in years. idk what the fuck i was thinking doing a DIY wedding in a public park with 140 guests but im in it too deep now. our bartender flaked so now we're scrambling to get a new one and still need to order all the alcohol. i've been stressing myself out trying to figure this out plus all the permits and licensing stuff for having alcohol in a public park but i don't even drink and my fiancé is an alcoholic trying to stay sober so idk why i'm stressing myself out over this but i am because all the alcoholics in my family and my fiancés friend group will be miserable to deal with if they don't have booze. we still don't know if we have all the right permits for the city because no one ever answers the phone or my emails. we have 100 missed calls since september with the city just trying to pay a $40 application fee for having an event in the park. i still have to figure out the marriage license thing. people will say "it is what it is, the details don't matter, it's just about your love" like no the wedding might literally be shut down because we're one month away and i still don't have all the proper permits and legal paperwork. i've spent hours every week since september trying to get it, but i have no control over the city and vendors not responding to me. my bridesmaids have been weird and cold maybe because it's all my female cousins and im one of the youngest yet the first to be married so maybe they're bitter idk but it sucks to have people who aren't excited for you. one of my bridesmaids offered to do my hair and makeup. we had plans to go shopping for makeup together but i fucked up and put the wrong date for that in my calendar and accidentally stood her up and i apologized like crazy but she's still mad i guess because it's been a month since then and she won't even talk to me. my fiancé and i barely have enough money for food and rent, and we realized our auto pay with electricity wasn't working so we just had to pay a $2500 bill which was supposed to be wedding money. our catering cost doubled because of the economy being so awful. our parents and everyone else is on my ass for not knowing the answer to every question about the day and get mad at me for being "too indifferent" when i actually just don't know the fucking answer because im not a professional event planner. my fiancé was smiling and nodding along with everything, barely helping with planning, and then randomly exploded last month about how much he hates all of this and thinks it's a waste of money and made me cry for hours while he just went on and on about this not being what he wants and i realized i kinda agree but we were already in too deep at that point. people keep asking me if they can invite someone else and making me feel like an asshole for saying no. i just don't have the time or energy for any of this. im a special ed teacher and may is the busiest month of the year. im working 50-60 hours a week, getting literally beat up by students all day, doing wedding planning during my lunch because thats the only time i have and yet no one is ever fucking happy with me. i've done almost everything alone. im just so fucking over it. i haven't had a single day to relax since february. i barely sleep. i don't care anymore. i just want it to be over. not even. i just want to be dead and not have to do any of this. i can't even see myself enjoying the wedding at this point. i have too much anxiety about the whole thing being shut down by police for not having all the right permits and too much bitterness towards everyone in my life who i thought would be more supportive. i feel so alone and so stupid for thinking this would be a happy experience.

i tried searching in the sub for this question but it hasn't been asked since before the new album and most people were asking specifically for a first dance song.

my wedding is next month. no DJ, just a spotify playlist that im making and remixing myself. two of my guests have requested noah kahan and i can't decide which song to choose.

just to be clear this is not a first dance song or walking down the aisle song, it's a song to be placed somewhere in the midst of a reception playlist that is mostly white girl bangers (dua lipa, lady gaga, abba, chappell roan, etc.) my fiancé and i both love noah. we've lived in new england our whole life and noah was the soundtrack for many of our adventures and road trips. but i feel like none of his songs are danceable? and they're all so long so if people aren't vibing to it, it's just gonna keep going for 5 mins 😭 idk im leaning towards everywhere everything but please lmk if you have other suggestions! thank you :)

edit: thank you so much for the kind, helpful comments. it's helping me feel more calm and confident about this. im so glad i found this group.

my 10 year old cat was diagnosed with diabetes 3 days ago. i wasn't too upset or overwhelmed at first because the vet said we caught it early and 200-300 range isn't too severe. also my childhood cat was diabetic, and he lived to be 19 and never even flinched when we did insulin, so i figured it would be similar this time. but when i was a kid, we never had to track glucose. we just gave him insulin every day and did regular blood work at the vet. i wasn't expecting this to be so complicated.

the vet gave us the alpha trak 3. my boyfriend and i do it together, and it still feels like too much to do at once even with two sets of hands. i've cried every single time we've done it. i feel like im hurting my baby and it often takes multiple tries to prick enough without him moving away to get it in the strip. i pinch his ear after to stop the bleeding but it still looks red for a while and it makes me feel evil. the insulin shot is not as bad but he still squirms away. he's so sad and confused about his dry food being taken away. his allergy pills are what caused the diabetes, so now he's also itchy and uncomfortable because we had to stop giving him pills.

i just can't stop crying. i was already barely holding it together because of high stress in every other area of my life right now, and an unexpected diagnosis on top of everything is too much. i was having nightmares last night about accidentally ripping his ear. i spent hours and hours researching the best food and treatment yesterday and making a log sheet and just couldn't stop. i had a bad panic attack last night. i feel like a bad cat parent and a bad girlfriend because im so bad at doing the glucose and insulin and can't stay calm like im supposed to. i feel like i failed by not researching his diet and medication more to prevent diabetes in the first place. idk how im gonna be able to go to work tomorrow. im so stressed i feel like im going to die.