u/liveandspeakthetruth

We all know that many parts of the world push unrealistic and harmful beauty standards, with certain features being deemed most ideal and women without said features being demonised. I want to ask those who've been comfortable with their sapphic identity for a while and have dating experience, whether your definition of beauty has expanded, or if you think it broadly sits in line with what's conventional?

I've got many things, but will list a few:

1. The concept of foreplay. I never understood why penetrative sex was considered real sex while everything else was considered as extras. It's all sex.
2. Marriage. From a young age, I've thought that marriage between men and women was always a trap for women. I still do to some extent tbh, but I understand how my identity plays into why I might have a more extreme view. I feel more giddy seeing two women getting married. I also never understood why people under 30 got into long-term relationships since my view was that many of those relationships won't survive past a couple years anyway.
3. Straight women kissing bi women/lesbians for male attention and having them watch. The gross fetishisation has always sickened me and I don't understand why anyone would do that just for sleazy men to get off to. I used to wonder how straight woman could ever do that and not feel anything, but then I look at the times I've kissed men and not felt anything or even repulsed. Just the concept of a 100% straight woman kind of baffled me tbh.
4. The hatred towards older women. I've always admired older women immensely and can't wrap my head around the patriarchal bullshit that tells them that they're less valuable because a woman's worth is based on 'fertility'. So many older women I've met have been the smartest, most insightful people I've ever met.
5. While straight men go on about how fertility is important, they seem to simultaneously demonise pregnant and postpartum bodies, the ultimate visible signs of fertility. Many expect their postpartum SOs to bounce back after a couple months and resemble their much younger self. I don't get it if fertility is supposedly the sexiest thing about a woman to straight men.

Are there any things you seem to not get about straight people/relationships, even before realising your sapphic identity?

Sometimes when I'd see a Spanish speaker write 'jajaja', my brain defaults to the j used in some parts of Europe and would read it like 'yayaya'.

Language confuse me.

I know I’m not in the right headspace to be in a relationship with or to seek out sex with a woman right now, but I can't help but feel a little envious when I hear about others' sapphic experiences. Even the ones who simply experimented and nothing more, sometimes I wish I'd fooled around with women much earlier myself. It's not that I didn't have the opportunity, it's just that I wasn't (and still don't feel) ready. But for me I know that I'm a lesbian and it wouldn't be experimentation in a curious way, it would just be exploration the same way an inexperienced hetero person would.

This evening I felt sad while reading about a bi woman discussing her first experience with another woman. Usually I don't feel that way, but I have no idea what came over me this evening, I started feeling awful about myself and questioning my choices to wait things out.

I guess I’m trying to express the fact that I’m in two different places. On one hand, I know I'd prefer to seek out relationships with women when I’m ready to, so that I can be in an emotionally healthy relationship. On the other, I feel a desperate desire to just have a single experience in order to know what it feels like and do what I've always wanted. Having zero experience with women makes me feel like a fake lesbian (even though I know that's BS), and I wish I could shake the feeling off.

Does anyone else feel the same, or has felt the same in the past?

I (f) want to get into fitness and I'm starting off as someone with a very slender and delicate frame. However, I want to become super jacked. There seems to be an aversion to the She-Hulk look, but that's something I'm after. I just don't know how achievable it is for me given my natural stature is on the smaller side and it's hard for me to gain any visible muscle.

If you've achieved this having been very slim before, how long did it take, and what was your weekly routine/diet like? I know I have to do a looot of lifting, and I’m prepared for that.

Besides this site, I was never much of an avid social media user, which puts me in the minority for my age bracket (under 25). However, I did have a TikTok account that I'd use for lurking. Ever since deleting that account a couple months ago, my mind feels much clearer. I didn't realise how short form content was affecting my mood. I always felt on edge and that there was so much extra noise in my head. The way TikTok's 'for you' page is set up makes you have no room to collect yourself or think, it's just one video straight onto the next, with the same attention-grabbing hook and fast-paced talking, which was not good for me.

I also feel much better not having to constantly hear chronically online takes that make me feel worse about myself and humanity. Every week or two I'd see a video of a person around my age lamenting the aging process and calling themselves old, which is absolutely absurd to me. My generation is already talking about which age is too old to do X and life being over by 25. I’m glad I've switched off from that nonsense because my life has barely begun and I'm just starting to figure things out about myself. I don't want to let people wallowing in misery make it feel more suffocating than it needs to be.

I came to accept my sexuality four months ago after trying to convince myself I was bi. After that I was hesitant to adopt the lesbian label and went with 'queer', 'gay' and 'WLW', which can be great for those who want to use them, but I've now gotten comfortable with calling myself a lesbian. I've still not officially come out, mostly because I'm lazy and have kept to myself a lot lately for other reasons.

All in all, I’m a proud lesbian.

I’m so glad to have stumbled across this community because it feels so isolating being part of a small group of people that still take COVID precautions. Even supposedly progressive or 'leftist' individuals forgo masking and I find it very hypocritical. I’m in the UK, where the attitude towards masking was met with hostility even during 2020, and people were so quick to drop masks by the time late 2021/early 2022 rolled around. I’m fortunate to have a couple of CC people in my life, but that's about it. No one else seems to care.

I got symptomatic COVID once in 2023 from being in a shared living space with someone who had the virus asymptomatically. I've since been getting semi-regular testing and encourage people I share a living space with to do the same.

Disability justice is at the heart of my political beliefs, and I’m appalled at how so many people are quick to abandon disabled people once they no longer feel an obligation to support them. I’m glad people in this space are much more attuned to the reality of the pandemic and can actually see it for what it is, rather than something that magically went away 4 years ago because capitalists sold that narrative.

I’m looking for skin clinics that can help treat hyperpigmentation on darker skin, improve dullness and help with hydration. I see so many options when I search, but I get a bit overwhelmed trying to make a set decision on just one place.

I’m looking for skin clinics that can help treat hyperpigmentation on darker skin, improve dullness and help with hydration. I see so many options when I search, but I get a bit overwhelmed trying to make a set decision on just one place.

I've never engaged with the UK sapphic dating scene. I only came to terms with my sexuality about 4 months ago and have pretty much been floating through life ever since, mostly engaging with forums here on Reddit bc I'm a bit shy when it comes to putting myself out there IRL. I've also not officially come out to anyone, but I'm not necessarily hiding it either (at least to most people). Idk anymore lol.

Anyway, if any UK gay girlies would like to talk, I’m here.