u/lizz781

Original discovery of his addiction was back in 2022. Since then there’s been regular discovery days, with the last one being over a month ago when I found out he’s been using eBay to act out.

Anyways, he went to a CSAT like 3 times back in 2023, didn’t go back, sometimes goes to the SAA meetings, and has a sponsor in which he hasn’t checked in with for a month.

But, it’s my fault that I still freeze and shut down when I see a triggering woman because I’m letting addiction win. According to him, he’s doing fine now, I’m the one getting worse. I should stop letting people’s existence control me.

Well, it wouldn’t be so hard to do what he says if he never said “if you had a bigger butt, I wouldn’t watch porn” (omg I should get over this by now bc he said it so long ago -according to my partner). Oh also, “I have an attributes list of things I find attractive in people. It’s totally normal to see that in everyone I meet.” Next, “some people just have better body parts than you.”

My all time favorite!!!
- “I would be lying if I said that you’re the most/only beautiful, attractive woman.”

But yea, he’s doing good and I shouldn’t feel so insecure anymore according to him.

Also, according to him, it’s not fair. He still feels hurt and trauma when I mention my university because I dared to be with someone else before we were dating despite knowing he liked me. So that trauma is the same as what he’s done to me. And according to him, “I don’t go and break down every time unlike you.”

All my life I’ve been really empathetic of a lot of things. I have this blessing (or curse) where I actually feel the pain of others and it mentally and physically affects me.

Lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed with trying to save dogs and cats from the euthanasia list at my local shelter and it all started when I found out that the homeless man that took care of two dogs for years had to surrender them to a high kill shelter. One of the dogs was placed on the euthanasia list earlier this week and I spent the whole day sharing and sharing to every page I found looking for a foster and emailing any rescuer I could find. He ended up being saved by a rescue and is currently with a foster. The other dog is still up for adoption at the shelter and I have been making non stop posts trying to get her adopted or fostered. I did run into this problem where I contacted this rescue and when I began searching them up, I saw a post someone made last year about how they’re a scam and all that and now I’m freaking out that the rescue is actually a scam and will pick the dog up and will abuse her or something (so far they have not replied to my message, only read it).

I just feel so exhausted. I hate how I get so attached to homeless peoples dogs and hate that I can’t take them in or save them. For example, there’s a dog that another homeless man has near my apartment and he carries her in a stroller and takes good care of her. Today, I saw that he hides her behind bush while she sleeps in her stroller and I haven’t stopped crying since. I just have this responsibility of wanting to protect them no matter what, and then I get so attached (just like in the case with the two dogs).

Idk if I’m even making sense. I just wish I could stop or reduce my ability of becoming too attached. Idk.

I’m having a severe panic attack right now. We have the Blink security system and we have a front doorbell, as well as some cameras inside the apartment due to our reactive dog. He usually checks the cameras to check in on the dog. Just now, I looked at the app and saw that some of the front doorbell videos were labeled as seen and it was just a video of a woman with shorts walking her dog. I noticed that he didn’t watch anything else in that same time frame, the video of the room where our dog was, is still unread.

Now I just have this sinking gut feeling that he’s been using the Blink camerea to edge or act out using people walking by. I’m so disgusted and have texted him about it but I’m waiting for the response. He always checks the camera when he goes to the restroom, so now I’m more iffy about all this.

I know he’ll deny it, then get angry and somehow I will be to blamed, then he’ll admit it, or deny it until I have proof. I’m feeling so disgusted and just want to disappear.

Something that made me feel a bit comfortable has always been wearing shorts. It’s kinda like my safe clothes. A few minutes ago I turned around and saw some dark lines in my upper thighs and i thought it was the lighting. After more investigation, I see that it’s actual cellulite and now I feel like that’s the thing that will destroy all my progress I made.

I just feel like crying. Idk what to do anymore or how to handle this anymore. I know I may come off as selfish or condescending but now it’s another thing in my long list that I’ll hyper focus on and cause more damage to me.

How can I prevent myself from having a full blown breakdown over this? I’ve done a good job at being able to be out in public and not hyper focus on what others see me as, but now idk if I’ll be able to.

So we found a turtle on the side of the highway and we grabbed him and placed him inside a box. We then went to a park nearby that has a pond and water where the turtles are. We took the box and walked up the hill to look for the pond and placed the turtle next to the water and he went back in the water.

Anyways, a couple was sitting on a bench across from us and the guy started recording us and the lady also was recording and then pretending she was taking a video of the entire pond when I turned. As we were leaving, I saw the couple staring at us and even turned around to look at us leave. Now I’m paranoid that we will be posted all over social media or something.

I expressed my concern to my partner and he just dismissed me saying that we didn’t do anything bad, how I need to get over my anxiety. I now feel so crappy about myself and just feel like crying.

The anxiety and paranoia is getting worse and I feel so alone in this.

So I’m currently an academic advisor at my local university and I joined an ACP program (at the university) earlier this year. I was excited to become a teacher because I was desperate to get more money and thought teaching would be my ticket out. Plus, my initial plan was to get my PhD and become a professor but thought maybe working with kids would be more fulfilling.

I have attended all the workshops and have done my observational hours. While doing my observational hours, I enjoyed it but the belief that I could have a work life balance quickly diminished. At my current job, once 5 pm hits, I am done for the day and if it’s a Friday, for the weekend. There’s no emails or anything to prep for. I enjoyed the teaching aspect of being an elementary school teacher but quickly realized how teaching is 95% administrative work and 5% actual teaching. I attended the parent teacher conferences and all the meetings in between blocks.

I feel so conflicted because I have another workshop to attend in a few days and do not know if I should even bother going and am better off dropping from the program. I have been applying for higher position advisor jobs and am currently waiting to hear back from one since I made it to the final rounds of interviews. I am scared that dropping from the program would be a big mistake because of money wise and job security (I do have job security at my current job). I am just so conflicted and need honest advice from those who have been teaching and going through the same thing I am.

I feel like teaching isn’t a job I can just bs for the money and have to be at 100% energy all the time. It doesn’t help that I am an introvert whose social battery runs out fast.

So I’m currently an academic advisor at my local university and I joined an ACP program (at the university) earlier this year. I was excited to become a teacher because I was desperate to get more money and thought teaching would be my ticket out. Plus, my initial plan was to get my PhD and become a professor but thought maybe working with kids would be more fulfilling.

I have attended all the workshops and have done my observational hours. While doing my observational hours, I enjoyed it but the belief that I could have a work life balance quickly diminished. At my current job, once 5 pm hits, I am done for the day and if it’s a Friday, for the weekend. There’s no emails or anything to prep for. I enjoyed the teaching aspect of being an elementary school teacher but quickly realized how teaching is 95% administrative work and 5% actual teaching. I attended the parent teacher conferences and all the meetings in between blocks.

I feel so conflicted because I have another workshop to attend in a few days and do not know if I should even bother going and am better off dropping from the program. I have been applying for higher position advisor jobs and am currently waiting to hear back from one since I made it to the final rounds of interviews. I am scared that dropping from the program would be a big mistake because of money wise and job security (I do have job security at my current job). I am just so conflicted and need honest advice from those who have been teaching and going through the same thing I am.

I feel like teaching isn’t a job I can just bs for the money and have to be at 100% energy all the time. It doesn’t help that I am an introvert whose social battery runs out fast.

So I’m currently an academic advisor at my local university and I joined an ACP program (at the university) earlier this year. I was excited to become a teacher because I was desperate to get more money and thought teaching would be my ticket out. Plus, my initial plan was to get my PhD and become a professor but thought maybe working with kids would be more fulfilling.

I have attended all the workshops and have done my observational hours. While doing my observational hours, I enjoyed it but the belief that I could have a work life balance quickly diminished. At my current job, once 5 pm hits, I am done for the day and if it’s a Friday, for the weekend. There’s no emails or anything to prep for. I enjoyed the teaching aspect of being an elementary school teacher but quickly realized how teaching is 95% administrative work and 5% actual teaching. I attended the parent teacher conferences and all the meetings in between blocks.

I feel so conflicted because I have another workshop to attend in a few days and do not know if I should even bother going and am better off dropping from the program. I have been applying for higher position advisor jobs and am currently waiting to hear back from one since I made it to the final rounds of interviews. I am scared that dropping from the program would be a big mistake because of money wise and job security (I do have job security at my current job). I am just so conflicted and need honest advice from those who have been teaching and going through the same thing I am.

I feel like teaching isn’t a job I can just bs for the money and have to be at 100% energy all the time. It doesn’t help that I am an introvert whose social battery runs out fast.

So I’m currently an academic advisor at my local university and I joined an ACP program (at the university) earlier this year. I was excited to become a teacher because I was desperate to get more money and thought teaching would be my ticket out. Plus, my initial plan was to get my PhD and become a professor but thought maybe working with kids would be more fulfilling.

I have attended all the workshops and have done my observational hours. While doing my observational hours, I enjoyed it but the belief that I could have a work life balance quickly diminished. At my current job, once 5 pm hits, I am done for the day and if it’s a Friday, for the weekend. There’s no emails or anything to prep for. I enjoyed the teaching aspect of being an elementary school teacher but quickly realized how teaching is 95% administrative work and 5% actual teaching. I attended the parent teacher conferences and all the meetings in between blocks.

I feel so conflicted because I have another workshop to attend in a few days and do not know if I should even bother going and am better off dropping from the program. I have been applying for higher position advisor jobs and am currently waiting to hear back from one since I made it to the final rounds of interviews. I am scared that dropping from the program would be a big mistake because of money wise and job security (I do have job security at my current job). I am just so conflicted and need honest advice from those who have been teaching and going through the same thing I am.

I feel like teaching isn’t a job I can just bs for the money and have to be at 100% energy all the time. It doesn’t help that I am an introvert whose social battery runs out fast.

I usually avoid eye contact bc I feel like I’m so ugly and it’ll be a disservice to have people look at me. Today as I was walking to work, I came across this guy and looked at him and he looked at me and away immediately. I then realized how much of an ugly creep I might’ve come across and now I feel embarrassed.

I also do this thing where I can’t have people walk behind me. If a guy wants to open the door for me, I just grab it from them and tell them to go first.

Idk I just wished I knew how I looked but instead I am stuck feeling like I’m too ugly to even be seen in public.

So I am an academic advisor for a pretty big state university in the U.S. and we are currently having orientations. Lately, I have noticed how clueless and entitled freshmen have become. I have had so many orientation students argue with me that they don’t have to take a certain requirement bc they took it in high school. For example, I had a student argue with me that they do not need a specific core class bc they were in band in high school??? Others have said that they should not take a math class bc they took high school math???

Then I get students complaining to me that their AP Credits or dual credits have not been posted to their accounts and when I ask them when they submitted, they do not know and that someone submitted it for them??? I was in high school in 2018 and we had to submit our own stuff. There was someone helping us, but we would be the ones submitting our AP scores, applications, etc.

Talking to them has become like talking to a wall. Oh and my favorites are the ones who use chat gpt to search for EVERYTHING. I had a student who told me that they wanted to switch majors bc chat gpt told them 😑😑

I am working on my EC-6 teacher certification and I have seen how kids behave in elementary school, which is no different than the college students.

How do you guys even manage to stay sane??? Teacher do deserve more respect and money than they currently get.

I’ve been working as an academic advisor for over 2 years and I was taught that we only meet with current students and if there’s an formal students or perspective students, we send them to transfer advising since we do not analyze transcripts.

Today, I had a student email me all their transcripts and wanted me to tell me what classes will they have left if they returned to the university. The transcript included out of state and some military universities (like institutions for active military members). I told them that we only meet with current students and provided the information on who to contact.

Apparently I was wrong and I was supposed to advise them? I do not understand how I could possibly look at an out of state transcript and analyze it and email advise them (something we aren’t allowed to do).

I told my supervisor that I didn’t feel comfortable having to analyze a transcript and provide advising when the student hasn’t taken classes here for more than 10 years now. She said okay and that the student can contact the department I said.

If the student hasn’t take any other college classes and wanted a general idea, then I might’ve been inclined to provide advising, but I don’t believe I get paid enough to analyze transcripts.

Now I feel like I’m in the wrong and this will negatively impact me.

For weeks now I’ve had this feeling that my partner was doing something. He would always say it’s all in my head, my insecurities and how I’m just paranoid bc of the last discovery day.

Well today during work I got this notification from Canopy asking me to review a picture and I clicked on it and it wa a half naked woman. Turns out, he found a way to bypass his accountability app and the iPhone lockdown mode and has been using the eBay lives to edge.

I was so angry and like always, it turned into talking about himself and his grievances. He then said how the majority of women are okay with their partners lusting after other women.

Now I’m back to feeling so so so ugly and worthless. He blamed me for not seeing a couples CSAT as the reason for him not doing recovery work. He said that if we break up, he wants to take our two dogs and then began saying how I treated him like a cash cow at the beginning of our relationship (we were both 19 but I was in college making $10 an hr and he was in the military making over $60k, but apparently he has built of resentment for having to spend more money).

Idk anymore. I just feel so defeated.

I am Hispanic and I feel like a big part of my BDD is the fact that I don’t have the stereotypical body of a Latina. It also hurts that my boyfriend is a porn addict that has a preference for a specific body type that I’m not.

Right now I’m not feeling good at all and my BDD has gotten so bad that even wearing a simple pants and t shirt makes me feel so ugly and lumpy and pushes me to the edge.

Anyone else deals with this?

Original discovery day was 2022 and every since we’ve been having discovery days here and there. Last one was like 2 months ago.

I am tired of this whole “obviously other women will be attractive to me” “obviously women will have attributes I am attracted to” “I can’t control seeing women’s body parts” and “you just want me to be perfect” when I tell him that I don’t want to be betrayed or lied to.

Lately I’ve been feeling so disassociated in life now that all I do every break I have at work is go to IG reels even when I’m supposed to be studying for a certification. I have no motivation but to be on social media and brain rot basically. I feel like I’m living in a haze and maybe it’s my body trying to protect myself from another potential discovery day.

My body dysmorphia has gotten worse to the point where wearing a simple pants and a t shirts sends me to the edge. I feel so square and lumpy.

So today, my PA will be going to get his tires fixed and go to the doctor. I expressed my concerns, especially how triggering the tire area is. So he said he’ll FaceTime me when he gets to the doctor. I asked if we could just call at the tire place instead and now he’s mad at me. Saying that now he’s suffocated, how he’s tried and all that.

I was trying so hard to not feel triggered but that reaction now brings me to the worst case scenario. Now I’m having triggering thoughts. I don’t understand what’s the point of asking “what can I do to make you feel better” and then getting mad for me saying something.